Xu Ze still bought a safe, the smallest size available.
He placed the badge inside along with some bank cards and identification documents, set the combination, and shut it securely.
Xu Ze hadn’t gone to the 195th Hospital these past few days. He had been spending all his time in the military medical university’s laboratory, returning to his dormitory only in the early hours of the morning.
After washing up, he would lie in bed and do his homework—which consisted of researching restaurants.
Lu Heyang had said that Xu Ze could contact him whenever he had time, but Xu Ze intended to arrange everything according to Lu Heyang’s schedule.
He didn’t plan to put it off. Every day that passed without having that meal would be another day he spent thinking about it.
Lu Heyang could leave the capital at any time. If that happened, Xu Ze might end up worrying about a single meal for a very, very long time.
Xu Ze compiled a spreadsheet of the highest-ranked restaurants on various food and restaurant apps. He listed their addresses, ratings, signature dishes, and customer reviews, and even pasted pictures of each restaurant’s interior into the spreadsheet so he could compare them.
He rarely ate out. He was usually a regular at the cafeterias of the 195th Hospital and the Military Medical University. When he went out to eat with his team members or colleagues, they always visited the same few restaurants. He had never found any particular restaurant especially delicious. They all seemed more or less the same.
In the past, he had only been able to treat Lu Heyang to noodles. Now he could afford to take him somewhere a little better, and this might very well be his only opportunity…
There were many reasons, but perhaps the only real reason was that the other person was Lu Heyang. Because of that, Xu Ze couldn’t help taking this matter seriously.
Thinking that Chi Jiahan might know more about good restaurants, Xu Ze sent him the spreadsheet and asked:
Xu Ze: Which of these places has the best food?
Chi Jiahan replied almost immediately.
Chi Jiahan: ?
Chi Jiahan: What are you doing?
Xu Ze: I’m going to treat a friend to a meal.
Chi Jiahan: What friend? Lu Heyang?
Xu Ze opened the spreadsheet and looked through it again. He realized that neither the title nor the contents contained the three characters ‘Lu Heyang’ anywhere.
He couldn’t figure out how Chi Jiahan had solved the mystery in just one second.
While he was still pondering this, Chi Jiahan initiated a voice call.
“I heard Lieutenant Colonel Lu has visited your department two or three times,” Chi Jiahan said. “You two haven’t already gotten together after just two or three meetings, have you?”
Dr. Chi’s choice of words was rather aggressive, but Xu Ze didn’t react because nothing of the sort had happened.
He simply asked, “How did you guess who I was going to treat to dinner?”
“Obviously! With someone like you, who else besides Lu Heyang could make you put together an entire spreadsheet just to arrange one meal?”
“All right.”
Having received his answer, Xu Ze nodded to himself on the other end of the phone.
“What’s all right? Has he remembered anything about you?”
“No.”
“Then who suggested having dinner? It couldn’t possibly have been you, right?”
Xu Ze fell silent.
Chi Jiahan continued asking, “Lu Heyang suggested it? Why would he ask you to treat him to dinner? Was he joking, or was he trying to seduce you?”
“…” Xu Ze thought the second possibility was utterly absurd. His tone was serious as he said, “Don’t say that.”
“Xu Ze, I think Lu Heyang saw through you a long time ago. You’re terrible at pretending. You can’t hide anything from him, either.”
Chi Jiahan sighed.
“Tell me honestly. Do you think Lu Heyang liked you back in high school?”
The phone slipped in Xu Ze’s palm and fell onto the pillow. He slowly picked it up again before answering.
“I don’t know.”
“Even if he did like you, that was a long time ago. He doesn’t remember anymore.”
Chi Jiahan suddenly became a little more serious.
“He might be curious about you now, or interested in getting to know you. But when you see him each time, does it really make you feel good? Even if one day he learns what happened between the two of you, all he’ll have is the knowledge of those events. He can never again experience the feelings and emotions he had when those things actually happened.”
“In other words, the Lu Heyang from back then is never coming back. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with the Lu Heyang now, but you should be the person who understands the difference better than anyone. I’ve always believed in saying the unpleasant things first, so that’s why I’m telling you all this. You should think it through carefully while there’s still time.”
Xu Ze remained silent for a long while before answering.
“All right. I understand.”
“……Forget it.” Chi Jiahan lowered his voice. “What’s the point of telling you all this? You actually understand everything perfectly well.”
