Shu Rui returned in a daze, not even knowing how he had made it back to the inn.
He had visited Dexin Medical Hall earlier and had indeed heard that Doctor Yu might return to the city sometime this month. He simply had not expected him to come back so quickly.
“You’re back.”
Lu Ling saw Shu Rui standing at the doorway, just standing there without coming in, his expression strange. Lu Ling’s brow twitched. “What’s wrong? Did something happen with Shan Qing?”
Shu Rui lifted his eyes to look at him. “Lu Ling, Doctor Yu has returned.”
Lu Ling’s brow moved slightly. He pressed his lips tight and looked away. “Who is Doctor Yu?”
Shu Rui knew Lu Ling was pretending ignorance, but he still answered carefully. “Doctor Yu from Dexin Medical Hall—the Yu San Zhen who can cure your head ailment.”
Lu Ling turned back to look at Shu Rui. The two stared at each other in silence for a long time. The inn was so quiet that the footsteps from the street outside could be heard.
In the end, Shu Rui lowered his head slightly and said, “Tomorrow morning, I’ll take you to the clinic.”
With that, he turned and went toward the room.
“Ah Shao, is my memory really that important to you?”
Lu Ling asked the question again as he watched Shu Rui’s retreating back.
With his back to Lu Ling, Shu Rui felt an indescribable heaviness weighing on him. That person was clearly the same as always, yet Shu Rui was suddenly afraid to look at him again.
Was memory important? He remembered that when they first arrived at Tides Manor, he had already answered this question.
Along the way, he had gone from being clear-headed, reminding himself not to rely on anyone, to unconsciously growing used to Lu Ling’s presence. In truth, he had long since lost his original resolve.
He knew what Lu Ling regaining his memories would mean. Even if Lu Ling did not resent him for deceiving him, once his memories returned, he would regain his own past life—friends, family… and perhaps more.
Then why would he continue to stay in a run-down inn, running a business with a ge’er who had nothing?
He would not even remain in Tides Manor. Once gone into the vast sea of people, perhaps they would never meet again in this lifetime. These days at the inn would likely feel absurd and laughable in hindsight.
As Shu Rui thought about this, it was as if a hand clenched his heart tightly. His chest felt so stifled he could hardly breathe.
Perhaps… perhaps he could hide the news of Doctor Yu’s return, keep Lu Ling from learning the truth, and continue living here.
But… he could not bring himself to be that selfish, to let Lu Ling continue muddling through a life that was never meant to be his.
Shu Rui pulled himself together. He forced a calm expression onto his face and turned back to look at Lu Ling.
“Yes,” he said. “I already told you—once you recover your memories, you’ll have your own life.”
Lu Ling looked at the resolute figure before him and, without a word, quietly withdrew his gaze.
Crimson clouds filled the sky, their glow falling across his face as if trying to conceal human emotions. Yet when worry ran too deep, how could it truly be hidden?
The small courtyard had not been this desolate in a long time. There were no voices, no sounds of chopping firewood or cooking. It was deathly still, as though everything were about to fall apart.
Lu Ling sat beneath the elm tree on the roof, staring at the rosy glow along the horizon.
In truth, he had thought about recovering his memories. He wanted to know his past with Shu Rui, to know how they had once been together, to have more fragments of shared moments between them.
But he was also afraid of regaining his memories. He feared that between them… there might truly have been no past at all. While he was still amnesiac, he at least had a reason to linger at Shu Rui’s side. But if his memories returned, what reason would he have then?
The next day, just as dawn was breaking, Shu Rui got up.
He did not make breakfast, instead buying two steamed buns from the morning market outside.
When they arrived at Dexin Medical Hall, their luck was good. The clinic had only just opened, and there were no patients waiting yet.
It seemed that not many people knew Doctor Yu had returned; otherwise, they would surely have had to wait.
Shu Rui and Lu Ling were silent toward each other. They had not even begun the consultation, yet there was already an awkward tension—just like the first time they had come to this clinic.
Lu Ling came to see the doctor, yet he refused to say a single word about his symptoms. Shu Rui had no choice but to explain everything to Doctor Yu on his behalf.
Doctor Yu, with his neatly kept beard and kindly features, listened and said, “I heard from my apprentice that he once received a patient who had lost his memory. The condition was complicated, and he was at a loss, so he waited for me to examine him.
“I reviewed the case records a few days ago and had some impression of it. I believe it must be this young man.”
Shu Rui had not expected the clinic to have taken their previous visit so seriously. His respect for Doctor Yu deepened further.
Doctor Yu checked Lu Ling’s pulse, conducted several examinations, and asked about his recent physical condition. Then he invited him into the inner room to lie down on the examination couch.
Lu Ling was not afraid of being pricked with silver needles. But when he saw Shu Rui standing at the doorway with his hands clasped, one in the east and one in the west, his brow tightened slightly.
“Come closer. Stand nearer to me.”
Shu Rui felt inexplicably tense. Hearing Lu Ling still teasing about distance even while lying on the couch, he frowned, but in the end still walked over.
