Seeing Pei Yusheng’s rare moment of bewilderment, Qi Ji was momentarily stunned himself.
His mind was still a little foggy—aftereffects from the oxygen deprivation during their earlier kisses—so when he first heard Pei Yusheng’s words, he had simply responded on instinct. Only after speaking did he vaguely realize that something significant had happened.
Exactly what it was, Qi Ji couldn’t put into words, but he knew things might have gone much further than he had imagined—Pei Yusheng’s gaze was so complex, pressing down on him with quiet weight.
Qi Ji parted his lips several times before managing to ask, “…What’s wrong?”
Pei Yusheng didn’t stay stunned for long. He quickly calmed himself, even steadying Qi Ji a little with one hand, then lowered his head again, his nose brushing against Qi Ji’s as he whispered:
“Did you dislike what I just did?”
Remembering the kiss, Qi Ji tensed instinctively, pressing his lips together. In doing so, he forgot the tenderness left from before, and a sudden sting made him hiss softly.
Hearing it, Pei Yusheng immediately cupped his jaw, lifting his face gently. “Does it hurt? Did it break?”
Qi Ji, embarrassed at letting him see the small wound, reflexively held Pei Yusheng’s fingers and shook his head. “I’m fine.”
He let go of the man’s hand, hesitated, then whispered: “I didn’t dislike it.”
Pei Yusheng’s fingers immediately closed over his again.
“Qiqi,” the man murmured.
Qi Ji didn’t look up, his voice barely audible: “I… don’t know…”
The words were incomplete, but Pei Yusheng understood.
He interlaced their fingers gently, murmuring, “It’s okay. Don’t feel pressured.”
His voice was slightly husky. “As long as you didn’t dislike it, that’s enough.”
Qi Ji felt a swell in his chest, a filling sensation tinged with a faintly sour sweetness.
Standing this close to someone, for so long, was a first for him. Qi Ji had always avoided intimacy, yet now he didn’t feel discomfort—only a deep, bashful warmth.
All of these sensations were unfamiliar, but not unpleasant.
After a pause, Qi Ji whispered, “I don’t know… why it’s me.”
He said it softly, almost to himself. Pei Yusheng, however, heard clearly, and laughed softly.
“That’s not quite right,” he said, nudging Qi Ji’s nose. “If you say it that way, then I don’t know why it wouldn’t be you.”
“Huh?” Qi Ji blinked in surprise.
Pei Yusheng said, “Qiqi, you can’t assume I wouldn’t like you.”
Qi Ji was momentarily speechless. “I…”
Pei Yusheng smiled again, not rushing for an answer. He lightly brushed the corner of Qi Ji’s lips with his fingertip. “If you ask me why I like you, I could give you a thousand reasons, a thousand moments when my heart moved because of you—like the first time we met, or the first time I saw you act… I could go on and on. And I hope you’ll let me, let me tell you.”
“But today is the first time you’ve asked me,” he said softly. “I always feel that any single moment is too fragmented; only together do they make the complete you.”
The man was usually commanding, overwhelming—but in front of Qi Ji, even his voice softened so completely.
Qi Ji’s eyes stung; he blinked several times before managing a small, hoarse smile. “Mr. Pei… I don’t know if… those things you describe… might just be… a façade.”
Just like the first time they met, Qi Ji had been pretending to be polite. The first time someone saw him act, he pretended to be strong.
But he wasn’t.
He was just someone selfish enough that even his comrades would envy him, someone who, when sad, wanted only to escape and stop thinking.
Swallowing down the dryness in his throat, he said, “The truth… might not be so beautiful.”
As soon as the words left him, a heavy burden seemed to lift slightly, leaving him a little hollow, a little wistful.
He waited for Pei Yusheng’s reply, as if time itself had stopped. But it hadn’t taken long before Pei Yusheng spoke.
“I’m not in love with beauty or perfection,” the man said calmly, as if it didn’t matter. “I’m in love with you.”
Qi Ji froze.
He hadn’t expected Pei Yusheng to say that.
“Every time I see you, I like you a little more. Even if it’s by chance, accidentally, or just one-sided imagination… the next time we meet, I’ll still like you again.”
