But just as Lu Zhixing had said, if Luo Cheng’an truly hated someone, he could simply have drawn his sword against them. He wouldn’t have bitten them in a place like that—a place reserved for intimacy, where no one else was allowed to look.
Xi Yu felt as though he had discovered something astonishing.
At noon, Lu Zhixing finished preparing lunch. Xi Yu was lounging on the sofa when he sent Lu Zhixing to call Luo Cheng’an.
It was New Year’s Day, after all. They should eat together and make the occasion a little more festive.
Lu Zhixing acknowledged him and went upstairs to call Luo Cheng’an. He knocked on the door, and Luo Cheng’an opened it with a gloomy expression.
Lu Zhixing glanced into the room. It was already completely empty, with no sign of Shen Tan.
He’s certainly easy to get rid of, Lu Zhixing thought.
At the moment, Luo Cheng’an found everyone annoying except Xi Yu. Shen Tan was at the top of that list, and Lu Zhixing came second.
“What do you want?”
“I’m calling you downstairs for lunch.”
“Got it.” Luo Cheng’an lifted his foot to go downstairs, but just as he stepped through the doorway, Lu Zhixing pressed a hand against his shoulder and shoved him back into the room. The door closed immediately afterward.
Luo Cheng’an glared at him. “Looking for a fight?”
In his current state, Lu Zhixing was someone Luo Cheng’an could kill with a single finger.
Lu Zhixing stared coldly at Luo Cheng’an and called out, “Huaixi.”
Luo Cheng’an froze for a moment. “Have you remembered everything?”
No, that couldn’t be right. Lu Zhixing’s soul hadn’t been repaired yet.
“No. Xi Yu showed me some things.”
Luo Cheng’an grew impatient. “What exactly are you trying to say?”
The corners of Lu Zhixing’s lips curved into a smile, one that was innocent yet cruel.
“I want to ask you for a favor.”
At the mention of Lu Zhixing asking for a favor, Luo Cheng’an narrowed his eyes.
“I know you hate me—or rather, you hate the version of me who is Zhi Li.” Lu Zhixing smiled pleasantly. “So I’d like to ask you to help me strangle Zhi Li.”
Luo Cheng’an wondered if he had misheard.
“Are you insane? Do you have some kind of mental disorder?”
“You hate Zhi Li, don’t you? During all those years in the Heavenly Court, Zhi Li stole all of Lanxing’s attention away from you. You tried every possible means to kill him. All those schemes you spent years plotting could now be carried out with ease.” Lu Zhixing coaxed him patiently. “As long as you can keep my memories from returning, Zhi Li will be completely eradicated, and I’ll simply remain Lu Zhixing.”
Luo Cheng’an knew that his previous remarks had probably stirred up jealousy in Lu Zhixing, whose possessiveness was frighteningly strong—even when the person he was jealous of was himself.
But he hadn’t expected Lu Zhixing to go this insane.
To eradicate himself—or rather, the person he used to be. This was certainly something new.
Luo Cheng’an laughed. “I think you’re seriously ill. You actually want to eradicate yourself?”
A flicker of displeasure crossed Lu Zhixing’s eyes. He, too, thought his idea was both insane and terrifying, but he couldn’t control himself. Those forgotten memories felt as though they belonged to someone else.
It was like wondering what kind of person you would become if you were reincarnated in your next life, yet still feeling afraid because there were people in this life you didn’t want to forget and could never forget.
……………………
They were technically the same person, yet he couldn’t accept the idea of becoming someone in his next life who had no memories of this one.
Now, he had no memories, and he couldn’t stop himself from being jealous of his past self.
If he recovered his memories and completely became Zhi Li, the person he was now would immediately be replaced. And Lu Zhixing cared only about the present.
He didn’t have much time left.
“You have no reason to refuse,” Lu Zhixing told Luo Cheng’an.
That was true. Luo Cheng’an hated Zhi Li, but he was a normal person. He couldn’t separate his past self from his present self the way Lu Zhixing did.
“Have you misunderstood something? I hate you, regardless of who you are,” Luo Cheng’an said.
He blinked as he looked at Lu Zhixing.
“So of course I’m not going to help you get what you want.”
Luo Cheng’an’s gaze passed over Lu Zhixing and settled on the tightly closed door behind him. A cruel smile appeared on his face.
“Did you hear that, Lanxing? Whether he has lost his memories or not, he’ll never be the gentle, virtuous gentleman you imagine him to be.”
The sound of the door opening was very soft, but Lu Zhixing felt a chill run down his spine. He slowly turned around and saw Xi Yu’s icy gaze.
Lu Zhixing’s face turned deathly pale. His lips trembled.
“Gege…”
“Come downstairs and eat.”
Xi Yu left after saying those words.
Luo Cheng’an smiled as brightly as a flower. “Coming!”
He patted Lu Zhixing on the shoulder. Seeing the terror on his face, he felt some of the gloom Shen Tan had caused him finally lift.
Lu Zhixing without spiritual power was just wonderful. Even when Luo Cheng’an had called Xi Yu upstairs, Lu Zhixing hadn’t noticed a thing.
Previously, Luo Cheng’an and Lu Zhixing had wanted nothing more than to see each other dead. Whatever they had said or done in private, they had tacitly agreed never to let Xi Yu find out.
But now that everything was in the past, Lu Zhixing still wanted him to do something that would anger Xi Yu. What a ridiculous dream.
Whether it was making Lu Zhixing wake up early or saying those things about him being a vessel, those had all been minor matters. But if Luo Cheng’an really prevented Lu Zhixing’s memories from ever returning, that would cross Xi Yu’s bottom line.
“By the way,” Luo Cheng’an said, “do you think Xi Yu will love the person you are now so much that he’ll indulge you just as he did before? Do you think he might even let your jealousy persuade him to erase that entire past forever?”
