On the last day of the year, I finally saw my father.
He spent the whole year in a lab up north. Toward year-end, word came that he had achieved some results in his experiments, earning a small reputation in academic circles, and so he returned to Yancheng.
I straightened my clothes before knocking on the brown door in front of me.
My father and his assistant-wife had bought a villa in the suburbs of Yancheng. It was fully furnished, and I only learned of it afterward. Everything he planned seemed unrelated to me—he didn’t need me to know or participate. Beyond giving me his surname and half his blood, I had nothing to do with him.
The door was opened by a woman in her fifties. She froze when she saw me, then called back, “Professor Li, a guest has arrived!”
Soon came the shuffle of slippers. A short-haired woman approached, wearing a polite yet distant smile, the corners of her eyes lined with fine wrinkles. “Ah, it’s Xiao Ze! Come in quickly, it’s cold outside.”
I looked at her—Wang Yurong, my father Li Shaoheng’s delicate wife and capable assistant—and immediately noticed her protruding, round belly.
She was pregnant.
Wang Yurong instinctively placed her hands protectively over her stomach.
I changed into slippers and entered my father’s home.
He sat on the sofa, a computer resting on his legs as he reviewed something. He was forty-four, full of vigor and in his prime.
“Dad,” I said hesitantly.
He emitted a nasal “Hmm,” then raised his eyes. He looked at me, frowned briefly, and muttered, somewhat displeased, “You’re starting to look more and more like your mother.”
Wang Yurong and I both heard it.
She stiffened slightly, sat next to him holding her stomach, and said to me, “Xiao Ze, you don’t come here often. Stay tonight, I’ll have Aunt Xie prepare the guest room.”
Guest room?
I politely replied, “No need. I’ll eat and leave. I have schoolwork, and I have a home to go back to.”
Li Shaoheng snorted and said no more.
I awkwardly sat on a small sofa as Aunt Xie handed me a cup of hot water.
The living room fell silent. Then the doorbell rang. Aunt Xie went to open it, and I recognized a familiar voice.
“Old Li, I didn’t bring any fancy gift!”
I looked up. It was Teacher Ye Wensheng!
“Teacher Ye!”
I immediately understood the purpose of this dinner.
Seeing me, Teacher Ye didn’t seem surprised, smiling politely. “Yuze, you’re here too.”
My father finally stood, smiling. “Professor Ye, you’ve arrived! Xiao Xie, serve the food.”
Aunt Xie replied courteously and brought out the prepared dishes from the kitchen.
My father invited Teacher Ye to sit. Wang Yurong naturally sat next to him. I, meanwhile, felt like an extra, silently taking my seat.
At the table, my father and Teacher Ye chatted animatedly, moving seamlessly from scientific research to folk culture. I couldn’t interject even if I wanted to, and honestly, I didn’t want to. Wang Yurong, meanwhile, was on hand serving my father, her eyes full of admiration and warmth.
Suddenly, I understood why Wang Yurong could be with my father.
I ate silently, my food tasteless to me, yet my father refused to let me off.
“Li Yuze, just sitting there eating? Aren’t you going to toast Professor Ye?” My father, sitting at the head, pointed at me with his finger. “You only got that research opportunity because Professor Ye recognized your talent.”
I stood up like a puppet on strings. “Thank you, Teacher Ye.”
And this thank you was genuinely from the heart.
Teacher Ye raised the bottom of my cup. “Thank what! It was my oversight that led to all those incidents in Tongjiang.”
Hearing that, I glanced at my father. He remained unfazed, still picking at his food.
I couldn’t help but say, “Dad, don’t you care what happened to me there? I didn’t contact you for half a year…”
“Xiao Ze, don’t blame your father,” Wang Yurong interrupted softly. “That period was critical for his research; he had no time or energy to focus on anything else.”
My father said, “What trouble could a man like you get into? Besides, aren’t you just sitting here eating? Quit with the nonsense.”
I opened my mouth but had no words.
Then he said, “Xiao Ye, that project you’re working on isn’t finished yet, right?”
Teacher Ye smiled. “Not yet. It’ll take time.”
“Can my silly son help a little? Give you a hand?”
Teacher Ye glanced at me with a smile. “Yuze is so capable; I had my eye on him early on. His transcriptions of the Tongjiang notes were a big help to our research! If he’s willing, our project doors are always open to him.”
My father immediately said, “Willing or not, kids don’t decide anything. Li Yuze, you better thank Professor Ye!”
