When Zong Xuan returned home, he saw Xu Tang already asleep on the couch.
His mood instantly brightened.
Walking over, he looked at Xu Tang’s sleeping face, tucked the blanket more securely around him, and decided he’d wake him up after a little while. Otherwise, he was afraid Xu Tang wouldn’t be able to sleep that night.
After changing into comfortable clothes and coming back downstairs, Xu Tang’s phone rang.
Xu Tang groggily opened his eyes and reached for it.
Zong Xuan quickly walked over, handed him the phone, and saw that it was Fang Tan calling.
Xu Tang answered.
Fang Tan had been discharged from the hospital two days before Xu Tang, but the two of them exchanged messages almost every day.
Zong Xuan couldn’t understand what they had so much to talk about.
All he knew was that he frequently heard voice messages from Fang Tan coming from Xu Tang’s phone.
Over the past few days, he’d come to realize that Fang Tan had a very pleasant personality.
He didn’t seem particularly talkative, yet he and Xu Tang always had plenty to discuss.
He was also mature and steady, and his life experience seemed relatively uncomplicated.
Fang Tan wasn’t the type of person whose looks immediately made people think, What a handsome guy.
Instead, he belonged to the kind who became more attractive the longer you looked at him.
The more time you spent with him, the more likable he became.
Because of that, Zong Xuan couldn’t help worrying.
What if Xu Tang ends up thinking Fang Tan is better than me?
Compared to Fang Tan, he didn’t seem to have any real advantage.
He knew nothing about music.
He couldn’t write lyrics or compose songs.
He rarely attended concerts.
His personality wasn’t nearly as gentle or easygoing.
On top of everything that had happened before…
And considering Fang Tan’s attitude toward Xu Tang…
The more he thought about it, the more endangered he felt.
After chatting for a few minutes, Xu Tang said,
“Okay. I’ll email it to you in a bit.”
When he hung up, Zong Xuan casually asked,
“Something up?”
“Yeah.”
Xu Tang went upstairs.
A short while later, he came back carrying an accordion file.
Sitting down on the couch, he searched through it before quickly pulling out several sheets of paper.
“Need any help?” Zong Xuan asked.
“Take photos of these pages and email them to Fang Tan.”
It wasn’t anything confidential.
Having Zong Xuan do it would be much easier than trying to manage everything one-handed.
“Sure.”
Zong Xuan accepted the pages.
They were handwritten lyrics.
The moment he saw the handwriting…
He froze.
He looked at Xu Tang.
Then back at the pages.
“What’s wrong?” Xu Tang asked, noticing his strange reaction.
Without saying a word…
Zong Xuan rushed upstairs.
Inside the media room, he dug out all those old letters and carefully compared the handwriting.
…
Both Xu Tang’s and Teng Yizheng’s handwriting were obviously the result of formal penmanship practice.
They shared the same neatness and disciplined structure.
Neither possessed especially distinctive personal flair.
At a glance, they looked remarkably alike.
But Xu Tang still had a few subtle habits unique to himself.
Without direct comparison, they were almost impossible to notice.
Looking closely, however, the differences became apparent.
Take the character å½±, for example.
The final three connected left-falling strokes…
When finishing the last stroke, Xu Tang always made a slight turn, creating a tiny open loop that never completely closed.
It was an incredibly small detail.
One occurrence could be coincidence.
Every occurrence…
Meant it was almost certainly written by the same person.
All at once, Zong Xuan felt his strength leave him.
The letter “T”…
Could just as easily stand for the first letter of Tang.
Very few people knew both his previous address and his current one.
That’s why he’d always assumed the letters had to be from someone he knew.
Yet…
He had never once suspected Xu Tang.
After sitting silently for quite some time…
Zong Xuan carried both the lyrics and the letters downstairs.
He laid everything on the coffee table.
Then reached out and tightly embraced Xu Tang.
His voice hoarse, he whispered,
“I’m sorry…”
Xu Tang looked confused at first.
But when he saw those familiar sheets of letter paper…
He immediately understood.
“So tell me…”
“What exactly do I owe you?”
he asked quietly.
“No.”
“It’s me who owes you.”
Zong Xuan’s voice remained rough.
His eyes stung.
His heart ached unbearably.
“Tang Tang…”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“How could I be this stupid?”
