To ease the atmosphere, Ren Yi forced a smile. “Then how about tonight? We originally agreed to do it after the New Year.”
Gong Yingsheng hesitated for a moment. “Okay. Tonight. I’ll send someone to pick you up.”
“No need. I can drive there myself. I remember how to get to your house.”
“No.” Gong Yingsheng gathered up the documents. “I told you, don’t act alone. Wait for my instructions.” He took two steps, then stopped. “Bring Miao Miao.”
Ren Yi froze for a moment, and at last, a tiny trace of sweetness seeped into his heart.
After Gong Yingsheng left, Ren Yi also collected his complicated emotions and prepared to leave. But just as he opened the door, he found Qiu Yan waiting outside. It looked like she had been waiting specifically for him.
“Captain Qiu?” Ren Yi looked at her in confusion.
Qiu Yan took several steps forward, forcing him back into the room. “Let’s talk.”
Ren Yi had no choice but to retreat.
Qiu Yan casually closed the door behind her and leaned against the desk. She got straight to the point. “What happened between you and Yingsheng?”
Ren Yi didn’t want to reveal his feelings to a woman. It was too embarrassing. But Qiu Yan had already figured it out, so there was no point hiding it. He said sullenly, “He found out about my sexual orientation, and then… got angry.”
“Got angry” was already a greatly softened way of putting it.
Qiu Yan sighed softly. “I warned you before. He’s been through a lot of terrible things.”
“I know. That’s why I…” Ren Yi scratched his hair. “I never planned to tell him.”
“Then how did he…” Qiu Yan suddenly remembered something. “That young actor last night—what is he to you?”
Ren Yi answered evasively, “A friend.”
“Boyfriend or fuck buddy?” Qiu Yan’s tone became somewhat harsh.
“…I haven’t actively contacted him in a long time. Ever since I…” Ren Yi found it increasingly difficult to say. He had never thought that this kind of thing involved right or wrong. But after hearing Gong Yingsheng personally call it “disgusting,” and seeing the anger in Gong Yingsheng’s eyes with his own eyes, he felt as though he had committed a crime, filled with shame.
If anyone else—anyone other than Gong Yingsheng—called him disgusting, said he was abnormal, or said anything unpleasant, he would have cursed them right back without hesitation. He neither took pride in nor felt ashamed of his sexual orientation. It was simply a part of who he was, and he didn’t care how other people saw him—at least, he had thought he didn’t care how other people saw him.
Only now did he understand that those “other people” did not include Gong Yingsheng.
A single word, a single look from the person he loved, was enough to crush his self-respect.
“You two haven’t been in contact for a long time, so was it just a coincidence that you ran into each other last night?”
“Yes.”
Qiu Yan raised an eyebrow. “And then, by another coincidence, Yingsheng happened to see you doing something with him that was enough for him to figure out your sexual orientation?”
“…Yes.” Ren Yi felt completely unable to defend himself. Somewhat embarrassed and angry, he said, “Captain Qiu, I respect you very much, but if you keep talking to me like you’re interrogating a criminal, I’m leaving.”
Qiu Yan stood up and looked directly at Ren Yi, her gaze sharp. “You may think I’m sticking my nose into your business, but I can’t help it. After his sister passed away, I felt that I had become his sister. He’s already suffered so, so much. An ordinary person would have collapsed long ago. Look at him—he’s tall and strong, and it seems like he can solve anything, like he’s afraid of nothing except fire. But inside, he’s still a child. That child who never walked out of the fire.”
Ren Yi’s heart immediately clenched.
“Captain Ren, it’s not strange that you like him. He has a very attractive appearance. But he isn’t someone you can casually flirt with. First of all, he isn’t gay. He sees you as his best friend. All these years, you’re the only person he has opened his heart to. What he needs is simply a friend he can trust.
“Second, when it comes to relationships, he’s completely no match for you. Perhaps under your guidance, he’ll mistake his dependence on you for romantic love. He might see you as a lifeline and place all his need for affection and his longing for a home onto you. Can you bear that responsibility?
