Panic disorder: Symptoms include excessive and irrational fear, anxiety, and physical reactions, which may manifest as feelings of impending death or loss of control, accompanied by autonomic nervous system dysfunction.
Qi Xu rested his head on his palm, staring down at the search results he’d pulled up on his phone. Turns out he really did have an illness—and it wasn’t mild.
No way. He didn’t feel fear about any particular objects on stairs before. This was the first time since his rebirth that such an emotion appeared. It was probably triggered by his misstep.
So it was the reenactment of death giving rise to this fear.
It made sense that a person facing a replay of their death from a previous life would be scared—wasn’t that normal?
But it didn’t feel normal at all. Just the fact of rebirth was unbelievable.
“Xu,” Li Yan called a few times, but Qi Xu didn’t respond. He could only gently tap his hand.
Qi Xu turned off his phone screen and sat up straight. “What is it?”
He paused, then said, “Don’t tell me you’re going to say some nonsense.”
Earlier that morning, the phrase “bowing to each other” had set off a ruckus among the guys around them, who were teasing that they wanted to see a full-on husband-and-wife bow.
The simple joys of college life—enjoying the drama, stirring up trouble.
Fortunately, the school anthem started playing just in time, cutting off their excitement.
Here, Qi Xu wanted to say a word of thanks to his alma mater’s school anthem, but after all these years, he still couldn’t sing it.
Li Yan held out a flyer and leaned over. “Club sign-ups have started. What club are you thinking about joining?”
Qi Xu glanced at the colorful posters advertising clubs all over campus. At Q University, clubs blossomed like flowers—nearly a hundred different ones—making it dizzying just to look at.
Right now, his company projects kept him too busy to keep up, and weekends were mostly swallowed by paperwork on top of school stuff.
“I don’t think I’m going to join any clubs,” Qi Xu told Li Yan. “I’m just not feeling it right now.”
Hearing that, Li Yan acted like he’d just lost a million bucks. “Ah man, I was hoping to have you as a buddy. Feng Zhenjie wants to join the basketball club, but with my height, I’d just be getting dunked on all the time.”
It was break time now. People in the classroom were either going to the bathroom or chatting at their desks.
The seat next to Qi Xu was empty—Xie Huai had just gotten up to use the restroom.
“Why don’t you ask Xie Huai? He might be interested in the student council or something.”
Qi Xu remembered that in his past life, Xie Huai was president of the student council, and Shen Zeyu was part of one of its departments. At school events, you’d often see their group standing together.
Li Yan’s eyes suddenly lit up. He was a bit lazy and wasn’t interested in sports clubs anyway.
“Huai really likes the student council? Then let’s sign up there later.”
Xie Huai returned to his seat and heard Li Yan calling out to him. “What’s up?”
Li Yan, with Qi Xu between them, excitedly said to Xie Huai, “Xu said you’re interested in the student council. We should sign up together later.”
Xie Huai looked at Qi Xu, who was sipping water. “Did I tell you that?”
Qi Xu didn’t tell the truth, setting down the bottle. “We’ve known each other long enough—don’t you think I know you a little?”
Xie Huai said with a teasing tone, “Well, you seem to know me pretty well—like the meaning of that ‘bowing to each other’ thing?”
Qi Xu didn’t expect Xie Huai to keep up the joke with a straight face. Was this something you could joke about casually?
Then again, closeted folks fear more, straight guys fear less.
Qi Xu went along casually, “It probably does have some effect. After the formal ‘bow to the elders’ ceremony in a few days, how am I supposed to get to know you?”
Xie Huai looked away and flipped open a book. “Up to you.”
Qi Xu leaned back in his chair. “I’m actually pretty curious about your love life…”
“Wait, do you smoke?” Qi Xu suddenly leaned close to Xie Huai’s shoulder and caught the scent of smoke on him.
From the side, Xie Huai could see Qi Xu’s black hair, and if he bent slightly, their heads might touch.
