Although Mo Xi did not explain in detail, the others were not fools. They immediately understood that he intended to go to a place far away, then expose his whereabouts and use himself as bait to lure Wu Yan away.
Jiang Ye Xue immediately said, “How can you do that? It’s too dangerous.”
“If I can’t even deal with a swarm of bats,” Mo Xi adjusted the concealed-weapon case on his wrist, “then I have no business remaining the commander of the Northern Frontier Army.”
Jiang Ye Xue knew he had been stubborn since childhood. Seeing that he could not persuade him, he could only turn to Gu Mang.
Gu Mang’s expression was difficult to make out in the flickering light and shadow of the campfire. It was unclear whether he intended to interfere, but after a while, he finally spoke.
“Why would Xi He Jun go meet that swarm of bats alone? Are you in such a hurry to become the bat queen’s live-in husband?”
At the words “live-in husband,” Mo Xi glanced at him, then turned his face away again and said quietly, “My temperament is bad. I have too much of a violent streak, I like shouting about killing and fighting. No one would want me.”
“…”
Those were the exact words Gu Mang had used to tease Mo Xi earlier. He had not expected Mo Xi to remember every single one of them and throw them right back at him at a time like this. Even with Gu Mang’s thick skin, he felt rather embarrassed for a moment.
Mo Xi fastened the clasp of the concealed-weapon case and turned around.
“I’m leaving.”
“Hey, hey, wait!”
Mo Xi stopped and turned half his face toward him. “What?”
Gu Mang rubbed his nose. “Humans may not want you, but demons aren’t necessarily the same.”
“…”
“I heard demons only care about a person’s appearance. Although your personality is a little boring, your face is still quite handsome. You’re both alluring and pure. When you don’t open your mouth, you’re practically flawless. If that old bat doesn’t take a fancy to you, then she must be blind. She ought to go to Jiang Fu Li’s residence and have her eyes treated.”
“…”
Mo Xi’s handsome face turned green. He flicked his sleeve and walked away.
Watching Mo Xi’s back, Gu Mang sighed.
“Sigh. When he had amnesia, I didn’t really feel anything special about it. Now that he’s awake and I have something to compare it to, I realize that after I left the country all those years ago, his temper really hasn’t improved. No, it should be even worse. He can’t even take a joke anymore.”
Hearing this, Mo Xi finally could not endure it. He abruptly turned around, seemingly wanting to lose his temper, but forcibly restrained himself. His eyes reddened as he said, “…Gu Mang, did you only find out today that I have a bad temper?”
“…”
After saying this, Mo Xi left. His figure gradually receded beneath the swaying moonlight. When he was almost completely out of sight, Gu Mang silently turned his head toward the others inside the cave.
“Should I… go with him after all? That kid isn’t very reliable. I’d better keep an eye on him and go with him to lure Wu Yan away.”
Jiang Ye Xue said, “Go. Having one more person means one more layer of protection.”
Gu Mang gave a bitter smile. “I’m just afraid he’ll get angry the moment he sees me. Look at how terrible his expression was when he left.”
Despite saying that, he still quickly followed after him.
Mo Xi’s iron-plated military boots crunched over the dead branches and fallen leaves. He walked alone for a while when he suddenly heard the rustling footsteps behind him.
“Xi He Jun.”
The moment Mo Xi heard that voice, his heart hurt terribly. He did not turn around. Instead, he quickened his pace.
Gu Mang caught up. “Why are you walking so fast?”
Mo Xi ignored him and continued forward with his head lowered.
“I’m asking you something. Are you so angry that you don’t want to talk to me?”
Mo Xi remained silent for a long while before finally speaking.
“Why did you insist on following me?”
“You’ve been in the military for so many years and fought so many battles. You wouldn’t be unclear about this kind of troop deployment. Why do you think I followed you?”
Gu Mang broke off a stalk of foxtail grass and played with it in his hand. As he smacked the wildflowers by the roadside with it, he continued.
