AU Extra: A Young Man’s Illusory Dream (Eleven)
The little wooden doll jumped in surprise. “Huh? Immortal Master, you’re amazing! How did you know someone moved my corpse here?”
“Isn’t it obvious? This is an ancient spirit tree. The peach tree where your bones were buried is a thousand years old, and people have been worshiping it all this time. Its spiritual roots are upright and pure. If you had been buried beneath this tree from the beginning, then even if your resentment had been quite deep at first, you would gradually have been assimilated and released by the tree. There’s no reason for you to become increasingly evil.”
“You’re right! You’re absolutely right!” The little wooden doll became excited. Its one large and one small carved wooden eyes practically sparkled with light. “Someone really did move me here!”
“Tell me exactly what happened.”
It seemed he had finally been asked the right question. The little wooden doll was extremely agitated, as though he had far too much to say. First, he plopped down. Then he stood up again. Then he circled around in place several times. Finally, he made up his mind.
“Damn it, embarrassing is embarrassing. I’ll tell you! But can we find somewhere a little more private?”
“……”
Gu Mang went and asked the innkeeper for another room. He placed the little wooden doll, which had been transformed from the cucumber-colored phallus, on the table.
“Go ahead.”
The little wooden doll struggled to lift a teacup from the tray. He turned the cup upside down, then used both hands and feet to climb onto it. Once he had settled himself, he let out a heavy breath and rolled his eyes downward.
He didn’t speak immediately. Just when Gu Mang thought the fellow was probably going to regret it, it finally sighed and began.
“To tell you the truth, when I was alive, I was a dirt-poor nobody from the neighboring city of Xingxiang. When I was alive, I only liked three things: gambling, drinking, and women.”
“Didn’t you say you never touched a woman when you were alive?”
“Let me finish.” The little wooden doll waved a hand, signaling him to be quiet. “I was born into a lousy family. My parents died young, and I didn’t have even a trace of spiritual power, so I could only be a commoner my whole life. But that wasn’t a big deal. Everyone has their own fate, right? So I worked as a boatman at the docks and used my wages to gamble and drink with my buddies. As for women, I wanted to sleep with them, but the local prostitutes and brothel girls looked down on me. So I didn’t sleep with them. I just bought some erotic paintings to look at instead. The girls in the paintings were much nicer. They smiled at me so sweetly, and they never looked down on me just because I was poor.”
“But living like that always made a man feel stifled, you know? My brothers and I worked our asses off for an entire year, and the shell coins we earned weren’t even enough to buy one ceremonial robe for those noble masters.”
He chuckled twice.
“Tell me, wasn’t that fucking infuriating?”
“So from then on, I really couldn’t stand those self-important cultivators. I’m not talking about you, though, good little Immortal Master, gorgeous beauty—” Even while his resentment surged, he didn’t forget to add, “Please don’t throw me into the eighteenth level of the Demon-Suppressing Pagoda. The first level either.”
Gu Mang sat beside the table with his arms folded and listened. At that, he replied, “Take out ‘gorgeous beauty,’ and I’ll think about it.”
“Okay, good little Immortal Master—” The wooden doll paused. “Oh, no gorgeous beauty.”
“Continue.”
“Okay. Back then, some of my buddies saw that I was unhappy all the time and tried to persuade me. They said noble masters were born noble, that it was all Heaven’s arrangement, that you should be content with what you had and be happy, blah blah blah. Bullshit! Who the fuck can be happy eating nothing but a steamed bun every day? You’re a person, and I’m a person too. You practice your magic, I do my work. I even work harder than you people. So why the hell was I born inferior to you? Why do you get to live like a lord while I have to live like a dog?”
Gu Mang didn’t answer. Only his eyelashes moved slightly.
“One day, one of my brothers went to the head boatman and told him his mother was sick, so sick she was about to die. He’d heard that there were life-saving pills at a spiritual medicine shop, so he went to beg the boss to lend him some money. The boss not only refused, he even mocked him, saying a damn toad like him wanted to use ginseng fruit to cure an illness. He said a lifetime of wages as a boatman wouldn’t even be enough to buy that kind of immortal medicine. Even if he lent him the money, what could the guy possibly use to repay him?”
“Was that head boatman a minor noble too?”
“Oh, no. He wasn’t. He wasn’t a noble or a cultivator. He was just an ordinary commoner who had gotten luckier than us and made a little more filthy money. But because he had money, he hung around with cultivators all day. Don’t let the fact that he was technically one of us fool you. That bastard treated boatmen even less like human beings than ordinary cultivators did.”
