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Chapter 32

This entry is part 32 of 33 in the series Hard to Say What I Want

Saturday morning, the S-rank students participating in the event gathered at the entrance of the Preparatory School before boarding buses to another city.

Gu Yunchi didn’t come this time. Apparently, his family had required him to attend a banquet.

For many people at the Preparatory School, taking part in a pure school-organized academic exchange was much more relaxing and freeing than attending gatherings organized by their families or social circles. At least they could breathe a little.

Xu Ze hurried over from a bus stop some distance away from the Preparatory School. By the time he boarded, there were basically no seats left. Quite a few students had taken two seats for themselves, using one to put their backpacks on.

Lu Heyang and He Wei were still sitting in the last row. He Wei waved Xu Ze over.

Xu Ze hesitated for a moment before walking over.

There were five seats in the last row. Two were occupied by Lu Heyang and He Wei’s backpacks, leaving one empty window seat beside Lu Heyang.

“Sit next to Heyang,” He Wei said. “There’s a spot right there.”

Xu Ze’s first reaction wasn’t to nod or shake his head, but to look at Lu Heyang.

Lu Heyang had been looking at his phone. He raised his head and shifted his leg slightly.

The teacher was already reminding everyone to sit down as quickly as possible. Xu Ze held onto the back of the seat in front of him and stepped in, brushing past Lu Heyang’s knee. He sat down and placed his backpack on his thighs.

“Give me your backpack,” Lu Heyang said.

Xu Ze didn’t ask why. If Lu Heyang wanted him to give it to him, he gave it to him.

After taking it, Lu Heyang pulled out Xu Ze’s water bottle and handed it to him. Then he passed the backpack to He Wei and had him put it on the empty seat.

The bus started moving.

He Wei invited Lu Heyang to get online and play a game, then asked Xu Ze, “Do you play games?”

“I don’t.”

Xu Ze shook his head. He had no interest in that sort of thing. Besides, his phone was already very old, and its performance and storage were barely enough for receiving school documents and text messages, making phone calls, and chatting online.

“You’re so pure and free of worldly desires. Are you a Taoist priest?” He Wei asked.

Xu Ze answered, “No.”

He Wei immediately burst out laughing.

Some people were just like this. They had no sense of humor, were terrible with words, and were rigid and serious about everything. They were completely immune to jokes and teasing, and would even earnestly answer other people’s nonsense.

And somehow, that made them interesting in an entirely different way.

Lu Heyang reached into his backpack, took out his tablet, unlocked it, and handed it to Xu Ze.

“Watch a movie. Otherwise, it’ll be boring.”

The curtains hadn’t been drawn.

Xu Ze turned his head toward Lu Heyang. The sunlight happened to slant into the corner nearest the window, making Xu Ze’s eyelashes look soft and fluffy, each individual cluster clearly illuminated. The blue tint in his deep-gray eyes appeared even richer, like a clear, pristine lake, while his eyelashes were like wisps of light clouds floating above its surface.

“Thank you.”

Xu Ze accepted the tablet and then didn’t move again.

He felt that a tablet was also a relatively personal possession, so he didn’t quite know what to do with it.

After a while, he glanced to the side.

Lu Heyang and He Wei had already put on their headphones and started playing games.

Xu Ze remembered that Lu Heyang had told him to watch a movie.

Then he had to watch a movie.

Xu Ze opened a video app. He didn’t even dare to click into Lu Heyang’s viewing history, and simply picked a random movie from the movie page.

Xu Ze turned the volume down very low, afraid of disturbing anyone else.

After about ten minutes, Xu Ze suddenly sensed Lu Heyang moving closer.

He turned his head.

What entered his field of vision first was Lu Heyang’s lips and chin, extremely close to him. At the same time, a faint trace of pheromones drifted over.

Lu Heyang raised his hand and reached across Xu Ze to pull the curtain shut.

“Doesn’t the sunlight bother you?” he asked. “What are you watching?”

“It’s fine.”

Xu Ze still instinctively answered each question separately and completely.

“I’m watching a movie.”

Lu Heyang lowered his head and looked at the screen. “An animated movie?”

He took out another pair of earphones and handed them to Xu Ze.

“With the volume this low, can you hear it?”

“I can hear a little.”

“If you get sleepy, you can listen to some music and take a nap,” Lu Heyang said.

