Lu Zhixing accused Xi Yu in a hoarse voice. “Xi Yu, you’re actually the one who draws the clearest distinction between the two of us.”
…………………
The weather in Country S was pleasant, nowhere near as bone-chillingly cold as it was in City A.
The villa stood close to the sea. Whenever the windows were opened, the salty, humid sea breeze drifted inside.
Xi Yu sat in a reclining chair on the spacious balcony, wearing the shorts and shirt covered in large orange flowers that Luo Cheng’an had bought for him. His slender, fair calves were exposed as he gazed out at the damp, shimmering sea.
The sea was calm, gentle, and all-embracing, yet it couldn’t dispel the gloom lingering in Xi Yu’s heart.
He still remembered the accusing look in Lu Zhixing’s eyes from not long ago, and the traces of moisture clinging to his thick eyelashes.
Down on the beach, Luo Cheng’an was wearing nothing but a pair of oversized shorts, his upper body bare as he waved at Xi Yu, signaling for him to come down and join him in a boring game.
Beach volleyball.
Luo Cheng’an was an extremely sociable person. Once he set aside his identity as the Heavenly Emperor of the Ninth Heaven, his free-spirited nature was unleashed. He was no longer like a silent, listless sunset, but rather like bright sunlight, bold and unrestrained.
They had been staying in a villa rented by the Luo family in S City for barely a week, yet he had already become close friends with foreign tourists staying nearby.
When he suggested playing beach volleyball, everyone readily joined in.
A group of people of different ethnicities surrounded the court. Among them, an East Asian man standing farther away in a black shirt was particularly conspicuous.
He stood outside the crowd, keeping track of the score between the two teams. He looked like a very patient referee, but in truth, the beach volleyball game didn’t need a referee at all. He was merely a detached spectator.
Xi Yu glanced over out of the corner of his eye, but his gaze didn’t settle anywhere in particular. Luo Cheng’an had lowered his eyelids again after briefly lifting them.
Ever since that day, Xi Yu and Lu Zhixing had been caught in a cold war.
Strictly speaking, it wasn’t quite a cold war. It was Lu Zhixing unilaterally distancing himself from Xi Yu.
After expressing his resentment, Lu Zhixing took his pillow and moved back to another villa next door to the Lu family’s residence.
Their daily contact had also dwindled. It was as though he had become an ordinary friend who maintained only polite, socially appropriate interactions with Xi Yu.
Even when Xi Yu offered to pick him up after work, Lu Zhixing politely declined.
However, Lu Zhixing still made time to eat with him. They would sit at the Luo family’s dining table and enjoy seafood flown in from overseas.
But Lu Zhixing was no longer clingy. He no longer needed Xi Yu to hold him while he slept.
He’s throwing a tantrum, Xi Yu thought.
This was getting troublesome.
Xi Yu was very good at handling the Lu Zhixing who liked to bounce around in his palm, acting spoiled and demanding attention. But he had no idea how to coax a Lu Zhixing who wanted to jump out of his hand and grow independently, as though he were determined to run off and flourish on his own.
Because neither in the past nor in the present had Xi Yu ever been treated so coldly by him.
As far as Lu Zhixing was concerned, no matter how upset he became, he would always show it directly in front of Xi Yu, gazing at him with those beautiful eyes and telling him to hurry up and coax him.
But now, Xi Yu had no way to coax Lu Zhixing, because whenever he tried to become a little more intimate, Lu Zhixing would say, “Wait until I recover my memories.”
Lu Zhixing spoke very politely. Even his tone was as soft as cotton, as though he were not the same person who had wanted to eradicate his own memories.
He was even so subtle that, although Xi Yu could tell he was being sarcastic, there was no obvious opening through which to criticize him.
“Xiao Yu, may I come in?”
Shen Qing’s voice came from the doorway.
Xi Yu closed the book on his lap, having long since forgotten what it was about.
“Come in.”
Shen Qing wore a dark green qipao. Gone was the glittering, extravagant appearance she had displayed in City A. She wore only a jade hairpin, making her look like a woman in her early thirties.
Shen Qing had been born into privilege. After marrying Luo Yuan, she had been cherished and pampered. Even as she grew older and became more familiar with the world of wealth and status, she had retained a rare degree of innocence.
“You barely ate lunch. Is the food at the restaurant not to your liking?”
Xi Yu shook his head. “It’s fine.”
Compared with the endless variety of Chinese cuisine, with its enticing colors, aromas, and flavors, the food here was indeed rather plain and bland. But Xi Yu didn’t dislike it. He simply had no appetite.
Shen Qing sat opposite him. After looking at him for a moment, she seemed to want to say something but hesitated.
Xi Yu stood up and closed the balcony door, shutting out the laughter and chatter coming from downstairs.
“Is there something you want to talk to me about?” Xi Yu asked.
Shen Qing fell silent for a moment, as though struggling with a decision. Only after finally making up her mind did she ask, “Have you and Zhixing had a fight?”
This time, it was Xi Yu’s turn to fall silent.
After a while, he made a troubled expression. For once, he felt a rare desire to confide in someone.
Because he had realized that he really didn’t know how to handle the situation anymore.
“It wasn’t exactly a fight,” Xi Yu said.
After a pause, he softened some of the details as he explained what had happened to Shen Qing. The main point was that Lu Zhixing had become furious over Xi Yu’s attitude and now wanted never to recover his memories.
Xi Yu described the situation as fairly and objectively as he could. He didn’t deliberately portray himself as the wronged party. He explained Lu Zhixing’s obsessiveness and unreasonable behavior without trying to hide the fact that he had repeatedly told Lu Zhixing to wait until his memories returned before doing certain things.