He stayed still and said, “No. Maybe I just passed by the smoking area on the way back from the restroom and caught the smell.”
Qi Xu returned to his seat. “I thought you’d started smoking again.”
Hearing that, Xie Huai knew Qi Xu was aware he used to smoke, so yeah, he really did know him well.
“I didn’t smoke much, and I quit for a while.”
Qi Xu found a topic he could use to get the upper hand. “Then it’s my turn to supervise you. People who used to smoke like you are the most likely to relapse. Is quitting smoking really that easy?”
Xie Huai asked, “You never smoked?”
“I really haven’t, not in my whole life,” Qi Xu said confidently.
Xie Huai thought about how skillfully Qi Xu handled cigarettes and played with his lighter, like an experienced smoker—but he didn’t contradict him.
A student walking by accidentally knocked over Qi Xu’s bottled water.
Xie Huai reached out to steady it. “Alright, then it’s your turn to keep an eye on me.”
That afternoon, with no classes, Li Yan insisted on dragging Qi Xu along to join the fun, not wanting him to stay alone in an empty room.
Feng Zhenjie had a clear goal; after telling them he was heading to the plaza, he hurried off to sign up.
Li Yan’s mind was unsettled. He carried a bunch of club application forms but didn’t know which to join.
Qi Xu was easygoing. When Li Yan asked for his opinion, he just said, “Whatever you like.”
Holding the sign-up forms, Li Yan sighed deeply. “Xu, I think you have real potential to be a player—you just say ‘whatever you like,’ that classic all-purpose answer.”
Qi Xu chuckled and gave him a sincere suggestion. “That’s just so you can follow your own wishes. I see you like watching movies, so why not join the film club?”
That woke Li Yan up from his daze. Yeah, he liked movies and often posted his reviews online.
He excitedly said, “Xu, you’re not a player—you’re a sweetheart. Love you!”
Qi Xu made a playful sound. “Already in love? Hold up, let’s get you signed up first.”
After Li Yan left, Qi Xu turned to Xie Huai, who hadn’t said anything yet. “So? Have you decided? Besides the student council, nothing else interests you? Want me to help analyze?”
Xie Huai didn’t refuse. “Go ahead.”
Qi Xu was genuinely eager to help. He carefully recalled what he’d heard about Xie Shao’s preferences from Li Kaixing in his past life.
They weren’t just doing business; business couldn’t be done anywhere. The important thing was to learn the other person’s likes and cater to them. But usually, Li Kaixing handled that part.
He once overheard Li Kaixing grumble in the office: “Men all like the same few things—money, assets, and beauty. I heard a few days ago Zhao Siran took Xie Huai out, planning to show off and sign a contract. After dinner, Xie Huai didn’t drink much but was a bit tipsy. Zhao Siran took him to a prepared hotel room. Guess what happened?”
Li Kaixing got more excited. “Someone was hiding in the room! That kid got kicked out, all disheveled. Some hot young actor—really good-looking. Man, no sense of chivalry at all.”
Qi Xu stopped him from gossiping. “Don’t tell me that stuff. Just say what Xie Huai likes. Golf? Horseback riding? Then find someone to accompany him. Archery or shooting? I can barely keep up with those.”
What Qi Xu mentioned were aristocratic sports. Over the years, he’d only learned archery and shooting, and not much more. Plenty of business contracts had been sealed in those sports.
Li Kaixing looked defeated. “I couldn’t find out, so I went to Zhao Siran. Who knew that guy was even worse? Xie Huai can’t be totally uninterested. Cold and distant, sure—but can someone that rich be like that?”
Li Kaixing kept whispering in his ear about how the richest people often had strange, hidden quirks.
Then Qi Xu suddenly remembered Xie Huai’s 19th birthday party.
Normally, after the incident at Fang Qian’s coming-of-age ceremony, people wouldn’t invite him anymore. But Shen Fengkai, for some unknown reason, went crazy and made Qi Xu accompany him to give a gift.
