Murong Qiufeng’s pupils constricted sharply. A flash of bitterness crossed his eyes as he slightly turned his head, avoiding Shangguan Ye’s gaze. “You’re overthinking,” he said.
“Overthinking? Qiufeng… you are clever, but still too inexperienced to hide all your emotions. You’ve known for a long time how Yun Feiyang feels about you, but you were too afraid to face it. And do you know what that fear comes from? Me. If I weren’t here, you would have accepted Yun Feiyang immediately, wouldn’t you? So, in the end, I’m the extra, the one in the way. Heh.”
“No… that’s not true…” Murong Qiufeng turned to look at Shangguan Ye. The pain in his eyes felt like knives cutting through Shangguan Ye’s heart. Yet he had no strength to argue.
Shangguan Ye was right. He had known of his senior brother’s feelings for him for a long time. Before experiencing love himself, he might not have realized it. But after understanding Shangguan Ye’s feelings, after being with him, he had understood everything.
The look in Shangguan Ye’s eyes was so familiar, reminiscent of the gaze of someone who had always looked at him that way—his senior brother, Yun Feiyang. Before, it had been just a guess, something he hadn’t wanted to confirm. What finally made it certain were the familiar traces of kisses on his body after marriage.
He wasn’t foolish. Before experiencing love, he didn’t know. But after, how could he not understand? All the excuses about alcohol allergies were lies, but he dared not seek confirmation from Shangguan Ye or his senior brother. He didn’t mention it and stopped drinking altogether.
His feelings for Yun Feiyang were complicated—a mixture of admiration, dependence, gratitude, and affection. But he knew very clearly that those feelings were different from the love he bore for Shangguan Ye.
He knew he loved Shangguan Ye. But the gratitude and indebtedness to his senior brother weighed heavily on his heart. He couldn’t—and didn’t dare—hurt his senior brother. Even if Yun Feiyang confessed his feelings, he didn’t know if he could reject him. In the end, either Shangguan Ye or his senior brother would get hurt.
So he had been running, deceiving himself, pretending not to know.
The more time he spent with Shangguan Ye, the deeper he sank into his warmth. But with that came a growing guilt toward his senior brother. At the same time, this ambiguous feeling made him feel guilty toward Shangguan Ye too. Shangguan Ye gave his all, yet he remained hesitant.
“Heh… isn’t that so…” Shangguan Ye’s gaze pierced him. His low, mocking voice carried a profound pain and loss, as if all his strength and purpose had drained away. He turned his eyes away and struggled to rise.
That motion shook Murong Qiufeng. Something inside seemed to break free, leaving a hollow emptiness in his chest, panic flooding his heart. Instinctively, he reached out, gripping Shangguan Ye’s shoulders. Their movements froze for a brief moment. Then, as if making a silent decision, he bit back and pushed, but didn’t actually push him away—he rolled over, pinning Shangguan Ye beneath him.
Shangguan Ye looked at him calmly, his face void of expression. His gaze felt like he was staring at a stranger—but no one could know how nervous and expectant he truly was inside.
The more one cared, the more easily they could be hurt. Shangguan Ye could hold steadfast to his feelings and never let go. But if Murong Qiufeng let go first, no matter how much effort he put into keeping him close, their love would be irreparably fractured.
Murong Qiufeng felt a deep pain in his chest, as if it could tear him apart. At that moment, he understood clearly—he could never, and would never, let go of Shangguan Ye. He could not lose this love, even more than the place Yun Feiyang held in his heart. Losing everything else was bearable, but not him—the man who gave him happiness.
He lowered his head and pressed a heavy, tentative kiss to those cold lips, gingerly parting them.
Shangguan Ye remained unmoved, his gaze still calm and cold, yet he didn’t resist. The cautious, deliberate teasing of Murong Qiufeng’s lips against his was almost like a challenge.
He noticed the tears trailing along the strands of wet hair and into the kiss, and his heart ached.
Finally, he closed his eyes in resignation, sighed, and deepened the kiss, pressing Murong Qiufeng closer by the neck.
His actions weren’t about letting go—they were about forcing Murong Qiufeng to confront his heart. Shangguan Ye understood his feelings for him and knew exactly how Yun Feiyang fit into his emotions. Tonight, his insistence wasn’t stubbornness—it was a reckoning. He wanted Murong Qiufeng to recognize what was truly important, what was indispensable. He wanted the entirety of his heart, leaving no space for Yun Feiyang or anyone else, no matter how faint, even if it wasn’t love.
Yun Feiyang could occupy memories and part of his emotions, but he would not leave a lasting mark in his heart.
Yun Feiyang’s pact years ago had been to avoid harm, yet now he dared force a choice. Shangguan Ye didn’t care what schemes were at play—since he had done so, Shangguan Ye would erase his place in Murong Qiufeng’s heart, bit by bit.
To both of them, Yun Feiyang was a thorn—a stubborn, unyielding thorn lodged in their hearts. Shangguan Ye wanted to melt it away completely, leaving no trace.
Low, heavy breaths echoed around the cold pond.
Murong Qiufeng drew a deep, unsteady breath. His eyes opened, hazy, then closed again as he pulled off his belt and locked onto Shangguan Ye’s returning gaze. In a hoarse, resolute voice, he said, “Hold me.”
Two simple words, yet they conveyed his heart, his determination, his choice.
Shangguan Ye’s heart ached. If he could, he would not use such harsh methods, but he could not help it. If this knot in Murong Qiufeng’s heart wasn’t untied now, Yun Feiyang would only sink deeper.
He lightly kissed the corner of his lips, his hoarse voice murmuring, “Don’t regret this.” He tugged at Murong Qiufeng’s collar, letting the white garment flutter as they switched positions, burning kisses landing on skin nearly rid of cold.
There was little foreplay; their union plunged deeply, pain and longing shared equally. This was not the tender love of lovers, but two restless beasts seeking solace and security, searching for an anchor in each other.
