After that day, Gu Mang gained a new understanding of Mo Xi.
Although Mo Xi always exuded an air of coldness and strength, and remained calm and unflustered in the face of major matters, the more they interacted with each other, and the more memories Gu Mang recalled, the more vaguely he felt that this was not the whole truth.
Mo Xi had always been suppressing many emotions. He kept all of them under control, yet could never dispel them. As a result, Mo Xi was always irritable. Whenever he stood alone beneath the covered corridor, staring blankly at the snow, the look in his eyes was complicated enough to make one’s heart tremble.
Not to mention the way his tone changed from time to time when speaking to Gu Mang, and the contradictions in which he constantly contradicted his own words. He was practically like a madman who was gravely ill, nearly tortured to death by his own heart, yet still wearing a cold mask.
Gu Mang always had a feeling that the face hidden behind that mask was actually very fragile.
Because of this intuition, he could not even bring himself to hate Mo Xi for beating him and disliking him before. Deep in his bones, it seemed that he possessed an indelible habit, one that allowed him to easily catch the slightest traces of pain between Mo Xi’s brows and eyes. This habit made him instinctively want to protect him.
How strange.
Mo Xi was clearly a man so powerful that it was impossible to imagine him failing. He was taller than Gu Mang, stronger, more noble, and more intelligent.
Just what kind of arrogant conceit had possessed Gu Mang for him to develop such an overreaching desire to protect someone like that?
Because of these complicated thoughts, Gu Mang, who had recovered the tiniest bit of his memory, seemed to be suffering far more than the carefree Gu Mang of before.
He often sat on the neatly stacked pile of firewood, staring blankly at his palms. Every day and every night, he would recall that small portion of the past he had recovered, recall the things Mo Xi had said to him, thinking about them over and over, going back and forth through them again and again.
Mo Xi had warned him not to tell anyone else about the “Night of His Twentieth Birthday,” so Gu Mang had not said anything. He hoped that he could sort out some of his past by himself, but he had far too few memories. He could not piece the events together. In the end, he could only clutch his head and sit blankly in the courtyard for a long time.
He had also tried asking Li Wei what kind of person Lu Zhanxing had been, what kind of person he himself had been before, and exactly what kind of relationship Mo Xi and he had—but Li Wei remained deeply tight-lipped about all of it.
He only said, “If you shouldn’t ask, then don’t ask. Sometimes knowing too much isn’t a good thing. Look at how good you were before—dumb and silly.”
And so, with everything as hazy as flowers seen through mist and the moon reflected in water, the New Year’s Eve at the end of the year arrived amid his confusion.
On this day, Xihe Manor was decorated with lights and colors. The servants were busy replacing the peach-wood charms and hanging lanterns. White steam and smoke rose continuously from the kitchen from morning until night. Gu Mang also joined in the hustle and bustle, following them to chop filling and wrap dumplings, then starting the wok to fry spring rolls. They were busy and lively for most of the day, and he enjoyed himself immensely.
Gu Mang, who had been tangled up in his memories, finally showed a little of the innocent nature he had possessed at the beginning amid all this ordinary human warmth. He squatted beside the fire pit, stuffing rice straw into it, then shook a little fan, puffing and fanning the fire.
The way the straw burned inside the stove made his eyes light up. Just to watch it a few more times, he added firewood again and again.
However, there was absolutely no need for that.
The moment the cook turned around, she was horrified.
“790! What are you doing!!!”
790 was the slave registry number hanging around Gu Mang’s neck. These servants were not accustomed to calling the former Marshal Gu by name, so they all called him 790.
Gu Mang poked his head out from beside the stove, his face covered in plant ash. Like a little spotted cat, he sneezed.
Because he had recklessly added firewood, the cook’s batch of spring rolls was ruined. The broad-shouldered, stout woman angrily dragged him to find Li Wei.
“Manager Li, can you put him somewhere else?! If he stays by the stove, all we’ll be able to eat for our New Year’s Eve dinner tonight will be several plates of charcoal!”