“Do you think he’ll be like those mature partners you dated or slept with in the past, where you can simply part amicably, with both sides having wanted it? What happens when you get tired of him one day? What happens if your personalities don’t fit and you want to break up? Have you ever thought about what kind of blow he would suffer if you left him?”
Ren Yi stared blankly at Qiu Yan.
He wanted to argue. He wasn’t casually flirting with Gong Yingsheng. He genuinely loved him. He had never loved anyone this much before—so much that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, so much that he could trade his life for his.
Yet faced with Qiu Yan’s accusations, he couldn’t utter a single word for a moment.
Even he had begun to doubt himself.
Was he really taking advantage of Gong Yingsheng’s dependence on him? Was he being too selfish, trying to lead Gong Yingsheng down a path he never needed to take, and one that would not be easy to walk, simply to satisfy his own desires?
There was a trace of sorrow in Qiu Yan’s expression. “Captain Ren, if you really like him, don’t hurt him.”
“I never want to hurt him.” Ren Yi said bitterly, “I only want to protect him. I only want him to be well. Truly.”
“I know you’re a good person, but good people can hurt others unintentionally too. I hope you can find the right balance.”
Qiu Yan gave Ren Yi a deep look and turned to leave.
Ren Yi wearily pressed a hand to his forehead, his heart aching with suffocation.
He would no longer harbor any illusions.
Just as she had said, he didn’t want to hurt Gong Yingsheng. Gong Yingsheng was the person he most wanted to protect, so he couldn’t give him the wrong guidance simply to satisfy his own desires. He had to give Gong Yingsheng what he wanted—a true friend, a reliable comrade.
Ren Yi composed himself and left the conference room to find Qü Yangbo.
Qü Yangbo was chatting with an acquaintance. When he saw Ren Yi come out, he walked over and stared at his face. “What’s wrong? Did the statement go smoothly?”
“Smoothly.” Ren Yi turned his face slightly away, futilely trying to stop Qü Yangbo from looking at him. Qü Yangbo was extremely good at reading people, and very few things could escape his eyes.
“Really? ‘Smoothly’ isn’t written anywhere on that face of yours.”
The two walked side by side toward the exit. Qü Yangbo said, “At the venue last night, I already felt that something was off between you and Dr. Gong. What, did you two have a fight?”
“No.”
They quickly reached the parking lot. Ren Yi opened the car door. “Let’s get to the brigade headquarters.”
“Then what happened? Weren’t you two—”
Ren Yi slammed the car door shut with a loud bang. “Can you fucking stop asking?!”
The air suddenly fell silent.
Ren Yi braced both hands against the car door and breathed heavily, trying to ease the persistent ache in his chest.
Qü Yangbo quietly looked at Ren Yi’s back.
After a long while, Ren Yi turned around and leaned against the car door, his face dejected. “I’m sorry.”
Qü Yangbo shrugged. “Professionally, I’m your instructor. I have to monitor your psychological state at all times. After all, your decisions affect the safety of yourself and the other firefighters. Personally, I’m your brother, and I care about you very much. It’s okay to have emotions, but you have to deal with them.”
Ren Yi stared blankly at the sky and resigned himself to saying it quickly. “Gong Yingsheng found out about my sexual orientation. He said he thought it was ‘disgusting.’”
Qü Yangbo frowned and walked over to put an arm around Ren Yi’s shoulders. “Brother, you’ve never suffered any setbacks in love before. I’m starting to think you simply don’t know how to pursue someone. A confession is the killing move when victory is already assured, not the first move. Without enough groundwork, you’re just laying your vital point bare for someone else to strike. The odds are too low.”
“I didn’t confess.”
“Huh?” Qü Yangbo said. “Then how did he find out?”
“I don’t feel like talking about it. It was an accident, anyway.” Ren Yi gave a bitter smile. “All I could do was tell him that I had a boyfriend and that I only saw him as a friend. Otherwise, we couldn’t even be friends anymore.”
“At this point, you might as well tell him the truth. Why keep it bottled up?”
He Gu shook his head. “What would happen if I told him? Would it just make me feel better for a moment?”
“It could make you feel better.”
“I don’t care whether I feel good or bad.” Ren Yi said calmly, “I only care about him. At least we can still have something to do with each other now. That’s enough.”