Qi Xu, of course, didn’t dress up formally. Wearing a simple T-shirt, he wandered around alone.
He didn’t even enter the main hall. Standing outside with some snacks, he watched the lively scene inside—a completely different world, one he wouldn’t barge into.
After the cake was cut, Xie Huai was opening gifts.
At that time, Shen Zeyu probably hadn’t fully joined Xie Huai’s circle. Standing next to Xie Huai were Fang Qian and Xu Yichen, not Shen Zeyu.
Qi Xu couldn’t remember what gifts they gave and didn’t really care to look.
Maybe out of boredom, he started observing Xie Huai. When Xie Huai accepted the gifts from his parents with a polite smile, the corners of his mouth actually curved upward quite noticeably.
Curious, Qi Xu looked at the gift in Xie Huai’s hand—it was a robot.
Whether childish or not, he actually liked this kind of thing.
Feeling bored, Qi Xu left early—he figured he might as well spend more time in the library coding.
Li Kaixing was already joking about whether Xie Huai was planning to become a monk, suggesting they invite a high-ranking monk over to chat with him or maybe take him on a day trip to a temple.
Suddenly, Qi Xu spoke up: “Find one of the new smart robots that just came out this year and send it to him.”
“Huh? So suddenly? He doesn’t even like touching soft things, how could he like a tin robot?” Li Kaixing looked at him skeptically but knew Qi Xu never joked. “How do you know he’s interested in robots?”
Qi Xu didn’t bother explaining that he had spent the whole night bored watching people open gifts. “Might as well try something, no harm in trying.”
Li Kaixing replied, “Yeah, a man’s a boy at heart until the end—maybe he does like these little gadgets.”
In the end, thanks to that robot, Li Kaixing actually managed to start a business discussion with Xie Huai.
When Xie Huai asked why they’d sent him a robot, Li Kaixing smiled and said, “That was our Mr. Qi’s idea. Didn’t expect it would really win over Mr. Xie.”
That night at the contract signing, Li Kaixing got drunk and didn’t mention this to Qi Xu. Later, there wasn’t a chance, and it wasn’t important enough to remember anyway.
The student clubs fair was lively, with many second- and third-year students joining the crowd.
Qi Xu and Xie Huai stood by the sailing club booth when a staff member carrying a model walked by. “Excuse me, please.”
Xie Huai gently tugged on Qi Xu’s arm, pulling him closer.
Then Qi Xu heard himself say, “Artificial intelligence.”
Xie Huai’s eyes held a confident, winning look, pausing for a few seconds.
“You… really can read minds?”
Qi Xu laughed out loud at that—completely unabashed—throwing his head back until his eyes disappeared into the smile. Yet somehow, he blended right in with the surroundings, not at all out of place.
“Huai, how am I doing as your big bro who really gets you? Live in the moment—if you want to do something, just do it. No need to hide or hold back.”
Suddenly he remembered something, eyes wide with surprise: “If you’re interested in AI, then the major you really want is computer science, right?”
Xie Huai seemed resigned. Even things that Xu Yichen and the others didn’t know, Qi Xu guessed correctly.
Xie Huai was able to stay in a domestic university because one of the conditions his father made was that he give up his interest in AI and fill in finance as his college application major.
Xie Huai lifted his hand, reaching behind Qi Xu’s back. Before Qi Xu could react, he grabbed the hood of Qi Xu’s sweatshirt, pulled it over his head, and pressed his palm on top of Qi Xu’s head.
“Junior, you really read me well. The one who’s ‘magical’ must be you.”
There were so many elements in that gesture that Qi Xu was stunned for a moment.
The “junior” nickname came from a misunderstanding when they first met. The hood-pulling and head-pressing reminded him of when Xie Huai had put a baseball cap on him in the alley. And they’d just talked about “becoming magical” yesterday.
Xie Huai left straight away, like that day, but this time Qi Xu followed, replying, “Yeah, I’m magical. Better try to win me over. Maybe I can help you out someday.”
