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Chapter 1

This entry is part 1 of 33 in the series Hard to Say What I Want

A note before we begin:

The early part is set in a school, but the setting is very loose and doesn’t focus on academics. Overall, it is slow-burn + pretending to be a beta + Mary Sue + unrealistic.

One-sided unrequited love, with melodrama. The plot is clichéd, brainless, illogical, and full of bugs. If you have high standards for writing and plot, this story is not recommended.

During the last class before school let out, the setting sun enveloped the entire school. At least twenty-some classes were having physical education classes on the athletic field. The movement of badminton and tennis rackets startled the birds among the trees. Swallows and sparrows flapped their wings and flew into the air, circled once, and then descended back to their original places one after another, unwilling to return to their nests.

Chi Jia-Han hurried forward.

Omegas had somewhat weaker physical stamina. After sprinting across half the athletic field, he could no longer help but start gasping heavily for breath. When he reached the equipment room, he pushed the door open in one motion. The half-closed door swung inward, and the smell of rubber and chalk powder rushed toward him.

The equipment room was spacious. At the far end, beneath a high window, an alpha was sitting on a military-green exercise mat, holding a pen, with several books stacked on his lap. The setting sun slanted through the window and fell across him, revealing large patches of bruising covering both of his arms.

The alpha raised his head and looked at Chi Jia-Han as he walked over.

“I knew you’d be here.” Chi Jia-Han was panting. When he saw the other person’s swollen right cheek and the purplish-red bruise at the corner of his mouth, his brows immediately knitted together. “Didn’t they beat you up on Friday? Yesterday was only Thursday. Did they move it up?”

“Mm.” The alpha answered briefly before lowering his head to look at his book again.

“Xu Ze.” Chi Jia-Han called his name in a deep voice.

Xu Ze paused. Only then did he set the book aside and reach out to pull up the hem of his school uniform, revealing an area on the right side of his ribs covered with gauze. His tone was calm.

“Only here. There aren’t any other injuries.”

The gauze had been stuck on very roughly, uneven and messy. At a glance, it was obvious that he had done it himself—carelessly and hastily.

Chi Jia-Han crouched down and gently pulled at one corner of the gauze, peeling it back. He could vaguely see countless tiny wounds underneath. They had already scabbed over into little specks of dried blood, stuck messily to the gauze.

It was very much in line with Xu Ze’s usual style—simply and roughly pressing the gauze onto the wound, as though he didn’t care how painful it would be when the dressing was ripped off during the next change.

“Broken glass?” Chi Jia-Han asked with a frown.

Xu Ze didn’t answer directly. He only said, “They like watching.”

“They also like watching people catch blades with their bare hands. Why don’t you give that a try?”

“Knives aren’t allowed onstage.” Xu Ze answered rather seriously, then casually lowered his shirt.

Chi Jia-Han sat back down on the floor and glared coldly at him for a long while before saying, “Go to the hospital after school.”

“It’s fine. Just put some iodine on it.”

As he spoke, Xu Ze organized his books. The bell signaling the end of class rang. Xu Ze stood up, and the movement tugged at his wound. He frowned slightly.

He extended a hand toward Chi Jia-Han, but the omega angrily pushed it away. Chi Jia-Han got up himself and patted the dust off his pants.

The two of them walked out of the equipment room.

The weather forecast said it would rain tonight, and the wind was already somewhat chilly. After going up to the third floor, they arrived at the skybridge connecting the two teaching buildings. People were coming and going all around them.

Halfway across, Xu Ze suddenly turned his head and looked outside the railing.

The wind was stronger here.

Several alphas were walking toward them. One of them was particularly tall and had a cold expression. He was looking down at his phone, but somehow—even with his head lowered—he could make people notice him at a glance.

The alpha beside him was someone Chi Jia-Han knew. He raised his hand and greeted him.

“Jia-Han.”

Chi Jia-Han waved at him in response.

The greeting was brief, but it still interrupted the alphas’ conversation for a few seconds. The others all looked toward Chi Jia-Han and Xu Ze.

Even the alpha who had been looking at his phone raised his head.

From their angle, Xu Ze was half a head taller than Chi Jia-Han. He was standing in profile, facing the other direction. The wind lifted the hair over his forehead. There was little expression on Xu Ze’s face, making him appear somewhat cold and gloomy.

But the bruises covering his arms were particularly conspicuous. His short-sleeved school uniform couldn’t hide them at all.

They brushed past each other.

The alpha lightly bumped the person beside him—the one who had only looked up for a glance before returning his gaze to his phone screen.

He said, “He-Yang, that alpha beside Jia-Han, Xu Ze, is also S-ranked in pheromone level.”

Lu He-Yang turned off his phone and slipped it into the pocket of his school uniform pants.

Actually, he hadn’t gotten a clear look just now. He had only raised his eyes symbolically.

Even so, he smiled and said,

“Is that so?”

The alphas gradually disappeared into the distance behind them.

Xu Ze still maintained his posture of looking toward the right. In reality, his gaze had always been empty, without any particular place to settle.

But right now, he wanted to turn around and take another look.

That thought was quickly suppressed.

Xu Ze turned his head back and looked straight ahead again, calmly exposing his swollen right cheek and bruised purple-red lips to the gaze of every person walking toward him.

