The icy water splashed against his face, and Xu Yang felt dizzy, with a throbbing pain in his head. He leaned his hands on the sink, watching as the water from washing his face soaked through the closed-door shirt. Xu Yang couldn’t help but roll up the sleeves of the shirt, revealing a faint golden English word embroidered on the cuff. It was as though he had seen something terrifying; he stared at the English words in disbelief, his eyes wide with shock. After a long moment, he finally looked up at himself in the mirror. For a moment, he seemed not to recognize the person in the mirror.
Suddenly, Bi Yuan’s figure appeared in the mirror, and Xu Yang immediately turned his head toward the bathroom door. Bi Yuan pushed open the bathroom door and walked in, “Yang Yang, why are you walking so fast…” His gray suit jacket was splattered with cream, and his pants were also covered in it, making him look somewhat comical. “You bumped into me and covered me in cake, yet you didn’t even acknowledge me.”
“I… I bumped into you?” Xu Yang had no recollection of bumping into someone while rushing to the restroom earlier. Thinking back to his earlier panic, Xu Yang regretted not staying calm. “I’m sorry,” he said, then hurriedly grabbed some tissues to wipe Bi Yuan clean.
“What are you thinking about so intently?” Holding the tissue, he wiped it back and forth on his own body. Though the action was filled with apology, his facial expression gave no hint of what was on Xu Yang’s mind. Seeing that he seemed to be keeping everything inside, Bi Yuan sighed quietly, grabbed Xu Yang’s hand as he fussed over himself, and said, “Stop wiping. It’s all cream; the more you wipe, the dirtier it gets.”
“What should we do then?” Xu Yang looked up at Bi Yuan in a daze, “I should have been more careful earlier.” He reached for the tissue again, but Bi Yuan stopped him, “We’re having a dinner party soon, and it’s just us, so it’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” This finally made Xu Yang stop.
Dinner was booked in a private room at the restaurant downstairs from the hotel. Everyone from the studio was there. The celebratory banquet after the successful release of the work had become a regular event for the studio over the years.
Not long ago, in the restroom, Bi Yuan had asked the administrative staff to buy him some clothes to change into. When Xu Yang sat down at the table, he didn’t see Bi Yuan anywhere. Xu Yang guessed that he must have gone to change clothes.
The large private room had several round tables, and everyone was scattered in small groups. Although Xu Yang had his own workspace in the studio and was responsible for some music group tasks, he only worked in the afternoon each day, making him more of an external staff member. It seemed inappropriate for him to sit anywhere.
Just as he was torn between options, a colleague from the music team called out to him, “Xu Yang, come sit over here.” But when he looked up, he saw that Wen Hao was already sitting at that table. He didn’t know whether to agree or decline.
He hadn’t had time to process what Wen Hao had said to him, and he didn’t want to speculate too much about his intentions. He just assumed that he was being paranoid. But seeing Wen Hao sitting there, glancing at him from afar, his expression didn’t look very good, at least not as cheerful as usual. This made Xu Yang even more puzzled. Fortunately, Bi Yuan came in, and Xu Yang had never felt as much in need of him as he did today.
Xu Yang just couldn’t figure out why Bi Yuan was wearing such different clothes.
Usually, Bi Yuan always wore a full set of casual suits. Even if he didn’t wear a jacket, he would wear a well-fitting shirt paired with dress pants. But now, he was wearing a pair of nine-inch casual pants paired with a pure white collared casual shirt. This was the first time Xu Yang had seen him dressed like this.
“What’s wrong?” He walked over to Xu Yang, intending to pull him down to sit, but when he saw Xu Yang staring at him with sparkling eyes, he leaned in close and teased him, “Why are you looking at me like that? Am I too handsome?” Seeing Xu Yang suddenly blush and look away, Bi Yuan didn’t think much of it and smiled as he pulled him over to Li Mu’s table.
“Is it inappropriate for me to sit here?” The table was filled with managers from various departments of the studio, and Xu Yang felt a bit awkward.
“Tonight is a celebratory banquet. Everyone is just having fun. It doesn’t matter where you sit.” Li Mu had someone prepare a bowl and chopsticks for Xu Yang, then pulled him aside to chat about the performance of the work and the theme song on various music apps. Bi Yuan couldn’t join the conversation, so he sat to the side and focused on eating. Occasionally, when some inappropriate remarks reached their ears, he would pull Xu Yang aside to distract him.
Xu Yang wasn’t oblivious to the fact that Bi Yuan was sitting too close to him, making their proximity seem overly intimate. He also knew the purpose behind Bi Yuan’s actions. However, Wen Hao’s occasional snide remarks like, “Bi Yuan brought him in, so how could he sit at the same table as us?” didn’t go unnoticed by Xu Yang.
He had little experience in social work. After graduating from university, he had become a teacher at a school, which was a relatively simple place without much intrigue. Everyone’s daily work was teaching classes, and during breaks, they would at most chat about gossip news online. He didn’t know that workplace struggles could be so intense, nor did he know that people who had once joked around with him could suddenly speak words sharper than knives.
He just couldn’t figure out why Wenhao thought he and Bi Yuan had such a close relationship. Xu Yang felt a lingering unease, always thinking that the shady dealings between him and Bi Yuan would eventually come to light.
Starting from dinner, Bi Yuan not only moved their chairs closer together but also occasionally placed his arm casually on Xu Yang’s chair back. Xu Yang knew that Bi Yuan was trying to “assert his ownership,” but he still tried to act as if nothing was different, making himself appear to have no special relationship with Bi Yuan.
