Although Ren Yi was still prohibited from going out on calls, he could continue supervising the firefighters’ training. So on the second day after returning to the squad, he got up bright and early, eager to return to the familiar, orderly routine of his old life.
However, halfway through the morning exercises, the alarm suddenly sounded.
The sound invigorated every pore in Ren Yi’s body. But just as he instinctively started running toward the garage, he suddenly remembered that he was still under suspension. Thinking of that, he couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed.
With half the squad out on a call, Ren Yi trained the remaining firefighters with even greater enthusiasm. By lunchtime, every one of them was complaining bitterly about how exhausting it was.
During the free time in the afternoon, Ren Yi first spent a while on the phone with his father, then played some games. When his eyes grew tired, he went to work in the vegetable garden they’d cultivated themselves in the backyard. In short, he refused to let himself sit idle for even a moment.
Of course, he hadn’t forgotten the doctor’s instructions and made sure not to overexert himself.
Ren Yi was turning over the soil while Phoenix and Miaomiao played nearby. The spring sunshine warmed his back, making his heart feel warm and pleasantly lazy, too. He didn’t want to think about anything at all. He just wanted to enjoy the moment.
Unfortunately, it didn’t last long before a young firefighter came running over.
“Captain Ren, Dr. Gong is here.”
Ren Yi wasn’t surprised, though he was a little sorry to lose this brief moment of peace. He said casually, “Tell him I’m busy working. Ask him to come another day.”
“Huh?” The young firefighter wondered what had suddenly gone wrong between their captain and Dr. Gong.
“What do you mean, ‘huh’? Go on.”
“Oh.”
Ren Yi continued turning over the soil, wondering whether he should plant Chinese chives or bok choy today. But now he was already getting restless.
He hadn’t waited long before he heard footsteps approaching from behind. He could tell immediately that the person wasn’t from their squad. They all wore insulated combat boots with thick rubber soles, their footsteps solid and steady against the ground. These footsteps, however, were carefree, elegant, and light. If the person walked any more delicately, the sound would become almost inaudible. Clearly, they belonged to a pair of handmade leather shoes that cost more than Ren Yi’s monthly salary.
Ren Yi straightened up and turned to look at the newcomer.
Since that day, this was the first time Ren Yi had looked Gong Yingxian directly in the eyes.
Gong Yingxian gazed at him without blinking. “Shouldn’t your doctor have told you to get plenty of rest?”
“This little bit of work is nothing.”
Miaomiao meowed and jumped over to Gong Yingxian’s feet, rubbing against his legs.
Gong Yingxian bent down and scooped the cat into his arms, stroking its head as he continued speaking as though to himself.
“I’ve been extremely busy these past few days. We arrested so many members of the organization all at once that there aren’t enough people to interrogate them. There was a lot of information on the computer Qing Yan left behind. He destroyed it, but Xiao Tan’s team is working hard to recover the data. Anyway, we’ve gained a tremendous amount from this operation.”
“That’s good news.” Ren Yi lowered his head and continued turning over the soil.
“Zhang Wen and Purple Flame are still being pursued, but they’ve reached the end of the road. They won’t get away,” Gong Yingxian continued.
“Good.”
“As for my family’s case, now\…”
“You don’t actually need to tell me any of this,” Ren Yi interrupted. “I’ve only recently realized that none of it really has anything to do with me.”
Gong Yingxian’s gaze dimmed. “Ren Yi, you have every reason to be angry. I knew you would be angry, but I still had to do it. I thought that once everything was over, I could properly apologize to you. I’m sorry.”
“The last time, when you used my father, you apologized, and I forgave you. That was because I thought you hadn’t done it on purpose. I thought you simply lacked empathy, that you weren’t very good at dealing with people, and that it was the first time you’d made that kind of mistake.
“But this time, you did it deliberately. You knew exactly how much it would hurt me, and you seemed not to care at all.”
“I do care!” Gong Yingxian gritted his teeth. “I didn’t want you getting dragged into this. I knew it would hurt you, but a lot of things happened that I couldn’t have anticipated.”
“You said you didn’t want me getting involved. Then why did you come looking for me in the first place?” Ren Yi’s hand had already tightened so hard around the hoe that his knuckles were turning white.
Gong Yingxian said quietly, “I missed you. I was also afraid you’d worry too much if you didn’t hear from me. And I needed your help. Very few people knew about this plan. After Zheng Pei arrived, Sister Yan, Cai Qiang, Xiao Tan, and the others were all under scrutiny. You were the only person I could trust.”
“You trusted me?” Ren Yi retorted. “That’s ridiculous. If you trusted me, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.”
“I do trust you. It’s just that the police operation had to remain absolutely confidential.” Gong Yingxian took a deep breath. “I didn’t expect you to follow Yue Xingu, and I didn’t expect you to follow me, either. If I’d told you about the plan or tried to stop you, Purple Flame might have noticed something was wrong. The plan couldn’t afford even the slightest mistake.”
Ren Yi nodded. “I know. You have your reasons. Actually, I still have plenty of questions, but I don’t want to ask them anymore. Just like I said, I’ve suddenly realized that none of this really has anything to do with me.”
“Ask me. I’ll tell you everything…”
“You won’t.” Ren Yi stared straight into Gong Yingxian’s eyes. “I’ve never asked you to tell me everything about your work. I’m a government employee, too. I understand the need for confidentiality. But surely you have to adapt to the circumstances, don’t you?
“I thought you all considered me a fellow comrade. Turns out I was the only one who thought that way. When you needed me, I gave everything I had and cooperated with you wholeheartedly. When you no longer needed me, suddenly everything had to be kept secret from me. Even when you watched me suffer because of the false situation you created, you didn’t care.
