Chapter 81

However, how could one hand over their thoughts? Thoughts weren’t material; they were consciousness. Even if you forced yourself not to think about something, those things might pop up unexpectedly, disrupting your emotions and mind. Moreover, how could you hand your thoughts over to someone else?

Su Bin was clearly confused. He looked at Allen and saw that Allen was also looking at him…

The young man’s deep green eyes were like two profound pools. Despite their cool colors, they seemed to radiate a fiery emotion – so sincere, so profound, without a hint of mockery or falsehood. Su Bin felt enchanted.

“…What should I do?” he stammered.

Allen calmly said, “From this moment on, you’re only allowed to think about me. All the time, only think about me.”

Under normal circumstances, such words might seem domineering and unreasonable. However, in this atmosphere, at Su Bin’s most vulnerable moment, he completely absorbed those words – after all, it was about shifting his focus. Just like the methods mentioned in “Guide for International Students,” talking to friends, attending social parties, traveling – they all diverted attention. But those things were too ordinary to overshadow Su Bin’s pain. He needed something or someone who could provide a more stimulating distraction than his current suffering.

Allen’s words conveyed exactly that. Because Su Bin had experienced it before – from the kiss at the masquerade party to sleeping in Allen’s room while running a fever, and then Allen suddenly appearing last night. Su Bin believed that, as long as this person was willing, he could undoubtedly divert his attention.

Su Bin: “But I can’t just think about you…”

Allen smiled and asked, “What other ‘big problems’ do you have to think about? Tell me.”

Su Bin tilted his head and thought for a while, but he couldn’t come up with any particularly significant issues.

Seeing that he couldn’t give a straightforward answer, Allen continued on his behalf, “Are you thinking about how expensive it is to stay here? Are you thinking about what to do tomorrow? Are you thinking about me not returning your bank card? Are you thinking about when to buy a ticket back to Country B?”

Allen left out the last sentence: Are you also thinking about lying in bed with me? Will I do something to you?

Su Bin’s thoughts were guessed, and he felt embarrassed, but he still nodded honestly, “I definitely am. If I only think about you, what about those questions?”

Allen naturally followed up, “Didn’t I say I’ll think about them for you?”

Su Bin was tongue-tied, at a loss for words. He looked at Allen, who was staring at him with a focused gaze. It was contradictory. What was Allen thinking? Would a normal person want their ordinary same-sex roommate to only think about them?

“Don’t you think this would cause you a lot of trouble?” Su Bin hesitated to say.

Allen teased, “Compared to the troubles you’ve already brought me, I think my suggestion is much easier.”

Su Bin: “…” Although he didn’t know how to carry out Allen’s proposal, it seemed to be the only way to alleviate his pain for now…

“Looking at me like this… Are you trying to make me kiss you again?” Allen suddenly said, his voice carrying a distinct seductive tone.

“…” It was only then that Su Bin realized he had leaned half of his body against Allen’s shoulder. With their heads tilted, if they moved forward just a bit, their noses would touch. While he could handle saying serious (?) things, being asked by Allen like this made things so ambiguous and embarrassing!

Su Bin suddenly remembered the “mysterious box” that was in Allen’s pajama pocket and grew nervous belatedly…

He wanted to pull away, but the moment he moved, Allen tightened his arm, bringing him even closer…

“Hehe…” Allen chuckled lightly, and their foreheads touched.

Allen’s breath gently brushed against Su Bin’s face, making him incredibly nervous: “I…”

Before he could finish a word, Allen suddenly got closer, stopping just a millimeter away from Su Bin’s lips, whispering, “As you wish.”

Su Bin: “Um…” qxq No, I haven’t thought about… being kissed…

If the kiss on the flower bed was Allen’s annoyed bite, then this one was extremely gentle – a delicate touch, distant yet intimate, soft and lingering, slowly withdrawing. Su Bin’s head was spinning, lost in a whirlwind of confusion.

After the kiss, Allen didn’t move away. He remained in close proximity to Su Bin, gently brushing his lips against Su Bin’s skin. “Do you like it?”

Su Bin: “…” What should I do? I’m acting so strangely…

Allen smiled lightly. “I think you’re enjoying it.”

Su Bin lowered his gaze, blushing: “…” >////< Please don’t say it, it’s so embarrassing~ Allen: “Honestly answer me, or else I’ll leave for Country B early tomorrow morning and never bother you again.” Su Bin’s heart raced, and he immediately responded in a barely audible voice, “Uh…”

What do I do? I’m in trouble!

“Hmm, what?” Allen didn’t let him off, licking Su Bin’s earlobe softly.

Su Bin trembled all over, clutching his bathrobe and struggling to find the words. In this moment, he oddly felt that if something were to happen between him and Allen next, he wouldn’t resist…

Allen withdrew his face with a muffled chuckle. “How about it? Doesn’t it hurt anymore?”