“Even if your handwriting looked similar to Teng Yizheng’s…”
“I should’ve asked him directly.”
“I shouldn’t have been so arrogant…”
“…thinking my assumptions had to be right.”
“I don’t know either.”
Truthfully, Xu Tang wasn’t nearly as conflicted as Zong Xuan.
He’d never written those letters with any particular purpose.
He’d simply wanted to.
So he kept writing them…
Year after year.
He’d never imagined that such an impulsive act would end up benefiting someone else instead.
“Tang Tang…”
“I’m not asking you to forgive me.”
“I don’t even dare hope you won’t divorce me.”
“I only hope you’ll let me stay by your side.”
“It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to talk to me.”
“Just…”
“Please don’t reject even my attempts to care for you.”
“Can you do that?”
Xu Tang felt something damp against his neck.
Though he’d been disappointed in Zong Xuan…
He couldn’t deny the regret and sorrow Zong Xuan felt at this very moment.
He could feel it clearly.
Even if none of this had been his original intention.
“It’s nothing.”
“I wrote those letters for myself.”
Xu Tang said quietly.
“My brother helped me find your address.”
“I’m just glad…”
“…you didn’t think they were harassment.”
Zong Xuan shook his head.
“Let’s stop writing letters from now on.”
“If I do something wrong…”
“Just tell me directly.”
“Okay?”
Xu Tang looked at him.
He didn’t answer.
“Tang Tang…”
“I won’t contact Teng Yizheng anymore.”
“I lent him money before to help him start his business.”
“I wasn’t planning to ask for it back anyway.”
“And I probably couldn’t get it back even if I tried.”
“I don’t intend to keep getting tangled up with him because of that.”
“He was at today’s class reunion.”
“We ended things very badly.”
“I truly never understood what kind of person he really was.”
“Yet I was so conceited…”
“…that I believed I knew him better than anyone.”
“My relationship with him ends here.”
“And honestly…”
“…that’s for the best.”
“At least I wasn’t stupid enough to make some irreversible mistake.”
“If there was one…”
“…it was only you.”
Over these past several days…
Zong Xuan had cared for him with meticulous attention.
Xu Tang wasn’t someone who only remembered grudges while forgetting kindness.
Naturally…
His heart had softened.
Now that Teng Yizheng was out of the picture…
Xu Tang also felt considerably more at ease.
Zong Xuan’s attitude had been made perfectly clear.
Truthfully…
Xu Tang understood Zong Xuan fairly well.
For someone as proud and self-confident as Zong Xuan…
Speaking in such a pleading, worried, sorrowful tone…
Already meant he regretted everything deeply enough.
In Xu Tang’s mind…
Zong Xuan had always been someone capable of handling anything.
Seeing him like this…
Even Xu Tang wasn’t sure what he should say.
“Go heat up dinner.”
“I’m a little hungry.”
Xu Tang found an excuse to ease the heavy atmosphere that seemed to make even breathing feel damp.
“Okay.”
Zong Xuan let him go.
His eyes were red.
Even his normally distinct eyelashes had clumped together from tears.
So…
The dampness on Xu Tang’s neck hadn’t been his imagination.
Keeping his head lowered so Xu Tang wouldn’t see him like this…
Zong Xuan tucked the blanket more securely around him before heading into the kitchen to reheat dinner.
Everything was already cooked.
Simply heating dishes…
Was a skill Zong Xuan had only recently acquired.
Whenever something needed warming in a pan…
Xu Tang stood nearby to make sure he didn’t burn it.
Xu Tang sighed softly.
Using one hand, he took pictures of the lyrics himself and emailed them to Fang Tan.
The two of them wanted to collaborate on an ancient-style song.
Xu Tang already had several sets of lyrics written long ago.
None had ever found a melody.
Perhaps they might inspire Fang Tan.
By the time the email had been sent…
Dinner was ready.
The two of them sat down to eat.
The meal passed in relative silence.
Even so…
Zong Xuan continued taking good care of Xu Tang throughout dinner.
Afterward, Xu Tang returned to his room.
He disliked such oppressive silence.
Letting Zong Xuan calm down by himself seemed like the better choice.
Perhaps because he’d slept so much that afternoon…
Even after one in the morning…
Xu Tang still couldn’t fall asleep.
