Once they got into the car, Ren Yi noticed that Gong Yingsheng’s face was full of fatigue, with dark bluish shadows beneath his eyes.
Ren Yi frowned. “Have you slept at all since the incident?”
“I dozed for a while.” Gong Yingsheng said indifferently. Everything that had happened at the concert—whether it was Purple Flame’s affair or Ren Yi’s—had made it difficult for him to fall asleep, so he had worked nonstop until now.
“I’ll drive. At least I got some sleep.”
The two switched seats. Ren Yi placed Miao Miao on Gong Yingsheng. “You should sleep for a while too.”
“I can’t sleep.” Gong Yingsheng stroked Miao Miao. “It’s gotten a little bigger.”
“It eats every day, of course it’s going to grow.” Ren Yi said. “Put the seat back and get some rest, at least. Lack of sleep will affect your ability to think.”
Gong Yingsheng reclined the seat and stretched his back slightly. Then he unzipped his down jacket and tucked Miao Miao inside his arms.
Miao Miao poked out its little head and meowed. It obediently lay on Gong Yingsheng, curling up its body as it prepared to continue sleeping. Clearly, it was very satisfied with being wrapped up so warmly.
“How often does it get a bath?” Gong Yingsheng gently patted Miao Miao’s body through the down jacket.
“It hasn’t had one since it came here.” Ren Yi started the car. “It got one while it was recovering at the pet store. Cats are okay with only being bathed every few months, right?”
Gong Yingsheng shot Ren Yi a sideways glance. “Bring it to my house to wash.”
Ren Yi smiled faintly. “You think it’s dirty, yet you still put it in your arms?”
“I don’t think it’s dirty.” Gong Yingsheng thought for a moment before explaining, “It is dirty, but I don’t mind it.”
“Looks like your cleanliness obsession has gotten better.”
“No.” Gong Yingsheng said flatly. “It’s my cat.”
Our cat.
Ren Yi added silently in his heart.
“I can’t sleep. Let’s talk.” Gong Yingsheng turned his head to stare out the window at the night scenery constantly receding behind them, not wanting Ren Yi to see his expression.
“Okay. What do you want to talk about?”
“How many boyfriends have you had?”
Ren Yi nearly choked on his breath. He never would have expected Gong Yingsheng to open with such a sharp, cutting question, as if he had been stewing over it for a long time.
“Hm?” Gong Yingsheng was somewhat dissatisfied with Ren Yi’s silence.
“…Three.” Ren Yi answered honestly.
Gong Yingsheng suppressed his anger. “How old were you when you realized your sexual orientation?”
“About fifteen or sixteen.” Ren Yi felt extremely uncomfortable. He secretly glanced at Gong Yingsheng and found that Gong Yingsheng was still staring out the window. There was no way to read his emotions from that face.
“How did you realize it?”
To prevent any fluctuations in his voice from revealing his emotions, Gong Yingsheng asked in a mechanical, completely toneless voice.
To Ren Yi, it sounded especially like an interrogation. He sighed inwardly. This had to be a common occupational habit among police officers, right?
He answered through gritted teeth, “I fell in love with a classmate.”
“So you only realize it after falling for someone?”
“For the vast majority of people, I guess.”
“How do you define this sexual orientation?”
Ren Yi said awkwardly, “What… do you mean, how do you define it?”
“What kind of person can be defined as having this sexual orientation?”
“Uh… someone who likes people of the same sex, of course.”
A trace of bewilderment appeared in Gong Yingsheng’s eyes. “What if you only like one person of the same sex, and don’t like anyone else?”
He had thought about it. He had seriously thought about it. But in the end, he discovered that aside from Ren Yi, he had no interest in anyone else. Men or women, he wanted to keep his distance from all of them. Even with relatives like Uncle Sheng, Feilan, and Qiu Yan, he avoided unnecessary physical contact. The difference between family and outsiders was simply that family didn’t make him feel disgusted.
Only Ren Yi—Ren Yi alone—was someone he actively wanted to approach.
Ren Yi thought for a moment and said, “There are many kinds of sexual orientations in this world. It’s just that heterosexuality and homosexuality are more common. I think that when you like someone, you don’t have to be constrained by gender.”