He Wei called out to him again from the other side, urging him to hurry. Lu Heyang turned around, leaned back against his seat, and continued playing the game.

Xu Ze hadn’t been sleepy at first, but for some reason, after Lu Heyang mentioned it, he suddenly started feeling tired.

Xu Ze didn’t listen to music or use the earphones. He turned off the tablet, turned his head slightly to glance at Lu Heyang, then closed his eyes to rest.

After driving through the city for more than forty minutes, the bus was about to enter the highway. As it went over a speed bump, the vehicle jolted violently.

Xu Ze wasn’t prepared. His whole body lurched, and his head slammed hard against the window.

Xu Ze opened his eyes.

It didn’t really hurt, but being asleep and suddenly hitting his head left him somewhat slow to react. He stared blankly ahead.

A hand reached around from behind his head and touched the spot where he had hit it.

Lu Heyang was playing the game with one hand. He glanced at Xu Ze and asked, “Do you remember what just happened?”

His hand gently rubbed the side of Xu Ze’s head a few times.

Xu Ze hadn’t been fully awake to begin with, and now he was even more dazed. Several seconds passed before he answered,

“I hit my head.”

“Good. At least you didn’t lose your memory.”

Lu Heyang smiled and withdrew his hand.

By the time they arrived at the hotel, it was noon. Everyone collected their room cards and went back to their rooms to put their things away. After lunch, they headed to the venue.

The afternoon schedule was packed: exhibitions, lectures, meetings. It left He Wei bored to death, and he walked around with Lu Heyang looking practically like a corpse.

No matter when, though, whenever Lu Heyang looked toward the edge of the crowd, he could always see Xu Ze carefully reading through the materials and documents.

Quiet and detached, Xu Ze seemed to exist in a world of his own, completely absorbed in his studies.

As dinner time approached, everyone received a notice from the teachers to meet at the restaurant.

Xu Ze was holding a stack of materials when he looked up toward the center of the crowd.

Lu Heyang and He Wei were walking toward another corridor with several alphas dressed in suits.

Xu Ze recognized the backs of those men. They were presidents of several top Alliance-level universities. One of the university presidents patted Lu Heyang on the shoulder and smiled as he said something to him.

Xu Ze put his materials away and turned toward the restaurant.

Everyone who had come here was an S-rank.

Yet there were still enormous differences between S-ranks.

Just like the difference between Lu Heyang and himself.

After dinner, most of the S-ranks left the hotel to do whatever they wanted.

Xu Ze returned to his room alone and sat at the desk, carefully going through the materials.

The event was self-funded, but Xu Ze had still decided to come because he could obtain past entrance-exam questions and other information about the Alliance’s top universities.

At nine-thirty, Xu Ze finished showering and planned to do half a practice exam before going to bed.

He hung up his towel and was just about to dry his hair when his phone rang.

Xu Ze went over and picked it up.

The three neat characters on the screen read:

Lu Heyang.

He first looked up at the window and took a few seconds to collect himself before answering.

“Hello?”

“Wow.”

The voice on the other end belonged to He Wei.

“You sound so much gentler over the phone.”

Xu Ze’s shoulders relaxed slightly.

“Is something wrong?”

“Oh, it’s an illusion. You’re still just as cold.”

He Wei laughed.

“Are you in your room? Heyang and I bought some desserts. Want to come over and eat with us?”

“You two eat,” Xu Ze said. “I won’t come over.”

He knew that he was dull, boring, and quiet. His presence would only dampen other people’s mood, so he instinctively avoided situations like this.

There was a faint rustling sound from the other end.

Then another voice came through, particularly low and clear over the phone.

“Xu Ze.”

Almost instinctively, Xu Ze touched the area behind his ear. It felt faintly itchy.

“Hmm?”

“1205.”

Lu Heyang was concise.

“Are you coming?”

His voice was so close, almost as though he were asking directly into Xu Ze’s ear.

Xu Ze’s throat moved.

He couldn’t bring himself to say no.

He felt as though an invisible rope had wrapped itself around his neck, with Lu Heyang holding the other end. With the slightest tug, Xu Ze could only follow him forward.

“Okay,” Xu Ze said.

He stood in his room for a while.

His hair still wasn’t completely dry. Xu Ze ran his fingers through it haphazardly, took his room card, and opened the door.

