Shu Changyu found it utterly laughable.
Whenever they had a use for his family, Emperor Qian Ning would heap lofty titles upon them as though they cost him nothing. But once peace reigned throughout the land and there was no longer any need for generals to fight on the battlefield, he would once again be filled with suspicion toward them, wishing he could eliminate them as soon as possible.
In his previous life, this was exactly what Emperor Qian Ning had thought, and exactly what he had done.
But Shu Changyu no longer had the time to entangle himself with Emperor Qian Ning over these old grievances. In this life, the Shu family had not yet aroused his suspicions. As for Shu Changyu going south to manage the river, it would take three to five years at least. Because of this, Emperor Qian Ning would not dare touch him either.
By the time he finished managing the Yellow River, whether Emperor Qian Ning would still be alive would be unknown.
But…
But what about Jing Mu?
The Yellow River was thousands of li away from Zhaojing. He would not be able to return for years, let alone see him. Moreover—he had promised Jing Mu. Even if he had not made that promise, selfishly speaking, he was unwilling to leave him just like this.
As for the floods in the south, anyone could manage them with the river-management strategy he had written, let alone Guo Hanru, an old hand with years of experience.
But what he found even harder to understand was his mother’s actions.
His mother normally never entered his study, much less rummaged through his things. Thus, when he left, he had simply left the manuscript on the desk without putting it away. Then why had his mother suddenly taken out his manuscript and, even more directly, handed it to the emperor?
No wonder the Governor-General of Zhili had repeatedly congratulated him when he left.
On this day, Shu Changyu’s mind was in a muddle. Hatred, resentment, confusion, and unease were intertwined together, and he did not even know how he had made his way back to the General’s Residence.
He had already been traveling all the way, his entire body sore and aching, and his spirit extremely listless. Along the road, it was as though he had suddenly been crushed beneath an unbearable weight. He only felt boundless exhaustion sweeping over him.
After getting out of the carriage, he did not go looking for Madam Li and went directly back to his own courtyard.
His nerves were now like a tightly stretched string; the slightest touch made his mind go numb. He decided to go back and sleep first, then find Madam Li the next morning and ask her to explain everything clearly.
Unexpectedly, Madam Li was actually waiting in his room this late at night.
When Shu Changyu entered, the servant following behind him consciously stopped outside and did not enter. As soon as he stepped inside, he saw that all the servants in the room had been dismissed. The room was completely empty, with only Madam Li standing there alone, her back facing him.
“Mother.” Shu Changyu’s voice was somewhat hoarse as he called out.
“You’re back?” Madam Li turned around, her expression as usual. Seeing him enter, she first stepped forward to remove the cloak from his body. “Was the journey difficult?”
Shu Changyu pressed his temples and respectfully replied, “To Mother, everything went well.”
He paused, intending to directly ask Madam Li about the water-management strategy. But before he could speak, he saw Madam Li calmly look him up and down, after which her gaze fell upon his waist.
“You changed your jade pendant?” She slowly took two steps forward and walked up to Shu Changyu. She picked up the Lantian jade jue and asked, “Why aren’t you wearing the previous one?”
With only one glance, she could see the radiance flowing over the jade jue. Held in her hand, it was warm and smooth to the touch.
“Mm.” Shu Changyu said, “The previous one broke, so I went and bought another one myself.”
Madam Li remained impassive. “Why did you buy one this valuable?”
Shu Changyu said, “It’s a counterfeit.”
Shu Changyu did not know much about jade, but it was impossible for Madam Li not to recognize it.
Thus, the instant Shu Changyu finished speaking, he saw Madam Li’s expression change. All the gentleness on her face disappeared, replaced by an emotion he had never seen before—a mixture of fury and humiliation.
The next moment, a heavy slap landed across Shu Changyu’s face.
This was the first time Madam Li had ever struck him since he was a child.
Shu Changyu’s head was already dizzy and muddled. This sudden, heavy blow left his mind in complete chaos. He staggered beneath his feet and fell to one side, the side of his head striking the decorative object on the wall.
Yet his hand instinctively moved to block it. He did not protect his own head. Instead, he placed his hand between the Lantian jade and the wall.
“You unfilial son!” Madam Li shouted angrily.
She, who normally never raised her voice or quarreled with anyone, now had her eyes wide with rage. Even her voice had broken.
“Did you think that not a single person knew about those filthy things you did in Zhili, didn’t you?!”
Shu Changyu leaned against the wall, not yet standing steadily, when Madam Li rushed forward and struck him again and again with all her strength.
At this moment, Shu Changyu’s face burned with pain, while the side of his head was filled with a hazy, dizzy ache. Madam Li’s fists landing on his body did not hurt at all, but the words that pierced into his ears stabbed into his heart again and again.
“I raised you this big. I never asked you to accomplish great things, yet I never imagined you could commit such a treasonous act! His Majesty ordered you to teach the Second Prince. How could you do such a filthy thing? You’re such a bastard—who could you possibly answer to?! All those books of the sages you’ve read—where did you put them?!”
Shu Changyu simply leaned against the wall, neither dodging nor blocking. He clenched his teeth and merely lowered his eyes. One hand protected the piece of Lantian jade in his palm as he allowed Madam Li to beat him while crying.
After a while, Madam Li stopped and stood there silently, beginning to cry.
What Shu Changyu could endure the least was her crying. Madam Li’s husband and children were all at the border, and she alone had shouldered this household. She was normally extremely strong. The last time news of Shu Changyu’s elder brother’s death had returned, Madam Li had not shed a single tear in front of everyone. She had arranged his elder brother’s affairs after death all by herself.
Shu Changyu still remembered what Madam Li had said when comforting Gu Lanrong at the time:
“The men of the Shu family ought to die on the battlefield protecting their country. Ke’er died for the country. There is nothing worth grieving over.”
