It wasn’t until Lu Heyang reached over to wipe the corner of Xu Ze’s mouth that Xu Ze realized he had been drooling quite a lot.
After wiping him a few times, Lu Heyang slipped two fingers into Xu Ze’s mouth and played with his tongue. Xu Ze closed his eyes, then opened them again, looking at Lu Heyang in a daze.
“I can’t sleep at your place. I have to leave in a little while.” Lu Heyang withdrew his fingers and brushed their pads against the corners of Xu Ze’s eyes.
Xu Ze gazed at him unfocusedly for a while before realizing that it was already the middle of the night. He closed his mouth and swallowed, then asked a question that had almost been overlooked.
“Did you come back after training?”
He was worried that he might have interfered with Lu Heyang’s training.
“Yes.” Lu Heyang gave him an answer that wouldn’t make him feel guilty. “The preparatory academy has exams in a few days anyway, so I was supposed to come back.”
That meant Lu Heyang would be staying until the exams were over. Just that much was enough to make Xu Ze happy.
He pressed his lips together, and a faint smile appeared on his face.
“Be careful on your way back.”
Lu Heyang looked at him for several seconds, then suddenly lay down beside him.
They had hardly ever had the chance to lie together like this properly. Xu Ze turned his head to look at Lu Heyang’s profile and silently began counting in his mind.
When he reached thirty-six seconds, Lu Heyang raised a hand and pressed the bridge of his nose. Then he sat up.
“Go take another shower.”
“I can wash myself… it’s fine.” Xu Ze sat up too, clearly feeling something trickling out of him. He pulled the bedsheet over his lower body. “It’s very late. You should go home first.”
“Okay.”
Lu Heyang stood beside the bed. He had kept his pants on the whole time. He picked up the T-shirt at the foot of the bed and put it on, then went to retrieve Xu Ze’s clothes from the desk.
With his back to Xu Ze, Lu Heyang pushed aside the stack of exam papers and saw the draft sheet underneath. He smiled.
He returned to the bedside. Xu Ze was still looking at him with an utterly innocent expression.
Lu Heyang pulled the T-shirt over Xu Ze’s head and told him to raise his arms. Xu Ze obediently lifted them and put the shirt on.
Then Lu Heyang held Xu Ze’s face and tilted his head to one side. He leaned down to examine his neck.
“The mark is very faint. It’ll disappear by tomorrow.”
“It’s fine,” Xu Ze said. He had gone to school with bruises and marks from being choked before, after all.
Lu Heyang straightened Xu Ze’s head and gently stroked the area behind his ear.
“Are you like this with other people, too?”
The question came without any preamble. Xu Ze tilted his head back, looking slightly confused.
Lu Heyang was looking down at him, his eyelashes casting delicate shadows beneath his eyes. Xu Ze felt as though his entire body had shrunk into something tiny, standing completely within those shadows, enveloped by them.
Lu Heyang’s gaze always gave him a peculiar sense of security, one that came from feeling completely under someone’s control.
And so Xu Ze’s mind wandered briefly. Several seconds passed before he came back to himself.
“What?”
“When you’re boxing and someone else hurts you.” Lu Heyang moved his hand to the back of Xu Ze’s neck, covering the spot where his gland was, and continued, “Does that excite you, too?”
“No.”
Xu Ze seemed not to need any time to think. He answered honestly, without the slightest hint of flattery or an attempt to please Lu Heyang.
Lu Heyang said nothing. He covered Xu Ze’s eyes and kissed him on the mouth.
“I’m heading back.”
“Mm.” Xu Ze nodded.
That kiss felt like a reward. In a daze, Xu Ze found himself transported back to all those times when Lu Heyang had rewarded him.
Even after receiving so much already, Xu Ze realized that he still really liked being rewarded by Lu Heyang.
Lu Heyang had returned to the country, and He Wei finally learned what his friend had been doing away from home for the past twenty days.
“I don’t get it,” he said. “He could’ve had a smooth path to becoming a high-ranking official. Why go to a military academy and make himself look so battered and exhausted? It’s so much trouble. Do you get it, Xiao Ze? Do you understand?”
Xu Ze could only answer, “I don’t.”