When he reached room 1205, he pressed the doorbell.

He Wei quickly opened the door for him.

“Heyang and I just got back too. We showered,” He Wei said. “We bought ice cream.”

Xu Ze nodded and walked inside.

Lu Heyang was draping the towel he had used to dry his hair over a chair. His half-dry hair fell casually across his forehead.

He turned his head and glanced at Xu Ze, then picked up his bracelet and put it on.

He Wei sat down on the sofa and asked, “Why are you wearing that bracelet this late at night? This whole room is full of alphas.”

“Is it because you drank and you’re afraid you’ll lose control?”

He gave Lu Heyang a malicious grin.

“Are you thinking about that omega from the bar just now? Regretting not giving him your phone number?”

“Has Chi Jiahan been talking to you lately?” Lu Heyang asked.

He Wei immediately stopped smiling.

“Eat some ice cream.”

He Wei turned to Xu Ze.

“I was originally going to ask you to come to the bar with us, but I figured you probably wouldn’t like it.”

“Did you two drink?” Xu Ze asked.

“If you go to a bar and don’t drink, are you supposed to drink milk?”

He Wei laughed casually.

“We don’t have to meet until ten tomorrow morning. It’s fine to sleep in a little.”

Xu Ze nodded.

Then he turned around and glanced behind him. Seeing that the water dispenser wasn’t on, he walked over and pressed the hot-water button.

Afterward, he returned to the sofa and sat down in the empty spot beside He Wei.

“If you drank, have a cup of hot water before bed. You’ll feel more comfortable.”

“How thoughtful.”

He Wei pushed the ice cream toward Xu Ze and asked,

“Xu Ze, what kind of omega do you like?”

Xu Ze instinctively started to look toward Lu Heyang.

But halfway through raising his head, he forcibly stopped himself.

He looked at the coffee table and answered,

“I don’t have a particular type.”

“Impossible. There has to be one.”

He Wei didn’t believe him. He nudged Xu Ze’s shoulder.

“Come on, tell me. Satisfy my curiosity.”

He Wei was an exceptionally persistent alpha. After drinking, he only became even more relentless, refusing to let the matter go.

With no other choice, Xu Ze reached out to open the lid of his ice cream.

But He Wei was still bumping his shoulder, nearly knocking the ice cream out of Xu Ze’s hands.

I’ll continue closely, preserving the romantic tension and the chapter break. I’ll keep the terminology consistent with the earlier chapters.

“A little cute.”

Xu Ze had no choice but to answer.

If anyone else had asked him this question, he definitely would have kept his mouth shut and remained silent. But Xu Ze knew He Wei meant no harm, so he still did his best to answer.

He felt that there was probably no one who disliked cute people, so this answer shouldn’t go wrong. It was broad enough to work for anyone.

Lu Heyang was sitting in the single armchair with his chin propped on one hand, looking at his phone. At Xu Ze’s answer, he looked up at him.

“There are plenty.”

He Wei nodded emphatically and pulled out his phone.

“I’ll introduce you to a few. I guarantee they’re cute as hell.”

He was practically more enthusiastic than a matchmaker.

Xu Ze immediately said, “No need.”

But He Wei put an arm around his shoulders, as though afraid he might run away, and showed Xu Ze the photos.

“This one. Cute, right? He’s really good at playing the piano.”

“And this one…”

“Xu Ze.”

Hearing Lu Heyang call his name, Xu Ze immediately looked up.

Lu Heyang was looking at him.

“The ice cream is melting.”

Xu Ze looked down at the perfectly rounded scoop of ice cream in his hand and nodded, digging out a spoonful and putting it into his mouth.

He Wei was still scrolling through his phone.

Lu Heyang reminded him, “Didn’t your aunt tell you to call her tonight?”

“Huh? I almost forgot.”

He Wei took his arm off Xu Ze’s shoulder and checked the time.

“It’s almost ten. I’ll call my mom first.”

He stood up as he spoke, but then bent down and leaned toward Xu Ze’s ear, his voice turning mysterious.

“I’ll keep showing you tomorrow on the way back.”

Before Xu Ze could react, He Wei happily winked at him and left.

The door closed.

The room instantly fell silent.

Only then did Xu Ze realize that he should have left with He Wei. Every second alone with Lu Heyang made him unusually nervous.

