Chapter 31

The restroom was filled with various visual illusions to match the theme of the exhibition. Nuts lying flat on the mirror stood up, and black chess pieces became white in the reflection. Each object required careful observation to appreciate the designer’s ingenuity.

When Xiang Mo’s figure drawing was exhibited here, the museum had displayed various human figurines throughout its corners. It showed that the museum put a lot of effort into every exhibition.

Xiang Mo knew that the owner of the museum was a collector who frequented auctions both domestically and internationally. Besides that, he seemed distant and unreachable to Xiang Mo. He couldn’t fathom any connection between the distant museum owner and his companion, Du Chi.

Exiting the restroom, Du Chi was still waiting in place. The light from the artwork illuminated him, transforming his beige suit into a warm, saturated yellow, giving him an ethereal gentlemanly aura.

Something felt off. Xiang Mo thought to himself.

It seemed like Du Chi had a built-in filter whenever Xiang Mo looked at him. No matter how the light and shadows changed, it revealed another side of his character.

Xiang Mo couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t react this way when looking at other people.

They continued to tour the exhibition, but Xiang Mo had little desire to engage in conversation with Du Chi. Instead, they walked from one artwork to another in silence. Until they reached a certain corner, Xiang Mo suddenly stopped in his tracks.

It was not the paintings hanging here that caught his attention, but rather the memory of a special piece that had been displayed during his own exhibition.

It depicted a naked angel with a graceful body and magnificent wings, symbolizing the angel’s nobility and purity. However, beneath the angel’s hips, there were grotesque genitals, representing how even divine beings could have base desires.

At that time, Xiang Mo was bold and had an insatiable desire to express himself. He was willing to try new things and share his thoughts with others.

But now, with age, it seemed that his life had lost all its passion.

After leaving the museum, it was still early, and the lawn, scorched by the sun, emitted a humid heat, making the air even more sultry.

Du Chi checked the time and said to Xiang Mo, “I made a reservation at a restaurant.”

“No need,” Xiang Mo replied, standing at the entrance of the parking lot. “I’ll have dinner at home.”

His distant tone marked the end of this pseudo-date—they didn’t need to have dinner together.

Xiang Mo thought his refusal was just a polite gesture between neighbors, not realizing the difference between politeness and distance. If he had truly been polite, it would have shown that he didn’t care, but his deliberate distance indicated that he was still being sulky.

“Get in the car,” Du Chi said.

“No, thanks,” Xiang Mo replied, walking towards the exit. “I’ll take the subway.”

“Get in the car.” Du Chi grabbed Xiang Mo’s wrist. “I’ll go home and cook for you.”

Hearing this, Xiang Mo’s determined steps suddenly came to a halt, and the solid defense line in his heart seemed to suffer a heavy blow.

Just because he wanted to eat at home, Du Chi was canceling the restaurant reservation and going home to cook for him. Why was Du Chi still accommodating him when he was acting so cold towards him?

No matter how hard he tried to escape, there seemed to be a comfortable net behind him, trapping him and making it impossible to break free.

He couldn’t escape, couldn’t hide, and all the feelings of powerlessness turned into deep grievances. Why didn’t this stupid dog tell him anything?

“Let’s go,” Du Chi said, pulling Xiang Mo’s wrist and getting into the car.

It was now the rush hour, and the navigation showed a sea of red on the roads.

Another long traffic jam awaited them. Du Chi pressed on the brake, loosened his tie, and glanced at Xiang Mo, who was still looking out the window. He then slowly spoke, “The Fangzheng Award is for font design.”

“Oh,” Xiang Mo said absentmindedly, still looking outside the window.

“With this award, more people will know about my font,” Du Chi explained.

“Congratulations,” Xiang Mo nonchalantly replied, the attitude oozing with indifference.

Seeing the cars ahead moving slightly, Du Chi released the brake and let out a helpless sigh, “You’re mad at me.”

“I’m not.”

“You can be mad, Xiang Mo.” Du Chi’s tone was unusually serious. “But you’d better think about why you’re angry.”

Xiang Mo had learned from previous experiences to avoid arguing in such situations.

He was unhappy that Du Chi made so much noise during his nighttime “activities,” completely forgetting that he was not any quieter on his side.

Now the situation seemed somewhat similar. He had pushed Du Chi away, but when Du Chi actually distanced himself from him, he couldn’t help feeling angry for no apparent reason.

It turned out that drawing boundaries wasn’t as simple as he had imagined. Even though he could act as if nothing had happened, he couldn’t control his emotions.

“I don’t like this,” Xiang Mo finally withdrew his gaze from the window, but he didn’t look at Du Chi. Instead, he stared at the steering wheel. “I know it’s me who’s acting strange. You wait, and I’ll adjust myself.”

The traffic flow that had just moved forward stopped again. Du Chi impatiently turned off the music in the car and asked Xiang Mo, “Why do you need to adjust?”

Now Xiang Mo could hear that Du Chi was also a little angry.

But why? What reason did he have to be angry?

“Both of us are acting strange, Du Chi.” Xiang Mo met Du Chi’s gaze, looking into those deep eyes for an instant. He felt a moment of wavering but quickly averted his eyes. “We can’t continue like this.”