“And the reason was that I fucking don’t know how to lie?”
Ren Yi had originally hoped he could remain calm. After all, the doctor had told him not to get worked up. He’d neglected his health for so long, and now he wanted to take good care of himself for once. But the more he spoke, the more agitated he became.
“Gong Yingxian, I don’t know if you can understand what I’m trying to say. You had to keep things from me to carry out the investigation. From the standpoint of right and wrong, you didn’t do anything wrong. But nobody wants to be used, especially someone like me, who gives everything without holding anything back, only to be cast aside and ignored once I’ve served my purpose.
“When you were making your plans, not once did you consider me from beginning to end. The others are one thing, but you…” His voice faltered. “You didn’t consider me, either.”
Gong Yingxian’s lips moved slightly, and there was a deep, painful look in his eyes.
“You’re… right. It’s my fault. I knew doing this would hurt you, but I did it anyway because I wanted to catch Purple Flame. Ren Yi, please give me a chance to make it up to you.”
Ren Yi fell silent for two seconds.
“You’re incredibly smart. You know how to draw conclusions from one example. Last time, you discovered that an honest apology was enough to get me to forgive you. So this time, you didn’t bother making excuses. You just apologized outright.
“But I’ve realized something. You don’t actually think you’ve done anything wrong. All you want is an outcome that benefits you.”
Gong Yingxian froze.
Suddenly, Ren Yi’s eyes reddened. His voice hoarse, he said, “I’ve thought about a lot of things over these past few days. I’ve realized that we really… aren’t suited for each other.”
He drew in a breath, feeling as though he couldn’t continue, but he forced himself to finish what he needed to say.
“I used to hate hearing people say that. I thought that as long as two people loved each other, they could overcome most difficulties, especially differences in personality. Now I understand that it’s not that simple.
“When I look at what’s ahead of us, all I see are pitfalls. I keep trying to fill them in, but there are too many. What happened this time has already worn me down badly enough. I don’t dare imagine what might happen the next time.”
Gong Yingxian’s voice trembled. He suddenly realized that the Ren Yi from before would still get angry with him, still argue and shout at him. This Ren Yi, so calm that he seemed to exist in a world where all sound had fallen silent, frightened him even more.
“Ren Yi, I absolutely will never hurt you again.”
“You will. The next time you have to choose between me and something more important, you’ll still choose to sacrifice me. You weigh things by their outcomes. You think it’s only a matter of making my father confused for a while, only a matter of making me miserable for a few days, only a matter of letting me take a bullet through a bulletproof vest. As long as there’s no major damage, everything can be patched up and put right again.”
Ren Yi gave a bitter smile.
“I would never treat you that way. That’s why I can’t accept the person I love treating me that way. Yingxian, we… we…” His insides twisted with pain. “Let’s break up.”
The moment he said those words, agony seized his internal organs. The pain was so intense that he could barely stand upright and had to lean on the hoe in his hand to steady himself.
Gong Yingxian stood rigid, the light in those deep, beautiful eyes extinguished in an instant.
Ren Yi couldn’t bear to look at Gong Yingxian’s face. He knew Gong Yingxian loved him. He knew Gong Yingxian would be devastated. He felt the same way himself. But looking ahead to the long future, he could see this kind of thing happening again and again. While he still loved this man, it was better to stop here. He didn’t want them to reach the point where their mutual love became a complete mess, and something as precious as love turned into ugly hatred.
Gong Yingxian’s tall frame began to tremble. Even Miaomiao sensed the turmoil in his breathing and struggled to leap out of his arms.
Clenching his fists, Gong Yingxian said in a low voice, “How could you… How dare you say those words!”
Ren Yi didn’t answer. He’d never imagined that one day he would be the one to say those two words.
Every form of romantic storytelling seemed to instill the same idea in people: lovers who had endured life-and-death trials together would ultimately remain by each other’s side until death.
That was only because the long, ordinary years that followed weren’t worth telling stories about.
Ren Yi had once believed that after everything he and Gong Yingxian had been through, after all those passionate, breathtaking, life-threatening experiences, they were destined to be together. But people couldn’t live in a drama every moment of their lives. What wore them down were the little things, the tiny details that accumulated over time.
Better a short period of pain than a lifetime of suffering. The more he thought about that saying, the more sense it made.
Gong Yingxian’s eyes were bloodshot.
“Ren Yi, how dare you say those two words to me? When there’s a problem, we should find a way to solve it! Why do you have to say those words? Are you giving up on me? Didn’t you say we’d never be apart for the rest of our lives?”
Ren Yi’s nose stung. He turned his back, unable to bear looking directly at Gong Yingxian’s anguish.
“It’s your problem, not mine.”
Gong Yingxian felt as though he’d been struck by lightning. He struggled to speak for a long time before finally whispering, “…My problem. But you said you’d love me no matter what I was like.”
“So that means you can take my love for granted?”
Gong Yingxian stared blankly at Ren Yi’s back. He had prepared himself for every possible accusation Ren Yi might make, but he had still underestimated just how much this man affected him.
There were only two things in this world that Gong Yingxian was afraid to face: fire, and Ren Yi’s rejection.
Gong Yingxian drew a deep, unsteady breath.
“Take back what you just said. No matter what you say or do, I will never give up. Not even if I die.”
Ren Yi still didn’t turn around.
“I’m not only an investigator. I do scientific research, too. If I want something, I have all the patience in the world. Especially when it comes to you.”
Gong Yingxian looked at Ren Yi with a gaze full of tenderness and sorrow.
“Get some proper rest. I’ll come see you again next time.”