On the way, Gong Yingxian couldn’t help asking, “What did the doctor say to you just now?”
Ren Yi teased him. “He told me how adorable you were as a child.”
Gong Yingxian feigned annoyance. “I’m being serious.”
“What’s the matter? Is there something you’re embarrassed for me to know?”
“…No.”
“Relax. We didn’t talk about anything important. The doctor just said that I’ve been helping with your recovery.” No matter how anxious and helpless Ren Yi felt inside, he would never let it show on his face. He could understand Qiu Yan and Dr. Pompeii’s desire to protect Gong Yingxian. After all, they were the ones who had witnessed Gong Yingxian at his worst and accompanied him through the long journey back to recovery.
That only made Ren Yi feel more burdened. He had always suspected that he’d made a great many mistakes, and even the fact that he’d fallen for Gong Yingxian without permission might have been one of them. Their relationship now was an even bigger problem. Knowing something was wrong yet finding himself unable to resist the temptation of desire was bound to make anyone worry about the future.
After a moment of silence, Gong Yingxian said, “There’s something I need you to help me with.”
“What?”
“Deep hypnosis.”
Ren Yi turned to look at him. “The doctor already refused.”
“But I haven’t given up.” Gong Yingxian kept his eyes on the road, his gaze calm but unwavering. “Deep hypnosis really can help people recover memories they thought they’d forgotten. This time, I have more clues. I’m certain I’ll be able to recover more from my memories, too.”
Ren Yi’s voice turned serious. “But the doctor said it was dangerous. And I can’t help you with this. He’s already refused.”
“Deep hypnosis is dangerous because my memories contain the things I fear most, as well as my closest family members. I can easily become trapped in them and be unable to get out. But I’m not as afraid of fire as I used to be. And during hypnosis…” Gong Yingxian glanced at Ren Yi. “With you beside me, I’ll feel much safer.”
Ren Yi stared at Gong Yingxian for a long moment, his feelings complicated. “I… I can’t stand by and watch you take that risk unless the doctor is confident he can keep you safe.”
“I’ll persuade him. All you need to do is stay by my side when the time comes.”
Ren Yi let out a soft sigh. “Yingxian, I’ve told you this so many times already. Don’t push yourself so hard.”
Gong Yingxian didn’t answer.
Back then, he’d been too young to protect his family. It had been a lifelong nightmare. Now, he was finally strong enough, and he absolutely would not allow anyone to hurt Ren Yi. He would use any means necessary to catch Ziyan.
Any means necessary.
The car came to a smooth stop outside the fire station. Ren Yi unfastened his seat belt. “Drive carefully on your way back. Don’t stay up all night. If you really can’t manage, get some sleep at the sub-bureau.”
Gong Yingxian nodded.
Ren Yi still felt a heavy knot in his chest. He didn’t say anything more and prepared to get out. Suddenly, Gong Yingxian placed a hand on his shoulder.
Ren Yi turned around, and Gong Yingxian leaned across the space between them and kissed him on the lips.
Ren Yi’s eyes widened in surprise.
Gong Yingxian rarely took the initiative. Most of the time, he was awkward and haughty, keeping his desires bottled up even when they were plainly written in his eyes. Ren Yi found that side of him adorable, too.
The kiss was brief, barely more than a taste. Gong Yingxian released him and said softly, “Go on inside.”
Ren Yi smiled faintly. “What’s gotten into you today? You’re being so forward.”
Gong Yingxian’s eyelashes trembled. He looked straight into Ren Yi’s eyes. “Am I not allowed to?”
“Of course you are.”
Gong Yingxian’s gaze traced the contours of Ren Yi’s face, taking in every last detail. It all belonged to him. A thought stirred in his heart, and he asked, “Am I the only one allowed to?”
Ren Yi froze.
Gong Yingxian repeated the question in a firm tone. “I’m the only one allowed, right?”
For a moment, Ren Yi was at a loss. He had no idea why Gong Yingxian was asking him this.
When Ren Yi failed to answer, Gong Yingxian’s heart sank, and even his breathing grew unsteady.
“I’m the only one who’s allowed to do those things with you.”
Ren Yi realized that if he kept avoiding certain questions, eventually they would pile up until they spilled over. He took a deep breath. “Yingxian, do you know what kind of relationship we have right now?”
Gong Yingxian said nothing.
Ren Yi struggled to explain. “There’s a kind of relationship between adults that generally means…”
“A booty call. You don’t have to treat me like some primitive man. I know perfectly well what everything means.” Anger flared in Gong Yingxian’s heart. “Are you saying that because of this arrangement, I’m not allowed to make that request?”