At the school gate, Lu He-Yang said goodbye to the other alphas and stood beneath a tree by the roadside.

Two minutes later, a convertible sports car that was entirely black on the outside and completely pink inside stopped decisively in front of him.

The alpha in the driver’s seat was wearing a T-shirt and sunglasses, looking as though he’d just returned from a tropical vacation. He whistled at him.

“Young Master Lu, long time no see.”

“If you skip school without reason for more than a week, you’ll be expelled.”

Lu He-Yang lowered his eyes and tilted his head slightly as he reminded him.

He Wei took off his sunglasses and tossed them onto the center console. He curved a pair of flirtatious peach-blossom eyes and smiled in a carefree, mischievous manner.

“That would be great.”

The passenger-side door slowly lifted upward.

Lu He-Yang got in, fastened his seat belt, and sat down.

Just like He Wei, he had gotten his driver’s license as soon as he turned sixteen. But Lu He-Yang had no interest in driving to school. He Wei had once commented that the reason he thought this way was because he relied too heavily on the family’s driver.

It was dismissal time, and the roads were crowded.

He Wei drove leisurely, glancing at the bracelet around Lu He-Yang’s wrist. He clicked his tongue.

“Students at the preparatory school aren’t allowed to take off their bracelets even after school?”

An alpha’s bracelet and an omega’s neck ring could suppress and isolate pheromones according to their settings.

One of the preparatory school’s rules was that they had to be worn while on school grounds, in order to prevent pheromones from coming into conflict with one another.

Because of this, they inevitably made the AOs feel somewhat uncomfortable, as though they were being suppressed and restrained.

“Where are we going?” Lu He-Yang asked instead of answering.

“Let’s eat first.” The car drove past the school gate. He Wei looked at the imposing, enormous white stone school sign and sighed. “I heard studying at the preparatory school is basically like being in prison.”

“It’s okay.” Lu He-Yang adjusted the setting on his bracelet, appropriately releasing some pheromones. Then he sank back into the seat and closed his eyes. “Depends on how self-disciplined you are.”

Anyway, to He Wei, studying anywhere was like being in prison.

“Then I’ll just wait for my expulsion notice.” He Wei said.

Lu He-Yang smiled instead. “You should be dragged to school next Monday.”

The Preparatory School was dedicated to cultivating top talents in the Alliance in the fields of military affairs, politics and economics, and medicine. The basic requirement for admission was a pheromone level of A or above, as well as passing specific written and physical examinations.

There were more than thirty thousand students in the entire school, including both middle and high school divisions, but only around two hundred students had S-level pheromones.

After generations of selection and consolidation, the descendants with high-level pheromones had basically become concentrated in the upper class through strong alliances between families. As a result, the Preparatory School had always been regarded as a school exclusively for the privileged class. After all, students from prominent families occupied most of the admission slots.

Precisely because of this, the teachers at the Preparatory School never interfered with the students’ behavior.

There was no need for them to intervene. The parents would immediately step in and discipline their children.

The Preparatory School was essentially a miniature society, gathering the descendants of numerous bureaucrats and wealthy merchants. Very few parents would allow their children to embarrass them outside.

This time, He Wei had returned to the capital because of his father’s promotion. He had officially passed the Preparatory School’s entrance examination the previous week, but he had never come to class.

Up until now, Young Master He had already spent five days embarrassing his father, the governor of the Alliance Central Bank, in public.

The fact that his family still hadn’t dragged him back home could already be considered a miracle.

“Indeed. After all, I’m not that Gu Yun-Chi. I can’t skip school five days a week like Young Master Gu.” He Wei shrugged. “I’ve been wandering around everywhere lately. Let’s go have some fun after we eat.”

Lu He-Yang didn’t explicitly refuse. He only said, “My dad is coming home today.”

“Tsk—” He Wei sucked in a breath and turned to look at him. “Forget it, then. I’ll send you home after we eat. Please give my regards to the honorable Chairman of the Alliance on my behalf.”

“Definitely.” Lu He-Yang said with a faint smile.

He Wei was about to look away when he suddenly glanced toward the roadside again.

After watching for a few seconds, he lifted his chin and asked, “Is that alpha from our school too?”

Lu He-Yang opened his eyes and turned his head to follow He Wei’s gaze.

On the bicycle lane, an alpha wearing a school uniform was riding an old bicycle. His back was hunched over, and the evening wind filled his shirt, blowing it into a swollen arc. Under the setting sun, it looked like a golden hill.

The bicycle he was riding was simply far too old. Among all the luxury cars passing around them, it looked completely out of place. No wonder He Wei had noticed him at a glance.

“There are actually alphas this frugal at the Preparatory School?” He Wei laughed. “Interesting. Do you know him?”

That pale left profile gave Lu He-Yang a vague sense of familiarity.

When he saw the bruises on the alpha’s arms, he connected him with the person they had seen on the skybridge between the teaching buildings more than ten minutes ago. He seemed to have the surname Xu…

As for his exact name, Lu He-Yang hadn’t paid attention when he heard it.

“I don’t know him.” Lu He-Yang turned his head back and closed his eyes again. “I don’t have time to pay attention to unrelated people.”

Hard to Say What I Want

Chapter 2

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