After agreeing to meet Gu Fei tomorrow, Lin Hening drove home. At the traffic lights, he saw a familiar face squatting by the roadside.
It was Xia Zhile, without a doubt.
Lin Hening was taken aback. Three hours had passed since he first noticed him, yet Xia Zhile was still sitting there drinking the “northwest wind”?
The red light had a long duration, so Lin Hening took a closer look. Xia Zhile, idly squatting on the curb, stared at the passersby, watched the bustling traffic, and whenever he got tired of squatting, he would stand up or lean against a telephone pole to rest. He didn’t play on his phone, just staring into the air absentmindedly.
Why was he out so late instead of going home? Was he on patrol?
Was the little “fairy” left alone to guard an empty house? Or was it that the little fairy was missing someone, as if he was going mad, unable to sleep or eat, and could only wander around aimlessly?
When the green light flashed, Lin Hening stepped on the gas and drove off, unaffected.
But Lin Hening had guessed wrong—completely wrong.
An Nian hadn’t gone on a business trip. If he had, Xia Zhile might have felt a bit more at ease.
This new year, Xia Zhile had been dealing with a lot.
First, from his parents back home, Xia Zhile had never wanted to tell them about breaking up with Lin Hening, but the truth was hard to hide. His parents had been asking when he was bringing Lin Hening home for the Spring Festival since they had been dating for two years.
Xia Zhile had realized back in high school that his sexual orientation was different, and when he told his parents, they were initially shocked but eventually accepted it. When he finally pursued Lin Hening and succeeded, he immediately told his parents the good news. His father and mother were thrilled when they heard what Lin Hening did for a living and what his family was like, and after seeing the pictures Xia Zhile sent, they were overjoyed—far beyond their expectations.
So when Xia Zhile told his parents that he broke up with Lin Hening, his father and mother were struck like lightning.
His mother immediately started crying, pounding her chest in frustration. His father, however, kept his composure and demanded an explanation. At first, Xia Zhile said they had incompatible personalities, but his father wasn’t easily fooled and insisted on getting Lin Hening’s phone number to speak to him directly. Left with no choice, Xia Zhile reluctantly told him the truth.
When his mother heard that it was because of a third party, and then found out who the third party was, along with their family background, she completely collapsed, pointing at Xia Zhile and yelling, “Are you stupid?!”
His father’s blood pressure skyrocketed, and he angrily demanded that Xia Zhile get Lin Hening back or else he could forget about coming home again.
Xia Zhile was overwhelmed and told his parents that he had ended things with Lin Hening and was now in love with An Nian.
Although they were disappointed, they had to accept it, just as they had when they learned about his sexual orientation. After all, An Nian wasn’t a bad person. He was fair-skinned, gentle, obedient, and sweet when he smiled. He was like a little kitten, charming and likable. He was the only child of a publishing house with a decent family background and a proper job. Since they were in love, they could be together.
While his parents had come to terms with it, the extended family did not. The typical New Year tradition among relatives was to gather together to show off and tear each other down.
When they heard that Xia Zhile had switched boyfriends, his maternal grandparents, uncles, and aunts couldn’t believe it. They said Xia Zhile was such a smart kid; how could he do something so foolish as ditching a good thing for something worse? His paternal grandparents, uncles, and aunts were just as shocked and incredulous, asking him if it was really Lin Hening who dumped him, since they couldn’t believe the Summer family would produce someone so stupid.
His cousins, brothers, and peers found great pleasure in his misfortune, taunting him for boasting about how excellent he was. Ha, look at him now, fallen from grace!
The entire Spring Festival was a mess. After returning home, his parents sighed deeply, so upset they couldn’t eat.
Ashamed, Xia Zhile left for Yunzhou on the second day of the New Year.
An Nian had asked him, “For Lantern Festival, should I come home with you to meet your parents?”
Xia Zhile was horrified and quickly told him not to.
An Nian wasn’t happy and questioned Xia Zhile why not. Xia Zhile hesitated and couldn’t give a proper answer. An Nian coldly asked, “Is it because your parents don’t like me?”
Xia Zhile didn’t know how to explain and could only vaguely say, “It’s just that it’s still new, they’ll be fine after a couple of years.”
An Nian didn’t expect his random guess to be correct!
A wave of intense frustration and anger surged in him instantly: “I knew it! You’re feeling bad because you’re ashamed of me, right? You’re embarrassed to be seen with me in front of your relatives, aren’t you? You wish I was like Lin Hening, someone who could bring you face and status!”
