Chapter 73

After booking the plane ticket, Su Bin found himself in a state of mixed emotions, alternating between feeling hot and cold. He kept his left hand on his chest because his heart was racing too fast, and this action was an instinctive response.

He used to think that experiencing physical pain due to “heartache” was an exaggerated thing, but at this moment, Su Bin finally understood that it wasn’t an exaggeration at all.

Lying on his bed, Su Bin’s mind involuntarily recalled many memories related to Huang Zhengming…

Their first meeting in middle school, becoming acquainted because they sat in front and back seats, becoming familiar due to scoring the two highest marks in a math quiz, and forming a bond while standing up against the bullies in the class. Later, they became as close as brothers, sharing everything. However, most of the time, it was Su Bin doing the talking, while Huang Zhengming rarely responded – he was like a block of stone.

When Huang Zhengming listened to Su Bin, he would put on a profound expression that made people feel he was trustworthy. But Su Bin knew it was a facade – most of the time, Huang Zhengming was lost in his own thoughts.

During weekends, they would spend their time playing games, watching DVDs, and collecting game cards from a local store. Huang Zhengming was very intelligent; they would study and play together. Su Bin sometimes had to cram before exams for certain subjects, but Huang Zhengming rarely studied yet still had grades comparable to Su Bin’s.

When they moved from middle school to high school, they both got into the same prestigious high school with the same scores, ending up in the same class. They met Guo Li and became the “Three Musketeers” of their class.

Huang Zhengming still didn’t care much about academics, often appearing half-asleep. Only in physical education classes would he show some energy, creating a vivid contrast to Su Bin’s hyperactive demeanor. However, Su Bin knew that Huang Zhengming was rebellious on the inside, not quite like an ordinary high school student. He loved watching Japanese adult movies, reading American horror novels with graphic descriptions of blood and explicit content, and had a tendency to repetitively do mundane tasks.

Su Bin always felt that Huang Zhengming was more mature than him because he never knew what Huang Zhengming was thinking, yet Huang Zhengming understood everything about him.

Later on, when Su Bin confessed to Chen Xiaotian in the broadcasting room and started dating her, he gradually drifted away from their trio. Guo Li playfully scolded him several times for prioritizing romance over friendship, but Huang Zhengming never said a word.

During their college entrance exams, Huang Zhengming didn’t get into a prestigious university and ended up at a nearby college instead. Guo Li’s grades weren’t as good as theirs, but he managed to barely qualify for a lesser-known college. They all continued to stay connected, and when Su Bin was trying to win back Chen Xiaotian, he even brought them both along to support him.

Afterward, they often gathered together for meals, chatted, and went karaoke singing…

Many of these simple, mundane details were hard to avoid, impossible to erase, and emerged before his eyes, one after another.

Huang Zhengming’s disdainful expression when he handed over tissues, Huang Zhengming’s focused posture while playing cards on the floor, Huang Zhengming waiting for Su Bin to make his rural-style steamed eggs, Huang Zhengming’s confident declaration of “I’m better than you,” Huang Zhengming’s emotional expression while singing…

…Memories that he once thought were heartwarming had all been stained with dirty ink in this moment.

There’s a saying that goes, “Women are like clothes, while brothers are like hands and feet.” If Chen Xiaotian’s abandonment felt like taking off a shirt that he’d been wearing for four years, leaving him embarrassed and without dignity, then Huang Zhengming’s betrayal felt like forcefully tearing away his two arms… leaving him covered in blood, permanently disabled.

He had always thought he was happy, even though he rarely received his parents’ affection. He had been able to get into a prestigious university through his own efforts, studied a popular major, had a future, a girlfriend, friends, and he proclaimed himself a winner in life… But now he realized that he had been living in a hypocritical world of emotions, immersed in his own illusions…

His first twenty years perfectly embodied the first two letters of his name – “Su Bin” which sounded like “idiot” in Chinese.

… Su Bin curled up into a ball, trembling from pain.

Sounds faintly came from downstairs – Yang Chengzhe and Allen were returning. Su Bin didn’t want to see them; he was afraid they’d see him in his pitiful state.

When he heard someone call his name, Su Bin was frightened and shrank under the covers, hiding himself… Don’t call me, don’t talk to me, just leave me alone!

A few minutes later, his phone rang, and it took Su Bin several more minutes to summon the courage to take it out and check.

“Are you in your room?” It was a message from Allen.

Su Bin had originally wanted to reply “yes,” but his hands were trembling as he typed, and in the end, he only typed a single dot – “.”

Outside the door, Allen said, “…”

“Are you asleep? Why aren’t you coming out?” Allen sent another message.

Su Bin didn’t know how to reply. He didn’t want to see anyone now, nor did he dare to. He was afraid that if he went out, people would see him without clothes and without arms… Alone and helpless, with nothing left.

Another message came…

Allen: “Are you masturbating?”

Su Bin: “…no!”

Allen: “Then why aren’t you coming out? Have you had dinner? I brought some food for you.”

Hugging his phone, Su Bin’s eyes felt sore. Why should I come out? Why should they text me? Why do they care about me?

Allen: “What’s wrong with you?”

Su Bin: “Nothing, I don’t want to eat. Thanks.”

After he sent this message, his door was knocked. Su Bin trembled in fear; he heard Allen’s voice from outside saying, “Open the door.”

Su Bin: “…”

Allen: “Come out.”

Su Bin reluctantly got off the bed and walked to the door… click, he locked the door.