“Heyang should be studying in the Army, right? The Army holds the greatest share of power within the Alliance. If Uncle Lu was the one who wanted Heyang to attend a military academy, he would definitely have arranged for him to join the Army.”
“I don’t know,” Xu Ze said. He genuinely had no idea which branch of the military Lu Heyang intended to join.
“What about you? You’re in such good physical shape. You could go to a military academy too, couldn’t you? Maybe you could even keep being schoolmates with Heyang!”
Xu Ze replied calmly, “I wouldn’t pass the medical examination.”
There were too many old scars on his body. He couldn’t even pass the medical examination for the police academy, let alone the military academy, which had even stricter requirements. Besides, military training was conducted under tight, residential conditions, so he wouldn’t be able to visit his grandmother frequently.
As for continuing to attend the same school as Lu Heyang—Xu Ze had never entertained such an unrealistic wish.
He felt not the slightest emotional fluctuation, but He Wei, being the overthinker he was, imagined that a hint of loneliness had surfaced on Xu Ze’s usually expressionless face. Thinking he was being considerate and tactful, he changed the subject.
“Oh, right! Help me look at this. The buckle on my backpack has come off.”
“How did it come off?” Xu Ze took the backpack and lowered his head to examine the strap where it connected to the buckle.
“This morning, I accidentally caught the strap in the car door when I was closing it. I gave it a little tug, and the metal buckle came apart.”
Craftsman Xu made no comment on Young Master He’s version of a “little tug.”
He Wei always had a thousand different ways of breaking things. It had only been a little over a month since the start of the semester, and this was already his eighth replacement backpack. Though, admittedly, part of that was because he liked getting new things and quickly grew tired of the old ones.
Xu Ze used a small pair of scissors to grip the edge of the metal buckle and gradually restore its deformed inner ring. He trimmed the loose threads that had come out from the tugging, tucked the frayed fibers back into the strap, then fitted the other buckle cap over it and pressed it firmly into place.
“Done. Take a look.”
“Wow, that was fast!” He Wei fiddled with the backpack. “Our Xiao Ze is truly beautiful, kind-hearted, virtuous, and capable. If you were an omega, a whole bunch of alphas would be fighting to marry you and take you home as their wife.”
Xu Ze fell silent, because he felt that He Wei’s description had absolutely nothing to do with him.
“Love you, wifey.” He Wei wrapped his arms around Xu Ze’s arm and leaned against his shoulder.
“…”
Xu Ze wasn’t used to being so physically affectionate with people. He tried to pull his arm free, but He Wei was holding on so tightly that he couldn’t get away.
Feeling something brush against his hair, He Wei leaned back and looked up.
“Heyang? When did you get here?”
“When you called Xu Ze your wife,” Lu Heyang replied.
“Please understand me.” He Wei continued clinging to Xu Ze. “I can’t call Chi Jiahan my wife, so now you’re not even letting me call his friend my wife?”
Seeing Xu Ze repeatedly turn his head to look at him, Lu Heyang reached out and touched his ear. He smiled at him before turning to He Wei.
“I need to talk to you about something.”
He Wei immediately stood up, put an arm around Lu Heyang’s shoulders, and led him toward the door, lowering his voice to ask, “Is my brother back?”
“His flight arrives tonight.”
“I’m going to wait for him at Uncle’s house.” He Wei frowned. “Ever since I messaged him last time to ask whether he was involved with Tang Feiyi, he hasn’t replied. He’s been abroad on an inspection trip for over a month, and he’s finally willing to come back.”
“Have you grown taller?” He Wei’s attention hopped around like a frog leaping across a pond. He looked Lu Heyang up and down and asked suspiciously.
“No.”
He Wei clicked his tongue. “Then it must be because you’ve been practicing your posture. It makes you look a whole lot taller.”
He had barely finished speaking when he saw Xu Ze come out of the classroom and hurry toward the office. He Wei called out to him, but Xu Ze neither answered nor stopped.
At the same time, the class bell rang. He Wei turned his attention back and discovered that Lu Heyang was also watching Xu Ze’s retreating figure.
“What happened to Xu Ze? Does he have something urgent to do?”
“I don’t know. Class has started,” Lu Heyang said.
By the time Xu Ze arrived at the nursing home, Ye Yunhua had already been forcibly restrained to her hospital bed.