When this woman got angry, she was like a tiger with its fur standing on end. Manager Li immediately cowered, soothing her with kind words for quite a while before leading Gu Mang to the rear courtyard. He shoved a broom into his hands and said,
“You just sweep the floor here.”
Sweeping the floor was originally the safest job of all, but Gu Mang still managed to make a mess of it this time.
According to Chonghua’s custom, on New Year’s Eve every household scattered dried fruits such as peanuts and longans on the ground, seeking an auspicious sign of wealth and good fortune. Li Wei had been so busy that he forgot to remind Gu Mang. Thus, when he came back, he discovered that Gu Mang had swept up all the auspicious offerings they had scattered around the garden.
Sweeping them up was one thing.
He had even dumped them all out.
Li Wei’s face turned green.
He thought to himself: N-no… this is an ominous sign.
Afraid that Gu Mang might violate some other taboo out of ignorance and bring bad luck upon them, he simply stuffed a copy of the Three Character Classic into his hands. He had specifically bought it on the street earlier for the purpose of teaching Gu Mang to read.
Li Wei dragged him into the study and made him sit obediently beside the desk.
“I’m begging you, Great Master. Don’t go anywhere. Don’t do anything else. Just stay here and read. Wait until it’s time to eat.”
Gu Mang was quite obedient about following rules.
“I have to do something.”
Li Wei had no choice. He brought over a stack of paper.
“Copy the book. Copy the book, that should be fine, right? That’s doing something too. Copy a hundred sheets, then come over to eat.”
Gu Mang nodded.
“Okay.”
After settling this wandering troublemaker, Li Wei finally breathed a sigh of relief. Humming to himself, he went outside to continue with the preparations.
Tonight’s dishes were lavish, and all of them were for the servants to enjoy. As for Lord Xihe, he was going to the palace for the New Year’s banquet and would not be eating with them. With the tiger away from the mountain, the monkey could call himself king, so Li Wei was naturally very happy.
Just as he was humming a little tune in high spirits, he turned a corner and ran straight into that black-robed man whose robes reached the ground.
Li Wei was like a duck being strangled by the neck. With a loud croak, he forcibly crushed the tune in his throat and hurriedly replaced it with a fawning smile full of warmth.
“My Lord, are you preparing to leave?”
“It’s about time. I should head to the palace.” Mo Xi did not stop walking. As he walked, he straightened the creases in his sleeves.
“Prepare the carriage.”
“Yes, right away.”
Li Wei was about to leave when Mo Xi called out to him.
“Wait.”
“What else does my Lord command?”
“Go call Gu Mang over. Have him come with me.”
When Li Wei heard this, he was first slightly stunned, then overjoyed.
He was stunned because although every noble family would bring one or two personal guards, he had not expected Mo Xi to actually be willing to bring Gu Mang along.
He was overjoyed because Gu Mang ate a lot. If he stayed at the manor, he would compete with them for food. Taking him away would save them one mouth to feed.
Of course, such a selfish thought was one thing. Li, as the steward, was still a conscientious manager. He did not forget to faithfully ask,
“My Lord, it’s New Year’s. If you bring someone like this… traitor with you, won’t the other families be unhappy when they see him?”
There was a trace of darkness between Mo Xi’s brows.
“The Lord specifically named him yesterday and ordered me to bring him over, to see how well he has been trained now. Otherwise, do you think I would be willing?”
“Oh, oh. So that’s how it is.”
Mo Xi frowned.
“Where is he? Have him tidy himself up and come to the main hall to see me. He’ll enter the palace with me.”
Li Wei hurriedly answered,
“Yes!”
Thus, before Gu Mang had even finished copying a few sentences, Li Wei dragged him away, combed his hair, changed his clothes, and stuffed him into Lord Xihe’s carriage. The entire series of movements was smooth, swift, and efficient.
So happy! The master and the bottomless pit are both gone!
