“…Lord Shu’s condition should be caused by overexertion combined with having caught a slight chill.” The imperial physician rose from beside Shu Changyu’s bed and bowed carefully. “I have prescribed several doses of medicine. As long as Lord Shu rests properly for two days and takes his medicine three times a day on schedule, he should recover.”
He cautiously lifted his eyes and glanced back and forth between Jing Mu and Madam Li, only to see that both of them had faces as dark as water, and neither said a word.
“…Lord Shu’s illness is not serious. Your Highness and Old Madam need not worry too much.” He carefully lowered his eyes and offered words of reassurance.
Madam Li’s eyes were red. She pressed her lips together and said nothing, merely staring tightly at the unconscious Shu Changyu lying on the bed.
It was Jing Mu who spoke first.
“Thank you, Doctor. I have troubled you to take such care.”
Upon hearing this, the imperial physician hurriedly bowed in salute. He did not stay a moment longer, leaving behind the prescription and medicine pouch before rising to take his leave.
After the imperial physician departed, Kongqing led the maids out to prepare the medicine. The room was left with only the three of them.
Jing Mu stood beside the bed, his gaze fixed tightly upon Shu Changyu’s pale face, his eyes closed.
He had clearly been perfectly fine just yesterday. Although Shu Changyu had been exhausted from the long journey, he had still chatted and laughed pleasantly with Jing Mu. His expression was, as usual, not particularly expressive, but he had still been lively, charming, and adorable.
Standing within arm’s reach of Shu Changyu, Jing Mu wanted several times to raise his hand and touch his face, but each time he forcibly suppressed the impulse in his heart.
After a while, he took a deep breath, painfully moved his gaze away from Shu Changyu’s face, and looked up at Madam Li.
“Old Madam Shu.” His expression was dark, and his voice was low and cold. “You are the Grand Tutor’s mother, and he respects you. Naturally, I will respect you as well. But whatever grievances you have, you can take them out on me. What fault does the Grand Tutor have?”
His final four words were spoken slowly and heavily, one word at a time. The atmosphere in the room immediately became tense.
“What fault does he have?” Madam Li’s eyes were red, yet she forcibly held back her tears and sneered. “He disregarded human ethics and engaged in an illicit relationship with Your Highness. That itself is an act of grave disrespect.”
Jing Mu gritted his teeth. There were fierce red veins in his eyes. He clenched his fists, forcing himself not to look at Shu Changyu’s current condition, and stared tightly at Madam Li.
“Old Madam Shu, I’m afraid you have misunderstood. From beginning to end, it was merely me clinging to the Grand Tutor. You are taking your anger out on him. What is the meaning of that?”
“Since Your Highness knows that you are the one insisting on pursuing him, then you should also know when enough is enough.” Madam Li clenched her teeth, her emotions tightly suppressed. “If you truly have even a little affection for him, you should let him go.”
“Old Madam makes it sound so easy. You have lived for several decades. Could it be that you still don’t know that when it comes to the word ‘love,’ it cannot simply be let go of just because one says so?”
Madam Li gritted her teeth and gave a cold laugh.
“There are many things in this world that are difficult to let go of.” She stared tightly at Jing Mu. “Wealth, power, reputation, beauty. If everything that is difficult to abandon must simply be possessed, wouldn’t that be rather selfish?”
“All I have ever wanted in my life is the Grand Tutor.” Jing Mu’s clenched fists trembled slightly. “I want nothing else in the world.”
Jing Mu stared tightly at the woman before him, whose eyes were red and whose entire body was trembling.
He could be ruthless toward anyone, except Shu Changyu—and the family Shu Changyu cared about most. The person before him who was hurting Shu Changyu was his mother.
Although Jing Mu was almost driven out of his mind by the pain in his heart at this moment, he still forcibly endured it.
He could do nothing to this woman.
The Grand Tutor was already suffering so much. He could not hurt his heart any further.
“Your Highness’s words are too much for Jingchen to bear.” Madam Li sneered. “Your Highness, you are still young and have little experience. You still do not know what you truly want. Jingchen is kind-hearted and treats everyone this way, which is why he caused Your Highness to misunderstand. That is Jingchen’s fault.”
She paused.
“But you cannot therefore place the blame for bringing disaster upon the country and its people on Jingchen’s head. I know what kind of person this child is better than anyone. His heart contains the realm itself. He cannot take a crooked path because of Your Highness’s momentary impulse.”
As Madam Li spoke, tears had already welled in her eyes.
“What you want to do with him now is something that countless scholars will point fingers at and condemn for generations. I am his mother. I understand him. He cannot bear this. To him, this is worse than killing him.”
Madam Li’s tears suddenly slid down her cheeks.
“Your Highness, consider this old woman to be begging you.” She choked back a sob. “You act according to your whims, you are young, and you are a noble member of the imperial family. You can withstand the turmoil. Jingchen cannot.”
Jing Mu looked at her appearance and clenched his teeth tightly.
What civil officials? What realm? What reputation?
These things that looked so bright and glorious were nothing more than heavy shackles, one after another, that had to crush a person to death before everything could finally be over.
In his previous life, the Grand Tutor had been trapped by these shackles just like this, unable to take a single step, living constantly in self-reproach.
But these people enjoyed the peaceful and prosperous era he had brought them. What right did they have to condemn him like this?
Whom he chose to love, whom he chose to be with—it would neither cause the people to suffer nor bring the realm to ruin…
Why did they still have to force him like this?
Just then, a low, hoarse voice sounded from beside the bed.
“Jing Mu.”