He went into every detail. His explanation lasted a full three minutes.
Finally, Xi Yu said, “He didn’t even peel my crab for me at lunch today. He must be really, really angry to go that far. I don’t know what to do.”
Shen Qing listened quietly. When he finished, she smiled, teasing him gently without any malice.
“You think he doesn’t want to see you?”
Xi Yu nodded. “That certainly seems to be the case right now.”
Shen Qing lightly tilted her chin toward the beach. The floor-to-ceiling glass doors blocked out the noise but didn’t obscure the view below.
Since they were sitting inside the room, Xi Yu could see only half of the scenery he had seen from the balcony earlier, along with one of the poles supporting the volleyball net. But from where Lu Zhixing stood, even while sitting down, he could see Xi Yu’s figure clearly.
Xi Yu didn’t understand what Shen Qing was getting at.
Shen Qing smiled. “You know, sometimes you’re so clever that it seems nothing could escape your notice. But other times…”
She searched for a suitable expression.
“You can’t see the forest for the trees.”
Xi Yu blinked, and Shen Qing continued.
“The outdoor temperature today is thirty-two degrees Celsius. Cheng’an has gathered a group of friends, and his happiness is enough to help him forget the heat. But Zhixing hasn’t joined a single game. Instead, he has been standing on the beach for nearly three hours.”
Shen Qing continued, “In this kind of temperature, it’s practically a form of torture. He has nothing to distract him or make him happy, yet he keeps standing there, in a place you can see from inside your room.”
Xi Yu froze.
His gaze settled on Lu Zhixing’s upright figure. He was too far away for Xi Yu to make out his expression, so Xi Yu automatically interpreted it as one of hurt, resentment, and stubbornness. Like a poor little puppy that had been abandoned.
That was the unchanging filter through which Xi Yu saw him.
“But if I go downstairs, he’ll leave,” Xi Yu said helplessly.
He wouldn’t let Xi Yu touch him, and he wouldn’t let Xi Yu coax him, either.
“Then why not try chasing after him?”
Xi Yu’s eyelashes trembled.
Chase after him?
Shen Qing’s voice was gentle. “Xiao Yu, you’re gentle, strong, humble, and kind. Every beautiful word in the world could be used to describe you. But all of that is how you treat outsiders.”
Xi Yu turned Shen Qing’s words over in his mind. His expression became blank. For once, he found himself unable to interpret what he was hearing.
“I don’t understand,” he admitted honestly.
………………..
“With outsiders, you always know how to advance and retreat gracefully, maintaining the most perfect social distance,” Shen Qing explained. “But with the people closest to you, that clear dividing line can be rather cruel.”
It was like how Xi Yu had treated her and Luo Yuan with respect and politeness before, yet had never once called them Mom and Dad.
Shen Qing didn’t know why Xi Yu had eventually started addressing them that way, but she could guess that he had made an effort to cross a boundary he had established in his own heart.
Xi Yu couldn’t accept Shen Qing’s use of the word cruel.
He defended himself. “I indulge him. He isn’t included among those people.”
“It’s the Lu Zhixing who had his memories before who isn’t included among those people.”
Shen Qing didn’t really understand Lu Zhixing’s thought process, either. She couldn’t understand how someone could be jealous of their own past self. But she could understand what had upset him.
“At first, he didn’t hate his past self. It was you who repeatedly told him that he had to wait until his memories returned before he could do certain things. For someone who likes you so much right now, yet has no memories of the past, that’s rather cruel.”
Xi Yu lowered his eyes. This time, he had no argument to offer.
Shen Qing wasn’t trying to criticize Xi Yu or suggest that he had done something wrong. After all, he hadn’t.
Xi Yu believed that many things should wait until Lu Zhixing recovered his memories. At its core, this was also a way of protecting the Lu Zhixing who had his memories. He didn’t want Lu Zhixing to recover his memories later and regret having become more intimate with Xi Yu while he was in such a terrible state.
There was nothing wrong with that.
Lu Zhixing would be happy once he recovered his memories, but Xi Yu shouldn’t have made the Lu Zhixing who had lost his memories aware of this distinction.
Xi Yu felt that he shouldn’t have confided in Shen Qing—or rather, asked her for help—because now he had even less idea what to do.
He felt as though he really had hurt the Lu Zhixing who existed in the present.
Shen Qing placed a hand over Xi Yu’s and spoke gently.
“You’re sticking to your own principles, but your lover is obsessive and not particularly sensible, which is giving you a headache. If you want to resolve the current predicament, why not try setting those principles aside? Sometimes, sweet talk isn’t deception. It can be a clever and effective way to resolve a problem.”
After Shen Qing left, Xi Yu gazed at Lu Zhixing, who was standing as motionless as a statue.
Sweet talk.
Those four words were like a hand parting the clouds, allowing him to see the brilliant sunlight beyond.
*
Luo Cheng’an was covered in sweat. He waved goodbye to his new friends, speaking fluent English with the easy charm of someone who lived life entirely on his own terms.
But the moment he walked up to Lu Zhixing, bouncing the volleyball in his hand, his expression transformed into the smug grin of a petty man who had gotten the better of someone else.
“Well, well. You’re still not going back?” Luo Cheng’an asked gleefully. “Must be rough, being treated with such intimacy and then having someone even more special come along, huh?”
Luo Cheng’an had genuinely been happy and satisfied lately.
Zhi Li’s appearance had replaced his former position. Now, Lu Zhixing was finally getting to experience even the tiniest fraction of what that had felt like.