Yan Yi’s suit vest and polka-dot tie lay discarded to one side; his French-collar shirt was half-unbuttoned, and the pale skin below his collarbone was dotted with faint red kiss marks.
After a tender caress, Yan Yi’s legs were still weak. His ponytail was damp; he leaned against the armrest of the sofa, using a tissue to wipe between his legs.
Lu Shangjin had only unzipped his dress pants the entire time; he pulled out two tissues to help wipe away the moisture trickling from Yan Yi’s groin.
Yan Yi’s cheeks flushed hot, and he pushed Lu Shangjin’s shoulder in a mix of embarrassment and annoyance: “Go away… I’ll wipe it myself…”
Lu Shangjin stopped just in time, holding the tissues in his hand as he stood at the distance Yan Yi had pushed him to, looking at him with a hint of disappointment.
Yan Yi didn’t notice the hurt look in Lu Shangjin’s eyes. He wiped away the fluid that had leaked out, then reached for the dress pants he’d tossed onto the back of the sofa.
“You always get it inside… I—I’ll get pregnant.” Yan Yi bit his lip as he pulled his clothes back on, then went to the full-length mirror to smooth out the wrinkles in his shirt.
Suddenly, he was embraced from behind.
The alpha was tall and handsome, towering over him by a good head; when he rested his chin on Yan Yi’s shoulder, he resembled a gentle, affectionate large dog.
“So you don’t want to have my baby…” Lu Shangjin pressed the tip of his nose against the back of Yan Yi’s ear apologetically. “Then I’ll use a condom next time.”
He’d assumed that since Yan Yi cared so much about that fake pregnancy, he must want a child. He’d just been too afraid to ask; as long as Yan Yi didn’t actively refuse, Lu Shangjin could delude himself into letting things take their natural course.
Perhaps… he just didn’t want to have a child with me… That thought had been bottled up inside him all along. He wanted to ask, but didn’t know who could answer.
“What are you talking about?” Yan Yi paused for a moment, then broke into a bright smile. “I just don’t want to have a child too soon. We’re both still young, and you have your career. Once I no longer need those nutrient injections, I’ll find a job I enjoy too. Right now, I don’t want a child to take up too much of our time together. Well, of course, if we do have one, I’ll be happy too.”
Lu Shangjin didn’t react for a long moment, silently processing Yan Yi’s words in his mind.
So, back in their twenties, Yan Yi had been imagining their future all on her own.
Why had she come to crave a child so intensely later on? Lu Shangjin pressed his lips together, closed his eyes, and leaned his head gently against Yan Yi’s.
Perhaps just like him now, Lu Shangjin hoped for a child—someone who would make Yan Yi hesitate to leave when he came to his senses.
“Having a baby must be scary, right?” Yan Yi took the hand wrapped around his waist and stroked it. “I’m really afraid of pain.”
“I’m here.” Lu Shangjin said hoarsely. “Your Alpha won’t let you feel any pain.” When the time came, he would administer two injections of potent energy agents in advance to ensure a steady supply of soothing pheromones.
“My Alpha…” Yan Yi lowered his head, looking very happy. After thinking for a long time, he finally decided to comfort his Alpha. “Don’t feel too bad about the compatibility. It’s okay. Being with you… I really feel comfortable. Or maybe you don’t need to be so gentle. A little pain won’t bother me…”
These were the words Yan Yi spoke at twenty-three. By then, his temper had been worn down, and he always spoke with a certain caution.
“No!” Lu Shangjin suddenly shuddered and refused sternly.
Yan Yi was startled; the fingertips holding Lu Shangjin trembled slightly before he carefully withdrew them, only to have Lu Shangjin grab them and pull them back into his palm.
“Yan Yan, I promise,” Lu Shangjin clung tightly to him as if seeking comfort, “I’ll treat you well and never let you feel even the slightest bit of pain… Promise me you won’t leave me when you’re twenty-seven…”
“What are you talking about? I don’t understand.” Yan Yi’s expression relaxed. “Why are you so scared? Do I make you feel uneasy?”
Lu Shangjin nodded.
“Be a little more affectionate with me.” Lu Shangjin gently cupped Yan Yi’s cheek and leaned down to kiss him. “Promise me… promise me.”