The two turned around and only then discovered that Shu Changyu had awakened at some point. He was lying there with his head turned toward them.
Jing Mu suddenly came back to himself, only then realizing the faint pain in his palm. At some point, without noticing, he had pierced his palm with his neatly trimmed fingernails.
The cold severity and ferocity that he could not suppress from his face immediately froze, then receded like a tide, disappearing completely.
He took two steps forward, grabbed the edge of Shu Changyu’s bed, and crouched before him like a little dog that had suddenly been abandoned and had finally found its owner.
“Grand Tutor!” he called.
Shu Changyu’s lips were somewhat pale. When he lowered his eyes to look at Jing Mu, his expression was filled with fatigue and weariness, whether from the illness or something else. He gave a soft hum, then raised his eyes toward Madam Li, whose eyes were filled with tears and whose expression was complicated.
He had heard everything the two of them had just said.
It could not be denied that Madam Li understood him extremely well.
If this had been his previous life at this point, Madam Li’s understanding of his thoughts would have been almost completely accurate. His ancestors had all been ministers devoted to the state. Since childhood, he too had been a refined and upright gentleman, pure as a clear breeze and bright as the moon. Naturally, he was destined to have his name recorded in the annals of history and leave his reputation fragrant for generations.
He assisted the people of the world, and the people revered him. That was the meaning and direction of his existence.
But he was no longer that person.
He had experienced the destruction of his family and the deaths of those he loved. He had once possessed power that reached the heavens. He had long since regarded people’s gossip as nothing more than a joke.
All he wanted now was to have no shame before Heaven or Earth and no shame before his own heart. He could not be bothered to care what others said or thought.
But aside from him, not a single person in the Shu family thought the same way.
They were all like the person he had been in his previous life—like a clear breeze and bright moon, without the slightest stain.
It seemed they had been born to be admired by all. Correspondingly, they also had to bear the burden of being admired by all.
Therefore, they not only protected the people, but also had to uphold the moral principles passed down from generation to generation by those very people.
Looking at the scene before him, Shu Changyu truly felt an unprecedented exhaustion and helplessness.
He would rather his mother were treating him this way for the sake of the Shu family’s position and reputation.
But his mother’s decision was indeed entirely for his own good.
His feelings for Jing Mu had not wavered in the slightest, but at this moment his head was dizzy and muddled, his entire body exhausted. He truly could not bear his mother’s endless tears.
He did not know how to explain to his mother the difference between their ways of thinking.
He wanted to rest first. Once he had recovered his health, regained his energy, and prepared himself mentally, he would face his mother—and the entire Shu family, who still knew nothing but would sooner or later learn the truth.
“Go back for now.”
He lowered his eyes and looked at Jing Mu, speaking淡ly.
Jing Mu was stunned, apparently not expecting Shu Changyu to send him away.
“Grand Tutor…”
“Go back.” Shu Changyu repeated. “You’ve been away from the capital for several days. The Dali Temple must have many important matters waiting for you to handle.”
“Grand Tutor…” Jing Mu’s eyes reddened.
No matter how many unpleasant things Madam Li had said just now, he had not taken them to heart.
But these two or three seemingly casual words from Shu Changyu immediately gave rise to an aggrieved feeling in his heart.
Could the Grand Tutor be angry because he had clashed with his mother? Was he angry at his own rashness and lack of manners, and therefore wanted to drive him away?
Shu Changyu sighed and raised his hand to touch the top of Jing Mu’s head.
Why was it that one of them had not finished crying, and now this one was about to cry too?
“Be good,” he said softly.
Before he could pull his hand back, Jing Mu suddenly grabbed it.
Beside them, Madam Li trembled and sucked in a sharp breath.
Shu Changyu’s heart tightened, and he did not dare look at her.
He tried twice to pull his hand free, but could not.
“Grand Tutor, don’t send me away.” Jing Mu held his hand as though tightly clutching a lifeline and whispered, “Don’t abandon me.”
Before the words had even finished, Jing Mu’s voice had already begun trembling pitifully, carrying a damp hint of tears.
Shu Changyu sighed and gently squeezed his hand in return.
“Don’t make a fuss. How could I possibly do that?”
Without waiting for Jing Mu to reply, he continued, “Go back first. Leave this place to me.”
“No!” Jing Mu rejected him immediately without even thinking. “I’ll stay with you.”
He had only returned last night, and by this morning he had already been tormented into this state.
If he did not stay here and watch over him, who knew what Old Madam Shu might do to make things difficult for him?
To separate the two of them, Old Madam Shu had even been willing to make the decision to send Shu Changyu to the south.
“That is my mother.”
Shu Changyu had clearly seen his worry. He curled his lips into a smile, his gaze indulgent and gentle.
“All right, you being here is only going to cause trouble. Look at your status. Would it be appropriate to prepare lunch for you, or would it be more appropriate to let you go hungry?”
Jing Mu muttered, “I don’t care.”
Shu Changyu patted the back of his hand.
“Go back. Don’t make trouble anymore.”
“Grand Tutor…”
“Don’t worry.” Shu Changyu smiled. “I will handle everything.”
Jing Mu looked into Shu Changyu’s eyes.
There was a smile on Shu Changyu’s face. Although he was somewhat disheveled as he lay sick in bed, that smile was peaceful and composed.
His gaze was deep and steady, like a tranquil, peaceful pool.
For some reason, Jing Mu felt that he truly possessed a power that could make others feel completely at ease.
Almost as if possessed, he nodded.
Those words—
“I will handle everything.”
—were deeply engraved into his mind.