She was like a fish struggling helplessly in the mud. Her face was flushed red, and her eyes were wide open as she stared fixedly at the ceiling, gasping for breath while murmuring over and over, “Blood… It’s all blood… There’s blood everywhere…”
“We gave her diazepam, but not a particularly large dose.” Zhou Zhen’s white coat and hair were somewhat disheveled, clearly showing how much effort he had spent trying to calm Ye Yunhua down.
Xu Ze slowly pried open Ye Yunhua’s tightly clenched right fist, took her hand in his, and asked Zhou Zhen, “Did she suddenly have an episode?”
“We didn’t apply enough pressure after drawing her blood. A few drops seeped out of the needle puncture, and that triggered her.”
It wasn’t anyone’s fault, but Xu Ze still said, “Sorry for causing you all trouble.”
On the tray of the nearby medical trolley sat the blood sample collected not long ago. The collection tube had been tightly wrapped in white medical tape. It was a necessary procedure every time they drew Ye Yunhua’s blood, to prevent her from seeing it.
“Stay with your grandmother for a while. I’ll organize the examination reports and then talk to you about treatment.” Zhou Zhen patted Xu Ze on the shoulder before leaving with the nurse to put the equipment away.
Ye Yunhua gradually calmed down. Her eyes remained half-closed, but she refused to shut them completely. Tears slipped from the corners of her eyes as her lips moved repeatedly.
Xu Ze bent down to listen more closely.
He heard Ye Yunhua whisper, “Blood… It’s all gone… Yuanyuan…”
The indistinct voice, saturated with pain, burrowed into his ears. Xu Ze’s throat tightened. He gripped Ye Yunhua’s hand tightly and remained bent over her, as though he couldn’t straighten up for the moment.
It was nearly noon when Xu Ze went downstairs carrying a stack of laboratory reports. The sunlight outside was brilliant. When he looked up toward the glass entrance doors, the glare made him squint.
Through his blurred vision, he saw a figure standing beside one of the pillars outside.
He walked through the revolving doors and approached Lu Heyang. He didn’t ask why Lu Heyang had come. He simply waited until Lu Heyang handed him a bottle of mineral water and said, “Let’s go for a walk.”
Beneath the wall on the south side of the inpatient building stood a Chinese scholar tree with yellow blossoms. About a dozen meters away, an artificial lake shimmered in the sunlight.
Xu Ze and Lu Heyang stood beneath the tree. When Xu Ze opened the water bottle, he realized he hadn’t needed to use any force at all. Lu Heyang had already loosened the cap and screwed it back on beforehand.
The water seemed to have no taste.
Xu Ze slowly realized that water didn’t have a taste to begin with.
He had felt unbearably heavy, as though something were pressing down on him so hard that he couldn’t even lift his head or shoulders. Now, the weight seemed to have eased a little.
Xu Ze rubbed his left eye and said, “My grandmother is very afraid of blood.”
Ye Yunhua had been afraid of blood ever since Xu Ze was eleven years old.
After Xu Ming died in the line of duty, sacrificing his life unexpectedly, Qiao Yuan began spending every day and night shut away in her room. She neither spoke nor went outside.
Many times, when Xu Ze went into her room, he would find Qiao Yuan sitting in a chair, staring at the two neatly drawn curtains, as though she were looking at something outside through them.
Whenever Xu Ze walked over to her, Qiao Yuan would speak in that emotionless voice of hers, her gaze never shifting as she told him, “Go play by yourself.”
Xu Ze would nod, walk out, and quietly close the door. He hadn’t actually wanted his mother to take him out to play. He just wanted to keep her company.
Ye Yunhua and Qiao Yuan consequently fell into a cold war. There was a sense of sorrow over Qiao Yuan’s misfortune and anger at her refusal to fight back. Ye Yunhua believed that life had to go on, but Qiao Yuan showed not the slightest intention of picking herself back up.
Even so, Ye Yunhua continued preparing three meals a day for Qiao Yuan on schedule and had Xu Ze deliver them. Like a little servant, Xu Ze carried the food into the bedroom every day, then sat on the small sofa nearby, waiting for Qiao Yuan to eat a little.