“Jiang Ye Xue and the others are removing the curse inside the cave. They absolutely cannot be disturbed. Since that’s the case, the more people we have outside to attract the attention of the Mist Swallow Queen, the better. But to prevent accidents, there must also be someone guarding the cave. And compared to me, Murong Chu Yi is obviously more suitable to stay behind. He’s Yue Chen Qing and Brother Jiang’s maternal uncle. He’s more willing, and more obligated, to become their final line of defense.”
After finishing his analysis, he smiled at Mo Xi.
“So why are you acting on impulse just because you don’t want to see me?”
Mo Xi said nothing more.
The two stepped over dead branches and broken leaves, walking toward the distance one step at a time. At this point, they had yet to remove the spells concealing their spiritual power, so although they could see several bat demons wandering through the forest in search of them, they were not worried.
After walking shoulder to shoulder for a while, Mo Xi suddenly said, “Gu Mang.”
“Hmm?”
“There’s no one else here now. Can you tell me the truth?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you really hate me?”
Gu Mang said, “…Why are you suddenly asking that?”
Mo Xi said, “I didn’t bring you along not because I didn’t want to see you, but because I felt that you hated me to the extreme, and I didn’t know how to face you.”
Gu Mang was silent for a moment.
The surroundings were extremely quiet. There was only the cool moonlight and the rustling of leaves. Even the cries of crows and sparrows sounded so distant.
Mo Xi paused.
“Have you really always resented me?”
“…What would I resent you for?”
Under the gentle breeze and moonlight, Gu Mang’s white robes fluttered, shimmering like waves. He had put away the carefree, laughing mask he wore before Jiang Ye Xue and the others, revealing a face that had become somewhat numb and especially pale after enduring too many brushes with life and death.
“Would I resent you because you couldn’t stay by my side when I fell into hardship back then? Or would I resent you because when I needed someone to pull me up the most, you only thought I was drunk and throwing a tantrum and making jokes?”
“…”
Gu Mang laughed softly.
“In the Time Mirror, you asked me almost the same question. And whether it was eight years ago or eight years later, my answer is the same.”
He lifted his long eyelashes, soft as spring catkins, like a curtain being drawn aside. Bright moonlight suddenly poured into his deep-blue eyes. Those blue eyes, no longer the same as yesterday’s, looked at Mo Xi.
He said, “Mo Xi, I never hated you for any of that.”
Mo Xi abruptly stopped walking.
He lowered his head and looked at Gu Mang’s face. Ever since he and Gu Mang reunited, Mo Xi had almost always been the powerful one in front of him, accustomed to having the final say. But at this moment, facing Gu Mang, who had recovered his memories, what did Mo Xi have left?
He was someone Gu Mang had watched grow up. Gu Mang had seen every moment of his humiliation, hardship, and struggle, and had tolerated all his stubbornness and immaturity.
Before Gu Mang, who had lost his spiritual consciousness, Mo Xi might have been his lord, his companion, his Xi He Jun.
But before his Gu Mang-gege, Mo Xi was simply Mo Xi.
His armor and blade had all been removed, leaving behind only a battered heart of flesh and blood.
Mo Xi’s voice trembled as he asked quietly, “If you don’t hate me… then why do you treat me like this?”
“Why does there have to be a reason? Just like you treated me this way.” Gu Mang said, “It’s simply the choices we each made. Just like you chose Chonghua, while I chose Liao. The Time Mirror’s curse-breaking words were right: Cross the sea of suffering, pursue nothing from yesterday. What has happened in the past has already happened. There’s no use dwelling on it no matter how much we struggle with it. I let go of all that mess between us long ago. You’re the one who keeps clinging on. Other than being ruthless toward you, what other path could I have taken?”
It was as if a smoking pipe had been driven straight into the flesh and blood of his heart. Mo Xi’s heart convulsed violently.
“You’ve really let go?”
“I let go long ago.”
Mo Xi closed his eyes. His long eyelashes trembled.
“Gu Mang…”
His throat bobbed, and in the end, he could only sigh out one sentence.
“Seventeen years.”
Gu Mang froze. “What?”
“From the time you took me on my first assignment after we entered the academy, I’ve known you for seventeen years. From adolescence to adulthood, from classmates to comrades on the battlefield… You were the one who said you would always stay by my side. You said that whether I was poor or prosperous, you would be there with me. You were the one who once—”
You were the one who once said you loved me.