Chi Jiahan couldn’t understand how someone as foolish and stubborn as Xu Ze could exist. He was like a machine, programmed with a single instruction: wait for Lu Heyang. And then he could remain silent and wait for years without saying a word. Even if Lu Heyang never came, that was fine, too.
That was simply how he was.
Actually, perhaps describing it as “waiting” wasn’t entirely appropriate. After all, Xu Ze had never harbored any expectations, nor had he insisted on getting any particular outcome.
Chi Jiahan wondered, how could anyone like another person without having any purpose, thoughts, or wishes attached to it?
“Don’t worry about me. It’s okay,” Xu Ze told him.
Xu Ze really didn’t think that much about it. He didn’t need Lu Heyang to know about their past, nor did he need him to recover his memories. He had never entertained such fantasies at all.
Lu Heyang had merely asked him to treat him to a meal. So Xu Ze would do just that, and then regard every meeting as though it might be their last.
This was probably the greatest reassurance Xu Ze could offer.
Chi Jiahan was so exasperated that he laughed. “Oh, right. You’ve gotten used to having last meals before your execution anyway. What’s one more time?”
It was a cruel yet remarkably apt comparison. Xu Ze didn’t know how to respond, so he simply said, “Are you home yet? Get some rest early.”
“Not yet. I’m still in the hospital parking lot, getting ready to head back.”
“All right. Be careful on the way.”
“I know.”
Before hanging up, Chi Jiahan added, “The third restaurant. The food is pretty good, though it’s a little expensive. But since you’re treating Lu Heyang, I doubt you care about the price.”
“All right. Thank you.”
After the call ended, Xu Ze drew a little circle around the third restaurant in his spreadsheet.
“Lieutenant Colonel Lu.”
The office door opened. Su Lian stood up and greeted the alpha.
“Long time no see, Dr. Su.”
Lu Heyang walked in and shook hands with Su Lian across the desk.
“Have you been doing well?”
Lu Heyang sat down in the chair. “Yes, quite well.”
Su Lian looked at the young lieutenant colonel before her.
She had been Lu Heyang’s psychological counselor ever since he began participating in actual flight combat missions. More precisely, she had served as the psychological counselor for many of the pilots in that particular graduating class of the Union Air Force Aviation University.
Lu Heyang, however, was a rather special case among them—he had lost most of his memories before entering the military academy.
The first time they met, Lu Heyang was a sophomore. After an aerial battle, he had taken the initiative to seek Su Lian out for psychological counseling.
“What did you see?” Su Lian had asked.
“I saw a classmate I’d been with for more than two years.” Lu Heyang frowned slightly. “His fighter jet was hit fifty meters away from me, then crashed.”
It was a typical case of post-traumatic stress disorder, which was most likely to occur in patients who had recently been exposed to war or had spent a prolonged period in a war environment.
Lu Heyang’s reaction was already among the mildest cases.
That counseling session hadn’t lasted very long. It ended in less than fifteen minutes because Lu Heyang received a mission notification midway through and immediately got up to head to the airport.
They met again after the regional conflict had ended.
Fifteen fighter jets landed at the military airfield. Dressed in his combat uniform and carrying the ashes of his close friend and former classmate, Lu Heyang stepped back onto the soil of his homeland under the watchful eyes of government officials and military personnel.
After that, Lu Heyang never brought up anything about the battlefield again. Instead, he told Su Lian about a dream he had experienced many times.
An incessant phone ringing, a blurry screen, and a call that could never be answered.
“Perhaps it’s a scene you experienced before losing your memories, or a reflection of some part of your memory in another form. But it’s also possible that it’s simply a dream,” Su Lian had told him.
“Perhaps,” Lu Heyang had replied.
He appeared to have considered these possibilities long ago and hadn’t placed his hopes on receiving a different answer from his psychologist.
Su Lian’s main reason for coming to the capital this time was to give lectures at the Military Medical University and attend a seminar. She happened to have some free time that morning, so she had come to the Air Force base.
“During our last phone conversation, you said you might be close to finding the answer. I’m curious what you meant by that.”
“I’m curious, too.”
Lu Heyang interlaced his fingers and rested his hands on his thighs.
“It’s just a feeling. I think I may have encountered someone important.”
“Could it be the person who was calling you in your dream?”
“I’m not sure yet.” Lu Heyang smiled faintly. “But I hope it is.”
On the fifteenth day, Xu Ze finally decided to try contacting Lu Heyang and inviting him to dinner. His evenings happened to be relatively free over the next few days.
