Chapter 45

Xia Xiqing felt as though he had been dreaming.

The dream was of a black silkworm cocoon, with sticky silk threads tightly wrapped around his body, forcing him to relive those terrifying events once again, like a horror movie on repeat, with every scene etched into his bones.

Xia Xiqing feared that he might unconsciously reveal his weak and pitiful side, so he never slept soundly in front of others and never allowed himself to get so drunk that he lost consciousness. But last night’s alcohol content was simply too high, with a strong aftereffect, and even someone with a high tolerance couldn’t withstand one glass after another being poured down his throat.

Before opening his eyes, Xia Xiqing felt his temples throbbing painfully, making his head spin.

Something was wrong. He felt as though he was being held in someone’s arms.

With great effort, he opened his eyes, blinked twice, and his sluggish sensory nerves finally confirmed his surroundings. He was indeed being held in someone’s arms, and that person was Zhou Ziheng, whom he had long coveted.

What was going on? Had he gotten drunk and slept with Zhou Ziheng?

The other protagonist in this mental storm seemed to sense the person in his arms moving. Still immersed in his dream, he didn’t even open his eyes as he reached out with his other hand, turned his body, and shifted from lying flat to lying on his side, pulling Xia Xiqing completely into his chest, his chin resting on Xia Xiqing’s forehead. his palm gently stroking Xia Xiqing’s bare back like petting a cat, muttering, “Don’t be afraid…”

“Ugh…” Zhou Ziheng furrowed his brows, covering his shoulder with his hand, half-closing his eyes as he stared at Xia Xiqing, dazed for a moment, “What are you doing…”

“What did you do?” Xia Xiqing suddenly pulled back the blanket, revealing his bare upper body, “What did you do to me?”

Zhou Ziheng rubbed his eyes. “I didn’t do anything…” His mind was foggy, but suddenly he felt his calf being gently rubbed from below by Xia Xiqing’s toes. He instinctively shuddered and looked up at Xia Xiqing’s face, which wore a half-smile.

He reached out and pinched Zhou Ziheng’s chin. “Then why did you hug me?”

Zhou Ziheng finally regained his composure. He felt like he was about to be driven mad by the person in front of him. Was this really the same Xia Xiqing who had cried all night last night?

He grabbed the blanket and covered his head, refusing to answer, turning his back and closing his eyes, pretending not to hear anything.

Was it me who got drunk last night… Those were all dreams, no, maybe this is the dream. That’s right, I’ll be fine once I wake up. Hurry up and wake up.

“I’m asking you a question. Why are you turning away?” Xia Xiqing couldn’t move Zhou Ziheng, so he got up and straddled him, using both hands to turn Zhou Ziheng’s face toward him. “Tell me, what happened last night?”

Zhou Ziheng refused to open his eyes.

He suddenly recalled Xia Xiqing waking up in a panic on the plane, also questioning him with a guarded expression. This was likely his way of protecting himself. If he told Xia Xiqing what happened last night, perhaps he would never want to see him again.

Thinking this, Zhou Ziheng suddenly felt uneasy. Even he, who had never lied before, had broken his own rule. He slowly opened his eyes and spoke with a sincere expression, fabricating a plausible account. “Nothing happened. You were drunk, so I helped you back here. I was tired and sleepy, so I just fell asleep here.”

Xia Xiqing’s sharp eyes were filled with suspicion, but Zhou Ziheng stared back fearlessly, fixing his gaze on those still-reddened eyes. After all, he was an actor; he had the mental fortitude for this.

“Nothing really happened?” Xia Xiqing raised his eyebrows, his fingers rubbing Zhou Ziheng’s lower lip. “Am I not charming enough? Nothing good happened after drinking?”

You were crying like that, who would dare to touch you? Zhou Ziheng thought to himself, he didn’t have that kind of strange fetish.

Thinking this, Zhou Ziheng felt a bit embarrassed and turned his head away. “I need to sleep a little longer. Get off me.”