Ren Yi lowered his head, unsure how to respond. The truth was, even without Gong Yingxian asking for anything, he would never have become involved with anyone else. But he had been secretly pretending that the two of them were dating. He didn’t want that illusion to be shattered.
Ren Yi’s silence seemed almost like an admission to Gong Yingxian. He clenched his teeth slightly. “You know I have a thing about cleanliness, so…”
“I know,” Ren Yi interrupted quickly. “Fine. We’ll do it your way.”
He pulled open the car door, intending to get out.
Gong Yingxian grabbed his arm, but Ren Yi unexpectedly shook off his hand.
The gesture left both of them frozen.
Ren Yi had always been gentle and accommodating toward Gong Yingxian. Apart from the time Gong Yingxian had disobeyed orders and touched a container of chemicals, Ren Yi had never lost his temper with him.
Gong Yingxian immediately felt miserable, with even a trace of hurt rising in his heart. He stared at Ren Yi in disbelief. “Are you angry with me?”
Ren Yi had no choice but to turn back and explain. “No, I just…” He looked at Gong Yingxian’s face but had absolutely no idea what to say.
“Is it that difficult for you?” Gong Yingxian’s voice trembled almost imperceptibly. “To be with me alone… Is that too much to ask?”
Ren Yi gave a bitter smile. “What kind of person do you think I am? Do you think I’m someone who casts a wide net and flirts with everyone?”
Gong Yingxian couldn’t answer. He had always been bothered by what had happened between Ren Yi and Qi Xiao.
“Even if you hadn’t asked, I wouldn’t have looked for anyone else. You can rest assured.” Ren Yi forced a smile. “I’m leaving now.”
Yet Gong Yingxian was still holding his arm, clearly with no intention of letting go.
Ren Yi spoke more firmly. “Good night.”
Suddenly, Gong Yingxian wrapped his arms around Ren Yi from behind. His arms were like iron bands, encircling Ren Yi completely and holding him tightly, leaving not the slightest room between them.
Ren Yi didn’t move at all.
Gong Yingxian whispered into his ear, “You’re not allowed to be angry with me.”
Ren Yi sighed helplessly. “All right.”
When Gong Yingxian became dependent on him like a child, it was easy for Ren Yi’s heart to soften.
“Promise me.”
“All right.”
Gong Yingxian remained silent, holding him for a long while before finally letting go. Ren Yi got out of the car, waved at him, and turned to leave.
Gong Yingxian watched him walk away until he had gone upstairs. Only then did he drive off.
Ren Yi, meanwhile, tossed and turned all night.
Falling for Gong Yingxian had been his own choice, and agreeing to Gong Yingxian’s demands had been his own choice, too. At this point, complaining that he felt wronged would be melodramatic. He was simply sad.
Sad because Gong Yingxian didn’t feel for him nearly as deeply as he felt for Gong Yingxian. He had known that all along, yet he had continued down this path regardless.
Yes. He was simply sad. That was all.
Two days later, Ren Yi received a notice from the fire brigade headquarters instructing him to attend a training course. There were plenty of training sessions and meetings every year, and he usually tried to find excuses to avoid them whenever possible. But he had recently been disciplined, so he decided to behave himself for a change and report for duty without complaint.
The training courses generally fell into two categories: ideological education and practical training. Ren Yi hated political lectures most of all; he could fall asleep sitting upright every single time. But specialized case studies, station management and training, and introductions to advanced domestic and international technologies and equipment were genuinely useful, and he was much more willing to attend those.
This time, the course belonged to the latter category.
Yan Jue happened to be among the selected station chiefs. After the incidents they’d been through together, the two had become friends, so naturally they sat together.
Yan Jue glanced at him. “You haven’t been sleeping well, have you? Look at those dark circles.”
“Ah, there haven’t been any emergencies at all this past week, so I’ve been staying up late playing on my phone every day.” Ren Yi naturally wasn’t going to tell him about the worries weighing on his mind. He was troubled by the psychopath who wanted to blow him up but was still at large, and he was troubled by his relationship, too. How could he possibly sleep well?
Yan Jue burst out laughing. “You play games, too? Let’s have a round during the break.”
Ren Yi grinned. “Sure. How good are you? If you’re terrible, tell me in advance so I can try not to insult you.”
“Tch. We’ll see who ends up getting insulted.”
Before long, the course began.