As the little wooden doll spoke, he tried to pick his nose, only to discover that he no longer had a nose. So he scratched his face a few times instead.
“I was pissed off. My brother was a crybaby who was useless for anything except crying, but I couldn’t stand it. So a few days later, I snuck into the boatmen’s quarters, stole a sackful of gold and silver treasures, carried it all out, and split it with my brothers. Then we ate and drank to our hearts’ content. I still didn’t dare sleep with any women, though, because I was afraid someone would notice something was off. After that, I couldn’t be bothered working at the docks anymore. I just focused on stealing from people.”
“It wasn’t exactly honorable, but damn, I was having the time of my life. I used the stolen money to eat and drink, and anything left over I threw into the orphanage for abandoned babies so those poor little brats could buy candy. I was damn good at what I did. I even had a nickname—the Golden Thief. Everyone in the city suspected me, but those bastards just couldn’t catch me. Heh. I drove those sons of bitches crazy back then.”
The little wooden doll looked immensely pleased with himself.
“What happened afterward?”
The smugness on the little wooden doll’s face froze, then faded into a dull gray.
“Afterward? Afterward, I fell into the hands of one of you cultivators.”
“That cultivator was just like you guys back then, a newly initiated disciple who had come out to gain experience. His assignment was to investigate who the Golden Thief was.”
The little wooden doll snorted twice.
“After that little Daoist caught me, he took me to the authorities. He even pretended to be merciful and pleaded on my behalf. The government bastards gave him some face and didn’t sentence me too harshly. They gave me eighty strokes and let me go. Heh. Ridiculous. Did I fucking need his fake pity? Pure-blooded nobles are the worst. I didn’t give a damn about his favor.”
“So you didn’t die at that young man’s hands.”
“Of course not.” The little wooden doll paused, then suddenly became even angrier. “Honestly, I would rather have died by his hand. That would’ve been much more satisfying.”
“Once my identity as the Golden Thief was exposed, I obviously couldn’t steal anymore. A lot of places wouldn’t hire me either. Eventually, the madam at Rouge House took me in and let me work there as a laborer. I lived like that for three years. Then one day, a group of soldiers suddenly came to the brothel and tied me up without saying a word.”
“What did they want you for?”
“Who the hell knows? Those bastards dragged me all the way there and threw me into a cell. A few days later, someone came. One look at him and you could tell he was a royal relative or some other high-ranking noble. His clothes were more luxurious than anything I had ever seen. He looked at me twice, then said to the jailer beside him—‘Reliable?’”
“The jailer answered, ‘Reliable. This man has a criminal record. He was a notorious habitual thief before. No matter what he says, no one will believe him.’”
“The noble said, ‘Should we just cut out his tongue?’”
“When I heard that, I immediately lost it. I jumped up and cursed him out without holding anything back. Who knew that nobleman didn’t even change expression while listening? Instead, he actually laughed and said, ‘He really is a madman. He talks complete nonsense. No need to cut out his tongue. Just use him as a scapegoat.’”
Gu Mang said, “What did they use you as a scapegoat for?”
The little wooden doll looked like he was trying very hard to roll his eyes. When he discovered he couldn’t, he gave up resentfully.
“I didn’t find out until the day I died. A bunch of people interrogated me. They didn’t care what I said. They accused me of spending my days eating, drinking, whoring, and gambling, of hating the powerful, and said that when a certain nobleman passed through Xingxiang City, I had drugged him, causing him to betray his wife and children and do something utterly vile with a prostitute from a brothel.”
“……”
“That nobleman kept crying to his wife about it. Heh. I’d never even met the bastard, but he described everything so vividly, even saying that the tea I supposedly poisoned him with had been Tieguanyin tea. If I really hadn’t done it, I might have believed him myself!”
“That noble bastard’s wife was a vicious woman. I’ve never seen a woman that fierce in my life. To make her happy, her husband ordered them to hack me to death. He even said they should turn my—cough, my, uh… that thing—into shreds.”
The little wooden doll stared blankly for a while.
“…Damn it. Even now, I still think those powerful nobles really know how to have fun.”
Gu Mang’s expression was ugly too. After a long silence, he asked, “Then… how did you become a lustful ghost?”
“I was fucking resentful! I’d lived that long without even holding a girl’s hand, and then I got shredded. I couldn’t accept it! At the time, all I could think was, if I became a vengeful ghost after I died, I absolutely could not remain a virgin ghost. I wanted to sleep with all those women who used to look down on me, and I wanted to kill all those men who treated human lives like nothing! Bah!”