As soon as Shu Rui came close, Lu Ling reached out and grabbed the corner of his robe.
Doctor Yu took out the silver needles, paused when he saw this, then smiled. “It won’t hurt much. This young man practices martial arts—it should be nothing to him.”
“Yes. It’s not like this is the first time he’s had acupuncture.”
Shu Rui squeezed those words out through his teeth, secretly glaring at Lu Ling on the couch.
Lu Ling ignored him completely. His grip did not loosen; instead, he closed his eyes and waited for the needles.
Shu Rui turned to Doctor Yu and could only smile awkwardly.
As the long silver needles were inserted into Lu Ling’s head, Shu Rui did not dare to watch too closely. Even if acupuncture was said not to hurt much, it was still piercing flesh—how could there be no sensation at all?
Seeing Lu Ling’s calm expression, Shu Rui felt slightly reassured.
But as more needles were inserted, Lu Ling’s brow twitched faintly, and the hand gripping Shu Rui’s robe suddenly tightened.
Shu Rui immediately noticed the change and grew worried. Seeing Doctor Yu fully focused, he did not dare interrupt, nor did he dare ask Lu Ling how he felt. He could only endure the wait in silence.
When another needle went in, Lu Ling suddenly opened his eyes. He looked at Shu Rui before him, his vision going from clear to blurry, until everything fell into darkness.
“Doctor Yu! What’s happening?!”
Seeing Lu Ling lose consciousness and loosen his grip, Shu Rui’s heart lurched. He asked urgently.
Doctor Yu withdrew his hands and wiped his brow. “Do not panic. This is a common occurrence. Recovering memories takes time. Once he wakes up, we’ll see whether there has been any effect.”
Only then did Shu Rui feel slightly relieved.
“Then when will he wake up?”
“That’s hard to say. Quickly, within an hour or so; slowly, it could take two or three hours.”
Shu Rui steadied his breathing and looked at the man lying quietly on the couch. In a low voice, he asked, “Doctor Yu, once he wakes up, will he remember everything?”
Doctor Yu paused while putting away the needles. “Amnesia is inherently mysterious. I can only rely on experience. I cannot guarantee that I will definitely cure him.”
Shu Rui understood this. He was only uneasy and wanted a definitive answer.
He knew Doctor Yu could not give one. The answer could only be waiting.
“You may wait here until he wakes. If there’s any discomfort, call for me at once. I still have other patients to see, so I’ll step out first.”
Shu Rui thanked the doctor and stayed by the couch, waiting for Lu Ling to wake.
Looking at the cool, handsome features before him, his heart was filled with both worry and reluctance.
Perhaps once those eyes closed and opened again, everything would change. There might never again be a chance like this, to watch over him so quietly.
Unable to restrain himself, Shu Rui gently brushed a finger over Lu Ling’s high brow bone.
—
“Ah Shao.”
“Ah Shao…”
Hearing the soft calling, Shu Rui slowly opened his eyes, only then realizing he had fallen asleep leaning against the couch.
He had barely slept the night before. He had still been clear-headed in the morning, yet in the quiet room, he did not know how he had drifted off.
He had no mind to dwell on that now. He lifted his head and saw that Lu Ling had already sat up. Perhaps because he had been unconscious for some time, his face was a little pale.
Shu Rui instinctively reached out to support him, then suddenly realized something and awkwardly pulled his hand back.
“How are you feeling? Are you uncomfortable anywhere?”
Seeing Shu Rui withdraw his hand, Lu Ling clearly sensed the distance and avoidance. His brow furrowed almost imperceptibly, his gaze darkening slightly.
When Shu Rui saw him remain silent, he feared something was wrong and hurried to his feet. “I’ll go get Doctor Yu!”
“Don’t go!”
Shu Rui’s arm was suddenly grabbed. Turning around, he saw Lu Ling looking up at him, eyes full of helplessness. “I just feel a bit of pain in my head. It should be fine.”
Seeing him like this, Shu Rui curled his fingers, abandoning the urge to fetch the doctor. He softened his tone. “Then I’ll pour you a cup of water first. Drink some and see if it helps. Then I’ll call the doctor.”
“…Okay.”
Lu Ling answered softly and slowly let go of Shu Rui’s arm, though his eyes never left him.
Shu Rui poured a bowl of water from the kettle on the table, tested it—warm, just right—and carried it over.
Seeing Lu Ling supporting his forehead, Shu Rui carefully handed it to him. “Drink some water first. It’s not hot.”
Lu Ling reached out to take it, but his hand lacked strength and nearly knocked the bowl over.
Shu Rui quickly steadied it, told him not to move, and slowly brought it to his lips.
“Have you… remembered anything?”
Hearing Shu Rui’s question, Lu Ling wiped his mouth lightly. He did not look at Shu Rui, only stared at the edge of the bed and shook his head.
Shu Rui’s brow tightened. He turned to look at Lu Ling. “Nothing at all? You really didn’t remember anything?”
Lu Ling suddenly lifted his eyes to him. “Am I useless? Did I disappoint you again?”