Fireworks of brilliant joy exploded in Li Wei’s heart, but his face remained respectfully solemn as he gazed at the carriage disappearing into the distance.
“I respectfully see my Lord off.”
Wonderful!! Everyone can eat as much as they want at the New Year’s Eve dinner tonight!!
The New Year’s Eve banquet in Chonghua did not have that many rules. The dishes had already been laid out on the long serving tables, so it did not matter whether the nobles arrived early or late.
When Mo Xi arrived, there were not many people in the great hall yet. However, the palace servants had already decorated the Golden Palace magnificently. More than a thousand lanterns bearing blessings for fortune and longevity illuminated the long night. A thick red carpet embroidered with peonies covered the floor, while butterflies and sparrows formed from spiritual power fluttered gracefully through the air, their wings scattering little points of radiant light.
Although Mo Xi had arrived quietly, his broad shoulders, narrow waist, and long legs, combined with the fact that he had brought the highly conspicuous traitor Gu Mang with him, naturally attracted a great deal of attention.
The nobles already present in the hall came over one after another to greet him.
“Lord Xihe, you arrived early today.”
“Happy New Year, Lord Xihe.”
Although the courtesies were all directed toward Mo Xi, nine out of ten pairs of eyes were looking at Gu Mang.
Those gazes were sometimes curious, sometimes hateful, sometimes disgusted, making Gu Mang feel somewhat uncomfortable. Mo Xi dealt with each greeting in turn.
Yue Chenqing also arrived. When he turned around and saw Mo Xi, he came bounding over, practically hopping all the way.
He looked quite handsome today. His hair was bound beneath a golden crown, and the snow-white Yue family robes had been pressed perfectly. They made the young man look particularly spirited and heroic.
“Marshal Mo! You’re here! Happy New Year, happy New Year!”
The moment Mo Xi saw his excited and energetic appearance, he knew that his Fourth Uncle must have come as well. Otherwise, the lazy Yue Chenqing would not be happily running around the entire hall.
Sure enough, looking past Yue Chenqing, he saw Murong Chuyi not far away. He was dressed in a white robe trimmed with silver, his belt flowing with silver accents, and he was standing beside the serving table, holding a jug of osmanthus wine and examining it.
Sensing Mo Xi’s gaze, he turned his head slightly and nodded at Mo Xi. That counted as a greeting. He then continued selecting wine for himself.
The Cold and Aloof Drunken Immortal who paid no heed to rules truly lived up to his reputation.
Just as Mo Xi was thinking this, he suddenly heard Yue Chenqing say,
“Oh, right! Sister Mengze came too!”
The words “Mengze” reached his ears like a soft thorn piercing his heart.
He froze for a moment before saying,
“…She’s back?”
“She came back! She returned a few days ago.” Yue Chenqing blinked, puzzled. “Huh? She didn’t tell you?”
“…”
That soft thorn sank deeper and deeper into his heart.
To Mo Xi, Princess Mengze represented an exceptionally special kind of feeling.
He could not quite say what it was. It should have been a mixture of guilt and gratitude, concentrated to such an extent that it had become a kind of affection more enduring than love.
There had once been two people in this world whose lives Mo Xi would offer up at a single word from them.
One was his Senior Brother Gu.
The other was Murong Mengze.
His Senior Brother Gu was the person he loved deeply, yet in the end, Gu Mang had betrayed him.
Murong Mengze was the person who loved him deeply, yet she was the one he had betrayed.
Now Mo Xi no longer had his Senior Brother Gu. The only soft spot he believed remained in him was Princess Mengze.
Mengze had liked Mo Xi for a very long time. Back then, however, Mo Xi had been young and arrogant, unable to understand a young woman’s feelings. He had rejected her decisively, his words hard and cold, leaving her no room for dignity and showing her not the slightest bit of gentleness.
Fortunately, Mengze was a well-educated and sensible woman. She was proud to the bone. After being hurt, she never uttered a single complaint, nor did she continue pestering him. She simply retreated to a corner where she would not disturb him and silently treated him well, day after day, year after year.