Finally, he climbed out of bed, intending to heat himself a cup of milk.
As soon as he went downstairs…
He noticed the dining room lights were still on.
Zong Xuan was slumped over the table.
The liquor bottle beside him was empty.
Only a few partially melted ice cubes remained in his glass.
Xu Tang walked over and gently nudged him.
Zong Xuan slowly lifted his head.
His eyes were unfocused.
It took him a while to recognize Xu Tang.
Immediately, he asked,
“What do you want to eat?”
“I’ll make it for you.”
Seeing his condition…
Combined with the heavy smell of alcohol…
Xu Tang knew he’d gotten drunk.
“Go upstairs and sleep.”
“It’s late.”
There was no way Xu Tang could physically help him upstairs.
He could only persuade him to walk on his own.
Zong Xuan looked up at him.
After a long moment…
He suddenly wrapped Xu Tang tightly in his arms.
The embrace was so strong Xu Tang found it hard to breathe.
“Tang Tang…”
“I’m sorry…”
“I’m sorry…”
“I’m sorry…”
He repeated those three words over and over into Xu Tang’s ear.
Listening to them…
Even Xu Tang’s heart ached.
“Go get some rest.”
Xu Tang said softly.
“I don’t want to sleep…”
“I can’t…”
“I’m sorry…”
His voice was quiet and slurred.
“It’s okay.”
“I accept your apology.”
But drunken Zong Xuan didn’t seem to hear him.
He simply kept apologizing.
Most of his body weight gradually leaned onto Xu Tang.
Unable to stand steadily any longer, Xu Tang patted his back.
“Let’s go sit on the couch, okay?”
Getting him upstairs was impossible.
The couch was the only option.
This time…
Zong Xuan seemed to understand.
He cooperatively stood up.
Yet refused to move.
Left with no choice…
Xu Tang wrapped one arm around Zong Xuan’s waist and practically dragged the oversized koala toward the couch.
Once they reached it…
Zong Xuan apparently decided he could finally relax.
Still hugging Xu Tang…
He collapsed backward onto the sofa.
Fortunately…
The couch was wide enough.
Otherwise they both would have landed on the floor.
Zong Xuan held Xu Tang so that half of Xu Tang rested on the couch…
And the other half atop his body.
It was an awkward position.
But Xu Tang’s right arm was unusable.
His left had nowhere to brace itself.
He could only remain sprawled over Zong Xuan like that.
“If only…”
“…time could go backward.”
“I’d definitely treat you properly.”
“I’d never make you sad again…”
Zong Xuan murmured with regret.
Pointless wishful thinking.
That was Xu Tang’s immediate evaluation.
Still…
His heart softened a little more.
Drunken words were usually sincere.
Only people consumed by regret wished time could be reversed.
Xu Tang sighed quietly.
No one was an expert at love.
Everyone learned while loving.
The only difference…
Was whether they learned sooner or later.
When Zong Xuan woke…
Dawn was only just breaking.
Finding Xu Tang asleep in his arms…
He felt both delighted…
And deeply annoyed with himself.
How could I let him sleep on the couch with me?!
He’d been too miserable the night before.
He’d drunk far too much.
He vaguely remembered Xu Tang coming downstairs.
He’d felt completely helpless.
All he could do was apologize again and again, hoping Xu Tang would give him another chance.
As for how they’d ended up on the couch…
Or when they’d fallen asleep…
He remembered nothing.
A hangover felt awful.
His head was heavy.
His body felt weak.
And he was freezing.
The moment he moved…
Xu Tang began waking as well.
Zong Xuan quickly coaxed him,
“Keep sleeping.”
“I’ll carry you upstairs.”
“It’s too cold down here.”
“You’ll catch a cold.”
Xu Tang never even opened his eyes.
Perhaps because he’d gone to bed so late…
He was still exhausted.
Zong Xuan carefully carried him upstairs and settled him onto the bed.
The instant Xu Tang touched the mattress…
He fell asleep again.
After tucking him in…
Zong Xuan found he wasn’t sleepy anymore.
His head simply throbbed painfully.
When Xu Tang finally woke…
It was already after nine in the morning.
He actually felt more tired after sleeping.
The first half of the night…
He’d been lying awkwardly across Zong Xuan.
His whole body had become stiff.