Sending the invitation was itself a difficult task for Xu Ze. He had no idea when Lu Heyang would check his phone.
As a result, even after being woken up by his alarm at six in the morning, Xu Ze was still staring blankly at the message screen at six-thirty.
In the end, because he was about to be late, Xu Ze closed his eyes and sent the message. He then turned off his phone and left for the 195th Hospital.
There were quite a few things to take care of that morning. It was nearly noon when Xu Ze returned to his office.
Only after turning on his phone did he remember that he had sent Lu Heyang a message. At the same time, he noticed that there were no unread messages from him.
A colleague called out and invited him to go to the cafeteria together. Xu Ze put his phone away in his pocket and left the office.
No reply came from Lu Heyang throughout the afternoon or evening.
Xu Ze gradually went from feeling nervous to questioning himself. He began wondering whether Lu Heyang’s request for him to buy dinner had really just been a polite joke.
But the text had already been sent, and Xu Ze couldn’t take it back. If Lu Heyang had only been joking, then all he needed to do was wait for him to decline.
Compared with waiting for Lu Heyang to accept his invitation, waiting for his rejection seemed to make Xu Ze feel more at ease.
After returning to his apartment and washing up, Xu Ze opened his computer to read research papers.
He usually put his phone on silent when studying at night. Today, however, he had only switched it to vibrate.
He sat in front of the computer for two hours. His phone vibrated many times, and each time he checked it.
But there was still no message from Lu Heyang.
It was very late. Xu Ze shut down his computer, washed his hands, and went to bed.
Before sleeping, he opened his messages and scrolled back to the text he’d sent that morning.
It was a very simple sentence:
Hello, Lieutenant Colonel. This is Xu Ze. Regarding the meal we discussed last time, I was wondering if you might have some time available recently.
The more Xu Ze looked at it, the more awkward and terribly worded the message seemed. He was speechless at himself and turned off the light.
He didn’t sleep very well. He had several fragmented dreams, and even dreamed that his message notification had sounded. Xu Ze fumbled for his phone and vaguely saw that Lu Heyang had replied. It seemed he’d asked Xu Ze to call him.
How could that be possible?
Thinking this, Xu Ze drifted groggily into another dream.
It was just after dawn when Xu Ze woke up, before his alarm even went off. His head hurt a little. He lay there with his eyes open for a while before picking up his phone to check the time.
Before he could make out the time, he noticed the notification preview on the screen.
Among all the messages, the three characters Lieutenant Colonel Lu stood out so prominently that they might as well have been bolded and highlighted.
Xu Ze froze for a moment, then unlocked his phone and opened the message.
Lieutenant Colonel Lu: If Dr. Xu is awake before 6:30, give me a call. Otherwise, a little later, around noon, I’ll call you.
After reading the message, Xu Ze immediately checked the time.
6:13.
He barely gave himself a moment to hesitate before sitting up in bed and calling Lu Heyang.
During those few seconds while he waited for the call to connect, Xu Ze could hear his own heartbeat very clearly.
The last time he’d called Lu Heyang had been when he was eighteen. He had called again and again, countless times, but none of the calls had ever gone through.
“Hello? Dr. Xu.”
The moment he heard the other person’s voice, Xu Ze unconsciously held his breath. After a brief pause, he answered, “Lieutenant Colonel.”
“Sorry. I had quite a lot going on yesterday and didn’t get back to my room until very late. I couldn’t reply to you in time.”
“It’s all right.” Xu Ze touched the side of his neck, only then realizing that his palm was covered in sweat.
“I have a meeting tonight, so I probably won’t be able to have dinner with you. Would tomorrow work?”
It wasn’t a rejection.
Xu Ze was slightly stunned before answering, “Yes, that works.”
Lu Heyang seemed to be smiling as he asked, “Dr. Xu, have you already chosen a restaurant?”
“Yes.” Xu Ze nodded to himself on the other end of the phone. “A friend told me the food there is pretty good.”
“All right. Then I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll contact you in the evening.”
“Mm. See you tomorrow.”
After hanging up, Xu Ze still had an intense sense of unreality. So he went back to look at the message Lu Heyang had sent, then checked the call history. Only after that did he finally confirm that it had really happened.
From the moment he finished speaking with Lu Heyang, time seemed to have been put into slow motion.
When he was busy, he hardly noticed it. But whenever he had a moment to himself, the four words have dinner together would suddenly pop into Xu Ze’s mind. Every time they did, he would freeze for a second before checking the time.