Xie Huai said, “Help me out? And be my lucky mascot?”
“Not impossible. When you have time, burn a couple of incense sticks for me.” Qi Xu slowed down as they approached the AI club booth.
Xie Huai slowed down too. “So you’re the one getting worshipped at the incense burner? The reincarnated bed spirit.”
Qi Xu: “…”
“Better not sleep too hard tonight, or I might possess you.”
Joking aside, Qi Xu was genuinely happy when he saw Xie Huai pick up the AI club’s application form. It gave him a sense of achievement as a supportive older brother who’d succeeded.
Qi Xu still didn’t sign up for any clubs. No extra energy—he just wanted to sleep and make big money.
On the first day of school, the teacher had already assigned homework. Dorm 314 was quiet, without laughter—only the sound of keyboards clicking and mice dragging.
Qi Xu was fidgeting with a hand strap while looking at his computer, multitasking and even managing to reply to Li Kaixing’s message.
Li Yan slumped back in his chair with a long sigh. “Man, I just can’t calm down. I seriously don’t know how I managed to finish so many test papers in one night back in senior year of high school—and all different subjects, too. Mad respect for that.”
Feng Zhenjie chimed in, “Same here. After the college entrance exam, I felt like a huge weight lifted off my chest. The whole summer break, my textbooks just gathered dust. Didn’t even open them once.”
If serious 18-year-old freshmen were thinking like this, then what about Qi Xu, who hadn’t touched his major books in almost six years?
He was fiddling with his wrist strap mainly to keep from dozing off. He had work experience, and the job was somewhat related to management, so it didn’t seem too difficult—but he just didn’t have the patience to read through it all.
If given a document, he could spot mistakes by picking apart the wording.
“Xu-ge, you’re breezing through macroeconomics that fast?” Li Yan turned and noticed Qi Xu had already flipped to the last page.
Qi Xu said, “Not really thinking about it at all.”
Feng Zhenjie asked, “The three ways to measure GDP?”
Without thinking, Qi Xu answered, “The expenditure approach, the income approach, and the production approach. The expenditure method includes consumption and investment…”
Noticing two pairs of unhappy eyes staring at him, he wisely chose to keep quiet.
Li Yan snorted, “Don’t trust the ‘genius’ who’s ‘not thinking,’ because it’s already etched in my brain.”
Qi Xu honestly said, “This is a skill from years of exam-focused education. After one night, it’s supposed to be forgotten.”
He turned to the real genius, seeking approval.
Xie Huai didn’t even lift his head. “I probably won’t forget. My memory’s pretty good.”
That one sentence sparked an all-out group attack on Xie Huai from everyone in room 314.
Still, Xie Huai managed to escape unscathed—just as the group was about to gang up on him, his phone rang, and he slipped out onto the balcony.
Qin Huansi’s gentle voice came through the line: “Ah Huai, the apricots from Xinjiang just arrived by air. Want me to make some candied fruit for you?”
Xie Huai said, “You’re not in great health. I’ll come home tomorrow and do it myself.”
Qin Huansi was surprised when her son said he wanted to make candied fruit—especially since he claimed it was for her.
But once he made it, he only left her half. The other half, he packed up and took with him.
Just a few days ago, she’d heard from Old Xu that the Shen family boy was also taking traditional medicine. She’d asked if it was Ze Yu who wasn’t feeling well.
Old Xu had said it was Qi Xu.
The child Shen family had just taken back.
“Does your friend like the candied fruit you make?”
She remembered that Yi Chen and the others didn’t like sweet and sour stuff. It was rare to meet someone who did.
Meanwhile, back in the dorm, Qi Xu was twirling his bead bracelet, joking around with Li Yan and the others. At some point, Li Yan and Feng Zhenjie started bickering again. Li Yan launched himself onto Feng Zhenjie’s back, trying to choke him out.
Qi Xu sat back, eyes gleaming mischievously—clearly the instigator behind it all.