Yan Yi turned around and stood on tiptoe to return the kiss. It seemed he hadn’t been doing a very good job, causing his Alpha to constantly worry.
He found a pen and paper in the lounge’s liquor cabinet, leaned over, and wrote a few lines in elegant, beautiful handwriting.
It read: “I’ll still love you when I’m twenty-seven.”
He signed his name in the bottom right corner.
“I promise.” Yan Yi slipped the note into Lu Shangjin’s hand, releasing a soothing pheromone toward him. “If I don’t keep my word, go ahead and sue me.”
Lu Shangjin smiled. “Who would even hear such a boring appeal?”
Yan Yi watched as he carefully folded the note into a square and tucked it into his pocket, feeling a warm current flow through his heart.
As the charity auction neared its end, Lu Shangjin had to make another appearance, so Yan Yi stayed on the second floor, sitting where he could see the display table and sipping orange juice.
Tan Meng happened to be on the second floor as well; she brought over two slices of chocolate almond cake to chat with Yan Yi.
“I got two slices. Want some?” Tan Meng sat down on a bar stool. As a butterfly omega, she was very petite; sitting on the stool, her slender legs swayed gently. “Lu… General’s gone to the exhibition booth.”
Lu Shangjin had repeatedly warned them not to mention the name “Lu Shangjin” in front of Yan Yi to avoid upsetting him; even documents with his name on them had been confiscated by Lu Shangjin.
Yan Yi seemed to pause for a moment, so Tan Meng quickly changed the subject. She pulled a hardcover book from her backpack and handed it to Yan Yi. “My new book has a commemorative edition out—this is the last copy, so I’m giving it to you.”
“Oh my god, thank you.” Yan Yi ran his fingers over the shrink-wrapped box with delight. “That’s so cool.”
“Actually, I’m part of a club that only accepts Omegas. The members are all pretty high-level. If you’re interested, why don’t you come check it out?” Tan Meng leaned back against the long table, crossed her legs, and took a big sip from a large glass of orange juice.
The closing remarks began on the first-floor exhibition stage, expressing sincere gratitude to Mr. Lu Shangjin, the organizer of the event.
Yan Yi stared blankly at the three characters “Lu Shangjin” on the screen, his entire body frozen in place.
Tan Meng immediately tried to pull Yan Yi away, but he sat motionless on the barstool, fixated on those three characters.
Suddenly, he couldn’t remember his Alpha’s name.
For months, he hadn’t even thought about his Alpha’s name, certain that he knew it.
Besides, at home, he rarely had the chance to come across his Alpha’s name in the first place.
“Yan…” Tan Meng didn’t try to stop him anymore. As a high-ranking Omega himself, he could empathize with some of the pain Yan Yi had endured.
Recovering his memory was only a matter of time—something Lu Shangjin would have to face no matter how much he tried to avoid it.
Yan Yi snapped out of his daze, stood up dazedly, walked to the wrought-iron railing, and stared blankly at the Alpha delivering a calm speech on the podium.
His name was Lu Shangjin.
That name, which he hated so much it bordered on fear, belonged to his Alpha.
Yan Yi couldn’t say why he hated that name; he just felt a twinge of pain in his stomach and a wave of nausea.
His mind went blank for a moment. It wasn’t until something was pulled from his mouth that Yan Yi finally saw the Alpha standing before him, panting heavily.
Lu Shangjin held the cigarette butt he’d pulled from Yan Yi’s mouth, brought it to Yan Yi’s face, and crushed it out between his thumb and index finger. With an air of utter exasperation, he asked, “Why did you go up to the rooftop to smoke?”
When Lu Shangjin heard his name spoken aloud, he knew it was over.
It was all over.
“I don’t know.” Yan Yi leaned lightly against the rooftop railing. “I don’t know how I could be so skilled at smoking on my first try.”
“Are you hiding something from me?” Yan Yi tilted his face up slightly, gazing deeply into Lu Shangjin’s eyes as he twirled the tip of Lu Shangjin’s tie between his fingers, his gaze probing.
Lu Shangjin trembled as he embraced him, resting his head on Yan Yi’s shoulder. He didn’t know how many more times he could hold him like this; even a quick, painless death would be better.