The second half…
Back in bed…
Had finally been comfortable.
Though it hadn’t lasted very long.
After washing up…
He went downstairs.
Zong Xuan was preparing breakfast.
Again…
Everything was already made.
There wasn’t much actual cooking involved.
“You’re awake?”
“Milk or coffee?”
he asked as usual.
“Coffee.”
Xu Tang noticed Zong Xuan looked unusually drained.
The bloodshot veins in his eyes were obvious.
He’d even put on a thick sweater.
Normally…
A thin one was enough indoors.
After placing breakfast and coffee before Xu Tang…
Zong Xuan sat down to eat as well.
“Did you just wake up?”
Xu Tang asked.
He felt something about Zong Xuan seemed off.
It looked partly like a hangover…
But not entirely.
“No.”
“After carrying you upstairs…”
“I didn’t sleep again.”
“Then why are you only eating breakfast now?”
“I wasn’t hungry.”
“I’ve been feeling cold…”
“My whole body’s sore.”
“Probably from sleeping on the couch.”
“Sorry.”
“I got too drunk last night.”
“And dragged you into sleeping there too.”
Xu Tang looked at him for a moment.
Then set down his spoon.
He reached over and pressed a hand against Zong Xuan’s forehead…
Then compared it with his own.
“You have a fever.”
He’d probably caught a chill the night before.
“Really?”
Thinking about his symptoms…
It certainly sounded possible.
“We have medicine at home, right?”
“Take some after breakfast.”
“Okay.”
He really wanted to catch the hand that had just checked his temperature.
But considering his current condition…
He decided not to push his luck.
After breakfast…
Zong Xuan took some medicine.
Then Xu Tang sent him upstairs to rest.
Zong Xuan wasn’t in a hurry.
Instead…
He carried fruit, snacks, his laptop, and the books Xu Tang had been reading into his own bedroom.
Then shamelessly persuaded Xu Tang to come with him.
“You can read here.”
“I’ll just sleep for a little while.”
He pulled Xu Tang onto the bed.
“I promise I won’t do anything inappropriate.”
“I just want to stay with you.”
“What if you infect me?”
Xu Tang asked with visible disgust.
“If I don’t kiss you…”
“…it should be fine.”
“…”
Who told him kissing is the only way illnesses spread?
Idiot.
Despite complaining internally…
Xu Tang still climbed onto the bed.
Zong Xuan’s bed was enormous.
Each occupied one side.
Neither disturbed the other.
Xu Tang also worried that if Zong Xuan’s fever worsened…
No one would notice.
The Lunar New Year was almost here.
It would be better if he recovered quickly.
Covered by his quilt…
Zong Xuan quietly watched Xu Tang.
Wrapped in a blanket…
Xu Tang put on headphones and started watching a cultural interview program.
In a hoarse voice, Zong Xuan suddenly said,
“Tang Tang…”
“It doesn’t matter if you never forgive me.”
“I’ll keep pursuing you.”
“Even if someday…”
“…you meet someone you like even more…”
“…and choose to be with him…”
“I’ll still treat you well.”
“I just won’t interfere with your life.”
Xu Tang adjusted his headphones.
Seemingly without much thought, he replied,
“If you want to pursue me…”
“…then go ahead.”
Zong Xuan shot upright.
Life immediately returned to his eyes.
“You mean…”
“…does that mean you’re willing to give me another chance?”
“Go to sleep.”
Xu Tang glanced at him.
“A sick kitten should be sleeping.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll sleep right away.”
Zong Xuan lay back down.
He no longer felt sleepy.
Instead…
He simply smiled as he watched Xu Tang.
Embarrassed by the stare, Xu Tang’s cheeks flushed slightly.
“Go to sleep already!”
The smile on Zong Xuan’s lips deepened.
He shifted his pillow closer…
Moved beside Xu Tang…
Rested one arm lightly around Xu Tang’s waist…
Then finally closed his eyes.
Before long…
He fell asleep.
Xu Tang looked at him.
Then smiled faintly himself.
He didn’t know what the future held for the two of them.
But after everything they’d been through…
Perhaps…
They could try again.
This time…
In a different way.
He would no longer be the one silently waiting.
And Zong Xuan would no longer be the one who understood nothing.
Perhaps…
Those versions of themselves…
Might finally find a happy future together.