Only after his father had fallen asleep did Ren Yi wander into the office in a daze. He didn’t turn on the lights. Instead, he sat rigidly in his chair for a long time.
He could hear the firefighters laughing and joking on the training ground outside the window. They were using old tires normally employed in fire-suppression training to build a bonfire. He could also hear the music and performances from the Spring Festival Gala coming from the recreation room. Everything was filled with festive cheer, warmth, and the joy of family reunions.
Yet he sat alone in the darkened office, feeling cold to the bone.
In an instant, he understood. He understood why Dr. Pompey had performed deep hypnosis on his father, and he understood the reason behind their previous reluctance to speak openly.
What he couldn’t understand was when Gong Yingxian had begun to suspect his father. And while harboring those suspicions, how had Gong Yingxian regarded him? All this time, what had been going through Gong Yingxian’s mind as he watched Ren Yi devote himself wholeheartedly to searching for clues about what had happened back then?
Ren Yi was in so much pain that he didn’t know what to do with himself.
Today could have been a day of double happiness if everything had gone the way he had imagined, if Gong Yingxian had accepted his confession. But now, he had even begun to question Gong Yingxian’s true motives for approaching him.
After all, Gong Yingxian had once said, “I find it disgusting.”
Ren Yi raised a hand to cover his eyes, his body trembling slightly.
How could this have happened? He had done everything in his power to help Gong Yingxian find the culprit, yet Gong Yingxian suspected his own biological father?! He had even concealed the truth from Ren Yi, tricked him into signing liability waivers, and performed deep hypnosis on his father without permission!
No. This didn’t seem like something Gong Yingxian would do. He wouldn’t treat Ren Yi that way. After everything they had endured together, after facing death countless times and forming a bond beyond what ordinary people could understand, how could he?!
Perhaps… perhaps Dr. Pompey had acted on his own. Perhaps that agreement had been no different from the several others Ren Yi had signed before. Perhaps Gong Yingxian hadn’t known anything about it at all?
Yes. The facts hadn’t been established yet. He shouldn’t jump to conclusions so soon. He had always felt that there was something suspicious about Dr. Pompey. In particular, was it really that doctor surnamed Wang who had tampered with Gong Yingxian’s memories of the bird mask? Dr. Pompey probably had far more time and ability to do so.
Despite all his doubts, Ren Yi continued to find excuses for Gong Yingxian. In truth, he was also finding excuses for himself. He was desperately searching for a reason not to blame Gong Yingxian.
He couldn’t accept the possibility that Gong Yingxian would treat his father that way, forcing him to relive the most painful memories of his life again and again until he began confusing the past with reality.
Ren Yi clenched his fists. It felt as though a lead weight had been tied to his heart, dragging it relentlessly downward.
He had to ask. He needed to look Gong Yingxian in the eyes and get an answer from him face-to-face.
He took out his phone and sent Gong Yingxian a WeChat message.
When are you coming over?
Gong Yingxian replied almost immediately.
As early as I can. Wait for me.
Ren Yi read those few words over and over until his eyes grew bloodshot.
Ren Yi went into the washroom, splashed cold water over his face several times, and adjusted his expression in the mirror before going downstairs.
The firefighters and their family members were watching the Spring Festival Gala while making dumplings. They were also taking turns putting on impromptu performances, entertaining themselves and creating a lively, cheerful atmosphere.
“Has the old captain fallen asleep?”
Ren Yi smiled. “Yes. Old Ren gets tired easily. I’m afraid he’ll miss out on the dumplings.”
“That’s a shame! Today’s dumplings have big shrimp and dried scallops in them. They’re delicious. Our instructor only loosens his purse strings when he’s buying supplies for the New Year.”
Qu Yangbo shot him a glare. “Ever heard of financial management? Do you think handling the finances is easy? Can you just spend money whenever you want? You all eat good food, wear good clothes, and use good equipment every day because I pinch pennies at every turn!”
“Pinch pennies at every turn? Oh my god!”
“That’s a figure of speech. Read a few more books.”
“Oh, just shut up already! Nobody in our company can win an argument with the instructor.”
“I don’t think anyone in the entire brigade can beat him. If they held a Beijing Firefighting Debate Championship, the instructor would definitely take first place.”
“Hahahaha—”
Listening to the laughter and cheerful chatter inside, Ren Yi’s smile remained stiff. He didn’t want anyone to notice that something was wrong, so he went over to help make dumplings. But his mind was elsewhere. He waited anxiously, even fearfully, for Gong Yingxian and the answers he would bring.