There was still so long to go.
A new patient was admitted that afternoon. After arranging the hospitalization, Xu Ze returned to his office to write the medical notes.
The setting sun streamed through the window, falling across the back of his hand. Xu Ze watched it for a while, then turned his hand over. The patch of pale yellow sunlight settled in his palm, warm to the touch.
His phone rang.
Xu Ze turned his head and answered without even seeing who was calling.
“Hello?”
“Dr. Xu, are you about to finish work?”
The palm he’d been holding out to bask in the sunlight immediately curled into a fist.
“Mm,” Xu Ze replied.
“I’m almost at the city center. Would you like me to pick you up?”
“There’ll be traffic. I’ll send you the restaurant’s location, and then I’ll take the subway there.”
“All right.”
After ending the call, Xu Ze sent Lu Heyang the restaurant’s address. Then he packed up his things and headed to the changing room.
He had never been so eager to leave work before. He even forgot to clock out.
“Hey, Dr. Xu!” The nurse at the reception desk saw that Xu Ze had already taken off his white coat and was hurrying toward the elevator. She called out to him. “Don’t forget to clock out!”
Xu Ze stopped, then walked back to scan his fingerprint.
“You’re leaving in such a hurry. Is something urgent?”
“No.”
“Don’t tell me you’re rushing off on a date?” The nurse smiled teasingly. “It’s pretty rare to see you leave right on time.”
Xu Ze smiled faintly. “It’s not that.”
The subway was extremely crowded during the evening rush hour.
Xu Ze held onto a hanging strap with one hand, keeping his eyes fixed on the station display. He watched the station names turn green and then red, the subway doors open and close, and the crowds flow in and out.
They had arrived.
Xu Ze stepped out of the carriage and tapped his card at the station exit. After getting onto the escalator, he took out his phone and saw a message from Lu Heyang sent five minutes earlier.
Lu Heyang: I’m at Exit D.
Xu Ze had exited through C, but it didn’t matter. Exit D was just across the street.
He replied:
Xu Ze: All right. I’ll be there shortly.
In the busiest commercial district in the heart of the capital, crowds flowed endlessly through the streets. Several enormous LED screens illuminated the sky above.
Xu Ze looked across the street through the crowd and immediately spotted the alpha standing by the roadside.
Lu Heyang was wearing an ordinary, inconspicuous black T-shirt. He stood there, tall and relaxed.
Perhaps it was because he was so tall, or perhaps because, among all those unfamiliar faces, Lu Heyang was the one Xu Ze knew best. Either way, he had spotted him at a glance.
The traffic light was red.
Xu Ze stopped at the crosswalk, still gazing at Lu Heyang from a distance.
A moment later, he saw Lu Heyang’s gaze shift. With the reflections of the surrounding lights in his eyes, Lu Heyang’s gaze settled on his face.
The instant their eyes met, Xu Ze’s entire body seemed to stiffen, as though time had frozen him in place.
Lu Heyang, however, didn’t look surprised. He simply looked at Xu Ze and smiled.
As traffic passed between their intersecting lines of sight, Xu Ze confirmed that Chi Jiahan had been wrong.
Lu Heyang actually hadn’t changed.
Whether he was in his teens or now, he was still the same.
The only difference was in Xu Ze himself. He shouldn’t narrowly define Lu Heyang as two different people simply because Lu Heyang no longer remembered him.
The red light seemed interminably long.
As the countdown reached its final few seconds, Xu Ze was almost unable to stand still. Yet when the light turned green, he didn’t react immediately.
It wasn’t until someone accidentally bumped into his shoulder that Xu Ze finally started walking.
The two streams of pedestrians from opposite sides of the street converged on the crosswalk. Lu Heyang remained standing where he was.
Xu Ze avoided the pedestrians coming toward him and continued forward. Finally, he stepped onto the sidewalk and stopped in front of Lu Heyang.
Lu Heyang reached out, lightly gripping Xu Ze’s arm and guiding him one step closer.
The surroundings were still extremely noisy. Xu Ze felt as though his body were floating.
He asked, “Have you been waiting long?”
“No.” Lu Heyang released his arm. “That’s why I really wanted to tell you not to rush so much just now.”
Xu Ze couldn’t even remember what he’d looked like half a minute earlier.
He couldn’t help asking, “Did I look like I was in a hurry?”
Lu Heyang turned his head to glance at him, a hint of amusement in his eyes. “Not really.”