Seeing Zhou Ziheng’s tired and uninterested expression, Xia Xiqing’s innate mischievousness began to take over. “If you tell me to get off, I’ll get off.” He simply lay on top of Zhou Ziheng, his soft lips pressed against Zhou Ziheng’s earlobe, his breath warm, and in a hoarse voice after crying, he whispered in his ear, “Hey, still sleeping…”

Such a sticky scene, such a teasing tone, was completely like the intimate whispers of lovers in the morning.

Not only did he tease him with his words, but Xia Xiqing also moved his knees lightly under the blanket, his dry lips following Zhou Ziheng’s sharp jawline downward. For some reason, this action made him feel satisfied, like the thrill of licking honey off a knife blade.

“Stop rubbing…” Zhou Ziheng frowned, reaching out from under the blanket to grab his restless knee. Xia Xiqing, however, discovered a shocking secret and deliberately lowered his voice to ‘kindly’ remind him, “Your neck is all red.”

Zhou Ziheng was furious. The Xia Xiqing of today was a completely different person from the one of last night. All the sympathy he had felt for him that night had now turned into a raging fire, ready to consume either himself or Xia Xiqing. Xia Xiqing, whose knee was being teased endlessly, finally wore down his patience. Zhou Ziheng suddenly flipped him off his body. Xia Xiqing, who hadn’t fully recovered from drinking so much, had no strength to struggle, and was helplessly pinned down by Zhou Ziheng.

“I told you not to move.”

Despite knowing Zhou Ziheng was furious, Xia Xiqing remained reckless. Perhaps in his eyes, anger always brought out the strongest hormones, which excited him immensely. His knees bent slightly, swaying left and right. Xia Xiqing’s chin tilted upward, revealing the most beautiful curve of his neck. He whispered softly, as if casting a spell, “Kiss me, and I’ll stop moving.” After speaking, he raised his eyebrows, his expression turning malicious as if he had suddenly become a different person. “Otherwise, I’ll make sure you have no descendants.”

“Just kiss me…”

Xia Xiqing deliberately softened his tone, his words piercing the heart like a fatal blow. “Please…”

Whether it was due to the alcohol or not, this version of him began to overlap with the one from last night who had clung tightly to him, begging him not to leave. The moisture in his eyes seemed like the alcohol from last night that hadn’t fully evaporated. After staring for a few seconds, everything began to spin uncontrollably.

He didn’t want to be tempted by him.

But the thing he had stolen last night had to be returned to him.

Finding the worst excuse for himself, Zhou Ziheng lowered his head and gently kissed him, as if he were kissing not his lips, but the most fragile rose in the world.

A butterfly’s touch, unwilling to linger.

As he left, Zhou Ziheng raised his eyes and saw that Xia Xiqing’s eyes were filled with surprise. His dark pupils were slightly dilated, and even the lips he had just kissed were unconsciously parted, his heart pausing for a moment.

He had never expected Zhou Ziheng to actually kiss him; it had been nothing more than a playful tease, as usual. Yet Zhou Ziheng had actually kissed him.

The sudden silence at such close proximity made the atmosphere awkward in an instant. Zhou Ziheng regretted it so much that he wished he could disappear from the world right then and there, but he had already done it, and he hadn’t expected Xia Xiqing to react like this.

“Can I kiss you again?” Xia Xiqing remained in a daze and blurted out this sentence for no apparent reason.

Zhou Ziheng thought he had heard wrong and furrowed his brows in confusion, “What did you say?”

“Kiss me again.” Xia Xiqing’s eyes finally focused, shining brightly, “Just once, I promise this time.” He wrapped his arms around Zhou Ziheng’s neck, his face full of sincerity.

What is wrong with this person? Zhou Ziheng’s brow furrowed, and his heart twisted in confusion.

Actually, he also wanted to kiss him again, but…

But.

There was no “but.” He accepted his fate; he simply couldn’t resist temptation. Zhou Ziheng gave up and quickly lowered his head to press against Xia Xiqing’s lips. As soon as they touched, he was firmly held by the back of his head. That poor little dragonfly had only wanted to brush the water’s surface with the tip of its wings, not even intending to create ripples, just a quick brush.

