Chapter 51.1
“Ah, I heard that there’s a super handsome guy in our freshman year!”
“Really? What’s his name? What type of handsome guy is he?”
I listened to the gossiping girls around me, smiling warmly inside, though I knew my expression probably didn’t change at all.
The girls were cute, especially when they were infatuated. Their eyes would sparkle, and their expressions were lively. Some girls would blush and lower their heads when standing in front of me, and if I looked at them for too long, they would run away.
However, I didn’t know how to communicate with them. They called me the “Iceberg Beauty”… Did I come across as cold? Or was it because I rarely smiled?
Finally getting into my dream university, studying in my favorite Chinese Literature department, I took every class seriously. I prepared, took notes, reviewed, and then went home to write novels. On weekends, I would go to the library to read books and sometimes make excerpts.
Even though I was always alone, I occasionally felt lonely. But I considered this the best time of my life so far. Doing what I loved and enjoying this peaceful and fulfilling life, as long as I didn’t expect too much, being alone could also make me happy.
“I heard his name is Ye Yixing…”
“Ah, I’ve seen him! His smile is so warm and charming!!”
“Is he like Wang Leehom’s type? Or Lin Chi-ling’s?”
“I don’t think he’s like either… He’s like a handsome guy from a manga! Just looking at him from afar makes flowers bloom around him!”
“Oh my, that’s too exaggerated! You’re making it up!”
I moved my pen, but I wasn’t really writing seriously because it was fun to listen to them chatting.
They said that guy was like a character from a manga? But manga characters are two-dimensional, right? How could they compare them to real people? I’ve seen some manga before, mostly just flipping through them at bookstores. The male characters all had pointy chins, like foxes. How could anyone look like them?
“Is our classmate He Yanlü good looking?” one girl said in a hushed voice.
“Totally different! He Yanlü is beautiful, and Ye Yixing is handsome!”
“Giggle… so they make a perfect match…”
I felt a small pang in my heart. No guy would be happy being called beautiful by girls. If I could choose, I wish I looked more ordinary and manly, like Yang Qu. No, actually, Yang Qu is quite handsome. He exudes a mature and reliable aura, full of presence.
A week later, I finally saw the person who was all the rage among the female students in our department, Ye Yixing. It was a major class, combining two sections, and Ye Yixing was with Yang Qu.
Looking at his back from a distance, I knew he was the one from that day when he was with Yang Qu. But he seemed paler than the day I caught a glimpse of him. Oh right, it’s the military training week for the freshmen. No wonder he had a tan all over his neck and arms last week.
During my military training last year, I ended up fainting after trying to sunbathe for a while. The instructor had to carry me to the school clinic. The doctor said I had irregular heartbeats and severe low blood pressure, and I couldn’t participate in the military training. Although I wanted to persevere, my body just couldn’t handle it.
The instructor was also nervous at the time, hiding away from the students with a fierce look, just like playing hide-and-seek. Maybe he was afraid that if he spoke too loudly, I would faint again. So, he spoke gently, “Then, you can sit by the tree and observe.”
Actually, I wasn’t afraid of getting a tan. During the summer vacation in high school, I went to school for makeup classes under the scorching sun, and my skin got peeled off, revealing a new layer of fair skin underneath. My skin became whiter and had a rosy tint. So I thought getting a tan would make me healthier.
That guy named Ye Yixing was indeed very handsome, just as the girls described. He had a sweet mouth, and the girls surrounded him, giggling and blushing under his charm. He was also cheerful and naturally got along with a few guys from our class.
When I entered the classroom, he stared at me for a few seconds, and I suddenly became nervous, my palms sweating. His eyes were like a tranquil lake, as if they could pull me in.
I hurriedly lowered my head and walked past, sitting in the front row. It seemed like I could sense why girls lowered their heads when standing in front of me.
—He was too dazzling, looking directly at him made me feel like I would be burnt.
During one of the professional classes, I started dozing off halfway through. My eyes were about to close, but I still forced myself to take notes. I ended up falling asleep for about fifteen minutes but continued to write notes with my eyes half-closed. I firmly believed that the brain continued to think while sleeping, and the body would instinctively work!
I quickly jotted down the keywords inspired by my dream novel and soon the class was about to end. I followed everyone out of the classroom, and this time, I didn’t dare look in Yang Qu and his friends’ direction.
Back home, I eagerly opened the blog of someone named “落木” (Luo Mu), expecting to see the latest chapter of “The Legend of Shallow Clouds.”