Having just gone through the incident with Wen Hao, he didn’t want to be a special presence in this studio.
Bi Yuan never acted like this before, but tonight, for some reason, he served him food, poured him wine, and when he noticed his face was slightly flushed, he asked if the temperature in the private room was too high. When he saw sauce on his lips, he kindly wiped it off with a tissue. All these actions made him feel uneasy.
Why was it so tormenting? Xu Yang couldn’t answer that himself.
Both of them had drunk quite a bit during the meal. After sending off the studio colleagues, Bi Yuan politely declined Li Mu’s offer to send them both home separately. Watching everyone disappear into the dimly lit streets, Bi Yuan supported Xu Yang as they walked toward the parking lot and casually called for a designated driver.
The little gestures during dinner were intentional on Bi Yuan’s part. If he had used these tactics on others, someone would have already thrown themselves into his arms. But this man, whose eyelashes were trembling secretly, still put on an indifferent facade. It made Bi Yuan’s tender heart itch like it was being scratched by the man’s trembling eyelashes.
As his companions left one by one, Bi Yuan watched Xu Yang with interest. The dim streetlight shone on his head, and Xu Yang’s expression was unclear. Bi Yuan leaned close to his ear and said, “I’ll take you home.”
Her voice was lower than usual, and Xu Yang felt a strange tremor in his heart. Perhaps it was because he had drunk too much, Xu Yang tried to convince himself.
When the car arrived, Bi Yuan led him to the back seat, placing his hand on Xu Yang’s slender shoulder. His thumb gently rubbed the shoulder, and the shyness he had suppressed all night finally crept onto his cheeks, causing Xu Yang’s eyes to narrow slightly.
Xu Yang had never been able to refuse Bi Yuan’s ambiguous teasing and suggestive flirting. It wasn’t the first time. This man’s demands on him weren’t the first time either. There was nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be coy about. His self-hypnosis skills had reached a new level.
In the enclosed car, the familiar scent emanating from Bi Yuan made Xu Yang feel half drunk and half awake.
The theme song for today’s web series was Xu Yang’s first complete work in the true sense of the word, and it had the opportunity to be shown on the small screen. He was so happy that he couldn’t help but drink a little too much. The car drove on toward an unknown destination. As the alcohol took effect, Xu Yang drifted into a hazy state, thinking about the things he had been pondering these past few days.
He had heard what Wen Hao said during the gathering, and he wished he could pretend not to have heard it, but there were always one or two sentences that hit him right in the heart.
“Who knows how he met the boss? Are we supposed to be told about their private matters?”
“Given how close he is to the boss, what could he possibly want that he can’t have? It’s just a theme song…”
…
To others, these words might just be idle chatter to pass the time, but to Xu Yang, they weighed heavier than gold. The lights outside the car flickered in and out, shining on his closed eyelids. Suddenly, he felt a suffocating sensation, as if he couldn’t breathe, pressing down on him until he couldn’t catch his breath.
“Yangyang?” The hand that had been resting on his shoulder slowly moved to his back, gently patting him. The warmth of the palm rubbing against the fabric of his shirt felt comforting. Xu Yang furrowed his brows, took a deep breath, and exhaled heavily, as if trying to release the pent-up frustration in his chest.
“Something on your mind?” Bi Yuan’s lips gently kissed the top of his head, his voice coming through his hair, very soft. Xu Yang felt like he was dreaming, unsure if he was drunk or asleep. He responded with a soft “mmh,” and suddenly felt his eyes stinging with tears.
From the rearview mirror inside the car, Bi Yuan saw the furrowed brows on the head resting on his shoulder. He couldn’t resist the urge to kiss him, so he kept kissing the top of his head. “Why didn’t you tell me?” This was a question he had wanted to ask for a long time but had never found the opportunity to do so. Xu Yang didn’t give him such an opportunity either—he always defiantly changed the subject whenever Bi Yuan noticed something was wrong.
Feeling the head on his shoulder swaying from side to side, he lifted it off his shoulder and met those half-closed, hazy eyes: “Tell me, okay?” Seeing the eyelids close, he felt a bit discouraged and was about to give up and let Xu Yang sleep, when he heard a very soft “Hmm.”
Xu Yang whispered to him, “Mr. Bi, if I suddenly made a request to you, would you agree?” His face was lowered to his chest,不敢抬头看他, and without receiving a response, he even pressed his forehead against his chest.
This guy must be drunk. Such actions would be unthinkable under normal circumstances, let alone making a request. Bi Yuan looked at him with his head lowered, pressed against his chest, and felt an inexplicable urge to laugh. The corners of his mouth curled up involuntarily, and eventually he couldn’t help but chuckle aloud, his chest shaking with laughter, causing Xu Yang to dare not lift his head to look at him.
“What request?” Bi Yuan asked.
“Would you agree to any request?”
“Well, you’d have to tell me first. If you asked me to die, I might not be able to agree.”
After saying this, it wasn’t just Bi Yuan’s chest that was shaking; even Xu Yang couldn’t help but chuckle along. After a long time, Xu Yang lifted his head from Bi Yuan’s chest. In the moonlight, his expression was unclear, but his soft voice revealed his endless shyness.
He said to Bi Yuan, “I’ll tell you when we get back to your place.” Finally, at a T-junction, the designated driver, who had been pretending to be deaf and mute all along, turned left into a famous villa district in the city.
Some things lose their vague beauty when directly revealed. Isn’t it better to let them linger behind a misty veil, freely expressed in a state of half-drunkenness and half-awareness?
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