Ren Yi stiffly turned his head away, unable to look at the face he had once loved so deeply. He couldn’t bear to see the helplessness, shock, and hurt written across it now, as though Gong Yingxian were the one who had been wronged—as though Ren Yi were the one who had done something to hurt him.
With his head lowered, Ren Yi pushed Gong Yingxian aside and tried to leave. But Gong Yingxian grabbed him firmly by the wrist.
“You’re not allowed to leave.”
Ren Yi raised his head and snapped, “Get out of my way.”
Gong Yingxian pressed his lips together. “How long are you going to stay angry?”
Ren Yi tried to pull his hand free, but Gong Yingxian held his wrist even tighter. Ren Yi stared at him in disbelief.
“You think I’m just throwing a tantrum? You think I should get over my anger within whatever time limit you’ve decided on, then make up with you and go back to how things were before?”
He shouted, “Do you fucking think this is child’s play?”
Gong Yingxian’s lips trembled slightly. He stammered, “Then… what do you want?”
Ren Yi stared at him. His eyes gradually reddened, and wave after wave of anguish surged into his nose, almost bringing him to tears.
“I don’t know, but I… I don’t want to… see you.”
He had never imagined that one day he would say those words to Gong Yingxian.
He loved this man so much. He loved him enough to compromise on anything, enough to willingly follow the other man’s pace, as long as they could be together. He had once been plagued by insecurity, terrified that Gong Yingxian would say those very words to him.
Who could have imagined that fate would be so cruelly ironic? He was the one saying them now, and he meant every word.
He didn’t know what to do. Nor could he do anything to Gong Yingxian. He was furious and heartbroken, but none of it could change the fact that he loved this man. He also knew Gong Yingxian hadn’t deliberately set out to do evil; he had simply done something wrong.
But Ren Yi could never forgive anyone for hurting his father. All he wanted now was to get away—to put as much distance between them as possible. That way, he wouldn’t have to keep struggling in the mire of loving and hating the same person.
Yet those words nearly sent Gong Yingxian plunging off a cliff.
When he had decided to do what he did, he had considered the possibility that Ren Yi would be angry. But he had believed Ren Yi would eventually understand and forgive him.
After the near-explosion at the barbecue restaurant and Sun Dingyi’s death at Wenhui Mall, his fear for Ren Yi’s safety had reached an unbearable extreme. He had wanted to use every means available to catch the criminals as quickly as possible.
He had never expected Ren Yi to be this angry—to go so far as to say… to say that he didn’t want to see him.
The composure he normally maintained had almost completely vanished. Panic, heartbreak, and bitter indignation tangled inside his chest, making his head throb and his breathing erratic. He stared fiercely into Ren Yi’s eyes and gritted his teeth.
“You’re not allowed to say that. You can be angry. You can curse at me. You can even hit me. But you’re not allowed to say those words.”
Ren Yi desperately tried to wrench his hand free, but Gong Yingxian refused to let go. His grip was so tight that Ren Yi’s wrist hurt.
“Let go!”
“What the hell do you want me to do?!” Gong Yingxian roared back. “Tell me, and I’ll make it up to you!”
“I want you to let go!” Ren Yi shouted viciously. “I want some fucking peace and quiet!”
Overwhelmed by grief and indignation, Gong Yingxian lost control. He shoved Ren Yi against the wall and bent down, forcibly covering his lips with his own, silencing every word he didn’t want to hear coming from that mouth.
Ren Yi’s eyes widened in astonishment.
Gong Yingxian kissed him roughly, greedily claiming those soft lips. It was a taste he knew so well, one he had missed unbearably. No one was allowed to take Ren Yi away from him!
When Ren Yi came to his senses, the force of Gong Yingxian’s assault had made his teeth ache to their roots. He summoned every ounce of strength he had and shoved Gong Yingxian away.
“That’s enough! What the hell do you want? Huh? What do you want?!”
“I want us to be like we were before!” Gong Yingxian shouted back.