Who could have imagined being swept into it, half-forced into the water?

Xia Xiqing bit down on Zhou Ziheng’s lower lip, and when he opened his lips in pain, he thrust inside, stirring the softest, wettest part. For some reason, in the moment Zhou Ziheng was willing to kiss him, a strange image flashed through his mind— —he was tightly embraced by Zhou Ziheng, feeling a tenderness he had never experienced before in his life, a tenderness that could make one willingly die within it.

This must be a dream. Screw it, just pretend it’s a dream. He was like a thirsty beast, desperately drawing the nourishment he needed from him. The battle of lips and teeth, which had once been his most skilled maneuver, now faltered due to overwhelming desire, leaving him to follow instinct alone—licking, biting, entwining. To his surprise, Zhou Ziheng hadn’t resisted.

How could he know that Zhou Ziheng had been hovering at the brink for far too long? The last remnants of resistance and reason were shattered last night. He didn’t know if he had abandoned his avoidance of Xia Xiqing out of sympathy, or if sympathy was just an excuse.

Everything was an excuse to mask his heart’s stirrings.

Xia Xiqing’s hand slowly moved downward, caressing Zhou Ziheng’s neck during the passionate kiss, then further down to his protruding shoulder blades, which were visible because he was supporting himself with his arms. Those hands were like paintbrushes, delicately tracing what he considered the most perfect lines, until he could no longer resist the urge to embrace that body. He pressed his smooth chest against his broad, warm chest.

The embrace made Zhou Ziheng feel an urge to protect Xia Xiqing. After accidentally exposing his vulnerability, this protective instinct had almost become an overwhelming reflex. He couldn’t help but embrace Xia Xiqing in return, lying sideways on the bed. The knee that had been teasing him earlier rubbed against him again, slipping between Zhou Ziheng’s legs during the intense kissing.

Zhou Ziheng suddenly furrowed his brows and reached out to move his leg away, but Xia Xiqing pressed closer and closer, his breaths almost escaping from between his lips. Xia Xiqing had never been one to hold back, and when it came to desire, he was a true hedonist. Especially when faced with Zhou Ziheng, whom he had coveted for so long.

At an inopportune moment, the dormant flames buried deep in the shadows ignited at the slightest spark. Moreover, Xia Xiqing’s actions left no room for restraint, fueling the relentless flames that refused to be extinguished. Zhou Ziheng could only forcefully press his tongue against him, gripping Xia Xiqing’s neck to lift his chin. As they kissed, he opened his eyes to see Xia Xiqing with his eyes closed, his eyelashes trembling lightly, just like last night.

Suddenly, a malicious thought arose.

Would he cry at a time like this?

Xia Xiqing was unaware of his malicious thoughts, feeling as though his mind was on fire, his body burning with heat, his temples soaked with sweat, his hair tangled across his face. He bit Zhou Ziheng’s lower lip again, the force so light it felt like a tease, then released it, licking his wet lips against Zhou Ziheng’s deep eyes, pressing against Zhou Ziheng’s ear, traced the contours of his earlobe with his tongue. His voice was tinged with ambiguity by the warm, moist breath, barely audible yet resonant.

Restraint was worn away by the collision of flesh, the heat rising to a critical point, the continuity and interruption of breath fermenting into an ambiguous melody. Xia Xiqing pressed his urgent heart against Zhou Ziheng’s chin with a kiss, the implication too obvious to refuse. What morality, what restraint and propriety—all were shattered by the person before him.

The palms of their hands enveloped waves and flames, the intense friction eroding reason, evaporating sweat, and burning away desire. A passionate kiss couldn’t save anyone; they could only wait to be reduced to ashes by the raging fire.

The most intimate battle ended with both of them dazed.

Xia Xiqing, soaked through, his chest rising and falling violently, the pleasure of dragging an angel into hell was bone-chilling and soul-consuming.

