Habit truly is a terrifying thing.
Yu Zhi had grown accustomed to being held in Luo Tingshi’s embrace each night until sleep came, accustomed to waking daily to that handsome face, accustomed to Luo Tingshi bustling about to serve his meals and wash his face, accustomed…
There were too many habits.
Yu Zhi suddenly realized that Luo Tingshi had silently infiltrated every corner of his world.
Every nook and cranny of the house bore traces of them.
Wherever his eyes wandered, the other man’s shadow lingered.
Since Luo Tingshi’s departure, Yu Zhi found himself thinking of him for no reason. Past memories grew sharper in his mind, and even the smallest, once-overlooked details surfaced quietly from the depths of his recollection.
He wasn’t a good sleeper; he’d kick off the covers easily at night. Luo Tingshi would always hold him tightly in his arms, tucking the edges of the quilt securely around him, shielding him from even the slightest chill.
After becoming pregnant, he couldn’t drink alcohol or even tea. To prevent his mouth from tasting bland, Luo Tingshi somehow procured a sweet and sour drink for him, which was incredibly delicious.
Yu Zhi propped himself up slightly, peeking out from under the canopy to retrieve the drink resting on the small table beside him.
The sweet-and-sour taste spread across his tongue, making him miss Luo Tingshi even more.
Yu Zhi set down the cup, sighed, and touched the talisman on his chest, muttering softly.
“That scheming man…”
Luo Tingshi treated him too well.
As the Crown Prince, he had been cherished by everyone since childhood. His father, the Emperor, and his father, the King, doted on him immensely. Whatever he desired, they would find a way to fulfill it. Consequently, he had grown accustomed to flattery and would never be easily swayed by anyone’s words or actions.
Yet Yu Zhi never imagined anyone in this lifetime could treat him better than his fathers.
He had no doubt that even if he desired the stars and moon in the heavens, Luo Tingshi would strive to pluck them down for him.
Yu Zhi had to admit, Luo Tingshi’s tactic worked.
He had taken it to the extreme.
No one could surpass him.
Sigh…
Yu Zhi turned his head, his gaze settling on the familiar canopy.
In the past, it was mostly swaying and rocking, and Yu Zhi had never clearly seen the patterns on it. Today, upon looking, he discovered it was a painting of deer and cranes in spring, accompanied by some swimming fish.
The fish, however, were strikingly clear…
As he was jostled about, they seemed to come alive, swimming back and forth before his eyes.
Yu Zhi pressed his lips together.
Since the birth of his child, his body no longer stirred with desire. His heart had grown still as water.
Yet lying in bed, surrounded by familiar sights, each breath seemed to carry the lingering scent of that man. Yu Zhi’s breathing grew uneven.
He exhaled softly, burying his face in the warm brocade quilt, a sudden wave of worry washing over him.
Would he ever feel that urge again? He didn’t want to be with another man…
Never mind. He’d cross that bridge when he came to it.
–
The snow had ceased, and golden light pierced through the thin clouds, reflecting off the icicles hanging from the eaves, refracting into crystalline brilliance.
Yu Zhi stood wrapped in his fox fur robe by the window. He drew in a deep breath, the crisp chill filling his lungs and sending a faint coolness through his body. Closing the window, he shut out the cold.
It had been over twenty days since his child was born, but he was still in the postpartum confinement period. He dared not be careless; catching a chill would be disastrous.
“Your Majesty, I have urgent news to report!” Lu Jing knocked on the door, requesting an audience.
Yu Zhi pulled his robes closer and called out, “Enter.”
Lu Jing pushed open the door. Yu Zhi sat in a wooden chair by the window, looking up at him. “What is it?”
Lu Jing strode quickly to Yu Zhi’s side, pulling a letter from his sleeve and handing it over. “Your Majesty, this was sent by Emperor Sheng.”
“Hmph. His letter surely contains nothing pleasant.” Yu Zhi forced down the slight curl of his lips, feigning composure as he took the letter from Lu Jing’s hand. He swiftly opened it and scanned the contents at a glance.
After a cursory read, Yu Zhi’s eyes moved up and down from the first character, carefully rereading the letter’s contents.
Luo Tingshi had written to him immediately upon returning to Sheng Kingdom. The letter stated that Luo Tingshi had already proposed to the court officials that they marry.
“Though there are many obstacles, rest assured, Xiao Yu. There is nothing in this world that this Emperor cannot accomplish.”
Yu Zhi smiled softly, almost able to picture Luo Tingshi’s expression as he spoke those words.
Luo Tingshi had meticulously detailed every minor incident that had occurred since his return to Shengguo in the letter. Yu Zhi gave a light snort.
Who wants to read this stuff?