But… he hadn’t updated yet! Well, Luo Mu must also be a student, probably still in class…
I felt a bit disappointed. Luo Mu’s novels were my spiritual sustenance and the driving force behind my own writing. Each time I finished reading one of his works, I’d be excited and happy for several days.
He announced last week that he would miss an update due to something going on, but I had no idea what it was. I felt like my soul would wither if I couldn’t read his novels.
Eating the instant noodles I bought downstairs, I left a comment on Luo Mu’s blog urging him to update soon: “Luo Mu, please update quickly!”
Our department didn’t have physical education classes, and physical education courses didn’t count for credits. Students could go to the school gymnasium or the courts for basketball, tennis, or badminton during their free time. The facilities were well-equipped.
Near the South Gate, there was an outdoor basketball court, which was close to the Chinese Literature department, so I often saw familiar classmates playing there.
I used to pay no attention to them, but today, I found myself involuntarily stopping by the trees, looking towards the basketball court.
The guy named Ye Yixing was playing basketball there, full of spirit, like a sleek panther.
They seemed to be having a friendly match between the freshmen and sophomores, as I also saw Yang Qu.
I never knew that Yang Qu, who usually looked composed and cultured, also had a wild and unrestrained side on the basketball court.
Honestly, I envied and felt inferior at the same time. Looking at them, I felt like we were not the same kind of beings…
Ye Yixing was skilled at basketball; he rarely missed a shot, and only Yang Qu could suppress him. Although I didn’t understand basketball much, I could see that the others were just supporting characters, while the two of them were born to be the protagonists on the stage.
Fortunately, Ye Yixing and Yang Qu were not on the same team; otherwise, they would be invincible.
At that moment, Ye Yixing intercepted Yang Qu’s ball. He swiftly moved under the basket and made a reverse shot, and the ball obediently went into the net. The rest of his team cheered for him. Ye Yixing turned around and smiled at them. His hair was sticking to his ears because of sweat, and the sunlight turned his hair into a dazzling golden color. His face was facing my direction, and his eyes were shining like stars.
I nearly dropped my book because I couldn’t hold it firmly.
I really didn’t want to admit it, but I felt like I had been “electrocuted” as the legends say. (=_=)
Holding my chest, I quickly left. I swore I would never sneak a peek at him again!
…
Time passed quickly, and another year had gone by. I continued to live my solitary life, occasionally inviting my only friend, Chu Wenxing, to the library to read. He would study law, and I kept an eye out for novels related to law for him.
He was a hardworking student and won the first prize scholarship in the Law School every year. Unlike me, my grades were quite poor. But I didn’t give my grades too much weight. Although good grades were nice, I couldn’t force them if they weren’t achievable. I was content as long as I could read books happily every day.
Chu Wenxing and I occasionally had heart-to-heart talks, but not often. Mostly, we’d chat about simple things like “How have you been recently?” or “Have you been eating well?”
Two lonely people who understood each other but couldn’t accompany each other.
We needed some external force to break through our shells.
But, I still preferred staying inside my own shell, because I had grown accustomed to it, and I found comfort in it.
Because I hadn’t paid attention, I believed that I had driven the guy named Ye Yixing out of my special territory in my heart. However, after hearing a shocking rumor, my self-deception was completely overturned! My virtual psychological defense line collapsed, and my heart thumped like a drum…
I didn’t know why I suddenly felt so excited and moved!
They were talking about pairing me with Ye Yixing! It shouldn’t bring me this kind of joy! But why!
Oh my god! What’s wrong with me!
I hid in the restroom, continuously splashing cold water on my burning face.
I needed the power of Luo Mu; I had to read Luo Mu’s novels! Luo Mu, please save me!
I read Luo Mu’s novels from the beginning to the end again! It proved to be the right decision, as it solidified my admiration for Luo Mu. Whether it was “Yi Yixing” or “Yi Yilei,” nothing could take away Luo Mu’s esteemed place in my heart!
Luo Mu was like the complement to Zhiyan, expressing what Zhiyan lacked perfectly. Being able to read Luo Mu’s captivating words was the fulfillment of Zhiyan’s heart!
Lately, I found myself silly smiling uncontrollably because Luo Mu began mentioning his personal life in his column!
This was unprecedented! Luo Mu had never spoken about anything other than his novels in his column; he kept his real-life and online writing identities separate.