The smile on Luo Cheng’an’s face grew wider. He stabbed at Lu Zhixing’s heart without the slightest hesitation.
“I don’t think so. Because to him, those memories weigh more than a thousand catties.”
Only a lunatic like Lu Zhixing would split himself into two separate people.
Something was wrong with his head. He was completely unhinged.
Laughing loudly, Luo Cheng’an went downstairs.
Lu Zhixing stood rigidly in place. The room was kept at a constant twenty-five degrees Celsius, yet he felt a bone-deep chill.
It was as though every bone in his body had been replaced with ice, and his blood had stopped flowing.
Xi Yu was seated at the dining table. Luo Cheng’an couldn’t stop smiling, especially when he saw Lu Zhixing sit down cautiously beside Xi Yu without receiving so much as a glance from him. That made him even happier.
“Entwined Branch Honey Dew.” Luo Cheng’an waved his hand, and a pink bottle appeared on the table. He stood up, bent over to fill Xi Yu’s glass, and continued talking. “Your favorite. Go on, try it.”
As he spoke, he poured a glass for Lu Zhixing as well.
“Come to think of it, you were the one who developed this in the first place. You might not remember it now, but that’s all right. You’ll remember eventually.”
Xi Yu shot Luo Cheng’an a cold look. Luo Cheng’an only grinned and finally stopped talking.
“Gege.” Lu Zhixing’s voice was soft and aggrieved.
Under normal circumstances, Xi Yu’s heart would have softened immediately. But this time, he merely said coldly, “Eat.”
A meal that should have been warm and full of reunion and affection was tasteless to both Xi Yu and Lu Zhixing.
Only Luo Cheng’an thought everything was wonderful.
This was delicious, and so was that.
After eating, Xi Yu returned to his room.
Lu Zhixing washed the dishes, then lingered outside the bedroom door for a long time, too afraid to knock.
Luo Cheng’an leaned against the doorway and openly mocked him.
Lu Zhixing shot him a cold glance before pushing open the door and entering.
Xi Yu was playing a popular competitive game from the mortal world on his tablet. When he heard Lu Zhixing enter, he didn’t even raise his eyelids.
Since the slap Lu Zhixing had received immediately after waking up, Xi Yu had never treated him this way.
In the short span of memories he had, Xi Yu had always indulged him in everything, giving him whatever he wanted and never once bearing to show him the slightest displeasure.
After having been cherished so deeply, how could he possibly endure being ignored now?
Tears streamed down Lu Zhixing’s face. His voice was hoarse as he called out, “Gege, I’m sorry.”
Xi Yu lifted his eyes and looked at Lu Zhixing. For a long time, he said nothing, watching Lu Zhixing’s tears as though he were merely a bystander.
Only when the little character on his tablet died with a shrill cry did Xi Yu put the device aside. He stood up, walked over to Lu Zhixing, and lifted his chin.
“Do you understand what you did wrong?”
Lu Zhixing nodded. “I do.”
“No, you don’t,” Xi Yu said. “You’re just afraid that I’m angry with you.”
All the details he had overlooked before became painfully clear now. For example, Lu Zhixing had hated Zhi Li’s face ever since he had regained his clarity of mind. And during their time together, he had deliberately ignored everything that represented Zhi Li.
Xi Yu found it utterly incomprehensible. How could anyone completely reject their former self?
To the point of wanting to eradicate that former self entirely?
Luo Cheng’an had told him that Zhi Li was obsessive, insane, and sensitive. Xi Yu had thought he understood what that meant, but now he realized he had only seen the tip of the iceberg.
Xi Yu’s gaze was cool and detached. Lu Zhixing was frantic with anxiety, but he was too skilled at twisting words to give up easily.
“Luo Cheng’an said I was just a vessel. He said you treated me well because of someone else. I was scared. I was afraid that once I remembered the past, the person I am now would disappear immediately.”
Xi Yu wiped away Lu Zhixing’s tears with his thumb.
“But you saw it last night. You’re not a vessel. If you couldn’t believe what he said before, then last night you witnessed the truth with your own eyes. Yet you still went to Luo Cheng’an. You weren’t even willing to wait for a better opportunity.”
After saying that, Xi Yu lowered his hand and looked at Lu Zhixing with almost complete indifference.
Lu Zhixing was still too naive now. He was nowhere near as meticulous as he had been in the past, leaving his intentions full of holes.
Tears fell from Lu Zhixing’s eyes. He tried to take Xi Yu’s hand, but Xi Yu stepped aside and avoided him.
That single movement felt like a sword driven straight through his chest, shattering what remained of Lu Zhixing’s reason.
Xi Yu no longer felt sorry for his tears, because Lu Zhixing wanted to eradicate everything connected to Zhi Li.
That was right. Everything he had received was because of the past shared by the two of them before he lost his memories.
But he was Lu Zhixing, the version without those memories.
Xi Yu would never choose him.
Lu Zhixing’s expression changed. His eyes filled with hostility.
“Since you also say that person is me, why can’t I decide whether I want to remember?”
He wanted to make Xi Yu his alone, preventing his past self from ever appearing. What was wrong with that? If they were the same person, shouldn’t the decision belong to him?
With red-rimmed eyes, Lu Zhixing demanded, “I don’t want to remember. I just want things to stay this way. Is that not allowed? I’m jealous. Is that not allowed either?”
“If you love me, why are you angry with me?” Lu Zhixing even began to blame Xi Yu. “You think I’m the one separating my past self from who I am now? Aren’t you the one who draws the clearest distinction between the two?!”
“Since we’re the same person, why won’t you sleep with me? Why do you insist on waiting until I recover my memories? Why do you keep saying that once I recover my memories, you’ll take me to do this and that…”