The restaurant was a standalone establishment, not inside a shopping mall, so it was much quieter. Xu Ze had reserved a table by the window, where they could see the night view along the river. He had only ordered a few of the restaurant’s signature dishes and planned to let Lu Heyang choose the rest.
Lu Heyang ordered just one dish, then asked Xu Ze, “Is there anything else you’d like to order, Dr. Xu?”
Xu Ze shook his head. “Nothing else.”
“All right.” Lu Heyang handed the menu back to the server.
Because it was so quiet, Xu Ze felt a little uncomfortable. He looked out the window. The capital’s night view was actually quite beautiful. It was just that, somehow, today seemed to be the first time he’d noticed it.
“Have we ever had a meal alone together like this before?” Lu Heyang suddenly asked.
Xu Ze turned back and answered, “We have.”
It was just that the few times they’d eaten at restaurants, He Wei and Gu Yunchi had been with them. As for the times when it had been just the two of them, there had probably only been the old house and that shabby, noisy noodle shop.
“What did we eat?”
“The dishes I made myself, and noodles.”
“Dr. Xu remembers everything so clearly.” Lu Heyang continued, “The dishes you made yourself—was that at your place?”
Only at this point did Xu Ze sense that something was a little off. But Lu Heyang’s expression was perfectly natural, as though there was no particular meaning behind his questions. So Xu Ze nodded. “Yes.”
“Did I go to your place often back then?”
“Not… very often.”
Lu Heyang, however, said, “So it was fairly often, then. Right?”
“Maybe you could say that.” Xu Ze reminded himself to stay alert and answer carefully, but it seemed to have little effect.
“What did we usually do at your place? Other than eat.”
At a time like this, saying they had studied together would have been even more laughable than a joke. So Xu Ze answered, “Talk.”
Unfortunately, that answer was only slightly less ridiculous than saying they’d studied together.
Lu Heyang laughed. “Was Dr. Xu quite talkative in high school?”
Xu Ze knew Lu Heyang had probably realized he was lying again, but he didn’t seem angry about it. He still looked rather relaxed and cheerful.
Just then, the server happened to push over a serving cart, rescuing Xu Ze.
“The food is here,” he said.
Lu Heyang obligingly nodded. “Mm, I see.”
A meal shouldn’t have been so short. It was the first time Xu Ze had ever had that thought. He had already eaten as slowly as he possibly could.
When he was sure the meal was about to end, Xu Ze looked out the window, then at Lu Heyang. There probably wouldn’t be another moment like this in the future. Even so, Xu Ze felt happy, because at least he’d finally treated Lu Heyang to a proper meal.
“Are you finished?” Lu Heyang asked.
“Yes.”
“Let’s go.”
Xu Ze nodded and pressed the service button to ask the server to bring the bill. After paying, they headed outside. Xu Ze guessed that Lu Heyang’s car was probably parked somewhere near the restaurant. That meant once they reached the entrance, it would be time to say goodbye.
Feeling disappointed was pointless, but Xu Ze couldn’t stop himself from feeling that way. When they reached the restaurant entrance, he began waiting for Lu Heyang to say goodbye.
“Do you have anything else to do tonight, Dr. Xu?”
Xu Ze paused. “No.”
“Would you like to go see a movie together?” Lu Heyang’s expression was difficult to read beneath the light cascading down from above. He said, “A drive-in theater. It’s about twenty minutes from here.”
Xu Ze had lived in the capital for more than twenty years and hadn’t even known there was a drive-in theater nearby.
Although he very much wanted to say yes, he still asked, “Wouldn’t that take up your time, Lieutenant Colonel?”
“You’re the one being invited. You don’t need to worry about that on my behalf.” Lu Heyang smiled. “Tonight is my personal time. There’s no question of whether you’re taking up my time.”
Xu Ze looked at him and said, “All right.”
Lu Heyang was still driving an ordinary military off-road vehicle. Xu Ze got into the passenger seat and reached over to close the door. Just then, he caught sight of a small package near his feet. Thinking it was trash, he bent down to pick it up.
“Did you drop something?” Lu Heyang turned on the interior light to help Xu Ze look for it.
“No, it seems to be…”
As Xu Ze straightened up, his words abruptly stopped halfway through. Lu Heyang fastened his seat belt and looked at what Xu Ze was holding.
Under the light, it was perfectly clear.
It wasn’t trash. It was an unopened condom.
Lieutenant Colonel Lu immediately launched an overnight investigation into who had used this car before him.