“Like we were before?” Ren Yi sneered. “What were we before? Was it when I was always available to satisfy your sexual needs?”
“You know that’s not what I mean!”
“Then what do you mean?” Ren Yi glared at Gong Yingxian with bloodshot eyes. “What am I to you? I used to think you regarded me as a friend. Is this how you treat your friends? Of course you want things to go back to the way they were! Back then, I could help you investigate your cases and let you fuck me whenever you wanted. Where else could you find such a convenient, useful ‘friend’?”
Gong Yingxian said urgently, “What the hell are you talking about? I never thought of you that way! I know I shouldn’t have done what I did. I just wanted to catch the culprit as quickly as possible and get you out of danger sooner. You… can’t you forgive me?”
Through his blurred vision, Ren Yi stared blankly at Gong Yingxian.
Softly, he said, “No.”
Those two simple words tore his heart apart.
Tears welled in Gong Yingxian’s eyes. His clenched fists and tightly pressed lips were all that kept him from erupting into an even more violent outburst of emotion.
Never, never in his life had he felt so utterly defeated.
Ren Yi couldn’t bear to see that expression on Gong Yingxian’s face. He tried to leave the hospital room again, but Gong Yingxian blocked his way once more.
Fury surged through Ren Yi.
“Get the fuck out of my way!”
Gong Yingxian shuddered. Looking at the fury in Ren Yi’s eyes, he suddenly felt all his strength drain away.
There was only one person in the world who could make him fall apart with a single sentence or a single look.
Ren Yi.
Ren Yi shoved Gong Yingxian aside and fled the room. When he reached the front desk, the head nurse stopped him.
“Captain Ren, the documents aren’t ready yet…”
“No need.”
Without slowing down, Ren Yi hurried out of the hospital and ran toward the parking lot.
He had to get away from any place where Gong Yingxian might be, as quickly as possible. He needed Gong Yingxian’s scent, expression, touch, and voice to disappear from his senses. Otherwise, he was afraid he might give in.
Gong Yingxian stood by the window, watching Ren Yi’s retreating figure. His whole body trembled. He suddenly raised his leg and kicked the aluminum-framed door with all his might. With a deafening bang, the metal caved inward, leaving a large dent.
No. Absolutely not.
Ren Yi could not leave his world.
This man had barged into his life without permission and completely changed it. He was someone Gong Yingxian intended to keep bound to his side for the rest of his life!
On the drive back to the fire station, Ren Yi nearly got into an accident because his emotions were so turbulent. The piercing screech of his brakes finally brought him back to his senses a little. He pulled over to the roadside and took some time to calm himself down before driving back to the station slowly and steadily.
As soon as he got out of the car, he ran into Qu Yangbo.
Qu Yangbo asked in surprise, “Where have you been?”
“To the hospital,” Ren Yi answered in a muffled voice.
“To get your dressing changed?”
“No. To the hospital where my dad is staying.”
“Ah, did you take Uncle back today? Why didn’t you tell us?”
“No.” Ren Yi avoided Qu Yangbo’s gaze. “I went to bring his belongings back. I’ll take him to another nursing home on the seventh day of the New Year.”
Qu Yangbo frowned. “What do you mean? You’re moving him somewhere else? Why?”
“Something happened between Gong Yingxian and me. I don’t want to get into the details. Anyway… that’s how things are. Don’t ask.”
Ren Yi finished speaking quickly and turned toward the dormitory.
Qu Yangbo stood there for a moment, then followed him.
“You two… All right, I won’t ask. But have you told Uncle?”
“I have.”
“Have you… thought it through?”
“There’s nothing to think about.”
Qu Yangbo didn’t press him any further. Although he was nearsighted, that didn’t stop him from reading people’s expressions. He had noticed that Ren Yi had been acting strangely for days. At first, he thought it was still because of Sun Dingyi, but the simmering anger beneath Ren Yi’s grief had clearly come from something else.