The little wooden doll spat viciously.
“They could sacrifice an innocent man’s life just to keep their marriage harmonious. Fine! Then I’d tear apart those bastards’ marriages, make their wives leave them, make their families fall apart, make them experience separation and death! I’d make those hypocritical beasts in fine clothes lose everything and let everyone see what kind of scum they really were!”
Gu Mang thought to himself that this really was a terrible injustice. This resentful ghost had been driven to the extreme by hatred. The nobles who had harmed him had certainly been despicable, but that didn’t mean every noble was beyond redemption.
Take his own Young Master Murong, for example. His temper wasn’t exactly good, but he was always generous toward his servants. Then there was Young Master Yue, Yue Yexue, whose personality was gentle. And then there was the Young Master Mo he had only just met—the highest-ranking noble heir in the imperial capital, yet unexpectedly reliable…
Thinking that those innocent noble couples had also been dragged into this and made to suffer the vengeful ghost’s retaliation, becoming collateral victims, Gu Mang felt deeply uncomfortable.
But the resentful ghost had a knot in its heart. Until that resentment was resolved, there was no use trying to reason with it.
After thinking for a moment, he asked, “Then… do you remember what that nobleman looked like?”
“Of course I remember! He had two eyes, one nose, and one mouth!”
“……”
Gu Mang was speechless.
“What else?”
“He was a man!”
Gu Mang couldn’t take it anymore.
He asked directly, “Did he have any specific identifying features?”
The little wooden doll nodded vigorously.
“Yes! He had one very obvious characteristic!”
“What?”
“He was rich.”
Gu Mang leaned back against the chair.
Looks like finding this nobleman and resolving the resentful ghost’s grudge was impossible.
He raised a hand and tiredly rubbed the bridge of his nose.
“Fine. I understand. Forget about this. Continue telling me what happened after you died.”
The little wooden doll said, “Oh… after I died, my resentment remained extremely strong. But those people weren’t stupid either. They were afraid I’d turn into an evil ghost and come back for revenge, so they hung a Soul-Suppressing Stone on my corpse and dragged me to a mass grave nearby to bury me.
“With that Soul-Suppressing Stone there, I was furious and desperately wanted to turn those nobles’ precious treasures into even finer shreds—shred them into thatch-covered cucumbers—but I couldn’t do anything. I was trapped inside my bones and couldn’t go anywhere.
“So every day, I just counted my dicks for entertainment. Do you know how many I have?”
It excitedly raised its head, only to meet Gu Mang’s expression.
It immediately lowered its neck again.
“Fine. I know you’re not very interested in that. I’ll continue.”
“Days passed one after another. Gradually, I felt that revenge was hopeless. I became more and more discouraged, and I almost decided to let it go.
“But on the six hundred and twentieth day after my death—”
Gu Mang couldn’t help being curious.
“You remember the exact number of days?”
“Of course! I have—”
Gu Mang immediately lost his curiosity again and raised a hand.
“Don’t say it.”
The little wooden doll looked wronged.
“You asked me! How could I not tell you?”
“What did I ask you? Did I ask you that?”
“You asked why I remembered so clearly! Because every day that passed, I tied a knot around one of my dicks!” The little wooden doll said righteously. “They gave me three hundred and sixty-five of them. Not one more, not one less. Once I’d tied knots around all of them, I knew a year had passed. Then once I untied them all, I knew two years had passed. You asked me! So I answered!”
Gu Mang: “……”
One man and one piece of wood stared at each other for a long time.
Gu Mang leaned back, interlaced his fingers, and gritted his teeth.
“Fine. Go on.”
“On the six hundred and twentieth day, my grave was suddenly dug open. A beam of light shone in. Before I even had time to see clearly, I was stuffed into a sack. Then that person grabbed the sack and shook it violently, smashing my bones into pieces, and poured me into a little clay jar.”
“I was furious inside that thing, but then a hand reached in and picked the Soul-Suppressing Stone out from among my bones.”
“I—ah! Even thinking about that feeling today still feels fucking amazing. It was like finally pissing after holding it in for several hundred years. I felt completely relieved!”
“……”
“My soul was finally no longer being suppressed. Although I was temporarily sealed inside that little clay jar, it was still infinitely better than having the Soul-Suppressing Stone pressing down on me.