Beep.

The hot water was ready.

Lu Heyang stood up and walked over to the water dispenser to pour himself a cup.

Xu Ze absentmindedly ate his ice cream. It had a rich milky flavor mixed with the taste of vanilla.

“You like cute omegas, huh?”

Lu Heyang suddenly asked while filling his cup.

Xu Ze froze.

He didn’t understand what Lu Heyang meant.

A second or two later, he began to realize what might be going on.

Perhaps Lu Heyang had gotten the idea from He Wei’s words and was planning to introduce an omega to Xu Ze, this alpha with impure intentions, in order to put an end to their ambiguous entanglement.

It was a tactful, indirect, yet effective method—perfect for dealing with someone like Xu Ze, who had never confessed outright but refused to disappear.

Xu Ze lowered his head and looked at the ice cream in his hand without saying anything.

He felt Lu Heyang walk over beside him.

Then Lu Heyang’s hand came down from above, brushing across the right side of Xu Ze’s face. His fingertips settled against Xu Ze’s jaw and tilted his head upward.

Lu Heyang had just held the cup of hot water, so his palm was warm.

Xu Ze looked up at him.

Even from this angle, Lu Heyang’s face still looked perfect.

Xu Ze shifted, wanting to turn his head away from Lu Heyang’s hand, but he couldn’t bear to.

After hesitating, he ended up looking almost as though he had rubbed his cheek lightly against Lu Heyang’s palm.

“Does this question make you unhappy?”

Lu Heyang looked down at him.

Xu Ze licked away the tiny bit of ice cream left on his lips and answered, “No.”

“I won’t ask again.”

Lu Heyang’s thumb brushed across the corner of Xu Ze’s mouth as he spoke.

Then he withdrew his hand and let it fall at his side. With his other hand, he picked up the cup and took a sip of warm water.

Xu Ze’s gaze fell on Lu Heyang’s hand.

He had always thought Lu Heyang’s hands were beautiful.

The only time he had ever touched them was when he taught Lu Heyang how to position his hands while playing pool. Even then, the contact had lasted only a few seconds and covered barely any area.

He began staring absentmindedly.

Lu Heyang didn’t realize Xu Ze was interested in his hand. He thought Xu Ze was looking at his bracelet instead, so he raised his hand in front of him.

“You’re looking at this?”

Xu Ze obviously wasn’t going to say, I was actually looking at your hand.

So he nodded.

Lu Heyang said, “Then take a look and study it.”

With his permission, Xu Ze touched the bracelet.

The screen lit up immediately at the slightest contact.

Then Xu Ze’s finger accidentally touched one of the buttons.

The bracelet gave a soft beep.

Xu Ze didn’t know what he had pressed. He was just about to apologize when, roughly a second later, he realized it was the button that lowered the suppression level.

Because he smelled Lu Heyang’s pheromones.

Strong, oppressive S-rank alpha pheromones.

Pheromones were brutally honest things.

Just as Xu Ze always felt relieved whenever he was around Lu Heyang that Lu Heyang’s bracelet was good enough to completely isolate his own pheromones.

Xu Ze frowned.

His own bracelet was only average in every respect. It couldn’t withstand Lu Heyang’s pheromones.

The sensation of pheromones clashing between two alphas was not pleasant.

He tried to adjust the setting back up, but couldn’t find the button.

Lu Heyang didn’t react either.

After a brief silence, Xu Ze looked up and asked,

“Does it feel uncomfortable?”

AO pheromones became more difficult to control after drinking.

If Lu Heyang had been keeping his bracelet at a high suppression level, he should be feeling quite uncomfortable now.

Lu Heyang sat down beside Xu Ze and asked calmly and evenly,

“What do you mean?”

His question reminded Xu Ze of something.

Xu Ze hadn’t originally been thinking in that direction at all.

He turned his head and glanced at Lu Heyang.

Lu Heyang was drinking water.

Xu Ze felt that the ice cream in his hand was about to be warmed through by his own body heat.

Lu Heyang’s pheromones seemed almost tangible as they assaulted his rationality and thoughts, making him restless and uneasy.

Before he could sort out his thoughts, Xu Ze heard his own voice jump out ahead of his brain’s control.

“Do you want me to help you?”

 

Hard to Say What I Want

Chapter 31 Chapter 33

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