“Will hating me make you hurt?”
“……”
The speaker had no intention behind his words, but the listener took them to heart. Mo Xi suddenly closed his eyes, feeling as if an invisible blade had pierced straight through his lungs and heart, leaving his chest filled with burning blood. A colorful mess scattered across the ground.
Ever since Gu Mang returned to Chonghua, all he had seen were faces filled with hatred, curses, and hostility. He had never seen an expression like the one on Mo Xi’s face.
Gu Mang hurriedly said, “Then I won’t have you be my lord anymore. Don’t be unhappy.”
“……”
“Don’t hate me. If you don’t hate me, will it stop hurting?”
The wind brushed across the surface of the lake, spreading fine ripples. Those shattered reflections of lantern light flickered like countless stars.
“……It’s too late.”
After a long while, Mo Xi finally answered hoarsely.
“Gu Mang, one day, you will die by my hand. ……You and I were destined to walk different paths. I swore it.”
He turned his head. That handsome face became indistinct beneath the swaying red glow of the lanterns.
“And besides, I’m not a good person either. It was Senior Brother who misunderstood me from the very beginning.”
After hearing this, Gu Mang stuffed the last two bites of his bun into his mouth, then reached down and began feeling around his body.
Seeing his strange actions, Mo Xi asked, “What are you doing?”
Gu Mang searched through his clothes once, then looked up.
“Dry.”
After saying that, he grabbed Mo Xi’s hand, wanting Mo Xi to feel it too.
Naturally, Mo Xi refused. He immediately shook off his hand and frowned.
“What nonsense are you doing?”
“Strange. I’m clearly dry. Why did you call me a wet chest?”
Mo Xi: “……”
Actually, Mo Xi was right. He was not some flawless, perfect person.
His ambition, his reckless impulsiveness, his hesitation, and his loss of control—Gu Mang had witnessed all of these things with his own eyes.
Not only had he seen them, he had accepted them.
But now Gu Mang had already buried the past between the two of them. Only Mo Xi remained standing alone inside this encircled city, unable to escape, allowing resentment to grow within him.
“Then why do you insist on hating me?”
“……Because I committed many wrongs against you in the past.”
On the journey back that day, while casually chatting with Gu Mang, Mo Xi had said this.
“Wrong beyond measure.”
But when Gu Mang asked what mistakes he had made, Mo Xi fell silent.
Actually, he had not committed as many “mistakes” as he claimed.
When it came to Gu Mang, the one thing he truly believed he had done wrong was—
Falling in love with Gu Mang.
That crime was unforgivable.
Yet he had repeated the same mistake countless times, like a hopelessly foolish person who angrily reminded himself that he could never make the same mistake again, while hanging himself from the same tree over and over.
That night, Mo Xi lay on the bed, staring blankly at the dark patterned canopy.
Why not simply kill Gu Mang with one strike?
Why not cut through this chaos with a swift blade and end everything?
What exactly was he seeking by continuing like this?
Later, he finally understood.
He wanted Gu Mang to remember the past.
Perhaps he did not only want Gu Mang to give an answer for the betrayal back then.
Nor did he only want to hear Gu Mang regret it, to see Gu Mang shed tears.
Perhaps he also wanted Gu Mang to question him.
To question him about secrets that only the two of them knew.
To yell at him in anger, to roar at him, even if they ended up fighting until blood was spilled and flesh was torn, until one of them died.
That would still be better than now.
Now, he alone carried the shoulders of two people’s memories.
“Gu Mang.”
Inside the silent tent, a sigh softer than a whisper escaped.
“In the end, you were still crueler than me.”
Days passed like this.
Mo Xi watched carefully everywhere, but he never found any trace that Gu Mang was pretending. His hope grew increasingly faint.
Gradually, his heart became discouraged, and his annoyance toward Gu Mang grew stronger.
“Before, whenever Gu Mang appeared, Lord would stare at him.”
“Now, whenever Gu Mang appears, Lord turns his own face away.”
Bootlicker Li Wei summarized it this way:
“Lord is extremely restless.”
There was no need for him to say it.
The entire Xi He Residence could feel Mo Xi’s agitation.
People said that suppression could twist a person’s temperament.
After Mo Xi’s resentment had been suppressed for too long, his criticism toward Gu Mang gradually became twisted—
“Why do you insist on grabbing food with your hands when you eat?”
“You don’t know how to wash clothes, so how do you know how to put them on?”
“Li Wei has already taught you how to cook lotus root porridge three times. You still can’t tell the salt jar from the sugar jar. Are your eyes blind or is your tongue broken?”
The number of chores assigned to Gu Mang increased, while the requirements became stricter and stricter.
The more Mo Xi felt that Gu Mang had no hope of recovering his memories, the stronger his irritation and anxiety became.
Eventually, even the servants who had always personally attended Mo Xi found it unbelievable.