Thinking this, he read the first half of the letter two or three times before turning to the latter part.
The latter part contained Luo Tingshi’s warm inquiries about him and the child, explaining that his departure that day had not been without farewell.
The gloom in Yu Zhi’s heart gradually lifted.
At the very end, Luo Tingshi wrote: “I miss you.”
Yu Zhi’s gaze lingered on those few words for a long time before he finally tucked the letter away into his robe.
–
Over the next few days, Luo Tingshi sent several more letters.
Each one expressed longing for him.
Yu Zhi felt a quiet joy within, carefully placing each letter into a small wooden box for safekeeping.
“Meow~”
A cat’s cry echoed as Xiao Bai leaped through the window. The kitten scampered over to Yu Zhi, rubbing against his legs.
Yu Zhi caught the scent of the two children on Xiao Bai.
These past days, Xiao Bai had been playing with Tuantuan and Yuanyuan. The kittens frolicked together, expending much of their boundless energy.
Yu Zhi picked up Xiao Bai and walked to the bedside, intending to rest for a while.
Accompanied by Xiao Bai’s purring, Yu Zhi slowly drifted off to sleep a quarter of an hour later.
–
In the desolate courtyard, Yu Zhi spotted a tall figure standing with his back to him in the pavilion. Yu Zhi’s heart skipped a beat as he hurried forward. The man turned at the sound, revealing a familiar face to Yu Zhi’s eyes.
“Xiao Yu, I’ve missed you so much.”
Luo Tingshi embraced him first, pulling him tightly into his arms. Yu Zhi wrapped his arms around the man’s waist, rubbing his chest with deep longing.
“Why are you here?” Yu Zhi asked softly.
Luo Tingshi: “I missed you.”
Yu Zhi’s heart began to pound violently. Whether it was the overwhelming tenderness of the moment or the thunderous thud of his own heart, Yu Zhi heard his own voice break through the silence.
“I missed you too.”
Luo Tingshi stared in disbelief. “What did you say?”
Once those words left his lips, the rest flowed more easily. Yu Zhi’s voice trembled. “Every single day since you left, I’ve been thinking of you.”
“I thought it was lingering pregnancy effects, but my body no longer needs you—yet my heart still longs for you.”
“Luo Tingshi, when will you come see me?”
Luo Tingshi was both surprised and overjoyed, a bitter ache welling in his heart. He held the person in his arms tightly and pressed, “Xiao Yu, do you truly mean this?”
Yu Zhi said, “Could this possibly be false?”
He lifted his head from Luo Tingshi’s chest and gazed straight into his eyes: “Luo Tingshi, these past days have been pure agony for me. I never understood it before, but now I know—that was the torment of longing.”
Luo Tingshi’s throat tightened, his voice muffled as if stuffed with waterlogged cotton. He wanted to speak, but no words came out. He watched helplessly as the person in his arms lifted his hand and pressed it against his own soft cheek.
Yu Zhi tilted his head, burying it in Luo Tingshi’s palm, his little finger tracing gentle circles between the man’s fingers, calloused from work.
Luo Tingshi’s eyes locked onto Yu Zhi, not missing a single movement. His breath was light and slow, afraid to disturb him.
Yu Zhi stood on tiptoe, wrapping his arms around the man’s neck, and whispered softly into his ear.
“Luo Tingshi, I think I’ve fallen in love with you too.”
-
Yu Zhi jolted awake, sitting bolt upright.
He clutched the fabric of his shirt tightly across his chest, his ribs rising and falling rapidly as beads of sweat formed on his forehead.
To anyone witnessing this, it would surely appear he had been haunted by a terrifying nightmare.
Only Yu Zhi himself knew—
It had been an intensely tender dream, one that could even be called beautiful.
Yet for Yu Zhi, it was more terrifying than any nightmare.
He had actually slobberingly told Luo Tingshi he missed him, even confessed his feelings—but he didn’t like Luo Tingshi at all.
…
Alright, he admitted it.
Yu Zhi hung his head in despair. This dream had torn away the veil covering his heart, leaving him unable to deceive himself any longer.
He had fallen in love with Luo Tingshi.
He had fallen for this despicable man.
Yu Zhi remained silent for a long while before slowly rising from the bed. With heavy steps, he walked slowly to the desk.
Golden sunlight fell upon the inkstone. He poured a little water into it, then took an inkstick from the box and gently rubbed it.
Ink gradually seeped out.
Yu Zhi’s eyes were hazy. His mind was now completely blank, driven solely by instinct.
He took a sheet of letter paper from the bookshelf, picked up a brush, dipped it in ink, rolled up his right sleeve, and began to write.
“I miss you too. I hope for your swift return.”