It was almost midnight. The firefighters had finished preparing the bonfire in the courtyard, waiting for the stroke of twelve to light it and let its flames illuminate their good fortune for the coming year in place of fireworks.
Wrapped in his padded coat, Ren Yi stood on the training ground and watched the young firefighters play around excitedly. He thought back to when he had first joined the company many years ago. Had he been just like them?
Li Sa called out, “Captain Ren! It’s almost time. Five minutes left. Tell everyone to come outside!”
“Okay.”
Just then, the company gates suddenly opened, and a black SUV slowly drove onto the training ground.
It was Gong Yingxian’s car. Ren Yi’s heart leaped straight into his throat.
The vehicle came to a stop. The door opened, and an extraordinarily long leg emerged first. Dressed in a black leather jacket and jeans, Gong Yingxian stepped out and walked toward him at an easy pace, a smile on his face.
Ren Yi could hear some of the female family members behind him whispering in astonishment. Many people reacted that way the first time they saw Gong Yingxian. He truly possessed exceptionally handsome features, a gift from nature.
But that wasn’t the reason Ren Yi loved him.
It was his intelligence, his innocence, his persistence, his honesty, his courage, and all the countless wonderful qualities he possessed. Those were the reasons Ren Yi had fallen so deeply in love with him that he could no longer pull himself free.
And that was precisely why Ren Yi was so afraid of facing the truth. He feared that he had never truly known Gong Yingxian at all, that he had simply been deceived by appearances.
Gong Yingxian reached Ren Yi’s side and let out a breath. “Good thing there’s no traffic right now.”
He had driven all the way over at high speed because he wanted to welcome the New Year with Ren Yi. On New Year’s Day according to the Gregorian calendar, they had crossed into the new year amid life-threatening danger, and their planned first “date” had fallen through. So this time, for the traditional Lunar New Year, he had been determined to make it up to him.
Ren Yi stared blankly at Gong Yingxian, his gaze somewhat unfocused.
“Ren Yi?” Gong Yingxian looked at him in confusion.
“Oh.” Ren Yi came back to himself. “You… why did you come so early?”
“I don’t like spending time with those relatives of mine.” Gong Yingxian raised his hand and pressed the button on his car key. The trunk slowly opened. He turned to Ding Qing and said, “The trunk is full of New Year’s supplies. Go unload everything.”
“Oh, sure.” Ding Qing had long grown accustomed to Gong Yingxian ordering people around wherever he went. He called out, “Brothers and sisters, there’s good food! Come help unload the loot!”
Ren Yi glanced at the time. “It’s almost midnight. We’re going to light the bonfire. It should be pretty…” He immediately realized that a bonfire could hardly be considered fun for Gong Yingxian, so he changed his words. “If you don’t want to watch, you can wait for me inside.”
Gong Yingxian glanced at the middle of the training ground. “It’s fine. I’m no longer afraid of a fire this small.”
“Okay.”
“Are you tired? You don’t seem to have much energy.”
“Mm. I was busy at the station this morning, then went to the hospital this afternoon to bring my father home. I haven’t had a moment to rest all day.”
As he spoke, Ren Yi carefully watched Gong Yingxian’s expression.
Sure enough, when Gong Yingxian heard that Ren Yi had gone to bring his father home, something flickered across his face.
Ren Yi’s heart sank as well. He was just about to say something more when the firefighters and their family members began gathering around the bonfire. It was clearly almost time.
“Quick, quick, quick! Get the drone in the air! Deputy Captain, get ready to light it! Hey, move somewhere else to take the photos—that angle is better! Here we go! Ten, nine, eight… three, two, one! Light it!”
The bonfire burst into flames. The fire shot more than three meters into the air like a blazing torch reaching for the sky. Defying the biting winter wind, it stubbornly illuminated the darkness.
What, exactly, was fire?
It could destroy without mercy, yet it could also cast a gentle light. Wild and untamable, it could nevertheless be harnessed by human hands. Humanity needed fire, yet also had to fight against it.
One had to admit that Ziyan’s interpretation of fire made a certain amount of sense. Fire was like the will of a god. It possessed no will of its own. Whether it brought destruction or rebirth, whether it burned or warmed, fire was simply fire. It did only one thing: burn. What it ultimately brought to all things depended on the fate of those things themselves.
No wonder Ziyan had managed to brainwash so many followers.
“Wow! Happy New Year!”
“Happy New Year!”
Everyone excitedly exchanged New Year’s greetings.
At the same time, Gong Yingxian quietly reached behind Ren Yi and took his hand. Although he had said he wasn’t afraid, standing so close to the flames still made him uncomfortable.