Su Bin: “…” But I feel like I’ve fallen, how decadent! QAQ~

Allen’s hand that was on Su Bin’s shoulder moved up, gently caressing his earlobe. “Give me all the decisions that have nothing to do with me. Trust me, you won’t be in pain anymore, and you’ll be happy…”

When Allen said those words, he seemed to exude an irresistible charm. Su Bin nodded involuntarily.

“But… how should I do it?” The previous question “How could one hand over their thoughts?” was about how to give away his thoughts. Now, Su Bin was asking how to think about only Allen. Did Allen have to use this method every time? Even though he didn’t dislike it, he was… enjoying it, but they weren’t lovers…

“Allen, can I ask you a question?” Su Bin weakly spoke up.

Allen stroked his neck and spoke in a deep voice, “Go ahead.” — You’re almost mine.

“Are you… gay?” Su Bin had been struggling with this question for a while now. The requirements during the apartment search and Yang Chengzhe’s advice had left him without any doubt about Allen’s sexual orientation. But with Allen repeatedly doing things like this, Su Bin couldn’t help but start doubting.

Allen paused for a moment and shook his head. He had never loved a man or a woman. His impulse toward Su Bin wasn’t based on Su Bin’s gender but on his desire for control and conquest.

“Not really.” — It’s just because of you.

Su Bin breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that it was indeed not the case. Luckily, he hadn’t overthought it…

Because of the abandonment and betrayal he had experienced, Su Bin’s self-worth judgment was severely imbalanced. He lacked confidence and didn’t dare to be overly sentimental, for fear of embarrassing himself and getting hurt again.

Su Bin dared to ask, “If not, then why did you kiss me?” He was really confused. Actually, even if Allen had said he was gay, Su Bin wouldn’t have felt averse to it.

Allen smiled… this little fool wasn’t too dumb, asking some meaningful questions now, wasn’t he? He looked into Su Bin’s eyes and said gently, “Because you’re very timid.” — I want you.

“You’re naive.” — I want you.

“You’re cute.” — I want you.

“I kissed you to comfort you, to encourage you, to give you my strength.” — I still want you.

… Su Bin was speechless. After understanding the deeper meaning behind these kisses, he felt both touched and worried: “But if you keep doing this, aren’t you afraid that I’ll develop feelings for you?”

Allen was just too good, too dazzling. If he continued to do things like this, Su Bin felt he wouldn’t be able to restrain himself for long…

Allen couldn’t help but smile playfully. “If that’s the case, then you’ll have to work hard to pursue me.”

Su Bin: “…” QAQ

Allen touched his ear. “If you want me to like you, or even fall in love with you, you need to work very, very hard to please me.”

Su Bin: “…………” How did the conversation turn in this direction, orz…

Allen changed the direction of the conversation: “But really, what’s the meaning of saying ‘like’ or ‘love’? Verbal likes and loves can become corrupted. I don’t put too much trust in those things.”

Su Bin found Allen’s words very reasonable. He had once liked Chen Xiaotian so much, but now?

“The love I want should never involve betrayal and abandonment… Michael,” Allen suddenly called Su Bin by his English name. Su Bin quickly looked at him, and Allen smiled, quite satisfied. “Listen, you don’t need to like me. I don’t need you to like me. What I need is your obedience.”

Su Bin: “…” The topic has come full circle.

Allen locked onto Su Bin’s slightly flickering gaze and spoke earnestly, “My child, you need to seriously consider this again. Don’t rush to answer me. Because once you decide to hand over your thoughts, I will become your master. At that time, I won’t be so easy to talk to anymore… Of course, don’t misunderstand this term as an abusive person from the old society. The master I’m talking about is someone who combines the roles of a father, a brother, a friend, and a lover – an absolute authority. I have the right to decide and control everything about you. But I also promise, in my lifetime, I will protect you in this capacity, never abandon you, never betray you, never harm you…”

Never abandon, never betray, never harm… Su Bin was completely stunned. For him at this moment, those three sentences were an immense temptation!

Allen withdrew his hand from Su Bin’s body and said, “And besides, you’re right. My previous actions might have given you misunderstandings. So, starting now, I won’t do anything intimate with you until you officially agree whether to hand yourself over to me… As for how to do it, I’ll naturally teach you.”

After saying this, Allen took out a small bottle from his bathrobe pocket and swallowed two pills with the mineral water on the nightstand. “The air here isn’t great, my throat is uncomfortable.”

Su Bin: “…” QAQ I’ve bet… and I’ve bet wrong!

“I’m tired today. I’m going to sleep. Goodnight, Michael,” Allen said and then took off his bathrobe, covered himself with the blanket, and went to sleep on his own.

Su Bin lay down as well, tossing and turning, unable to sleep all night.

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