“You don’t want to be in a relationship,” Du Chi finally turned his head away, calmly looking at the road ahead. He finally pierced through the window paper.

He pierced through the reason he knew Xiang Mo was evading, but he also pierced through his own thoughts.

This also explained why he was angry because he found Xiang Mo evading again.

“You’re the same, aren’t you?” For now, not thinking about other matters, Xiang Mo found it strange. “You’re a proponent of being single too. You said you found relationships troublesome.”

“Yes,” Du Chi replied, then turned to look at Xiang Mo. “But I don’t find cooking for you troublesome. I don’t find taking you out for a drive troublesome. I don’t find accompanying you to the exhibition troublesome.”

“As long as it involves you, I don’t find anything troublesome.”

Xiang Mo was momentarily dumbfounded by his words, staring at Du Chi, and forgetting to hide the hesitation in his eyes.

“We’re different, Xiang Mo.” As the traffic flow started moving again, Du Chi held the steering wheel and controlled the throttle leisurely. “I don’t want to be in a relationship because I don’t want to spend time on others—at least, that was how I felt before. You don’t want to be in a relationship because you’re afraid of getting hurt.”

“I also don’t want to spend time on others,” Xiang Mo turned his head to look outside.

“Then do you find it troublesome to accompany me while walking the dog?” Du Chi asked.

Xiang Mo pursed his lips. He already had an answer in his heart but was unwilling to say it out loud.

Perhaps Du Chi had already figured him out, as his awkward silence seemed to be his way of agreeing. Du Chi’s tone lightened, “Don’t turn being single into an illness.”

“You’re the one with an illness,” Xiang Mo frowned.

“I actually wanted to tell you about the award,” Du Chi continued, “On that night when we came back from the noodle shop, I was just about to tell you, but you didn’t allow me to call you ‘wife’ anymore.”

So, it was that night.

Xiang Mo awkwardly replied with an “Oh.”

“Do you want me to tell you about my matters?” Du Chi looked at Xiang Mo.

Instinctively, Xiang Mo wanted to say “no,” but he realized that being evasive without any reason was pointless because Du Chi already knew what he was thinking.

However, if he were to honestly answer “yes,” then there would be no boundaries left between them, and their friends-with-benefits relationship would transform into a romantic relationship.

But Xiang Mo needed boundaries to feel secure.

“Du Chi,” Xiang Mo’s gaze darkened, not answering Du Chi’s question as his thoughts jumped to another place. “Have you ever thought that we might break up? The shelf life of love is short, and I don’t want to live every day in fear.”

Xiang Mo didn’t explicitly say it, but what he truly didn’t want was to constantly worry about losing Du Chi.

Even if Du Chi reassured him that they wouldn’t break up and that they could go far together, Xiang Mo still didn’t believe that their relationship would always be good.

—It had nothing to do with Du Chi; he simply didn’t believe in love.

“Then let’s set a deadline,” contrary to what Xiang Mo had expected, Du Chi didn’t make vague promises.

He pinpointed the crux of the matter and suggested, “Let’s break up in a month, so you won’t have to live in fear anymore.”

“A month?” Xiang Mo was taken aback, “Break up?”

“Or do you want to stay with me until death do us part?” Du Chi teased.

“It’s not that serious.” Xiang Mo liked Du Chi, but it hadn’t reached the point where he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him.

“Then it’s settled.”

Should he agree?

Xiang Mo still felt uncertain; wasn’t this the same as being in a relationship, knowing that it would eventually end? There was essentially no difference, only that they added a deadline to eliminate some uncertainties.

“Or maybe you can think of it this way,” seeing Xiang Mo’s lack of reaction, Du Chi continued, “If I move out right now, would you be upset?”

Upon asking this, he glanced at Xiang Mo and left no room for denial, “Don’t give me any lip service.”

“Um.” Xiang Mo awkwardly pursed his lips, “Yes.”

“So, you have a month to accept this.”

Xiang Mo immediately understood Du Chi’s meaning. He asked with uncertainty, “Are you saying that breaking up is a prerequisite for our relationship?”

Different from being in a relationship while knowing it would eventually end, when both parties agreed on the finish line beforehand, there would be no psychological burden, and they could prepare themselves mentally. This way, they could part ways without any regrets.

This new perspective made Xiang Mo feel enlightened, finding a comfortable zone where he could feel at ease.

In essence, this was another type of friends-with-benefits relationship, where they could explore their desires and emotions but with the boundary set in advance. It allowed them to go with the flow while taking precautions, so they wouldn’t get too emotionally invested, thus avoiding the difficulty of disentangling their feelings later.

“Yes,” Du Chi raised an eyebrow and looked at Xiang Mo, “Do you want to give it a try?”

One month of passion, to have or not to have?

His rationality warned him that he was playing with fire, but he had been suppressing his desires for too long. His repressed nature was now clamoring to be set free, urging him not to miss the opportunity to let go.

In a trance, he recalled that painting of the angel’s desire. His primal instincts were slowly overwhelming his rationality.

As the traffic jam ahead suddenly eased, it seemed to signify the clearing of Xiang Mo’s inner turmoil.

Thoughtfully tapping his knee with his index finger, he turned to look at Du Chi and said, “Alright.” ——

Du Chi: That was close; he almost slipped away again.

 

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