Gong Yingsheng said nothing.
Ren Yi quietly breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that Gong Yingsheng was finally going to end this conversation that had him sitting on pins and needles.
But a moment later, Gong Yingsheng said something even more shocking.
“When did you break up?”
Ren Yi’s expression became extremely awkward. “Huh?”
“You’ve had three boyfriends. That proves you’re capable of breaking up, right? By reasonable logic, there’s also a possibility that you and Qi Xiao will break up.”
The investigation into Qi Xiao had been sent to his phone several hours ago. To deal with someone like him, a little lure of fame and profit would have been enough. He simply couldn’t bring himself to do it.
He was merely unwilling to accept that someone like Ren Yi—someone who had a boyfriend yet still concealed his sexual orientation, deliberately acted ambiguously with him, and treated him as a source of amusement—could possibly be worth abandoning his principles and morals to do something dishonorable.
Besides, even if he did it, Ren Yi still wouldn’t belong to him.
Ren Yi took a deep breath. “We already broke up.”
Gong Yingsheng suddenly sprang upright in his seat and turned toward Ren Yi in astonishment.
Ren Yi was startled by Gong Yingsheng as well and nearly rear-ended the car in front. He hurriedly slammed on the brakes and looked at the rear of the vehicle that had come infinitely close, his heart still pounding with fear.
Gong Yingsheng asked, “When? That night?”
“…Yes.”
“Why didn’t you say so earlier?”
“Does it matter?” Ren Yi thought bitterly. Would being single make him any less “disgusting”?
Gong Yingsheng’s heart was filled with conflicting emotions. He seemed as though he should be happy, yet he clearly couldn’t feel any joy, because Ren Yi had personally told him that he “didn’t have any feelings for him.”
They had broken up, yet Ren Yi still had no feelings for him?
Gong Yingsheng clenched his fists. He was becoming increasingly angry, yet he didn’t even know whom that anger should be directed at.
Was it simply Ren Yi?
So Gong Yingsheng fell silent, and Ren Yi fell silent too.
The two of them remained silent all the way until they arrived at Gong Yingsheng’s house.
Uncle Sheng still warmly welcomed Ren Yi, but at this moment, facing Uncle Sheng’s smile, Ren Yi only felt guilty. If Uncle Sheng knew what kind of thoughts he harbored toward Gong Yingsheng, would he hate him too?
After they got home, Gong Yingsheng handed Miao Miao to the nanny. “Give it a bath. I’m going to take a shower too.”
Uncle Sheng happily teased Miao Miao for a moment before bringing Ren Yi to the dining room. “Captain Ren, are you hungry? We prepared a late-night meal. It’s all food you like.”
Ren Yi gave an awkward smile. “Thank you.”
“Did you two have fun at the concert?” Uncle Sheng said with a beaming smile. “The young master even specifically asked me to buy him some casual clothes. He hasn’t worn clothes like that in a long time. It was almost like going back to his student days. What a nostalgic feeling.”
“Oh, it was all right. The concert was pretty good.”
“It was also the young master’s first time attending a concert. In the past, whenever we asked him to go somewhere crowded, oh my, it was practically like asking him to give up his life. He’s only willing to force himself to tolerate so many things for work. But because of Captain Ren, he’s broken through his own limits several times. Dr. Pompey was very happy. He said your encouragement has been more effective for the young master than any other method.”
“Dr. Pompey?”
“He’s the young master’s psychologist. The fact that the young master can basically integrate into society like he does now is the result of years of treatment. He also said that the next time he comes back to Beijing, he’d like to meet you.”
“Oh, okay…”
How could Ren Yi dare meet Gong Yingsheng’s psychologist? He was afraid that he would be seen through after just a few words.
“Dr. Pompey said that only someone who can truly make the young master open his heart can have the greatest guiding influence on him. So it’s wonderful that the young master has a friend like you.” Uncle Sheng eagerly poured Ren Yi a cup of hot tea. “Captain Ren, we really don’t know how to thank you.”
Ren Yi felt like he was sitting on pins and needles. He was so guilty that his face had begun to burn.