Ren Yi should have squeezed his hand back firmly, but suddenly, he found himself unable to muster the strength—or rather, the confidence—to do so.
Everyone danced in a circle around the bonfire, full of excitement. The two of them managed to join in for a few rounds before leaving the training ground and entering the conference room.
As soon as the door closed, Gong Yingxian wrapped his arms around Ren Yi from behind and gently rocked him. Pressing close to his ear, he whispered, “Didn’t you notice anything different about me today?”
Ren Yi paused. “What?”
“I’m wearing new clothes.” Gong Yingxian sounded a little dissatisfied. “You couldn’t even tell?”
“You look very good.”
“My style is different from usual. You like this more casual look, don’t you?” Gong Yingxian kissed Ren Yi’s cheek. “Your face is cold, but your neck is warm.”
Ren Yi disengaged Gong Yingxian’s arms and turned to face him. His expression was blank as he spoke in a low voice.
“There’s something I need to ask you.”
Gong Yingxian sensed that something was seriously wrong. In fact, he had already noticed that Ren Yi was acting strangely from the moment they met that day. Being as intelligent as he was, he had begun to realize what might be going on.
His expression grew serious, too. “Ask me.”
Before Gong Yingxian arrived, Ren Yi had considered many indirect ways of asking the question. But looking at that familiar face, he suddenly no longer wanted to beat around the bush.
He took a deep breath and asked in a trembling voice, “Did Dr. Pompey perform deep hypnosis on my father?”
The color visibly drained from Gong Yingxian’s face. His gaze dropped, and he avoided Ren Yi’s eyes.
Seeing Gong Yingxian’s reaction, Ren Yi’s heart turned completely cold.
He knew. He knew!
“Ren Yi, about this matter…”
“You knew.” Ren Yi stared at Gong Yingxian in disbelief. “You knew, but you kept it from me.”
“I knew you wouldn’t agree.”
“Of course I wouldn’t agree!” Ren Yi suddenly roared.
His emotions erupted violently and without warning. Gong Yingxian froze.
Ren Yi had never spoken so harshly to him before. Gong Yingxian had never seen him like this.
“Y-you have to listen to me…”
“You gave the order.” Ren Yi’s eyes instantly became bloodshot. “You instructed Dr. Pompey to perform deep hypnosis on my father.”
Looking into Ren Yi’s furious eyes, Gong Yingxian panicked completely. He clenched his teeth. “Yes.”
The last shred of hope was crushed to pieces. Ren Yi swayed slightly, his heart aching so intensely that it was difficult to bear. He stared at Gong Yingxian in disbelief.
“You suspected my father. You suspected my father!”
“Ren Yi, calm down.” Gong Yingxian took a deep breath. “We’ve always had suspicions about the people who participated in the rescue back then. Your father was the first person to enter the scene…”
“Yes! He was the first person to enter the scene!” Ren Yi replied in a trembling voice. “He was the first person to enter that raging fire and save you!”
Gong Yingxian spoke with difficulty. “Much of the evidence we’ve gathered indicates that the arsonist was highly professional, or had a professional accomplice. The person who entered the scene first had the most time and the best opportunity. We only wanted to confirm…”
“Confirm what?” Ren Yi stared fixedly at Gong Yingxian. “I’ve spared no effort helping you find evidence and track down the culprit, and in the end, you suspect my father? Let me tell you something: my father is just like me. He has never cared about promotions or getting rich. He’s upright and honest. He has saved countless people. He would never, ever hurt anyone!”
Ren Yi’s voice gradually choked with sobs. He was utterly disappointed and heartbroken.
“I believe you, and I never wanted to suspect your father, either. That’s why I hoped to obtain more information from his memories. I want to catch the culprit as soon as possible so that you can be safe sooner.”
“You weren’t doing this for my safety.” Ren Yi pointed at Gong Yingxian, his eyes wide with fury and disbelief. “You were doing it for revenge. For your own revenge.”
“Are those two things mutually exclusive?” Gong Yingxian was becoming agitated, too. “Ren Yi, calm down. We have the same enemy!”
“Do we?” Ren Yi gritted his teeth. “In your eyes, my father could be your enemy, too. The very man who rescued you from that fire—you suspect him of being the arsonist. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you dare tell me?!”
“Because I knew you wouldn’t be able to accept it!”
“So you thought you could keep all of this from me and do it behind my back! What gives you the right?” Ren Yi shouted. “Gong Yingxian, what gives you the right? Because I’ve never had the heart to get angry with you? Because you think I’ll tolerate anything you do? Even if it means hurting my father?!”