Now he knew what that something else was. If he kept digging, Ren Yi would undoubtedly lose his temper with him.
Back in his dormitory, Ren Yi splashed cold water on his face. Then he raised his head and stared at himself in the mirror, stunned.
It seemed like ages since he had last looked at himself properly. Was that really his face in the mirror—that haggard, pale face with dark stubble beginning to show?
No wonder everyone had been treating him with such careful consideration. No wonder even his father could tell he wasn’t doing well.
It turned out everyone around him had been playing along with his pretense that everything was fine.
The people around him knew what he was going through. They accommodated him, comforted him, and protected him.
Only Gong Yingxian had mercilessly driven another knife into his heart.
Only Gong Yingxian.
Ren Yi raised his hand and wiped the mirror with his wet palm. He didn’t want to see that face anymore.
He couldn’t keep sinking into despair, especially not over Gong Yingxian. He needed to pull himself together—for his father, for Sun Dingyi, and for his brothers.
Early on the seventh day of the Lunar New Year, Qu Yangbo accompanied Ren Yi as he took Ren Xiangrong to the new nursing home. It was closer to the fire station, making future visits more convenient.
After completing the paperwork and getting his father settled in, the two men drove back. Along the way, Ren Yi’s phone screen kept lighting up with notifications.
Qu Yangbo stole a glance. They were WeChat messages from Gong Yingxian.
He looked at Ren Yi, and Ren Yi looked back at him. Neither of them said anything, but Ren Yi had already guessed who the messages were from.
Pretending not to know, he asked, “Has your mom been trying to set you up with a girlfriend lately?”
“Surprisingly, no.”
“Really? Isn’t that practically a mandatory New Year activity in your family?”
“I told them I was pursuing a girl, and that was the end of it.”
Ren Yi turned to look at him. “Who is she?”
“Come on, I made her up.”
“All right. If you got married, I’d be under even more pressure. Right now, we’re both single, so it’s hard to say which of us is leading the other astray.”
Qu Yangbo shot Ren Yi a sarcastic sidelong glance.
“‘Single’?”
“What?”
Qu Yangbo gave a derisive chuckle. “Nothing.”
Ren Yi was silent for a while before saying, “Gong Yingxian and I were never actually together. At most, we were fuck buddies.”
“Have you ever seen fuck buddies who care about each other as sincerely as you two do? Don’t make me laugh.”
Ren Yi’s heart ached faintly again. He said bitterly, “…There are a lot of things you don’t know.”
“Then why don’t you tell me?”
“I don’t want to.”
“Tsk, tsk. Honestly, I don’t even know what to say about you two. You both seem pretty smart, but in reality, you’re each more foolish than the other.”
Ren Yi had wanted to argue, but after thinking about it, he couldn’t find anything to say in his own defense.
At least he really had been foolish. He had thought Gong Yingxian was a straightforward, uncomplicated person. Who knew when Gong Yingxian had first decided to use him?
“Why don’t you check your messages? I caught a glimpse of something about footprints and evidence. Looks like it’s work-related.”
Ren Yi hesitated. While waiting at a red light, he finally opened his phone.
Sure enough, Gong Yingxian had sent him a long string of messages. There was not a trace of personal emotion in any of them. In the strictly professional tone they had used back when they barely knew each other but had been forced to work on a case together, Gong Yingxian explained the results of the investigation into the evidence discovered at Wenhui Mall.
The shoeprint belonged to a new Nike sneaker released the previous autumn. It was an expensive, fashionable model marketed toward younger consumers. The shoe size was 43, and the suspect was estimated to be between 175 and 185 centimeters tall, weighing between 65 and 75 kilograms. The suspect was male and was not any of the police officers who had been at the scene.
No fingerprints had been recovered, but after searching footage from surveillance cameras along the streets and inside shops surrounding Wenhui Mall, they had found images of the suspect.
Ren Yi tightened his grip on the phone.
Perhaps this was for the best.
From now on, this might be the only reason he and Gong Yingxian would ever have to communicate.