“Although Lord always keeps a cold expression, he has never lost his temper at us for no reason, much less deliberately made things difficult for us…”
“But toward Gu Mang…”
“Ah, looks like he really hates Gu Mang.”
After another period of time, all of Mo Xi’s personal servants became completely idle.
Not because there was nothing to do.
It was because their twisted-tempered Xi He Jun had already pushed every personal task onto Gu Mang.
It had to be said that Gu Mang was actually very intelligent.
Although his consciousness had once been damaged, his abilities had not suffered much loss. After one month, he was already able to manage everything Li Wei had taught him in an orderly manner.
He had great stamina, moved quickly, and could do the work of ten people alone without complaining.
He had never even said the word “tired.”
“Look at the kind of life he’s living.”
The servants gathered together and whispered among themselves.
“Getting up at the third watch to chop firewood, lighting the stove and cooking at the fourth watch, then after Lord wakes up, he goes over to clean the room. No matter how well he cleans, he still gets scolded. After being scolded, he eats breakfast, but even while eating breakfast he gets scolded again. Then Lord goes to court, and he has to wash clothes, hang them up to dry, wipe the floors of the main hall, flower hall, and kitchen until they shine, then go to the backyard to feed the fish and pull weeds, then prepare dinner…”
“My heavens, what must he be feeling?”
What feeling?
If they heard the truth, probably no one would believe it.
Actually, Gu Mang did not feel much of anything.
The vocabulary he understood was far too limited. When Mo Xi scolded him, he could only understand simple phrases like “Are you a pig?”
And because he did not understand concepts like dignity or shame, he did not think there was anything worth getting angry about.
The animal-like instincts within him made him accustomed to viewing things the way animals did.
Although Mo Xi was always cold toward him, and when he started talking he was always quick and sharp with endless complaints, Gu Mang did not dislike him.
Because Mo Xi gave him delicious food every day.
In Gu Mang’s eyes, Xi He Residence was like the territory of a wolf pack.
Mo Xi was very powerful. He was the alpha wolf.
Every day, he went outside for a while, and then he received his “salary.”
The salary could be exchanged for food, things to use, and clothes.
Therefore, Gu Mang felt that Mo Xi was an especially skilled hunting wolf.
The only problem was that he liked howling too much.
However, considering how capable he was, Gu Mang decided not to dislike him.
A wolf pack had a clear division of duties.
Since Mo Xi needed to go outside and hunt, while he himself needed to patrol, clean, and wash things within the territory, there was nothing wrong with that.
As for cooking—
Cooking was a little complicated.
He had spent more than ten days desperately trying to remember the characters written on those bottles and jars.
But he was very proud.
Because now, not only did he recognize “sugar” and “salt,” he could even write “rice,” “flour,” and “oil.”
He thought he was incredibly impressive.
And this was all thanks to Mo Xi’s constant howling.
As for “vinegar” and “sauce,” they were simply too difficult.
He temporarily had no intention of learning them.
After all, vinegar smelled so strong that it made him wrinkle his nose.
He would never confuse it.
Every day, he shared the spoils of the hunt with Mo Xi.
Gradually, he began to regard Mo Xi as his companion.
Whenever Mo Xi cursed at him angrily, although Gu Mang did not say anything aloud, he would become slightly anxious inside.
He felt that a short-tempered wolf was always likely to fall into traps.
Even if it did not fall into a trap, it would easily become so angry that it shed a lot of fur.
And losing too much fur meant getting sick.
Getting sick meant dying.
He did not want Mo Xi to die.
Because after coming to Chonghua, Mo Xi was the only person willing to share his prey with him.
Several times, Gu Mang wanted to comfort Mo Xi and tell him not to be so angry.
However, after walking around Mo Xi twice, he truly had no idea how to calm him down.
So in the end, he could only stand beside him, listen to Mo Xi’s scolding, and silently wish that Mo Xi would live a long life.
That way, he would have food to eat.
This was what Gu Mang thought.
Fortunately, Mo Xi knew nothing about it.
Otherwise, he really might have been angered to death.
The New Year approached.
The military administration was extremely busy.
Mo Xi returned home late for several days in a row.
On this night, after attending a banquet, he finally returned in the middle of the night.
Even Li Wei had already gone to sleep.
Mo Xi raised his slender, cold-white hand and loosened the tightly fastened collar around his neck.
With his long legs, he stepped through the gates of the residence.
He had drunk some wine at the banquet.
His expression was somewhat weary, and his deeply defined face looked even more impatient than usual.
But Mo Xi had always been disciplined.
He drank only as a courtesy to guests, never for pleasure.
He would never allow himself to become drunk.
Only a slight warmth remained in his chest, making him somewhat uncomfortable.
Originally, he planned to simply wash up and sleep.
But when he passed by the Osmanthus Bright Hall, he saw Gu Mang squatting beside the well, washing the large black dog while rolling up his sleeves.
“Good boy, you’ll look better after you’re clean.”
However, the black dog immediately stopped being obedient when it saw Mo Xi.