But how could Mo Xi say those words now?
The sentence became lodged in his throat, choking him with a bitter sweetness.
Mo Xi closed his eyes and suppressed the tremor in his voice. He took a deep breath and said shakily,
“You once taught me many things. You taught me patience, taught me spells, taught me the ways of the world and human relationships, taught me about romance. Now you’re telling me not to cling to you anymore. Fine.”
“I can try to do it too,” Mo Xi said. “But before that, Gu-shixiong, I want to ask you one last thing. Teach me. It’s been seventeen years. That is half of our lives. Teach me how to let go.”
Gu Mang: “…”
Mo Xi suddenly opened his eyes and pressed a finger against his own heart.
“Can you teach me how to become at peace with it?”
His fingertip trembled slightly, and his eyes were red as well.
“How can three souls and seven spirits lose two spirits? Why can’t I lose them instead? I still have my memories. I still have my spiritual consciousness. I can’t let go! If I went back eight years knowing perfectly well that nothing could be changed, I would still ask you whether you could not betray us. I would still hope that you would stay, even though you think it was a pointless endeavor!”
“Mo Xi…”
“‘Cross the sea of suffering, pursue nothing from yesterday.’ I have already lived in yesterday for eight years! From the day you left, I have been living in eight years ago—”
“I hoped so desperately that you would recover your memories. But you did recover them, only to tell me that you had already let go long ago…”
“Gu Mang, Gu-shixiong… What exactly was I to you during these seventeen years?!!”
By the end, his voice suddenly became hoarse and broke.
The words caught in his throat and became a sob.
He felt tears circling in his eyes, but it was too humiliating. The few times he had cried in his life had almost all been in front of Gu Mang. When he was young, perhaps that could be forgiven, but he did not want to have lived so many years only to still fall apart helplessly in front of the same person.
So he abruptly turned his face away and strode forward.
The birch forest rustled mournfully, while the night mist stumbled and drifted through the trees. Mo Xi walked through that ethereal, gathering and dispersing fog. After a while, he heard Gu Mang catch up behind him. Gu Mang’s footsteps followed closely not far behind.
Many years ago, they had been like this too.
Whether charging toward an enemy camp or hunting deer in the countryside, wherever Mo Xi went, as long as Gu Mang was there, he would always remain close enough that Mo Xi could see him with a turn of his head.
That had once been the earliest peace of his life.
Later, Gu Mang betrayed the country and left. When Mo Xi marched and fought battles on his own, he never again had that kind of understanding with his partner.
Sometimes, when he rode through the snow too quickly, leaving all the generals behind, he could hear no sound accompanying him. It was as though he were the only person in all of heaven and earth galloping forward on horseback, rushing toward a glorious yet lonely ending.
He was unwilling to accept it, so from then on he ordered his personal guards to remain no more than a step behind him.
But even though the footsteps and hoofbeats had returned, the face was no longer the one in his memories.
From that moment onward, Mo Xi understood that although the death of an old friend was painful, what hurt even more than the death of an old friend was their transformation.
Thinking of how that person was still alive in this world, yet could never return to the way things once were—that was the true suffering that made every breath hurt.
Deep affection turning rotten.
Like-minded companions becoming strangers.
Lovers becoming enemies.
That was the kind of suffering that made every inhalation and exhalation painful.
“Useless!”
A furious shriek suddenly came from ahead, violently dragging his thoughts back from the mire.
“All of you are useless!”
Mo Xi’s footsteps abruptly stopped.
Gu Mang had clearly heard it too. He quickly swept to Mo Xi’s side and looked into the depths of the mist ahead.
“Is that Wu Yan?”
Although their relationship was complicated and the atmosphere between them awkward, both still understood the importance of priorities. They immediately exchanged a glance, lowered the aura of their spiritual power, and silently approached in the direction of the voice.
Following the sound, they came behind a huge tree that would have taken three people holding hands to encircle. They cautiously peered out.
What they saw genuinely startled both Mo Xi and Gu Mang!