“Enough?”
Ren Yi turned around and opened the car door again. He glanced at Qü Yangbo, his gaze calm and resolute. “Liking someone doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be together. As long as I can watch him be well, that’s enough.”
Qü Yangbo was stunned for a long time, and in the end, could only shake his head helplessly.
When they arrived at the brigade headquarters, they spent the entire afternoon in meetings. In general, they discussed the threats currently facing Phoenix Station and Ren Yi personally, as well as doing everything possible to cooperate with the police to apprehend Purple Flame and the other members of the X cult as soon as possible.
After the meeting, Ren Yi told Qü Yangbo to go back first. He himself went to the brigade’s Fire Investigation Division. He wanted to learn about the history of fire investigation. Eighteen years ago, fire investigation had not yet established a specialized division and had instead been handled by the police. However, the consultants they brought in were all fire experts, so he should be able to learn here what methods and tools had primarily been used in fire investigations back then.
Several of the senior investigators in the Fire Investigation Division had either once been his father’s subordinates or knew his father personally. Most had been transferred here because of various reasons involving their health, families, education, and so on that had prevented them from continuing to advance.
Because there was limited room for advancement here, the division had always been short-staffed, and the higher-ups were also recruiting and training new people.
Ren Yi greeted several acquaintances and also ran into Zhang Wen, who had previously assisted him with his investigation.
After learning why Ren Yi had come, an old investigator asked, rather puzzled, why he was interested in this. Ren Yi brushed the question aside.
In the end, the old investigator had Zhang Wen take Ren Yi to the archives and warehouse. There were plenty of old records there, as well as some retired equipment.
Zhang Wen was quite happy to see Ren Yi. “Captain Ren, everyone at the station has already heard about it. They’re saying you helped the police solve a whole bunch of cases.”
“You had a part in it too.” Ren Yi gave him a few perfunctory replies. He had no mood to talk about it right now, so he changed the subject. “How have you been lately? Have you transferred to an official position yet?”
“There should be a chance this year. But some time ago, an insurance company tried to recruit me. They need fire investigators too, and the salary is much higher than here. I’m still pretty torn.”
“You’re still young. There’s no need to rush into a decision.”
The two arrived at the archives.
Zhang Wen said, “These materials include the development history of fire investigation. The retired equipment isn’t kept here. I can take you to see it.”
“Sure. I’ll look through the materials first. Can I borrow these?”
“Just say hello to Section Chief Meng. You can return them later. Same goes for the equipment.”
“Okay. Go take care of your work.”
Ren Yi spent the entire afternoon going through the archival materials, learning about the level of investigation available back then. Understanding the investigative capabilities of that time would help him discover the flaws in the Gong family’s case. After all, technology had developed far too quickly over the past eighteen years. Many things that could now be easily detected with advanced instruments simply hadn’t been possible back then.
In the end, Ren Yi borrowed some materials and equipment and returned to the station.
He had slept only four hours from the previous day until now. He was already exhausted, so he went back to the dormitory and slept. He didn’t wake until after eleven that night, when his phone rang.
“Hello?” Ren Yi answered while yawning.
Gong Yingsheng’s cool, pleasant voice came from the other end. “I’m at your station.”
Ren Yi suddenly sat upright in bed. “Didn’t you send a driver?”
“The driver doesn’t carry a gun.” Gong Yingsheng said, “Get ready and come downstairs.”
“Okay, okay.”
After hanging up, Ren Yi was already much more awake.
Was Gong Yingsheng worried about his safety, so he had come personally to pick him up?
He wanted to drag his heart away from Gong Yingsheng, yet helplessly watched as it sank deeper and deeper.
He wasn’t some naïve young man who only judged people by their looks. Part of the reason he liked Gong Yingsheng was because Gong Yingsheng treated him well in such a simple, sincere, and completely selfless way. And Ren Yi was the kind of person who couldn’t help but repay someone threefold when they gave him one part kindness. And so, he had gotten himself tangled up in it.
He picked up Miao Miao, who had been sleeping beside him, and rubbed his face against its fluffy head. He murmured, “You’re the only thing that still belongs to ‘us.’”