How could he possibly deserve these people’s expectations and gratitude? If they knew what impure thoughts he harbored toward Gong Yingsheng, perhaps they would feel “disgusted” just like Gong Yingsheng did.
Ren Yi ate a few bites before putting down his chopsticks. He forced a smile. “Uncle Sheng, I ate before I came. I can’t eat anymore.”
“Oh, that’s all right. Aren’t you two working tonight? Just call me whenever you’re hungry.”
Ren Yi didn’t want to continue facing Uncle Sheng’s eager gaze, so he suggested going to watch Miao Miao get its bath.
By the time he got there, Miao Miao was almost finished. Ren Yi helped the nanny dry it thoroughly.
After getting cleaned up, Miao Miao’s fur was soft and fragrant. Even the places that had once been burned had grown fine downy fur, making the scars much less noticeable.
Ren Yi picked up Miao Miao, intending to show it to Gong Yingsheng.
When he reached Gong Yingsheng’s bedroom, however, he noticed that the door wasn’t closed. It seemed as though its owner had hurried inside and only pulled it mostly shut.
Ren Yi gently knocked twice. There was no response.
He immediately became a little worried. Gong Yingsheng was extremely particular about his privacy; it was almost impossible for him to enter his bedroom without closing the door. Thinking about how Gong Yingsheng hadn’t slept for the past two days, and seeing his complexion, it was obvious that he was extremely exhausted and had low blood sugar.
After hesitating for a moment, Ren Yi gently pushed the door open and found Gong Yingsheng lying face down on the bed in his pajamas. His slippers were still on, and he hadn’t pulled up the covers. It didn’t look like he had been preparing to sleep.
Shit. Had he passed out?
Ren Yi became anxious and walked over, calling softly, “Yingsheng? Yingsheng?”
Gong Yingsheng didn’t respond at all. His breathing was steady, though, and he seemed to be sleeping very deeply.
Ren Yi set Miao Miao aside. He remembered that Gong Yingsheng was an extremely light sleeper. There was no way he should fail to wake up like this.
If he couldn’t wake him, he would have to call a doctor.
Ren Yi pushed Gong Yingsheng’s shoulder twice. “Yingsheng, wake up. What’s wrong with you?”
Gong Yingsheng suddenly opened his eyes.
Ren Yi jumped and hurriedly pulled his hand back, but Gong Yingsheng instinctively seized his hand and yanked him down onto the bed, simultaneously pushing himself up with swift force.
“What are you doing?”
He had just finished showering and was wearing nothing but a bathrobe. He hadn’t even properly tied the belt. Now, as he sat up, the front of the robe fell wide open, leaving everything exposed.
Ren Yi’s face nearly collided with Gong Yingsheng’s chest. The faint fragrance of Gong Yingsheng after his shower filled his nostrils, and his mind went completely blank. He forgot how to speak.
Gong Yingsheng shook his head, becoming a little more awake. “What did you come in here for?”
“I—I brought Miao Miao over to show you. And then I thought—I was afraid you’d passed out. You… did you pass out?”
Ren Yi stammered as he spoke. Remembering something, he quickly pulled his hand back. “I didn’t mean to touch you. I was afraid you’d fainted.”
Gong Yingsheng’s hand was suddenly empty. That familiar warmth and sensation hadn’t even been enough to soothe him in the slightest before it disappeared.
He was extremely agitated.
“I was too tired after taking a shower, so I wanted to lie down for a bit.” Gong Yingsheng noticed that Ren Yi’s gaze was darting everywhere except at him. He lowered his head and saw his own bathrobe hanging open, immediately understanding Ren Yi’s discomfort.
He had intended to cover himself out of habit, but when he grasped the bathrobe, he didn’t move.
Ren Yi’s gaze fled to Miao Miao as though running for its life. “If you want to sleep, keep sleeping. Don’t push yourself too hard.”
Gong Yingsheng raised his head and stared at Ren Yi, his gaze deep and unreadable.
“Have you slept with Qi Xiao?”
Ren Yi’s entire body went rigid.
Gong Yingsheng narrowed his eyes.
“Since you have feelings for men, have you ever fantasized about sleeping with me?”