Even though it was only a short sentence every time, such as “I finished class late today, sorry for the wait,” “I have a gathering with friends tomorrow,” “I gained a few pounds recently,” I treated it like a star-struck fan reading gossip about their idol in a tabloid, secretly enjoying every bit of it.
Ah, this was the real Luo Mu! I felt like I knew him better now.
People are always greedy. The more you see, the more you want to know. Later, I even started hoping to dream about him, his real name, his appearance…
If only I could be friends with him! Then I could go to the library with him, talk to him, exchange thoughts directly, tell him about every inspiration, share every joy and sorrow with him!
And I hope… he would treat me the same way I treat him…
But I knew it was just a fantasy. Luo Mu had no idea who I was; even if I said I was Zhiyan, my novel’s ranking was higher than his, and as proud as he was, he would surely keep his distance from me and keep me far away from his heart…
Moreover, we were completely different beings; he was undoubtedly a dazzling person. From his comments, it was apparent. He had many friends, just like…
Yi Yixing’s image suddenly surfaced in my mind!
Quickly shaking my head, I dispelled the absurd connection I had made! I felt panic for my own ridiculous thoughts!
Luo Mu couldn’t possibly be Yi Yixing! Even though I knew Luo Mu was a year younger than me, it was impossible for such a coincidence to exist in the world!
Zhi Yanlu, you must be out of your mind to link the two of them!
I held my head, my heart gripped by an invisible hand, my mind wandering uncontrollably!
No, I can’t go on like this… the only way to save myself is to find out Luo Mu’s real name, to prove that he and Yi Yixing are not the same person!
I searched online in every possible way, but I didn’t find any results, as expected. Luo Mu valued his privacy, and it was evident that he didn’t want his readers to delve into his real life. Unlike me, a simple search of Zhiyan would yield a bunch of gossip, both flattering and malicious, although most of it was unverifiable.
I wasn’t a detective, nor did I have the computer skills to find Luo Mu’s personal information. I couldn’t bear to ask him directly for his real name, so I was like a squirrel searching for fruit, anxious and restless.
Starting from our junior year, Yi Yixing often followed Yang Qu to attend our classes openly, and our classmates almost treated him as one of us.
However, I still hadn’t spoken to him. Who gave me the courage to do that? I estimated that I couldn’t even muster the courage to breathe if I stood in front of him!
I always felt that he was also secretly glancing at me. My hypersensitivity toward him was a result of caring too much, and he probably only saw me as an ordinary classmate…
During a break between classes, the girls in our class were chatting with him, and I sat relatively close. Although I didn’t want to, my ears instinctively perked up to listen–
Girl A said, “Ye Yixing, you don’t have a girlfriend?”
Ye Yixing nonchalantly replied, “No, why? I haven’t found someone who can make my heart race yet. How about you? Want to give it a try with me?”
Girl A giggled and said, “I’m not so lucky…”
Girl B curiously asked, “It’s rare, such a handsome guy still doesn’t have a girlfriend. Are you gay?”
The whole group burst into laughter.
Girl C encouraged, “Even if you are, we wouldn’t laugh at you!”
Ye Yixing chuckled, “I don’t know either. How about recommending someone suitable for me? I’ll see if we click.”
Hearing this, my heart suddenly tightened, and my fingers holding the pen stiffened.
Girl D said, “Who else could be more suitable than our class’s stunning beauty…”
Her voice suddenly lowered; it seemed like she realized that I was sitting nearby. But they didn’t see my expression, and I was relieved that they were talking behind my back…
Ye Yixing asked, “Which beauty?”
Girl C covered her mouth and said softly, “You’re pretending not to know, but it’s He Yanlu!”
I heard it, even though it was barely audible.
I stiffened my back, listening to Ye Yixing softly saying, “Indeed, very beautiful.”
The girls suddenly got excited, chattering and gossiping.
“Then you should hurry and win over the iceberg beauty!”
“Or someone else will snatch her away!”
Ye Yixing said, “If I like her, I’ll get her back.”
Listening to this sentence, my heart clenched, and I felt like my soul was trembling. The pen in my hand seemed to break free from its stiffness, and I held it tightly.
Maybe it was my imagination, but I thought I heard a faint whisper in my ear: “You don’t have to wait for him to come. Why don’t you take the initiative?”
…
My face felt like it could fry an egg!
I don’t know how I made it home that night; my mind was in a trance, as if my body didn’t belong to me anymore.