“He’s picky,” Xie Huai said. “Can’t get used to the ones sold outside.”
Qin Huansi asked again, “Is his health any better?”
Xie Huai thought back to what had happened on the auditorium stairs that morning—Qi Xu looking like he’d seen a ghost. He was glad he’d come along and managed to catch him.
“Nope. Same as ever. Still bad.”
Though his tone stayed cool, Qin Huansi could hear the underlying concern.
She knew her son well. He looked like the perfect gentleman, but deep down, he was emotionally distant. For someone he’d only known a short while, just sparing them a glance was already a courtesy. Clearly, this Qi Xu had gotten close to him.
“Your uncle said he’s a good kid. And since you and Ze Yu went to high school together, it’s only right you look after him.”
Xie Huai picked up on her subtext. “Did Madam Shen come to talk to you?”
Qin Huansi had been trying to gauge his stance. She wouldn’t let herself be used so easily.
“What do you think? Back in the day, you always took Ze Yu along when you went out. But now it’s like he vanished.”
Xie Huai replied, “It wasn’t me taking him—just humoring you. You and Madam Shen get along, so how could I, your son, go against you? I’m not that unfilial.”
“That makes it sound like I was forcing you,” Qin Huansi sighed. “I’m on friendly terms with her, sure—not just casual like others—but you’re my son. You always come first.”
Qi Xu walked into the balcony area with a change of clothes. Without interrupting, he headed straight into the bathroom.
Xie Huai handed him his toiletries without looking away from the call. Qi Xu took them and shut the door. Soon, the soft sound of running water echoed out.
Xie Huai glanced at the closed bathroom door and said, “Let’s talk tomorrow. I have something else to take care of.”
Qin Huansi still wanted to say more, but Xie Huai ended the call with a quick “Good night,” and hung up.
He didn’t put away his phone. Instead, he texted his private doctor, describing what had happened to Qi Xu that morning.
The doctor replied:
“If you don’t bring him in for an exam, I can’t diagnose anything. I did minor in psychology, though—and from what you described, it sounds like a panic attack. You should take him to a psych clinic to get a proper evaluation.”
The words made Xie Huai freeze. Panic disorder?
He typed:
“What causes that?”
Doctor:
“Psychological conditions usually stem from past trauma. If you’re saying this episode happened because he almost tripped on the stairs, then maybe he’s had a previous fall. Or maybe something happened on a staircase that traumatized him.”
The water stopped in the bathroom. Five minutes later, Qi Xu came out, a faint scent of lychee and rose clinging to his skin.
He raised an eyebrow at Xie Huai, still standing on the balcony. “Wow, that’s one long phone call.”
Just as he was about to walk past, a hand hooked him by the collar.
Qi Xu nearly choked. He turned around and said irritably, “You better not sleep too soundly tonight.”
Xie Huai let go. “Towel.”
Qi Xu turned back to the bathroom to grab his towel. Li Yan followed him in to take a shower.
After drying his hair, Qi Xu climbed into bed. Xie Huai was still out on the balcony. From where Qi Xu lay, he could see the tight crease between Xie Huai’s brows—he looked annoyed.
Qi Xu recognized that look all too well. That was his “I could really use a cigarette” face.
Great. The nicotine cravings were back.
Just then, Xie Huai’s phone buzzed—WeChat notification.
SlackerLife: Craving a smoke? [knife.jpg]
X: No.
SlackerLife: Then go shower and sleep. You’ve got an 8 a.m. tomorrow.
X: Worried I’ll sleep too soundly and you’ll come stab me.
SlackerLife: …
SlackerLife: With the dorm mascot watching over you, how could I ever?
Xie Huai looked up from his phone, catching a glimpse of Qi Xu smirking coldly at him through the window from his bed.
Resigned, Xie Huai came in from the balcony, grabbed his clothes, and headed to the bathroom.
When he came out, he smelled just like Qi Xu—sweet with hints of rose and lychee.