Yan Yi, however, softened. He patted Lu Shangjin on the back. “You just happen to share a name with someone I don’t like. It’s not your fault.”
“Do you really hate him?” Lu Shangjin felt his blood pressure spike.
“I guess I do,” Yan Yi replied dismissively. “Otherwise, why would I remember him so clearly?”
Lu Shangjin was at a loss for words. It felt as though his heart had been sliced horizontally into thin slices by tiny blades, then scraped vertically into chunks, leaving a pool of bloody shards.
After the jewelry exhibition ended, the two went home as usual. The only difference was that Yan Yi was shrouded in a thin layer of ice, distant and cold.
It had started to snow lightly.
Outside Lu Shangjin’s office window stood a ginkgo tree. It had shed all its leaves long ago in the fall, leaving only a single leaf clinging precariously to a branch piled high with snow.
A cold wind blew in, and Lu Shangjin shivered. He looked out the window to see the last clinging leaf spinning as it drifted down.
He followed the light across the marsh with tender affection, seemingly fleeing yet sinking deeper.
The moment the ginkgo leaf landed in the light snow, Lu Shangjin stood up and left.
It was around twenty degrees below zero. Lu Shangjin, wearing only a dress shirt, sat in the car that hadn’t yet warmed up, his frozen hands stiff as he turned the ignition.
The snowy roads were slippery, and there was a bit of traffic. Since the office wasn’t far from home, Lu Shangjin simply abandoned the car by the roadside, yanked off his tie, and ran toward home in the biting wind.
Standing in the empty living room, water still dripped from the tips of Lu Shangjin’s hair. A ring of mud clung to the edges of his leather shoes, leaving a trail of footprints on the polished floor.
The car keys slipped from his palm, hitting the floor with a sharp clatter.
Lu Shangjin knelt on the floor, listening blankly to the slow ticking of the clock in the silent house.
“You got off work really early today.” The sound of rustling shoes and clothes being hung came from behind him. “I’m back from Tan Meng’s place. I brought you some snacks.”
Yan Yi stared in surprise at the floor caked with mud beneath Lu Shangjin’s feet: “What are you doing? Don’t you want to stay?”
Lu Shangjin suddenly rushed over and pulled Yan Yi into his arms, breathing heavily as he whispered hoarsely, “Please tell me when you leave the house, okay?”
“Okay…” Yan Yi reached for the mop, but Lu Shangjin scooped him up and carried him into the bathroom.
“I’ll mop later.” Lu Shangjin refused to let him go.
In bed, Lu Shangjin continued to release soothing pheromones without restraint. He was truly exhausted today and fell asleep even faster than Yan Yi.
When they slept, Lu Shangjin always held him tightly from behind, his nose pressed against Yan Yi’s neck, breathing calmly against his nape. If he didn’t fall asleep while inhaling Yan Yi’s scent, he simply couldn’t sleep.
Yan Yi turned onto his side and closed his eyes for a moment, his hand resting on the large hand wrapped tightly around his waist, trying to pry Lu Shangjin’s grip loose so he could go to the bathroom.
The arm around his waist tightened in alarm, and Lu Shangjin mumbled frantically in his sleep, “Don’t go… I’ll change, I’ll change everything…”
Lately, his Alpha had been sleeping restlessly, plagued by nightmares every night.
Yan Yi gently pried his hand loose, turned around, and pressed the blanket—imbued with his own scent—into Lu Shangjin’s arms for him to hold, then slipped quietly into the bathroom.
When he returned with a glass of water, the bedroom’s overhead light was blindingly bright.
Lu Shangjin sat on the bed, clutching his head in agony; when he looked up at Yan Yi, his eyes were bloodshot.
Yan Yi hurried to the bedside, releasing soothing pheromones to his alpha, and held the cup to his lips.
“Have some water. Didn’t sleep well again?”
Lu Shangjin looked haggard and gazed at him helplessly, murmuring gratefully, “Ah, you’re still here.” ”
Yan Yi touched his forehead; it felt burning hot.
A film of tears welled up in Lu Shangjin’s bloodshot eyes. His trembling hand grasped Yan Yi’s wrist, pressing it against his parched, scorching lips, right against the tattoo at the base of his ring finger.