“That person took my jar and buried it beneath the ancient peach tree. Then they told me—she knew what had happened to me while I was alive. She also hated those bloodsucking bastards who exploited and oppressed people, and wished they could all die without descendants and suffer every misery imaginable.
“She found a method for me to absorb offerings beneath the tree and grow stronger, so I could possess those men, drain their yang energy, and humiliate their damn wives. Heh heh—”
He had barely laughed twice when he suddenly remembered that he had already been captured.
The smile immediately vanished.
He stiffened his wooden face and said expressionlessly, “That’s everything.”
Gu Mang didn’t speak right away.
Throughout the little wooden doll’s story, he had been thinking. His knuckles unconsciously tapped lightly against the edge of the table, while his eyes flickered with uncertain light.
After a long while, he looked up.
“Have you ever seen what your ‘benefactor’ looked like?”
The little wooden doll shook its head.
Gu Mang hadn’t been holding out much hope. When he saw it shake its head, he didn’t show any disappointment.
Besides, judging from the way this little wooden thing had described its enemies just now—two eyes, one mouth, and the obvious characteristic of being rich—it probably wouldn’t have been useful even if it had seen the person clearly.
The little wooden doll continued.
“But I remember that during the first year, to make my resentment stronger, that person came to the place where my bones were buried every day and recited a spell.”
Gu Mang suddenly raised his eyes.
“What spell?”
“‘Liver and gall as hard as iron, a life low as dust, hatred’s blood boils my bones, resentment cooks my heart…’”
Gu Mang listened intently for a while.
Suddenly, his knuckles tapped twice against the table in time with the rhythm.
“If I return from death, I shall devour the bones of you all.”
“Huh? How did you know?!”
Gu Mang’s expression had already become extremely grim.
“This isn’t a spell from Chonghua at all. It’s the Blood Demon Curse of Liao.”
“Liao?” The little wooden doll was startled. “Isn’t that our Chonghua’s old rival, our mortal enemy?”
Gu Mang abruptly stood.
Without another word, he stuffed the little wooden doll into his Qiankun Pouch.
“Hey! Where are you going? Hey!”
His figure shot away. Before long, he had already reached the ancient peach tree.
It was still early in the day, and no one had come to pray yet.
Gu Mang spread his fingers and pressed them against the ground. He silently recited an incantation.
Soon, his eyes snapped open.
He walked to the southwest side of the ancient tree and lowered his gaze. He raised one hand into the air.
The veins on the back of his hand bulged sharply.
With a low shout, he said:
“Rise!”
Chunks of earth and stones began to tremble, then suddenly pushed apart in all directions.
A clay jar wrapped in iron chains burst out of the ground. With Gu Mang’s movement, it floated into the air beneath his palm.
The little wooden doll poked its head out of Gu Mang’s Qiankun Pouch.
Seeing this, it was dumbfounded.
“Although I did mess with your little junior apprentice-brother, I’m doing my best to confess my crimes! Big Brother, why the hell are you digging up my urn?!”
Gu Mang grabbed the jar, its iron chains jingling, and lifted it before his eyes.
Black iron chains.
Seven stars wound around it.
Talismans were pasted over the jar.
There were traces of dried blood on the talisman paper, and two small seal-script characters remained visible:
“Exorcise Demon.”
“It really is the Blood Demon Curse of Liao…”
Gu Mang murmured.
After a moment, he suddenly lowered his head.
“Do you have any other impression of the person who cast the spell?”
“An impression…” The little wooden doll grimaced. “I really don’t remember much. They deliberately distorted their voice, so I couldn’t tell whether they were male or female, old or young. But…”
“But what?”
“I do remember that when that person first started coming to recite the spell, they always stumbled over the words. Sometimes they even recited them incorrectly. They didn’t seem very experienced. And there was a really awful smell on their hands.”
Gu Mang immediately asked, “Can you track that smell?”
“Not sure. I can try… but not now.” The little wooden doll scratched its head. “I can’t do anything during the day. And besides, you’ve trapped me inside this wooden puppet.”
It poked its head out and looked at the small pit where its ash jar had been buried. It sighed resentfully.
“We’ll have to wait until night.”
※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※
A-Lian: Somehow, in the AU extra, I’m actually a cute, kind, and good person.
Mangmang: So isn’t it your fault? If you were also a kind person toward servants in the main story, wouldn’t this have become a lighthearted, monster-bashing, enemies-united-against-a-common-foe sweet story?
A-Lian: ……Huh? So how did the blame end up on me again???