Those were the moments when he felt happiest, because he could spend a little time with his mother.
Then, quite suddenly, one day, Ye Yunhua’s angry scolding erupted from the living room. Xu Ze cracked his bedroom door open and heard fragments of their conversation.
“How much longer are you going to carry on like this? Xu Ze is still so young! His father is gone, and now you, his mother, won’t even take care of him!”
“Now all the savings and compensation money have been swindled away. Are you satisfied?!”
“Why did you believe those people? Just because they said they could help you investigate how Xu Ming died? They’re all liars! Now there’s not a single cent left. Do you finally believe me?!”
…
Qiao Yuan, who had remained silent the entire time, finally spoke. Her tone was still as flat and emotionless as ever.
“I didn’t even see Xu Ming’s body. How am I supposed to know how he really died?”
Silence followed. Then a sharp smack suddenly rang out.
Xu Ze, standing behind the door, flinched violently, as though that slap had landed on his own face.
“The forensic report and the criminal investigation team’s official notice aren’t enough for you? No matter how Xu Ming died, he’s already dead! He’s never coming back!”
Those words seemed to be directed at Xu Ze, too.
Daddy is dead. He will never come back.
From the age of seven to eleven, Xu Ze had still possessed only a vague understanding of his father’s death. In his mind, Xu Ming had simply gone away on a very long business trip and hadn’t returned yet.
But at that moment, Xu Ze turned to look at the little pair of children’s boxing gloves hanging on the wall and finally began to understand.
Death meant that Daddy would never put those gloves on his hands again or take him to the boxing gym to hit the punching bag.
The next morning, when Xu Ze went to get breakfast, Ye Yunhua was standing with her back to him, tidying up the kitchen. She said quietly, “Get your mother ready. I’m taking her to see a doctor.”
“Is Mom sick?” Xu Ze asked.
Ye Yunhua’s movements paused briefly before she answered, “Yes. Grandma was at fault for not taking good care of your mother. She let her heart become sick. Now I’m going to take her to the hospital to get it checked.”
“Okay.” Xu Ze nodded.
He went into the bedroom. Qiao Yuan was still lying in bed. As usual, Xu Ze placed the breakfast on the bedside table and said, “Mom, it’s time for breakfast.”
Qiao Yuan didn’t answer, so Xu Ze went and sat on the sofa.
He waited and waited. Several minutes passed, but Qiao Yuan still didn’t get up.
Xu Ze walked back to the bedside and said again, “Mom, it’s time for breakfast.”
There was no response. Qiao Yuan remained lying on her side, facing the wall.
Xu Ze rose onto his tiptoes, wanting to see her face, but suddenly caught sight of a dark red stain. Its edges were irregular, like the outline of a map. It had spread out from beneath the blanket, extending all the way to the pillow, where it pooled around Qiao Yuan’s pale profile.
His mind hadn’t yet fully grasped what it meant, but his body had already reacted. He began trembling uncontrollably.
Shaking, Xu Ze reached out and pushed Qiao Yuan’s shoulder.
It was stiff and cold, like stone.
Many of the scenes that followed became fragmented in his memory: Ye Yunhua’s vacant expression, the bedsheets soaked in blood, the wrist mangled and covered in blood.
Xu Ze stood dazed in a corner like an onlooker, until Ye Yunhua, who had fainted, was carried into an ambulance and a neighbor came over and picked him up.
Xu Ze rested his face against the neighbor’s shoulder. It was soft and warm—his mother’s shoulder had once felt like that, too.
“So that’s why Grandma is so afraid of blood,” Xu Ze said slowly. “After seeing something like that, how could she not be afraid?”
The leaves rustled in the wind. Lu Heyang listened like the most attentive listener in the world, offering no opinions at all.
After a long time, he turned and gently rubbed the back of Xu Ze’s head before drawing him into a soft embrace.
Resting his head on Lu Heyang’s shoulder, Xu Ze looked at the lush green ivy climbing the wall.
He thought that this wall must have witnessed countless prayers, tears, and stories from the past. He was merely another ordinary person passing through, nothing special.
Perhaps the only thing that made this moment different was that he had told Lu Heyang this part of his past, too.
It meant that, at least for this moment, he wasn’t bearing it all alone.