Mo Xi’s temperament was cold, but his heart was not truly made of iron.
All those years of affection from her had not escaped his notice.
Back when her health was still good, she was clearly a pampered daughter of nobility, yet she insisted on going to the battlefield with him. She refused to admit that she could not bear to be apart from him, only saying that she wanted to gain experience and that women were no less capable than men.
She treated his wounds and applied medicine for him. Beneath the hazy lamplight, she would always try to speak a few gentle words, yet at that time, Mo Xi would only give her a distant, cold face.
She took that coldness to heart, and afterward, she no longer said much.
Murong Mengze was far too restrained and patient. So much so that, back then, she even gave Mo Xi the illusion that she no longer liked him, as though her affection had been shallow and had faded away after being rejected several times.
Yet it was not until that year, when Gu Mang severely wounded him, when Gu Mang had stabbed a bloody hole through his heart and his spiritual core had shattered, that Murong Mengze led a reinforcement army of medicine cultivators and rushed to his side.
It was that girl whom he had thought liked him only a little who had held his hand tightly and brought him back from the edge between life and death.
He had once believed that he and Gu Mang loved each other deeply, while Murong Mengze’s love for him was shallow.
But that was not the truth.
He had given everything to Gu Mang, yet could not exchange it for even one look back from him.
She had wanted nothing at all, yet gave him all the power of her spiritual core, hoping only that he could live.
Back then, in order to save him, she suffered an extremely serious injury. To keep his heart meridians from stopping and prevent his spiritual core from shattering, she had actually exchanged her life’s strength for his.
From then on, she would never again have a healthy body.
She could never again cast powerful spells.
She had once said with a smile that she wanted to “fight across the Nine Provinces in a woman’s body and sweep across the world.”
Such a dream could never come true again.
“There are still many beautiful things and many worthy people in this world. You will meet them eventually.”
After Mo Xi regained consciousness back then and learned that Mengze had used her own spiritual core to protect his, he went to her sickbed.
At that time, he had truly collapsed.
He had been betrayed by the person he loved deeply, and he had failed the deep affection of the person who had secretly loved him.
He truly did not know what to do.
He did not know how Gu Mang could be so cruel, nor how Mengze could love so deeply.
At her bedside, he asked her why she had been so foolish.
Her lips were pale, yet she still smiled.
“Don’t let a moment of anger make you careless with your own life. I don’t ask you to be able to love me.”
She raised her hand and gently tapped Mo Xi’s chest.
“I only ask that the next time you act impulsively, you think about my heart. That’s enough.”
And she truly did as she had said.
From then on, she never mentioned again that she had given her spiritual core to Mo Xi.
“You don’t need to force yourself because of gratitude or guilt. I know that you still don’t love me. I can see it in your eyes.”
Thus, after recovering from her illness, she remained as she had been before, hiding herself in an inconspicuous place, silently taking care of him and following him in her own way.
Even though everyone in Chonghua felt that Mo Xi ought to understand the situation and eventually marry her, Mengze herself had always remained clear-headed.
She never disturbed his already troubled heart.
Yet the more she endured, the deeper his guilt toward her became.
Although she had never become the person he loved, and had never married him as his wife, after ten years of unchanging, devoted affection, she had ultimately become the only woman in this world whom Lord Xihe cherished and felt tenderness toward.
She was special, after all.
Seeing the melancholy in Mo Xi’s expression, Yue Chenqing asked,
“Lord Xihe, what’s wrong?”
Mo Xi came back to himself.
“…Nothing. Where is she?”
“She went to Feiyao Terrace. She said the lanterns there were beautiful, so she’s watching them over there.”
Mo Xi frowned.
“It’s so cold, and her spiritual power is so weak. How could she…”
He did not stay in the great hall any longer. He headed straight toward Feiyao Terrace.
“I’m going to see her.”