Allen: “…”

Su Bin, speaking through the door, tried to maintain a steady voice, “Allen, I’m sorry. I’m not in a good mood right now and I want to be alone…”

Su Bin didn’t hear Allen’s response, but he heard the fading footsteps, and he felt a sense of relief mixed with growing sorrow…

Just as he was about to crawl back onto the bed and continue his motionless state, the footsteps returned!

Su Bin tensed up all over. In the next moment, he heard the latch move, and then the door opened!

Su Bin: “…”

Allen pulled out the door key and looked at Su Bin, who had instantly moved to the corner of the bed and crouched down, with an unfriendly expression.

The sight of Su Bin, with his eyes and brows drooping, his mouth pouting, and looking pitiful and nervous all at once, was both heartbreaking and tense. “You… How did you get the key to my room?”

“This used to be my study,” Allen said with an air of entitlement, as if he naturally possessed the key.

“…” But you’ve already rented this room to me! How can you do this? Su Bin was speechless and helpless.

Allen walked to the edge of the bed, gazed at Su Bin for a moment, and then said softly, “Come here.”

In fact, they were already quite close – the bed was only about a meter wide. Su Bin didn’t know where he could move to, and he shrunk himself even smaller, almost wishing a hole would appear in the bed’s corner so he could sink through it. Can’t I just have some quiet time alone?

Allen didn’t fulfill his wish, instead he sat on the edge of the bed and reached out to pull someone’s arm, dragging him out from the corner.

Su Bin had wanted to resist, but thinking about Allen’s inhuman strength, he gave up…

Next, he was dragged in front of Allen and then suddenly enveloped in a hug.

“You’re sad…” Allen hugged him and softly asked in his ear, “Why are you sad? Hmm?”

Su Bin: “…q..q”

Allen: “Tell me.”

I don’t want you to be sad over something I don’t know about.
Su Bin’s face was pressed against the softness of Allen’s sweater. Breathing in the clean scent from him, Su Bin was moved for a brief moment.

Allen gently stroked his back. Su Bin didn’t know what to do…

Gradually, his tense body relaxed, softened, and finally, Su Bin felt as if all his strength had been drained from him, leaving him as limp as a noodle.

He leaned against Allen’s chest, wanting to cry…

Why should someone who’s just a regular roommate do such intimate things?

Why console me in this way?

“… Still not talking?” Allen’s impatience grew, and he paused, raising his hand slightly. He looked at Su Bin with eyes that had a deep and heavy threat in them, “If you don’t speak up, I’ll do something else.”

Su Bin was startled, nervously looking at Allen… Something else?

… Seeing the corners of Allen’s mouth slowly lift, Su Bin hurriedly said, “I, I’ll talk!”

Is he going to use the same tactic as before? Threatening me like this, it’s really over the top! q///q
Su Bin’s heart raced, and this kind of mischievous back-and-forth seemed to somewhat overlay the previous pain, making him feel a bit better… but he really didn’t know where to start!

After struggling for a while, Su Bin mustered up the courage and told Allen, “I was betrayed by a good friend…”

As soon as this sentence was out, it seemed like the floodgates opened. Su Bin couldn’t hold back anymore and began to pour out his feelings to Allen. At first, he spoke in a jumble, since he had to translate the tragic events from Chinese to English, leading to stumbling over words. But as he continued, his narrative became smoother, almost Shakespearean. Su Bin cried while he spoke, shedding tears uncontrollably in Allen’s embrace, turning into a sobbing mess…

Pride, dignity, and ego – roll away as far as you can!

A man’s tears do not flow easily, only when his heart is truly broken.

… Sob, sob, sob!

Allen held him, allowing him to bury his head on his shoulder…

He hadn’t said a single word from beginning to end. He didn’t judge the people Su Bin was talking about, nor did he correct Su Bin’s jumbled grammar and word usage.

Let him speak, let him cry his heart out…

He watched Su Bin’s tear-stained and pitiful face, which he used to love so much. But right now, he didn’t feel any excitement from it.

He felt jealous, as what Su Bin had willingly given away to others was something he had wanted so much himself.

Using the free hand, he gently wiped away the tears from Su Bin’s face…

Little fool, I’m sorry. I don’t feel a shred of pity for you.
I’m happy they betrayed you, hurt you, and made you feel despair.
Stay away from everyone, so there’s only me left in your world. That’s better.
I want your tears, and from now on, let them flow only for me.

Allen, with such dark thoughts, felt like a demon. Yet, he didn’t want to suppress these crazy thoughts. He allowed them to spread freely within his body and mind.

Su Bin had finally finished speaking, but he remained immersed in his sorrowful story, repeatedly pondering, “Why did they treat me this way…”?

Although he hadn’t received an answer and knew that there might not be an explanation that would put his heart at ease, at least in this moment, he had vented a portion of his frustration and pain. He felt much lighter…

He leaned against Allen’s body and felt a bit drowsy.

Allen was powerful, and his body was warm. What should he do? He didn’t want to separate…

Moreover, that person was repeatedly caressing him and gently kissing his forehead…

Unconsciously, Su Bin extended his hand and encircled Allen’s waist, hugging him gently. Slowly, he drifted into sleep.

… Just for this moment, let me rely on you.

Thank you for being with me, Allen.

 

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1 Response

  1. FruityFujoshi says:

    17 hearts!!! That was the most I have ever seen for this story!!

    Lol friggin Allen. I was hoping he get mad for Su Bin, but instead he got /jealous/! Lol bruhhh…

    At the same time, glad to see some more development for the two of them.

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