Chapter 163
Su Bin: “Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the vow we made when we got together, and I realize I’ve never done it right.”
Rather than saying he hadn’t done it right, it was more accurate to say that Su Bin hadn’t realized that Allen would truly make their relationship as strict as the vow—giving up all thoughts and freedom, trusting completely, absolutely obeying orders, fulfilling every need…
Each time Su Bin changed something about himself to please Allen, each time he compromised for the sake of their relationship, he had taken step after step until now, and suddenly, Su Bin became afraid.
He realized he had stumbled, confused, into a sweet yet dangerous trap. He had gradually become accustomed to Allen’s control and guidance, to Allen’s companionship and care. By the time he realized it, he had gone from being an independent person to someone who felt incomplete without Allen.
Only when he started reflecting on the content of the vow did he truly begin to face the relationship.
Su Bin hadn’t realized that, under Allen’s influence, he had slowly become part of what Allen had once called “one entity,” where Allen was the subject and he was the part of the subject. As the non-dominant part of the whole, in the process of losing himself, his panic seemed entirely reasonable.
Seeing Su Bin’s confused expression, Allen chose to temper his anger, offering comfort instead: “So far, you’ve done very well.”
—Just one more step, the last step, and it will be complete.
Su Bin: “…Is that so?”
“Tell me, what’s troubling you?” Allen’s voice was low, seductive. “Is it because I didn’t tell you about your father’s situation, and limited your contact with them, that you’re resenting me?”
Su Bin shook his head. How could he resent Allen? Honestly, even though his father had raised him, their relationship had always been distant. Even if Su Bin thought about it now, he felt Allen was more important to him. But still, that was his father. No matter how much Su Bin wanted to forget the past, he couldn’t sever the bond of blood. Hearing that news made him uneasy and worried. And then there were his feelings for Huang Zhengming—like Allen’s relationship with his cat, Mua, who had accompanied Allen through his loneliest times, Huang Zhengming had once been good to Su Bin. Even though Huang Zhengming had hurt him, Su Bin couldn’t forget the kindness he had once shown.
He didn’t resent Allen, but he was a little afraid of Allen’s methods—so decisively cutting off everything, leaving him no other emotional anchor except Allen.
Allen watched him intently, studying the changes in his expression, then after a long pause, he asked softly, “Isn’t having me enough?”
—My silly one, let go of those useless emotions. Admit it, you’ve fallen for me and can’t live without me. There can only be me.
Su Bin stared blankly at Allen. This man had saved him when he was at his most desperate, and to this day, Allen kept his promise, standing like a god behind him, a pillar of support to rely on, offering peace and protection. But… this wasn’t enough…
Allen’s health was always a ticking time bomb buried deep in Su Bin’s heart.
Su Bin found that, instead of abandonment or betrayal, he couldn’t accept the separation that came with death…
Even though Allen seemed healthy now, Su Bin often reminded himself not to be overly anxious. After all, a young person’s future is always full of hope… But as his feelings for Allen deepened, Su Bin realized he just couldn’t be optimistic.
Perhaps it was like the saying goes—”The more you care, the more you worry.”
“I’m sorry, Allen, I’m scared…” Su Bin shook his head slightly.
“Scared of losing me?” Allen lightly gripped both of Su Bin’s wrists and frowned. “How many times do I have to say it? I will never abandon you. I will never leave you.”
…And yet, what’s the point of making such vows?
“But you’ll still leave!” Su Bin, in his anxiety, voiced his deepest fear. “Have you forgotten your health condition? What if you leave? What will I do for the rest of those years? I know you’ll be upset if I say this, but Lance, reality isn’t a utopia. Although I want to believe in you, and have hope for the future, I can’t deceive myself with ‘hope’ alone… I used to think that without love, at least there would be friendship; without friendship, there would still be family; without family, there would be my studies, my career—these things would support me to stand up and keep moving forward… But now, it’s different. I keep thinking about our vow, and I realize if I really live by it, you will be everything to me. If you’re not here, there will be no meaning to my life!”
“…” Allen’s lips trembled, and his eyes brightened slightly. Ah, this silly one finally understood.
Su Bin murmured, “I just think, if there were other things in this world that I could hold on to, then when that day comes, maybe I would have less despair and pain…”
“Su Bin,” Allen pulled Su Bin closer by the wrists, his voice low, “You won’t have pain.”
“How can I not? Unless I’m dead!” The words slipped out, and Su Bin felt a sudden chill in his heart, a bad premonition rising within him.
He saw Allen’s dark green eyes glinting under the light, and then Allen’s lips parted, speaking each word clearly: “You won’t have pain, because I will take you with me.”
Hearing this, Su Bin’s heart stopped…
W-what does that mean?! What do you mean ‘take you with me’!?
Allen repeated, “We’ll go together, and then there will be no pain.”
Su Bin stammered, “You… you mean you want me to go, go die with you?”
