When Shu Changyu opened his eyes again, he was awakened by the sting of sunlight.
Frowning, he slowly came to his senses and looked up at an unfamiliar bed canopy. Daylight streamed in through the window. It was already noon.
Only then did he realize he was dressed in nothing but a thin inner robe, lying beneath warm, soft blankets.
His mind went blank for an instant.
Then everything that had happened the day before came rushing back.
Yesterday…
The drug had been incredibly potent. His whole body had gone weak, leaving him unable to struggle, and his consciousness had gradually slipped away. The last thing he remembered was Liu Si dragging him, half pulling and half carrying him, into the bedroom behind the banquet hall.
…He had fallen into their trap.
Soon, Sun Dazhi would use this against him, forcing him to deceive the imperial court into releasing funds meant for repairing the dikes.
Humiliation and fury instantly flooded Shu Changyu’s chest.
He, Shu Changyu, was no longer some green official who had only just entered court.
So how…
How had he still fallen for such a cheap trick?
The next moment, for some reason, what appeared in his mind wasn’t his father’s disappointed expression, nor the enormous amount of money the court stood to lose.
It was…
Jing Mu.
If Jing Mu found out…
What would he do?
Lying flat beneath the blankets, Shu Changyu didn’t know why, but the moment he thought of Jing Mu, his nose stung with rising tears.
Pressing his lips together, he closed his eyes.
At that moment, he suddenly wasn’t afraid of harming the nation, of failing in his duties, or even of being blackmailed.
The country would survive without him. In a world this vast, there would always be others with both the talent and the will to support the realm. And if there weren’t… then at worst, the dynasty would simply change.
The world would still remain the world.
But Jing Mu was different.
Jing Mu only had him.
Just then, footsteps sounded beside his bed.
The person stopped at his bedside without speaking and carefully set something down on the table.
He faintly heard porcelain touching wood. The sound was so gentle, as though the person was afraid of waking him.
The fragrant scent of rice porridge drifted over.
The anger building in Shu Changyu’s chest swelled even further.
Grinding his teeth, he listened as those cautious little sounds reached his ears one after another.
The next instant, he swept everything off the table onto the floor and snapped as he opened his eyes,
“Get out!”
The sudden movement immediately sent a dull ache through the soreness in his lower back and somewhere farther behind, making him feel as though his entire waist would fall apart.
Then he saw the stunned Jing Mu standing frozen beside the bed.
…Jing Mu?
Lying there, Shu Changyu’s eyes widened as well.
For a moment, he could only stare blankly at him, too shocked to show any expression.
Jing Mu hesitated before offering a careful smile.
“Shifu… you’re awake?”
Shu Changyu still said nothing.
His gaze landed on the fresh scratch marks visible through Jing Mu’s open collar.
They were obviously new.
Clearly left there the previous night.
After watching him for a moment, Jing Mu gave a bitter smile and lowered his voice.
“I… I’ll go outside first. If Shifu needs anything later… just call for me.”
He had taken advantage of him while he was vulnerable and done such a thing.
He was certain Shu Changyu would never forgive him.
And he knew all too well how decisive and uncompromising Shu Changyu was.
He could already imagine what awaited him.
With that, he turned to leave.
He had only taken two steps when Shu Changyu finally reacted.
“…Jing Mu?”
His voice was hoarse.
Jing Mu stopped.
Something about Shu Changyu’s tone felt unreal.
There was no coldness.
No rage.
Amid the disbelief in that voice was even a trace of joy that Shu Changyu himself hadn’t noticed.
…I must have heard wrong.
Then Jing Mu heard rustling behind him as Shu Changyu climbed out of bed.
The next instant came a muffled groan—
followed by the heavy thud of someone hitting the floor.
Jing Mu spun around immediately.
Shu Changyu had fallen beside the bed, wrapped in nothing but the blanket, his face pale.
His fair neck and shoulders were covered with the marks left from the previous night’s frenzy.
Seen like this…
They looked painfully severe.
The night before, Shu Changyu had been unconscious.
Jing Mu himself had also lost all reason.
He hurried over, scooped Shu Changyu into his arms, and carefully carried him back onto the bed.
“Did you hurt yourself, Shifu?”
Keeping his eyes lowered, he didn’t dare look directly at him.
“…Where are my clothes?” Shu Changyu asked quietly.
Jing Mu immediately went to fetch them.
Only then did Shu Changyu notice the faint bustle of voices outside.
It was then that he realized they were no longer in the Governor-General’s residence of Zhili, but in some unknown inn.
After a long silence, Shu Changyu looked at him and asked hoarsely,
“Jing Mu… was it you… last night?”
The last few words were barely above a whisper, rough with the aftereffects of a night of passion.
A complicated emotion clenched tightly around Jing Mu’s heart.
He set the clothes aside, sat on the edge of the bed, lifted Shu Changyu into his embrace, and pressed his face into the hollow of his neck so he wouldn’t have to see his expression.
“Was it you?” Shu Changyu insisted softly.
Jing Mu’s whole body trembled.
Then he gently laid Shu Changyu back onto the bed without saying a word, rose abruptly, turned around, and strode toward the door.
This time, it was Shu Changyu who froze.
“Where are you going?”
Seeing Jing Mu already pulling the door open, Shu Changyu hurriedly called after him.
His throat was terribly raw. Raising his voice sent another dull ache through it.
Jing Mu stopped in the doorway.
“Shifu…”
His voice came from the entrance, low and muffled.
“…I’ll leave on my own. Please don’t be angry with me.”
Shu Changyu stared blankly at him.
For a long moment, neither of them spoke.