I opened Luo Mu’s column and looked at his writing, his style, and more and more, it seemed that those words could be expressed in the same tone as Ye Yixing…
Luo Mu and Ye Yixing, these two people, have completely merged in my mind!
…
Trembling from my imagination, I called my friend Chu Wenxing for help.
Of course, I wouldn’t tell him about my admiration for Luo Mu and how my heart raced when I saw Ye Yixing, or that I suspected they were the same person!
After contemplating for a while, I asked Chu Wenxing, “There’s someone, and I want to know their secret, but I don’t want to ask them directly…”
Chu Wenxing, who always got straight to the point, asked, “Do you know anyone else who knows the secret? Ask the person who knows.”
I thought about it and knew that Luo Mu had his own editor, not the same as mine, but they must know each other. If I wanted to ask, I could only inquire with my editor.
“Yes,” I hesitated, but it seemed to be the only way to resolve my inner turmoil. “I don’t want others to know that I’m inquiring about him…”
Chu Wenxing fell silent for a moment and said, “How much do you know about him?”
“…A little,” not even a little, it could barely count as a drop in the ocean.
“Can you pretend to be very familiar with the person who knows the secret?”
“How do I pretend?”
“In front of the person who knows the secret, pretend that you also know the secret. This way, he will include you in the circle and inadvertently reveal some clues to you. You can speculate and confirm without using a questioning tone.”
Guided by Chu Wenxing, I suddenly had a plan.
Indeed, the editor didn’t know about my connection with Luo Mu, so if I casually mentioned knowing Luo Mu, it wouldn’t be strange. Our rankings were similar, and we were close in age, plus many internet authors were friends behind the scenes…
After preparing the script for two days, the next time my editor discussed the development of the novel’s plot with me, I mentioned Luo Mu.
My novel was almost finished, and Luo Mu’s “Shallow Cloud Legend” was also reaching its end. I pretended nonchalantly, “I heard that Luo Mu’s novel is about to conclude too.”
The editor quickly took the bait, “Oh? Do you know Luo Mu?”
I suppressed my trembling voice and said, “Yes, we’re in the same department.”
The editor was excited, “Haha! Do you attend classes together?”
I held the phone with pale fingers, but continued, “No, he’s a year below me.”
The editor realized, “Because you’re his rival, meeting on a narrow road, fierce currents under the surface.”
I pretended to be carefree and asked, “Has he mentioned me to you guys?”
The editor laughed, “No, Luo Mu is very mysterious. Our editing team knows him as Ye Yixing, and that’s all we know…”
I completely stopped listening to what the editor said afterward, and I don’t even remember how I hung up the phone. I just sat on the floor, hugging my knees, and kept staring blankly…
Luo Mu is Ye Yixing, Luo Mu Zhixiu is Ye Yixing, Luo Mu Zhixiu really is Ye Yixing!
It wasn’t about feeling upset or joyous; my emotions were a jumble, and my eyes were sore. I didn’t even know why tears were streaming down my face…
If Luo Mu wasn’t Ye Yixing, would I be a little happier?
The answer was a definite no; my subconscious had already acknowledged this fact!
A little heartache, a little self-deprecation, a little yearning, they all gathered into my grievances and despair.
This was just too melodramatic! Why was it that only him could cause such intense fluctuations in my emotions…
I cried and cried, my eyes swollen.
The next day at school, I dared not look at Ye Yixing even more. And after that, I kept my distance, taking detours whenever I saw him.
However, as human nature goes, the more I avoided him, the more I longed to see him. Whether it was just passing by or catching a fleeting glimpse of him, it would excite me for a long time.
When I couldn’t see him, I missed him. But when he was in front of me, I wanted to turn and run away.
I was trapped in this contradictory state, until one day in the second semester of my junior year, Yang Qu intercepted me after class–
“He Yanlu, it’s my birthday next weekend. Can you come?”
“Next weekend?” I was at a loss. Yang Qu’s birthday, Ye Yixing would definitely go!
Just as I was about to refuse, Yang Qu said, “Ye Yixing will also be there.”
As expected, Yang Qu mentioned him.
“Also, if possible, I hope you can invite your friend Chu Wenxing to come as well.” Yang Qu smiled friendly, and this statement extinguished any thoughts of rejecting him.
He didn’t just invite me; he also invited Chu Wenxing.
I knew that Ye Yixing and Chu Wenxing were acquainted, and this mention was also a consideration for me.
Reluctantly, I nodded.