“That’s why even a thousand reasons, a thousand moments, aren’t enough.”
Pei Yusheng’s tone was steady and resolute.
“Because you are you, and I will inevitably fall for you.”
Qi Ji lowered his gaze, silent, only the faint shine of moisture on his long lashes betraying his emotion.
Pei Yusheng gently rubbed the back of his head and pulled him into an embrace.
The boy’s body was naturally cool; even in the warm room, a faint chill lingered, his skin a cold, pale shade. Though the flush from the kiss had faded, after these words, the warmth left him entirely.
It made Pei Yusheng’s chest ache to see.
He knew the boy’s words weren’t a rejection.
Qi Ji was denying himself.
The boy always felt unworthy of being liked. Pei Yusheng had known this long ago, and it hadn’t been easy to change.
So now, even faced with explicit affection, he hesitated.
Pei Yusheng didn’t push, simply murmuring: “Qiqi… can you give me a trial period?”
The boy stayed silent for a long while, then let out a small breath, a trace of warmth spreading onto Pei Yusheng’s chest.
He nodded slightly.
Pei Yusheng chuckled. “Thank you.”
He bent and kissed the crown of Qi Ji’s head.
“Then… please take care of me.”
Once Qi Ji calmed a little, they considered moving to another place—after all, standing with one foot on the other’s back had been awkward.
They disagreed slightly on how to go upstairs: Qi Ji wanted to walk on his own, but Pei Yusheng disagreed.
“The floor is too cold,” he said, holding Qi Ji’s fingers to warm them. “Your hands are still icy; walking barefoot could make you sick.”
Qi Ji didn’t mind; his body was always cold. But telling Pei Yusheng this would only make him unhappy. So, as usual, he let the man carry him upstairs.
Though not their first intimate contact, being carried now felt different, and Qi Ji’s cheeks burned. He leaned against Pei Yusheng’s chest, too tense to relax, stiff as a wooden plank.
So close, he worried his heartbeat would disturb the man.
Luckily, once in the bedroom, Pei Yusheng placed him gently on the bed and stepped back.
Qi Ji finally exhaled in relief.
He sat at the edge, not climbing onto the bed—after running barefoot across the floor, he didn’t dare.
Before he could reach his slippers, Pei Yusheng returned with a warm towel.
“Lift your feet,” he said.
Qi Ji froze. “What?”
“I’ll wipe them for you,” Pei Yusheng said, sitting beside him, holding his delicate ankles. “Even the floor could have scratches. Tomorrow, I’ll have carpets laid everywhere, so you can walk barefoot safely.”
Qi Ji was startled. Seeing Pei Yusheng actually take the towel, he almost jumped.
“No, no, no! Really, I can do it myself!” he stammered, hastily taking the towel.
He couldn’t let Pei Yusheng touch his feet!
He quickly dried them and returned the towel to the bathroom.
When he came back, Pei Yusheng was still seated at the bed, eyes lowered, lost in thought.
Qi Ji hesitated, then sat down again.
“Just now… thank you, Mr. Pei.”
Pei Yusheng nodded silently.
The man stayed quiet for a while, and Qi Ji grew uneasy. Just as he considered speaking again, he heard Pei Yusheng murmur: “You don’t mind me touching you?”
Qi Ji blinked, looking up to see a trace of loneliness in Pei Yusheng’s handsome expression.
The man sighed softly. “When I carried you just now, you were stiff the whole time. Did you not like it?”
Qi Ji hadn’t realized his small reflexes would show so clearly. He hurriedly shook his head. “No, it’s not that. I just… didn’t want to trouble you…”
Realizing he’d said it again, he felt even more flustered. His mind was a mess, leaving only confusion and frustration.
What should he do…? He felt like he’d responded terribly…
Then he heard a soft laugh.
“It’s okay. No rush.”
“Don’t feel pressured.”
Pei Yusheng leaned down and kissed his forehead gently.
“We’ll take it slow.”
Qi Ji whispered, “Okay.”
He thought a moment, then mimicked formally, “Please take care of me, Mr. Pei.”
The soft kiss trailed down, landing tenderly on his nose.
A little ticklish.