Shu Changyu lowered his eyes without speaking. He only felt the warm jade in his palm growing hotter and hotter.
“You tell Mother. Is it true?” Madam Li sobbed, tears continuously falling from her eyes as she stared tightly into his eyes. “Is the matter between you and the Second Prince true?”
Shu Changyu lowered his eyes and did not answer. It was already an admission.
Madam Li stared at him for a long while before raising her hand and beginning to strike him again.
“Why didn’t you deny it? Jing Mu, why won’t you explain it to Mother?!” she cried. “Mother knows you so well. Jingchen, how could you be the kind of bastard who, after becoming the imperial tutor of a prince, would become entangled with him and commit such an illicit act?!”
“That’s not it, Mother.” Shu Changyu spoke.
Madam Li stopped. Her eyes burned as she stared at him.
A swollen patch had risen on Shu Changyu’s face, and even the corner of his mouth was slightly split. He lowered his eyes and looked at Madam Li, his gaze carrying a calm, matter-of-fact determination.
“The feelings between Jing Mu and me are not illicit.”
Just as expected, another heavy slap landed on his face.
This time, Madam Li must have used all her strength. The blow made Shu Changyu’s vision flash white, while a buzzing filled his ears.
He braced one hand against the wall and steadied himself.
Amid the faint buzzing in his ears, he vaguely heard Madam Li say in a trembling voice filled with despair:
“Go to the ancestral hall. Kneel there for the entire night, then speak to me.”
“Go to the ancestral hall. Take a good look at the memorial tablets of the ancestors of the Shu family. Think about why they died. Then think about what you are doing.”
——
The memorial tablets of the Shu family were arranged neatly in three rows inside the ancestral hall. On the far right of the last row was a brand-new memorial tablet. It belonged to Shu Changyu’s elder brother, Shu Changkai.
Shu Changkai was twelve years older than Shu Changyu. When he died, Shu Changyu had just been urgently sent home after falling into the water while saving a young child, suffering from a high fever that would not subside.
The ancestral hall was on the shady side of the residence, and at night it was especially cold and gloomy. Shu Changyu knelt there, only feeling a chilly wind roll up from behind him, freezing his entire spine until it was ice-cold.
Facing the three rows of memorial tablets of the departed, it was as though he were kneeling here to confess his crimes before a hall filled with loyal martyrs.
Yet Shu Changyu only found it laughable.
He looked at those names one by one. Even the forms of the characters carved onto the memorial tablets were upright and forthright, like the backbone passed down through generations of the Shu family.
Back then, Old General Shu had been a fierce general at the side of □□. He had followed □□ in rebellion and spent several decades establishing a vast realm. After the founding of the dynasty, Old General Shu had voluntarily requested to serve, willing to use the Shu family’s army to build an iron wall and protect the stability of the realm.
From then on, the Shu family guarded the northern lands generation after generation. The Shu family’s generals, one generation after another, had all died in battle at Yanmen Pass. For hundreds of years until now, the northern barbarians had harassed the border year after year, yet not once had they crossed Yanmen Pass.
It was these three rows of memorial tablets that had exchanged their lives for several hundred years of peace at the northern border.
But what were the people they had protected doing?
In his previous life, if not for someone as treacherous as himself, these dozens of memorial tablets belonging to the entire Shu family would all have fallen beneath the historian’s brush and, hundreds or thousands of years later, been cursed by future generations as treacherous ministers and rebels.
The people of the Shu family had loyalty to the emperor and love for their country carved into their very bones. Every descendant of the Shu family had been raised under strict family discipline, while the men had all grown up at the border, following the army from childhood.
Facing those three rows of memorial tablets, Shu Changyu thought:
But the court you protected, the people you protected, and the ruler sitting upon the dragon throne whom you protected—they are not worthy of all your devotion and loyalty. Your blood was all wasted.
Now, I have done nothing wrong. As an official and as a person, I have conducted myself openly and honorably. Even though I made countless mistakes in my previous life, I have repented from each of them in this life and have never committed them again.
I know the emperor is incompetent and the court is complicated. None of these things can be corrected through one person’s efforts. So I simply keep my feet on the ground and do what I ought to do.
The ancestors taught their descendants to be loyal to the emperor and love their country. But do you all understand that loyalty to the emperor and love for the country are fundamentally separate things?
Now this ruler has accomplished nothing, yet he holds the realm and his loyal subjects in his hands and squanders them. Why should I still revere him? Why should I revere the bloodline of the Jing family?
Why should you still make me sacrifice myself like you did for that suspicious, arrogant, selfish man sitting upon the dragon throne?
Above those memorial tablets hung a plaque bearing the words “An Entire Family of Loyal Martyrs.” It had been personally inscribed by Emperor Qian Ning when he had just ascended the throne, in honor of this family that had protected peace in one region.
Shu Changyu raised his head and looked at the plaque, yet he wanted to smash it to pieces right there in the ancestral hall.
You are the one who praised the entire Shu family as loyal martyrs. You are also the one who branded the entire Shu family as traitors and rebels.
This realm ought to be protected, but the emperor is unworthy of being an emperor. Since that is so, why should I still hold reverence in my heart and draw a clear line between myself and the imperial family?
I, Shu Changyu, love Jing Mu and he loves me. I have done nothing to shame Heaven above or Earth below, and I have even less to be ashamed of before the common people.
What have I done wrong? Why must I repent? Why must I confess my guilt?
That night, the moonlight was like silver, falling upon his body. It was actually even colder than the night Shu Changyu had gone to his death in his previous life.
But the one thing that was different was the piece of warm Lantian jade at his side. Pressed against him in the cold night, little by little, it passed its warmth to him.