Chapter 64
Su Bin had no clue where Allen was taking him. He had wanted to ask several times, but every time he looked at Allen’s seemingly indifferent expression, he held back his words.
After driving for half an hour, Su Bin saw that they were about to leave the city when he couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer. However, before he could speak, Allen said, “Were you feeling uneasy when you were with me?”
Su Bin blinked, trying to process Allen’s question. “Uh, not really…” Well, maybe a bit more nervous compared to being with other people, especially since there were some differences between them. Like that intimate kiss… although for Allen, it might not be such a big deal.
Allen continued, “I feel like you don’t quite trust me.”
Su Bin was taken aback. Where did “not quite trusting” come from?
Allen explained, “You seemed restless just now.”
Su Bin scratched his head, “Because I didn’t know where we were going…”
“Is that really important?” Allen asked.
Su Bin was caught off guard by Allen’s question. It wasn’t actually important, but if Allen was taking him out for dinner, it seemed pretty normal for him to let him know where they were going, right?
“If I hadn’t seen you when I got home, I wouldn’t have invited Fly to join us for dinner,” Allen said in the next breath.
That sentence was a bit hard to understand. Su Bin had to think it over several times before he grasped its meaning. Could it be that Allen was inviting him out for dinner on purpose? (⊙o⊙)
Allen’s next sentence confirmed Su Bin’s speculation: “I thought that who I’m going out with is more important than where we’re going.”
Su Bin: “…”
Allen looked at Su Bin and asked, “What do you think?”
“Uh, you’re right…” Su Bin didn’t want to admit it, but he was once again moved by Allen’s words. Could he really be a bit special to Allen? But he hadn’t even done anything to make Allen happy after causing him harm. Yet, Allen was still acting like this… It would make him feel like he owed Allen even more…
Allen smiled, “In that case, don’t dwell on the question of ‘where.’ You should trust me.”
—When you’re with me, I hope you only think about me.
After all that Allen had said, it was clear that he wasn’t going to tell Su Bin where they were going. Moreover, in similar situations in the future, Allen wouldn’t say either. He would make decisions on Su Bin’s behalf… Su Bin didn’t have the right to question. All he needed to do was “accept.”
Suddenly being stripped of his “right to know” or, in a way, being asked to change a certain thinking habit that he had developed since childhood, it felt a bit uncomfortable for Su Bin at first. But Allen’s words about how “who you’re with matters more” gave him a hint. It shifted his attention from “concerning himself with what would happen in the future” to “focusing on what’s happening right now.”
Now, sitting in the car with Allen, perhaps they should discuss topics about themselves or Allen?
Su Bin ventured, “Allen, can I ask you some personal questions?”
Allen responded, “Sure.” —That’s right, like this. Fool, you should think a bit more about me.
Su Bin continued, “What were you like as a child? How did having hemophilia affect your life?”
Allen answered, “I was in a wheelchair until I was twelve. I needed someone to push me around because of my weak constitution. Any minor movement would cause bleeding. Internal bleeding was the worst, and it hurt a lot. But since I lived like that for many years, I got used to it and felt it was okay… Do these things count as the impact on my life?”
Su Bin said, “Yes…”
Goodness, he couldn’t imagine it. Su Bin didn’t know how Allen managed to endure all that. It must have been extremely painful…
But when he thought about “Little Allen in a wheelchair,” a familiar scene flashed through his mind—another child in a wheelchair, but that child was a girl.
Su Bin had encountered that scene when he was very young. Back then, he was staying with his grandfather and would run around with a dog named Wang Zai. During one of their playful escapades, he passed by a hidden villa. Outside the villa, there was a beautiful private garden with no fences, open for anyone to see.
At the time, there was a little girl sitting in a wheelchair in the garden, enjoying the breeze. Over her head, dense purple wisteria flowers hung down. The girl was as delicate as a doll, and Su Bin was dumbfounded. He stood outside the garden, unable to move his feet, and kept wondering if the girl was real or just a doll.
It wasn’t until Wang Zai got impatient and dug the ground, startling the girl in the garden, that Su Bin snapped back to reality. The girl blinked her eyes, and when she opened them… her irises were green!
Growing up, Su Bin had never seen someone with green eyes before. He exclaimed, “A monster~” and then he fled, rolling and crawling away.
In retrospect, Su Bin always thought he had encountered a kind of “fairy.” At the time, his grandfather used to tell him ghost stories from Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio, so Su Bin knew that some animals or flowers could transform into fairies.
It wasn’t until he attended elementary school and received an education that Su Bin learned about the existence of blue and green-eyed people, collectively known as “foreigners.”