Shu Rui froze. “I… I didn’t mean it that way.”
Lu Ling lowered his head in self-reproach. “I know you put a lot of effort into me, always paying attention to when Doctor Yu would return. We finally got treatment, and I thought I could be cured this time. But it still turned out like this.”
“A muddle-headed person like me staying by your side only causes trouble. And I still can’t remember anything. It’s only natural that you’d feel tired and disappointed.”
As he spoke, he knit his brows, forcing himself to think harder, then let out a muffled groan and pressed his head.
“If you’re uncomfortable, don’t force it! You’ll hurt yourself like this!”
Shu Rui hurriedly supported him and said, “That’s not what I meant. I was just worried about you and wanted to know how your body was doing.”
Lu Ling pressed his lips together and looked at Shu Rui, his eyes helpless. “Then let Doctor Yu give me a few more needles. Maybe there’ll be a turning point.”
“You don’t look well at all right now. How could you endure more acupuncture? If you’re going to continue treatment, wait until you’re feeling better.”
After a few more words, Shu Rui finally went to invite Doctor Yu in.
Hearing that Lu Ling had woken, Doctor Zhou followed his master into the inner room as well, wanting to observe. He had not expected that even his master would fail this time.
Doctor Yu examined Lu Ling carefully, his brow growing tighter.
“This is truly strange,” he said. “This young man’s body is actually weaker than when he first came.”
Shu Rui asked anxiously, “Is that serious?”
“With proper rest and adjustment, he’ll recover. But as for his memory… I have no better method. Today’s acupuncture did not produce immediate results. With time and recuperation, he may gradually recall some things.”
“When his body has recovered, you may come again to try.”
Shu Rui thanked the doctor and asked about precautions. He also wanted to take some medicine back, but Doctor Yu said there was no need.
Leaving the clinic, Shu Rui still felt dazed. Ever since learning that Doctor Yu had returned, he had been imagining all the possibilities of Lu Ling being cured. He had never truly considered what would happen if Lu Ling could not be cured.
Now that this was the outcome, he did not know what to do.
As his thoughts tangled, his palm suddenly tightened. He came back to himself to see Lu Ling gently holding his hand.
“Be careful. You might bump into someone.”
Shu Rui answered blankly and tried to pull his hand back—only to hear Lu Ling say,
“I feel light-headed and unsteady on my feet. Don’t stay too close—if I fall and knock into you, what if you get hurt?”
Hearing this, Shu Rui’s heart tightened. How could he pull his hand away now? Instead, he supported him more firmly. “Your head is still dizzy? You should have rested a while longer before coming back.”
“It’s fine. Home isn’t far.”
Still uneasy, Shu Rui helped him along slowly until they returned to the inn.
By then it was already close to noon.
They had gone to the medical hall early in the morning with heavy thoughts, and the steamed buns bought along the way had barely been eaten. After all that running about for most of the morning, hunger had long since set in.
Shu Rui cracked a few eggs and beat them well, then finely chopped a strip of lean pork, preparing to steam a bowl of minced pork and egg custard soup.
He took a bunch of celery as well, planning to use the leaves for soup and slice the stalks for a quick stir-fry.
He glanced at Lu Ling, who was sitting by the stove as usual, tending the fire. That face, that person—nothing seemed different from before.
And yet, somehow, he felt that Lu Ling was a little strange. He just couldn’t say what exactly was off.
Noticing Shu Rui’s gaze, Lu Ling asked, “Do you want me to peel some garlic?”
“There’s still some already peeled from earlier. No need.”
Holding the basin of vegetables, Shu Rui sat down beside him. “Lu Ling… you really didn’t remember anything at all about the past?”
Lu Ling’s eyes shifted slightly. “When I was unconscious, it seemed like a few fragments flashed through my mind, but they weren’t clear.
“I don’t know whether they were dreams, or my original memories.”
Hearing this, Shu Rui set aside what he was doing and hurriedly asked, “What kind of memories? Tell me.”
Lu Ling frowned as he thought. “It seemed like a child carrying a bundle, leaving home at night. It was a winter night—there was no snow, but the ground was frozen. He kept walking forward, not knowing where he was going.
“Then there was martial training… training nonstop… many years passed…”
Shu Rui’s heart clenched. “And after that?”
“After that, it seemed like I was working for someone. That also went on for many years.”
He sighed softly. “Doctor Yu said I was unconscious for almost two hours. Sleeping that long, I probably just had muddled dreams. These things shouldn’t be my memories.”
As he spoke, Lu Ling’s mood sank. “If they were memories, how could there be nothing at all about you—about us?”
He looked at Shu Rui. “Didn’t you say I was your cousin? We should have known each other since childhood.”
Shu Rui opened his mouth, but for a moment, he didn’t know what to say.
Looking at Lu Ling, an inexplicable ache welled up in his chest.
While he was lost in thought, someone suddenly wrapped an arm around his waist, a fuzzy head lightly resting against his shoulder.
He reflexively wanted to push him away, but then he heard a voice full of joy by his ear: “Luckily, I’m not that child. I have you.”