“I didn’t!” Gong Yingxian shouted. “I never intended to hurt him! Dr. Pompey was extremely careful. Your father will simply recall those memories more frequently for a while. He’ll be fine after some time!”
“Go to hell with your ‘he’ll be fine’!” Ren Yi glared at Gong Yingxian with bloodshot eyes. “You’ve undergone deep hypnosis yourself. You know how painful the process and the aftereffects can be. My father is a sick man! After your hypnosis, you might only recall those memories a few times, but my father will actually be sent back there! He never goes back to that year because it was the most painful, agonizing year of his entire life! But today, he went back. And he might keep going back again and again in the future—all because of you, because you took him back to that year without my permission!”
Overwhelmed by fury, Ren Yi shoved Gong Yingxian hard.
“How dare you still say you never intended to hurt him!”
Gong Yingxian stumbled from the push. Looking at Ren Yi’s furious expression, his heart ached unbearably. Ren Yi had never spoken to him with such severity, much less looked at him with such hatred.
That look frightened him.
Gong Yingxian bit his lip gently. “…I only wanted to catch the culprit.”
“Yes, you wanted to catch the culprit. Everything you’ve done for the past nineteen years has been for the sake of catching the culprit.” Ren Yi’s voice broke with sobs. “But what does that have to do with my father? He saved your life nineteen years ago! I won’t claim that every firefighter is one hundred percent a good person, but I know the people around me. My father has repeatedly put himself in mortal danger to save others. Countless times, he could have ended up like Sun Dingyi. Someone like him would never hurt another person.”
Gong Yingxian spoke with difficulty. “Ren Yi, I understand how much you trust your father. That’s precisely why I didn’t want to tell you. But too much evidence… too much of it points to the person who entered the fire first. The locks, the point of origin, the conditions at the scene—the testimony of the first person to enter the fire directly influenced the outcome of the investigation.”
Listening to this rational yet merciless analysis, Ren Yi felt as though his heart had turned to ashes.
He couldn’t imagine that during all the time he and Gong Yingxian had been growing closer, Gong Yingxian had secretly been plotting how to use his father, even suspecting that his father—his heroic firefighter father—was an arsonist.
Ren Yi’s voice suddenly became calm.
“When did you start suspecting my father? From the very beginning?”
Gong Yingxian said nothing, which amounted to an admission.
“Was that why you approached me? Was that why you became my friend?”
Gong Yingxian abruptly raised his head. “No! I didn’t know you were father and son back then!”
Ren Yi looked at Gong Yingxian and suddenly felt as though he no longer recognized him. Every word Gong Yingxian spoke now seemed untrustworthy.
Ren Yi shook his head. “No. You knew all along. You did it on purpose. It wouldn’t have been difficult to find out. Half the firefighting system knows that Ren Xiangrong is my father.”
“I genuinely didn’t know!” Gong Yingxian’s eyes were bloodshot with desperation. “We hadn’t even started investigating the rescue personnel at that time!”
Ren Yi suddenly gave a smile more painful than crying.
“Even if you didn’t know before, what about after you found out? You suspected that I was the son of the man who killed your entire family. How did you look at me then? What were you thinking when you slept with me? Huh? Did you feel pretty pleased with yourself, having used me completely, inside and out?!”
The more he spoke, the more despairing he became. He went back over everything that had happened between them since the day they met. All those memories he had believed were sweet had changed beyond recognition. Everything had changed.
Gong Yingxian growled, “I didn’t! I never intended to use you! Whatever the truth about that year turns out to be, you’re innocent. I’ve never treated you and your father as one and the same.”
Fighting back tears, Ren Yi turned his back on him.
“Leave.”
“I’m sorry.” Looking at Ren Yi’s rigid, unyielding back, Gong Yingxian panicked completely. A voice in his head screamed that Ren Yi mustn’t treat him this way. He couldn’t bear Ren Yi treating him like this. The person who had always been gentle and forgiving toward him couldn’t treat him this way.
“I’m sorry…”
“I don’t want to see you right now. Leave.” Ren Yi closed his eyes.
“Ren Yi…”
“Leave!” Ren Yi roared.
Gong Yingxian’s eyes were bloodshot, and tears seemed ready to fall. Heartbroken, he bit down on his lower lip, turned around, and slammed the door behind him.
Tears streamed down Ren Yi’s cheeks.
The man he loved wasn’t like that. The man who could be willful but was gentle at heart wouldn’t treat him this way. He wouldn’t stab Ren Yi in the heart after Ren Yi had only just lost a fellow firefighter.
But then…
Who was that man?
Did he truly know the person he loved?