“Don’t you want to?” Allen tightened his grip so hard that it almost made Su Bin cry out in pain.
Su Bin: “…” How do we die together? Is Allen going to kill him? QAQ
“I’ve already arranged everything. If that day really comes, I won’t leave you,” Allen, sensing the tremor in Su Bin’s body, loosened his grip on his wrist and instead held him close, gently stroking his back. “I’ve prepared the potion formula.”
Su Bin: “…” Poison! Allen is an expert in this!
Allen asked gently, “Are you hesitating?”
“I… I… Let me think…” Su Bin’s worldview had completely shattered. It wasn’t just hesitation—he couldn’t accept this at all!
“Trust me, there will be no pain,” Allen kissed Su Bin’s forehead, but his words were like the deathly whispers of a demon. “When the time comes, we’ll lie together, I’ll hold you, just like when we sleep. When you close your eyes, you’ll feel nothing…”
“…Stop saying that,” Su Bin, terrified, held Allen tighter, panicking. “You won’t die, you won’t…”
“Hehe…” Allen chuckled lightly, the sound vibrating through his chest and transmitting his obsession to the one in his arms. “Silly, we won’t be apart. How could I leave you to live alone in this world?”
…
That night, Su Bin fell into a confused, restless sleep. Yet Allen’s words echoed in his mind like a curse, and he had nightmares all night. He dreamt of Allen nearly dying, of him being forced to drink poison, of Allen wanting to take him with him. He was only twenty-three; he didn’t want to die (ʘ⏷ʘ)…
The next morning, Su Bin woke up with a fever, his eyes opening to see Allen, wearing a mask, injecting him with something. Instinctively, Su Bin shrank back into the bed, but Allen grabbed his arm and harshly administered the injection. Su Bin quickly fell unconscious again.
He wasn’t sure how long he slept, but when he awoke, he was in a half-conscious state. In his mind, two little voices, usually in disagreement, were now in perfect harmony. They were both shouting at him to run.
Su Bin’s pulse throbbed as he considered his options… Allen’s plan was insane. He clearly wasn’t ready to die for love yet.
So, he ran.
Hastily, impulsively, without any plan.
Because of the fever, Allen had left him at home to rest.
Su Bin climbed out of bed, threw on a coat, and left. He created the perfect illusion for his family that he was just taking a walk nearby.
His phone had a location tracker, so taking it would be like telling Allen exactly where he was. Su Bin hesitated for only a moment before leaving it on the nightstand.
His bank card was the same. Using Allen’s card would expose his location, not to mention his passport, ID, and other personal items, which he didn’t even know where Allen had hidden. Su Bin didn’t feel like searching for them.
After walking a distance, the cold wind finally woke him up a bit.
—Where should I go? he asked himself.
“Allen actually wants to die with me!” his brain answered.
…
Su Bin shivered and shook his head. He just wanted to find a place where Allen couldn’t find him, somewhere to cool down his overheated mind so he could think clearly.
None of their mutual friends in M City, including Jin Fei, Cheng Ge, Qi Xin… could be contacted. They would just reveal his location to Allen. So, he decided to go to a different city.
But to go elsewhere, he needed money. Su Bin checked his pockets and found only a crumpled ten-yuan bill and some loose change—barely enough for a train ticket!
After thinking for a moment, Su Bin bought a ticket to L City and rushed to Boss Su’s takeaway shop, where he asked for Li Mei Han’s address. Although Allen hadn’t allowed Su Bin to contact Li Mei Han, Su Bin had heard by chance that this girl, like Sun Yujie, was staying at school to continue her master’s studies.
Li Mei Han was stunned when she saw Su Bin: “Su Bin! What are you doing here? Why didn’t you call me?”
Su Bin’s face turned bright red. Weakly, he said, “Li Mei Han, can you do me a favor?”
Li Mei Han: “What is it? I’ll help you if I can!”
Su Bin: “I need a place to stay where I don’t need to register my identity, and… I need to borrow some money from you.”
“Ah?” Li Mei Han was confused but quickly contacted someone. By coincidence, one of her friends had gone on a short-term exchange to the U.S., and their dormitory was empty. After getting her friend’s permission, Li Mei Han arranged for Su Bin to stay there. Later, Su Bin borrowed two hundred yuan from her.
Li Mei Han hesitated, clearly wanting to gossip about what had happened, but Su Bin shook his head, saying, “Don’t ask. Please keep this a secret. Don’t tell anyone, or I’ll be finished!”
Even here, Su Bin didn’t feel safe. With Allen’s methods, if he wanted to find him, it wouldn’t take long.
Without identification and money, Su Bin couldn’t go far.
Li Mei Han was speechless for a moment before asking, “So, you have to tell me what you plan to do here. You’re not going to do anything bad, are you?”
Su Bin sighed and said, “It’s nothing. I just need some time to calm down.”
Li Mei Han: “…”