During the act, he didn’t feel embarrassed, but as soon as it ended, Zhou Ziheng’s sense of shame returned immediately. His ears burned, and thinking about what they had just done made his scalp tingle. Xia Xiqing’s lazy gaze made Zhou Ziheng feel even more embarrassed. Zhou Ziheng decided to cover his eyes with his palm, but feared it might be too dark, so he left a few centimeters open, speaking awkwardly, “Don’t look at me.”

“You’re still embarrassed?” Xia Xiqing moved closer to him, then leaned up and kissed his palm. For some reason, Xia Xiqing felt satisfied with that, even though it was only a small taste of something sweet.

He reached out and rubbed his side neck with his fingertips, “Did you feel the calluses on my hands just now? Did it feel good?” He leaned close to Zhou Ziheng’s ear, “These calluses were formed from drawing you. Now I’m giving them back to you…”

“Please don’t make me shut up in the future. Just kiss me with your tongue.” After saying that, Xia Xiqing leaned in again to kiss him, their tongues intertwining endlessly until the last bit of strength was drained away. Xia Xiqing finally collapsed onto his side, lying there and staring at Zhou Ziheng.

He felt like he was becoming more and more pathetic, getting so excited over such a small taste of sweetness.

Zhou Ziheng was like a stimulant to him; just a tiny touch of his fingernails was enough to take his life.

After the kiss ended, Zhou Ziheng still felt embarrassed. He closed his eyes and lay on hisback, pretending to be very tired. “I want to sleep a little longer.”

“I don’t know why, but my eyes hurt so much.” Xia Xiqing stared blankly at the ceiling and spoke in a calm tone. Zhou Ziheng’s heart twinged, as if pricked by an invisible needle. He heard Xia Xiqing mutter to himself, “Maybe I drank too much. My head hurts too.”

As soon as he finished speaking, Xia Xiqing was suddenly pulled into Zhou Ziheng’s arms. He froze for a moment, “What are you doing? You scared me.”

Zhou Ziheng’s arms wrapped around his back, his chin resting on the top of his head, his voice soft, “I want to hold you while I sleep. Is that okay?”

“No, don’t treat me like a woman. I’m not the little sister in your heart.” Xia Xiqing tried to push him away, but he held him even tighter.

“I don’t think that way. I don’t like him anymore.”

“You just don’t like him anymore?” Xia Xiqing smiled. “I thought someone like you would be more sentimental.”

“Someone like me…” Zhou Ziheng laughed self-deprecatingly. He had once thought the same, which is why he felt so disgusted and guilty when he realized he had fallen for him. Why choose someone like him? Someone whose true nature he had seen through from the start, someone he knew was impossible from the beginning.

“Maybe I don’t even like him. I just want to see him one more time.”

Xia Xiqing remained silent. This so-called “white moonlight” had nothing to do with him anyway. He didn’t expect to occupy any place in Zhou Ziheng’s heart. The whole “red and white roses” drama was too cliché. Whether he liked him or not, it had nothing to do with him.

Zhou Ziheng’s chest emitted a soothing warmth. Though he didn’t want to admit it, being held like this was indeed comfortable.

After a long time, so long that he thought Zhou Ziheng must have fallen asleep, he finally couldn’t resist speaking up.

“If you don’t mind, let’s keep this relationship going.”

When he said those words, he felt like a fool. What was this, an invitation to be long-term casual partners?

“Forget it. What if I get bored in a couple of days?” He added deliberately, “Or maybe…”

Before he could finish, he heard a low counterquestion from above him.

“Aren’t you afraid I’ll fall for you?”

Xia Xiqing paused for a moment, then smiled. His laughter was incredibly pleasant.

“No, you know me best. I can’t deceive you, and you wouldn’t like me anyway.” His tone was confident as he kissed Zhou Ziheng’s neck. For some reason, it felt like he had found the courage to seduce him. “This relationship is perfect as it is—stable and safe.”

Zhou Ziheng didn’t speak, which Xia Xiqing took as tacit agreement.