Their voices merged, as if setting my fate for me.
I stiffened my neck and stayed silent.
My father furrowed his brow, ready to scold, when Teacher Ye shifted the topic: “Speaking of which, Yuze is quite the looker—surely he dated a few girls in college, right?”
I shook my head.
My father shot me a side glance. “I didn’t allow him to date in college.”
Teacher Ye raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Li, you’re not exactly conservative—how come…”
My father sipped his wine. “College is for research. Dating? What’s the point?”
Wang Yurong, sweetly attentive, served him a piece of salted duck without the skin. He didn’t like the skin, and she carefully removed it.
Throughout the meal, no one mentioned her; she didn’t speak up on her own, simply staying gently and devotedly at my father’s side.
Now I understood why she could be with him.
When my father said college romance “was nothing,” perhaps he was just speaking of himself.
He and my mother had been college lovers. She was a singer, born with a remarkable voice. Apparently, at some event, they saw each other and fell in love at first sight.
Both were people of action. They loved passionately in college, rushed into marriage right after graduation, and I was born the following year.
To many, they must have seemed a perfect match. Yet my father valued his career above all else. My mother, a prima donna craving the spotlight and praise, couldn’t tolerate taking second place in her husband’s eyes.
So conflict arose, and a once-perfect couple became resentful.
As a child, all I ever heard was, “Your mom is a crazy woman.”
The once-vivid red rose became nothing but mosquito blood—a stain, a madwoman.
Unable to bear it, my mother divorced and went abroad to pursue her dreams and her place in the world.
So when my father says college romance “is nothing,” it’s just a faint echo of a woman he once loved passionately.
Only Wang Yurong could endure him—willing to assist, quietly admire him from a distance.
And that’s fine.
Teacher Ye cleared his throat. “Actually, college romance can be beautiful too. But probably only a capable and beautiful woman like your wife could capture your eye, Li.”
Wang Yurong smiled shyly, saying nothing.
My father paused, then turned to me. “There’s a professor’s daughter at our institute who might suit you. After graduation, you should meet her.”
A sudden, nameless fire flared in me.
What did he think I was?
The leftover from his ex-wife? A puppet to be moved at will? Or just his son, Li Yuze?
I slammed my chopsticks onto the table with a crisp “clack.”
Li Shaoheng frowned, glancing at me coldly. “If you’re done eating, leave quietly.”
I controlled my anger and turned to Teacher Ye. “I’m sorry, your project is excellent, but I’m not a good fit. I won’t be a burden.”
Before Teacher Ye could respond, my father slammed down his bowl. “Do you even know what you’re saying?”
I looked him in the eye. “I know.”
“I went all the way back here to set things up for you, and this is how you repay me?”
I said, “I won’t use it. I won’t do graduate school, nor any projects.”
Li Shaoheng growled, pointing at my nose. “Then what do you want to do? Always embarrassing me!”
I said, “I’m going to Tongjiang.”
“What?” Li Shaoheng couldn’t believe it. “Say that again.”
Teacher Ye’s expression changed drastically, eyes wide.
I stood, repeating: “After graduation, I’ll go to Tongjiang. I won’t trouble you anymore.”
I finished speaking, gave Teacher Ye a slight nod, and left the table.
“If you’ve got the guts, stay in that hole for the rest of your life! Don’t ever rely on me!”
Li Shaoheng’s roar came from behind me.
I glanced back at him briefly, then turned and walked away.
I will, I silently promised myself.
In the end, what Li Shaoheng wanted wasn’t a son—it was someone to uphold appearances.
Stepping outside, the crisp, icy air hit me, and a cold wind stirred the hair on my forehead. Instantly, the heavy weight in my chest seemed to lift.
Yet, even as calm returned, a hollow emptiness filled me. This feeling was all too familiar; I had experienced it countless times.
Tomorrow is New Year’s Day, and the start of a new year is just around the corner. Families will gather, preparing to embrace a fresh beginning.
I walked along the street, watching the people brushing past me.
I wondered if any of them, like me, had nowhere to belong.
No—I do have a place to belong.
A sudden thought surged in my mind.
I’m going to find Shen Jianqing. I have to see him!
Only he will wait for me. Only he will always wait in the same place for me!
I quickened my pace on the street, eventually breaking into a run. The faster I went, the firmer my resolve became.
I have to see him—tomorrow.
No, right now!