It broke free from Gu Mang’s hands and instantly ran away.
Gu Mang stood up.
Water dripped down from his wet arms.
He raised his sleeve and wiped his face, but he did not clean it completely.
There was still a small patch of foam on his nose.
He grinned.
“You’re back.”
Mo Xi closed his eyes.
He endured it for a moment.
But he still could not stop himself from yelling:
“Are you a pig?”
He looked at Gu Mang’s slightly reddened hands from the cold.
Thinking of how Gu Mang had once secretly washed dishes and worked as a waiter behind everyone’s backs just to earn money to prepare extra meals for him, the irritation in his chest only grew stronger.
“Couldn’t you have gone to the woodshed, boiled some hot water, and then washed it?”
“Fan Dou doesn’t like heat.”
“Who?”
Gu Mang used his sleeve to wipe away the water dripping down his face.
“Fan Dou.”
Mo Xi finally understood.
He was talking about the black dog that had depended on him for survival since the Plum Blossom Residence.
For a moment, Mo Xi was speechless.
Gu Mang had always been this kind of person.
He always cared about what others liked first.
He always adapted himself to others and endured all the inconvenience that came with it.
Now he only had this dog brother.
So just like he tolerated people, he also tolerated this dog’s emotions and preferences.
Under the cold, clear night sky, Mo Xi looked at Gu Mang’s face.
He looked at the moonlight as pale as frost shining upon his clean features, his pure expression, and his peaceful blue eyes.
Mo Xi wanted to say:
Why do you bother?
But when his lips moved, the words that came out were only:
“You really are a saint.”
After bathing and washing up, Mo Xi lay down on the bed fully dressed.
Yet he tossed and turned, unable to sleep.
Mo Xi felt that he was becoming more and more obsessed.
Like a fierce ghost unable to receive salvation, unable to obtain an answer, his heart burned more and more painfully.
Sometimes he even thought—
Perhaps it would be better if Gu Mang died.
Perhaps it would be better if he himself died.
Anything would be better than continuing this endless guessing and suffering day and night.
During the latter half of the night, snow began to fall.
Mo Xi stared blankly into the endless darkness, his fingers unconsciously gripping the blanket.
Suddenly, a surge of emotion rose within him.
He could no longer suppress it.
With a sudden motion, he pushed aside the curtain and walked out.
He did not even bother putting on shoes.
His bare feet stepped onto the soft snow, white as cotton.
“Gu Mang!”
Standing outside the “cave entrance” formed by stacked Taihu stones, Mo Xi shouted angrily inside.
At that moment, Mo Xi felt that he truly might need to find a physician to examine him.
“Gu Mang, come out!”
The warm curtain rustled.
Gu Mang came out.
His face carried sleepiness and confusion.
He rubbed his eyes.
“What happened?”
Mo Xi gritted his teeth for a long time before saying stiffly:
“Nothing.”
Gu Mang yawned.
“Then I’ll go back.”
“Stop!”
“……What now?”
“There is something.”
Gu Mang blinked.
“What is it?”
Mo Xi’s face darkened.
“I can’t sleep.”
After a pause, he added through clenched teeth:
“I can’t sleep, so don’t even think about resting.”
If this had been any normal person, they would have been shocked and stared at him as if they had seen a ghost.
They would have shouted:
“Are you insane?”
But Gu Mang was obviously not a normal person.
So he only stood there blankly for a while, his unfocused eyes still hazy with sleep.
Then he calmly said:
“……Oh.”
That single “oh” was as calm as water in an ancient well.
But when that water fell into boiling oil—
In an instant, sparks exploded and the world seemed to boil over.
Mo Xi suddenly felt a surge of uncontrollable rage.
Standing barefoot in the freezing snow, wearing only a single layer of clothing, he did not feel cold at all.
Instead, he felt unbearably hot.
He stared at Gu Mang, his eyes burning like flames.
Suddenly, he grabbed Gu Mang’s arm.
His strength was so great that red marks immediately appeared on Gu Mang’s skin.
He pulled Gu Mang closer and stared straight into his face.
“Listen to me. I am in a terrible mood tonight.”
“What should we do then?” Gu Mang asked casually. “Would rubbing you a few times make you feel better?”
“You—!”
Mo Xi was speechless for a moment.
Then he gritted his teeth and slowly said:
“Fine. You’re very good. ……Aren’t you the one who became stupid? Aren’t you someone without dignity, without shame, someone who remembers nothing? Aren’t you the one who accepts everything without resistance?”
He looked at those confused, loose blue eyes in the snowy night.
Within those eyes, he saw his own face—
A face that had been suppressed for days until it was almost becoming insane.
He felt that he looked ridiculous.
His throat moved as he tried to suppress the anger surging upward.
But the breath he exhaled was scorching.
Burning hot.
“Fine.”
He tightly gripped Gu Mang’s arm, looking down at him.
“Tonight, you come stay with me.”