It was strange. Even he found Zhou Ziheng’s tacit agreement unbelievable. Perhaps Zhou Ziheng had simply been unable to control his emotions and had accompanied him in his debauchery once. But that didn’t matter. Once there was a first time, there would be a second. Even the most noble character couldn’t resist the sensory stimulation of a lower animal.

After a long time, he finally heard Zhou Ziheng speak again.

“If I find out you’re still fooling around with others,” his voice was as deep as water, each word devoid of emotional fluctuation, “I’ll kill you.”

The effect of those words coming from his mouth was terrifying, a million times worse than their literal meaning. Anyone else could have said it, but this was Zhou Ziheng, the kind-hearted, compassionate idealist.

Xia Xiqing was startled, his mind spinning. He could only force himself to interpret it as Zhou Ziheng’s distrust of his chaotic personal life. He understood; this wasn’t something to joke about.

To calm him down, he lifted his head and kissed Zhou Ziheng’s chin.

“After I met you, I never looked at anyone else again.” Xia Xiqing’s hand traced the contours of Zhou Ziheng’s neck, as if caressing a perfect work of art. “You think I’m full of lies, and I don’t deny it. But this is true.”

Zhou Ziheng hoped it was true, and in that moment, he even wished his eyes were blind so he could only see himself for the rest of his life.

He suddenly understood those obsessed with collecting.

At that moment, he longed for the artist in his arms to become his own personal artwork. Without thoughts, without agency, without that unpredictable heart, only to quietly display his beauty to him.

It was terrifying. Zhou Ziheng couldn’t believe he had such a sickening thought.

Xia Xiqing didn’t wait for Zhou Ziheng’s response. He was too tired; the intense release and the strong alcohol from the night before had drained his body, and Zhou Ziheng’s embrace was so warm that he quickly fell into a dream.

It was a rare good dream, so good that he couldn’t remember the details when he woke up.

When he opened his eyes again, Zhou Ziheng was already gone. The bed was empty. He reached out and felt around, but there was only him left on the bed. What surprised him most was that he was completely dressed in new clothes—a dark red hooded sweatshirt, denim jeans, and even his socks had been put on for him.

Xia Xiqing couldn’t understand why such a person existed in the world. His gentleness seemed innate, as endless as the sun’s rays. Perhaps he had been surrounded by love since birth, so much so that it had seeped into his blood, making him so effortlessly gentle.

Unlike himself. The love he could show was all fake, and the gentleness he gave others was self-depleting.

Zhou Ziheng’s clothes were imbued with the scent of his usual perfume—a citrus fragrance stripped of its sweetness, crisp and lingering, as if one could reach out and touch the melting snow on a mountain spring, with every droplet flowing between the fingers a creation of sunlight.

He sat on the bed with his arms wrapped around his knees, his chin resting on his arms, lost in thought for a long time, until he finally snapped out of his half-asleep state and got out of bed.

After washing up, he found a sandwich and milk on the coffee table in the room, along with a handwritten note, the words reflecting the person who wrote them.

[I have to catch a flight, so I’m leaving first. You don’t have to return this outfit.]

Xia Xiqing chuckled. This guy really knows how to find something to say. He flipped the note over and was surprised to find another line of text on the other side.

[You might dislike my taste, but I tried on several outfits, and this one looks best on you.]

His sense of style was as childish as ever, with such a glaring color…

Xia Xiqing looked down at the hoodie he was wearing and suddenly noticed that there was a line of lettering printed on it.

Born to be Loved.

Author’s Note:

Zhou Ziheng’s journey of finding clothes:

This one should look good on him. He looks good in white—this one looks good too! But I’ve worn this one several times, and it would be troublesome if he were photographed wearing it—this one also looks good—oh, they’re all good, what should I do? (Immersed in the wonderful fantasy of dressing up my wife, it feels like a scene from Miracle Warmth.) — Ah, this one! Fair skin looks good in red, and this line is written just for him. My little treasure was born to be loved! (Plus, this one was a birthday gift from Mom~)