The training lasted three days and included theoretical courses related to firefighting, along with introductions to advanced technologies and equipment. Ren Yi was particularly interested in two sections: a case study of a major cold-storage warehouse fire and an introduction to a batch of new equipment scheduled to be purchased from Germany the following year. He decided to take thorough notes so that when the new equipment arrived, he could make a stronger case for getting more of it allocated to his station.
When the lunch break arrived, Ren Yi and Yan Jue finished eating and returned to their guest rooms to play a round of their game.
The moment the game interface appeared, Yan Jue burst out laughing. “What’s your name? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“‘Goddess.’ Just call me Goddess.” Ren Yi looked at Yan Jue. “Oh? You’re a King-ranked player.”
“Did you choose that username to balance out your real name?”
“Exactly. Otherwise, a firefighter named Four Fires sounds pretty damn unlucky. I honestly have no idea what my dad was thinking when he named me.”
“The old station chief was a legendary figure. He must have had his reasons for choosing that name.”
Ren Yi said helplessly, “Something to do with the five elements and superstition, probably. I really don’t understand it. Haven’t I seen enough fire in this lifetime already?”
“Maybe it’s a case of fighting poison with poison.”
The game began, and Sun Dingyi called out, “Captain Ren, how’s the training going?”
“Fantastic. Three whole days without having to see you little brats. It’s so peaceful.”
“And yet here you are, practically dying to hear our voices and watch our flashy moves.”
“Cut the crap and get to the middle lane.” Ren Yi played while speaking. “Let me introduce you. This is Captain Yan Jue from the Xijiao Special Operations Fire Station. These three are from my station.”
“Hey, brothers!” Yan Jue greeted them cheerfully. “Does your captain usually play games with you guys?”
“Yeah! Don’t you play with your team? What else is there to do at the station if you don’t play games?”
“I don’t play with my men.” Yan Jue muted his microphone and said to Ren Yi, “My approach to leadership is different from yours. I’m very strict at the station.”
Ren Yi gave him an amused look. “Really?”
“Of course. They’re all afraid of me.” Yan Jue pressed his lips into a smile. “I’m only this friendly with you. Aren’t you touched?”
“Terrified, actually!” Ren Yi shouted. “I’m stunned! Get over here and save me!”
Just as the battle reached its most intense point, Gong Yingxian suddenly called.
Ren Yi’s hand jerked, and he accidentally hung up.
The moment the call ended, he was seized by a wave of anxiety. Knowing how sensitive Gong Yingxian could be, he was sure the man would read too much into it. But quitting the game now would ruin it for everyone, especially with Yan Jue sitting right beside him. Ren Yi had no choice but to grit his teeth and keep playing.
The round lasted well over ten minutes.
As soon as it ended, Ren Yi hurried into the corridor and called Gong Yingxian back.
After the call connected, Gong Yingxian didn’t say anything. Yet even in that complete silence, Ren Yi could sense the turbulent emotions on the other end of the line. He immediately tried to soothe him.
“I’m at headquarters attending a training course. There were senior officers around just now, so I couldn’t answer.”
Hearing that, Gong Yingxian relaxed. “Oh.”
“Did you need something?”
“Am I not allowed to call you if I don’t need anything?”
“Of course you are.”
“Then why don’t you ever call me?”
“I just haven’t had anything in particular to tell you.”
At that moment, Yan Jue poked his head out of the room. “Ren Yi, should we start another round?”
Ren Yi hurriedly nodded and waved him away.
Gong Yingxian was silent for a moment. “Who was that? His voice sounds a little familiar.”
“Another station chief.”
“…That Yan Jue?” Gong Yingxian seemed to recognize the voice.
“Yeah. He’s here, too.”
Gong Yingxian gave a quiet snort. “Then go ahead and get back to what you were doing.”
“You can come visit me,” Ren Yi said. “I’m staying at the guesthouse at headquarters. It’s very safe here, so you don’t need to worry.”
“I will.”
When Ren Yi returned to the room, Yan Jue had already started another round. Without even looking up, he asked, “That was the police officer surnamed Gong again, wasn’t it?”
“How did you know?”
Yan Jue paused, the corners of his lips tightening slightly. “Your expression is different when it’s him.”
Ren Yi’s heart gave a jolt. He instinctively touched his face.
Was it really that obvious?
They played games throughout the lunch break, and by the afternoon, neither of them felt much like going back to class. Ren Yi was naturally outgoing and could get along with almost anyone, but he found that he and Yan Jue clicked exceptionally well. It looked as though the next few days of training wouldn’t be boring after all.