Later on, Su Bin encountered various fairy tales. Every time he heard about characters like “Snow White” or “Swan Princess,” he would automatically picture the girl with green eyes in the wheelchair… because she was just so incredibly beautiful that Su Bin couldn’t find the words to describe her beauty.
Over time, even Su Bin himself couldn’t distinguish whether he had truly seen that girl or if it was just a dream.
Now, hearing Allen talk about his childhood experience with a wheelchair, Su Bin remembered it again… but that memory only flashed by, because after all, Allen was a guy and couldn’t have appeared in China.
…
“In the beginning, there was an eighteen-year-old boy with the same condition as me. He couldn’t bear the pain and committed suicide.”
Allen’s words brought Su Bin’s thoughts back. Su Bin was shocked. “And what about you?”
Allen smiled and looked at him. “If I had also committed suicide, I wouldn’t be sitting here.”
Su Bin: “…Then, how did you manage to get better?”
“From the very beginning, I knew I might not live past fifteen years old. So every day, I faced the threat of death… Because our bodies are so fragile and vulnerable, like a glass bottle suspended in the air, supported by only one pencil… But I never thought about giving up on myself.”
Allen’s tone was very calm, describing the concept of life and death like a childhood experience with a common cold.
He said, “I never thought about giving up on myself,” as if he were saying that his cold would get better.
This kind of Allen was undoubtedly strong in Su Bin’s eyes. He didn’t know what to say. At this moment, Su Bin felt that he was incredibly weak for being so devastated by a simple breakup!
“By the time I was twelve, I underwent gene therapy.”
“Gene therapy?”
“Yes, gene therapy isn’t a common treatment method. It was a special attempt by the Royal Hospital’s hematology team for my case.”
Su Bin understood. It was a desperate measure… how pitiful!
“Although it didn’t completely cure me, my condition improved significantly after that treatment.”
“But yesterday, you were bleeding so heavily…”
Allen looked at Su Bin. “At least I don’t need to sit in a wheelchair anymore, or rely on others to pour a glass of water for me. As long as I receive regular injections of clotting factors and carry clotting and antiallergy medications with me, I can live like a normal person. Isn’t that enough?”
Su Bin gazed at him, speechless, but his concern was evident in his eyes.
Allen chuckled, “Every month, I go to the Royal Academy of Arts for a full-body checkup. Major hospitals in every city in Country B have blood depots specially prepared for me. If I’m in danger, all I need to do is make a call, and a dedicated medical team will come to save me… So, don’t worry about me, okay?”
“…” Allen’s words were so confident and reassuring that Su Bin couldn’t bear to look at him. He realized that he had been overly anxious…
Su Bin awkwardly looked out of the window, trying to change the subject, “So, when will we arrive?”
Allen’s eyes sharpened, and he suddenly reached out his hand…
When someone grabbed his palm, Su Bin almost jumped up, exclaiming, “What are you doing…”
Allen asked, “Is it only like this that you won’t think about all sorts of random questions?”
Sitting side by side, at this moment, Su Bin’s right hand was firmly held in Allen’s left hand. He struggled a bit, but not only did he not break free, he was even pulled a bit by a counterforce. “Do you want me to hold you in my arms instead?” Allen smirked, his smile wicked.
Su Bin: “…” o////o Why, why is it like this…
…Allen’s nasty personality was acting up again!
Allen didn’t need to say more. Su Bin dared not move either. Moreover, he didn’t even have the mental capacity to think about anything else because all his attention was focused on the hand that was being held.
Allen wasn’t just holding his hand quietly. He alternated between gently scratching Su Bin’s palm with his index finger, using his thumb to rub his wrist, and softly tracing each of Su Bin’s fingernails with the pad of his middle finger. Finally, he spread out Su Bin’s fingers and interlocked their ten fingers…
With these hand-playing movements, Allen kept at it for quite a while. Su Bin eventually felt like the hand wasn’t even his own anymore; it was like a toy in Allen’s hands…
Whimpering~~~ How to break this intense ambiguity? How to break this eerie feeling? Can’t break free, what to do!
Su Bin didn’t know how much time had passed, but he felt like the time was dragging on painfully while Allen held his hand. Yet, when the car finally came to a stop, he felt like that period of time was short, as if it had passed in the blink of an eye…
He had thought that his tense nerves would finally relax, but to his surprise, Allen didn’t let go. He directly led him out of the car!
Su Bin hadn’t even noticed where they had arrived. He had been worrying the entire time—would anyone see them? In country B, wouldn’t two guys holding hands like this be misunderstood? Damn it, even in his own country, it would be misunderstood!
In this state of mind, Su Bin was led by Allen into an upscale restaurant in a bewildered manner, only finding relief when they finally took their seats.
Looking at Su Bin, whose face was already completely red, Allen smiled with a heart full of delight.