Xia Zhile quickly denied it, holding An Nian to comfort him.
An Nian, emotional, shoved him away: “What’s wrong with me? Am I ugly? My family may not be as wealthy as Lin Hening’s, my job isn’t as prestigious, but so what?! I’m not someone that no one wants! Your relatives are all snobs, your parents are the same, they love the rich and despise the poor! Your mother is a teacher—ugh!”
Xia Zhile, originally feeling sorry for An Nian, now found himself getting angry: “Enough, An Nian! How can you say that about my parents?”
“Am I wrong? Not a single good person in your family!” An Nian snapped.
Xia Zhile wanted to say something, but he stopped himself, holding back his words.
An Nian, seething with rage, asked, “Xia Zhile, are you regretting it?! Regretting being with me, huh?!”
Xia Zhile quickly denied it, holding An Nian in his arms, trying to calm him down. He comforted him for three hours, until he was physically and mentally exhausted. By the end, he was numb.
Because of this, An Nian became completely neurotic, constantly suspicious and picking fights.
Xia Zhile was already tired of hearing “I’m better than Lin Hening” repeated in every conversation. It was as if An Nian couldn’t stop comparing them, and it was starting to get on Xia Zhile’s nerves.
An Nian had switched his shampoo brand and scent entirely. Xia Zhile, curious, asked why he had switched from lemon to orchid. An Nian, with a cold smile, responded, “Are you asking because you want lemon-scented shampoo, or is it because you want to reminisce about someone you’ve lost through the scent of lemons?”
Xia Zhile was furious. He said he’d been using lemon-scented shampoo since elementary school—what did that have to do with Lin Hening?
Besides shampoo, An Nian insisted on changing everything—clothing brands, household appliances—and one night even flipped through home renovation magazines, trying to redecorate and repaint the entire apartment.
Xia Zhile couldn’t take it anymore. “Will you ever stop? Lin Hening barely came to my place a handful of times. Once he took his stuff, he was completely gone—there’s no trace of him left!”
An Nian sat on the couch with a half-smile, “Why are you so worked up?”
Xia Zhile was speechless.
The name Lin Hening was An Nian’s trigger—just mentioning it set her off.
Xia Zhile worked all day—performing three surgeries alone—and was exhausted beyond words, with no energy left to deal with An Nian’s unreasonable tantrums.
But his quiet, reserved reactions only provoked An Nian more: “Why won’t you talk? What do you mean? You think I’m petty and narrow-minded? Xia Zhile, do you regret being with me?”
Finally, Xia Zhile lost his temper. “You think I’m you? This morning I was in meetings, writing medical records, and resuscitated two critical patients. In the afternoon, I did three surgeries back to back. I’m so tired I can barely keep my eyes open! Who’s like you, sitting in the office all day, chatting casually with writers, and still having time to drink milk tea and play games?”
He slammed the door behind him and left An Nian standing there.
What happened to the gentle, sensible An Nian he once knew? How did she suddenly become like this?
Xia Zhile was exhausted—more than ever before.
When he was with Lin Hening, his work was even more demanding than now, but every time he came home, he felt a huge sense of relief. So why was he afraid to come home now? That place, which should have been the only refuge for a hardworking office worker, now felt like a raging flood, something he desperately wanted to avoid.
He recalled one time when he had a day similar to today: five surgeries in one afternoon, including two high-risk patients and one extremely complex operation. He was tense and exhausted, his legs soft like noodles when he got home. He called Lin Hening—not to complain about being tired, just to ask if she was off work yet.
Later, he fell asleep. When he woke up, Lin Hening was standing at the kitchen doorway holding a bowl of braised beef noodles. He couldn’t believe she was there and asked when she’d arrived. She tenderly ruffled his hair and said, “You were so tired, I was banging around with pots and pans trying to wake you up.”
He laughed and said, “Thanks, little hero with the gourd, for making me instant noodles.”
That was the best instant noodles Xia Zhile ever ate in his life.
Lin Hening was gentle and mature, never argued with him, never annoyed him.
—“Be honest with yourself—do you love me? Do you love me the way I love you? To you, am I just some dispensable thing?”
—“He’s gentler and more understanding than you. I’m willing to make soup for him every day. I just like him!”
Xia Zhile’s nose stung, and his eyes burned with pain.