Jing Mu remained standing motionless in the doorway as silence filled the room.
After a while, he lifted his foot to leave.
“What would I be angry at you for?”
At that moment, Shu Changyu’s hoarse voice sounded behind him, carrying an unexpected gentleness.
Jing Mu froze again, though he still didn’t turn around.
Shu Changyu sighed.
“Come back.”
Jing Mu’s shoulders trembled before he slowly turned around.
He had never known whether Shu Changyu loved him.
Sometimes it seemed he did.
Sometimes it felt like nothing more than wishful thinking.
But whether he loved him or not, Jing Mu knew one thing.
Shu Changyu could never accept him.
Shu Changyu was ruthless.
Not toward others—
but toward himself.
He treated himself more harshly than he treated anyone else.
If something wasn’t meant to be done, he would bind himself tightly and never allow himself to cross the line.
And now…
The one thing they absolutely should never have done…
They had done.
With his eyes lowered, Jing Mu, for the first time in his life, shrank into himself like an ostrich.
Standing before Shu Changyu, he kept his head down, not daring to look at him.
“…How could it have been you?”
Jing Mu heard Shu Changyu murmur softly.
Just as I thought.
Jing Mu clenched the fists at his sides.
The next moment, Shu Changyu suddenly hooked an arm around his neck and leaned forward from the bed, pulling him into an embrace.
“How could it have been you…”
Jing Mu heard him whisper into his ear.
“Yesterday… everyone there was from the Zhili Governor’s office. No matter what I did, I couldn’t find you.”
“You scared me to death.”
Though hoarse, his voice was as gentle as a spring breeze brushing through willow branches, tugging at Jing Mu’s heartstrings.
Joy exploded inside Jing Mu’s mind.
His ears rang so loudly that he could hear nothing else.
In a panic, he pulled Shu Changyu’s arm away just enough to create some distance, staring fixedly at him as though desperate to confirm something.
Shu Changyu was stunned as well.
Jing Mu’s eyes were red, shimmering with unshed tears.
His lips were pressed tightly together as he stared at him without blinking.
The next second, Jing Mu cupped the back of Shu Changyu’s head and kissed him fiercely.
The kiss was rough and desperate, stripped of all the tenderness from the previous night.
He claimed Shu Changyu’s lips, pried open his teeth, and kissed him deeply, even biting hard at his lips.
Shu Changyu felt the force of his movements and his ragged breathing, yet made no attempt to push him away.
He simply kept his eyes open, quietly watching him.
Jing Mu kissed him with his eyes tightly shut.
His long, thick eyelashes made him appear especially gentle when closed.
Yet his sharp brows were knitted together in anguish, making him resemble a wounded, frightened young wolf.
His lips hurt from Jing Mu’s biting.
Still, Shu Changyu didn’t move.
Instead, Jing Mu was the first to break.
Two streams of tears slipped from his tightly shut eyes.
Watching him, Shu Changyu raised a hand almost unconsciously and wiped away the tears from his cheek.
Jing Mu stopped as though someone had flipped a switch.
His lashes were damp with tears as he opened his eyes to look at Shu Changyu.
The next second, he lowered his head, burying his face in Shu Changyu’s shoulder, absentmindedly nipping at his collarbone.
Meanwhile, his hands grew restless.
They slipped beneath the blankets, roaming over Shu Changyu’s lean waist before slowly sliding lower.
Then, with a single movement, he rolled over and pinned Shu Changyu firmly against the bed.
Shu Changyu shivered all over.
To his own astonishment, a surge of heat flared through his lower abdomen.
Before Jing Mu could notice, he quickly pushed him away.
“Jing Mu.”
His voice was low, carrying a note of warning.
Jing Mu stopped.
Tears still lingered on his face, but his eyes were dark and intense.
He stared at Shu Changyu for a moment.
Then another pair of tears rolled down.
“…What’s wrong now?”
Shu Changyu couldn’t help laughing softly.
He raised his hand again and wiped the tears from his big wolf’s face.
You already took every advantage of me last night.
So why do you look like the one who’s been wronged?
Jing Mu grabbed the hand resting against his cheek.
“Shifu…”
His voice choked with emotion.
“…You’re not angry with me?”
“What would I be angry about?”
Shu Changyu smiled.
Jing Mu didn’t answer.
The tears simply kept falling.
He was terrified.
He had always been the one to take the initiative, and even after countless setbacks he would shamelessly stick close to Shu Changyu again.
But only he himself knew how frightened he truly was.
To him, Shu Changyu was like a priceless crystal treasure held in his hands.
Though he always clung tightly to it, he handled it with the utmost care, never daring to use even the slightest bit too much force.
Seeing him like this made Shu Changyu’s heart ache.
“Enough.”
“What are you still crying for?”
As he wiped away Jing Mu’s tears with one hand, he said,
“What’s done is done.”
“Are you worried I won’t take responsibility?”
Deep down, Shu Changyu knew he shouldn’t have said that.
Nor should he have allowed himself and Jing Mu to continue down this mistaken path.
But he could no longer stop himself.
He had restrained himself for far too long.
The longer he held himself back, the more impossible it became to suppress those feelings.
How could loving someone ever be something that could simply be forced away?
Since childhood, he had been taught to carry the nation and its people upon his shoulders.
Personal feelings were never to come first.
But now…
Lying on the bed, he wanted nothing more than to cast aside every responsibility and burden—
and disappear into a life of gentle happiness with this man, never to emerge again.
Looking at Jing Mu, Shu Changyu thought:
In his previous life, he had already walked through seas of fire and mountains of blades.
In this life…
What was left worth fearing?